Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's day to all you mom's out there! I hope you had a great day, smiled and were proud that you are a mom. I am. Here is a poem I just received and had to send it on to you all....

MOTHERS and MOMS

This is for the mothers who have sat up
all night with sick toddlers in their arms,
wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer
wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,
'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.'

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at
work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains
on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and
make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.
And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to
babies they'll never see. And the mothers
who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art
collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.

And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars.
And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?' they could say, 'Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world,' and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with
their children and explained all about making
babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who
wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go
hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight,
Moon' twice a night for a year. And then
read it again, 'Just one more time.'

This is for all the mothers who taught
their children to tie their shoelaces before
they started school. And for all the mothers
who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons
to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?' in a crowd, even though they know their
own offspring are at home -- or even away
at college -- or have their own families.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids
to school with stomach aches, assuring them
they'd be just FINE once they got there, only
to get calls from the school nurse an hour later
asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone
astray, who can't find the words to reach them.

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they
bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of
recent school shootings, and the mothers
of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their
children to be peaceful, and now pray
they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good mother anyway?
Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and
sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache she feels when she
watches her son or daughter disappear
down the street, walking to school alone
for the very first time?

The jolt that takes her from sleep to
dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put
her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

The panic, years later, that comes again
at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear
their key in the door and know they
are safe again in her home?

Or the need to flee from wherever she is
and hug her child when she hears news
of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are
universal and so our thoughts are for
young mothers stumbling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation...

And for mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. For all of us...

Hang in there. In the end we can
only do the best we can. Tell them
every day that we love them. And pray
and never stop being a mother...

'Home is what catches you when
you fall - and we all fall.'

Please pass this to a
wonderful mother you know.

(I just did!)

love, shawndra

Happy Nurses Week

Wow, we must be special to get a whole week, ha. My mother just reminded me that it was nurses week by bringing over flowers and a card to me. It couldn't have come at on a more perfect day. I have been .... what's the word... struggling lately with my new identity as a stay at home mom. Let me start off by saying this is one of the toughest jobs there is and it is highly respected! I don't mean to offend anyone out there this is just my personal story. I went to school for sooo many years to become a nurse practitioner, worked so hard and prided myself on being a working woman. After I had Ella, I had the best of both worlds! I could work part time and be home with Ella. It was the perfect mixture of work and being a mom and a wife. Since I was diagnosed, I tried to continue to work but with the unknown I decided I couldn't give my full commitment to my job and quit working. There are some perks to this too! I get to spend more time with Ella, I don't have to get up every morning at 6-6:30 shower and get dressed up, etc. But I feel like I have lost that part of me and I am no longer Shawndra the nurse or nurse practitioner, which was a large part of who I was. This along with the many changes that have taken place in the last two years. It really has struck me hard as I repeat the same tasks over and over. These past few days I have gotten so sick of the laundry basket half full the day after I just did laundry or the dishwasher full again and the dishes piling up beside the sink waiting for the dishwasher to be unloaded just to be reloaded again. This reminds me of a movie I saw with Cher in it many years ago... Witches of Eastwick, that was it! Does anyone remember that movie? Anyway, I know the grass is greener on the other side and I can't complain about my life. I do have a great life and am lucky that I am able to take this time off of work. THere are many people out there fighting cancer and working and many other things. I feel like a wuss when I think about that but I am just telling you how I feel. That is the point of this blog, to get things off my chest, good and bad. Freedom of speech, right, ahhh. It all makes mothers day even more special and meaningful. I used to think, this is just another day for hallmark to rack in the bucks. But mothers really need a day to be noticed and applauded. Just as nurses do as well. So does every profession. sorry Andrea, Physical therapist's don't have there day yet. We will come up with one!!!!
Thank you Nurses for all you do. You are truly important and vital. We deserve so much more than we get in pay, we should be up there with athletes, for who is more important, someone saving lives or throwing a ball. Don't get me started on that one! If you know a nurse let them know how much the mean! That is what makes our job worth while. The reward of our patients and families who need us in a time of difficulty and can trust us to be there for them. What a great profession I chose, someday I will be back to help others again. Right now I have to focus on myself and nursing myself back to health so I can take care of others! Another reason to fight! Happy Nurses day! Shawndra

Feeling Good

Hey everyone- Well round one (again) went pretty well. I got a little nausea yesterday while I was at the cancer center, they got that under control right away and I have been doing good. I even had some energy last night and didn't feel helpless. I was up and around and doing pretty much everything I normally do.
I am getting ready to go have lunch with DOug for his birthday. Gotta celebrate as much as possible.
Oh, it worked! last night I told Ella if she didn't stay in her bed, I would shut the door and it would lock. She got out of bed, I stuck to my guns and shut the door. She cried for a little while but then settled back down and went to bed. When we went to check on her she was fast asleep in her bed! ahhhhh. Let's hope it gets easier each night.
Tomorrow I get my chemo pump off, ya! Then I will have a week and a half off until the next round. But I am (knock on wood) hoping to do 2 cycles or only 4 rounds of chemo, so one down atleast 3 to go! I pray that I will only have to do 2 cycles and my scans and CEA will continue to look good and I can get off chemo for atleast now if not FOREVER!!!! Thank you prayer warriors, the prayers are definitely working! I was given two years to live with this disease, in September I will surpass that prediction and continue to live, live, live. I hope to be the ripe young age of 95 like my grandma, well maybe... careful what you wish for, right! hehe.
Talk to you all soon. Shawndra

Happy Birthday once again, Doug!

Happy Birthday Doug

Doug's birthday is this coming Wednesday, so Happy Birthday Baby! I love you so much. It may not be an eventful day, unfortunately but we will try to make up for that on the weekend!
Hey everyone- I had my CT scan this morning, don't know any results yet but it made me sick. I pucked afterwards, ugh. It has always made me nauseous but never sick before. I am better now though and start up chemo tomorrow, again.
On another note, well, I just locked Ella's door, after she asked me too. Now she is crying. I told her she wouldn't like it if I locked the door. Now I just have to stay strong, I guess. So hard.
The lakehouse is thankfully still standing, there is some damage in a couple of bedrooms so there will be some significant restoration needed, but it could have been a whole lot worse. So we are upset but thankful at the same time.
That is what is happening in my world at the moment. I am a bit anxious for restarting chemo. I hope I don't have the agitation and extreme fatigue as I did last time. I also pray that the scan results are good and that when they redraw my CEA level that it continues to be normal.
Thank you all for you continued support along this journey. I truly hope to be able to say one day that I am cancer free. Even though they said it wasn't possible, sometimes the impossible can happen, right.
It might be a few days until I write. If I am not feeling well, I may not get on until I feel better and up to it. Take care everyone. shawndra

PS. Doug is the sucker this time! He just went in to Ella's room to console her.

lakehouse fire

I think my family is cursed. Last night, my parents lakehouse got struck by lightening and was on fire. Thankfully nobody was there. Apparently it struck the toilet in the room we consider Doug and my room so thankfully none of us were sitting on the toilet at that time! The wonderful firefighters did get the fire out with the fire damaging only our bedroom and another room upstairs. They did have to punch holes in the ceiling of all the other rooms upstairs to make sure there was no other hot spots. So the rest of the house was spared, we think... but it still is quite a bit of damage. My parents are being positive and even though upset they are thankful everyone is okay and that the house didn't burn to the ground. They just built this house a year and a half or so ago, so this house is fairly new. Doug and I were ready to go out there last night and see if we could help move furniture, clean, etc. But my parents didn't think there was much we could have done last night. They want the insurance company to see the damage before things are cleaned up. Thankfully it didn't burn to the ground. The firefighters said, if it weren't for the insulation in the house, it would have. Just another event in my families life, as I said before...I believe we have been cursed these past two years. We weren't this eventful before.
On another note, I want to thank my anonymous neighbor for dropping off the childproof door locks this morning! That was very kind of you. I would someday love to meet you in person. It is so mysterious, the anonymous neighbor, hehe. I also should thank the person who awhile ago put angels and I believe Saint Mary on our doorstep. I never thanked the anonymous person who did that, so I need to thank them for those angels watching over our house.
Ella is in daycare today so I am actually going to get out and go get a pedicure with a friend and then have lunch with a few friends. This will be quite a treat for me! It is so nice to be getting out a bit more with the nicer weather and all. I have also enjoyed having the windows open in the house and sleeping with them open and the fan on.. isn't that one of the best things. I just love that feeling!
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know what is going on here. I would love to hear from you all and what you are doing, enjoying, struggling with (if you want to share, you don't have to). I just feel like it is all about me, me,me all the time and I get tired of that. I know kind of weird since it is my blog. Oh well. Enjoy the day! The sun is coming out here after the rainy weather the last day or so. ahhhhh. When you here from me again, I will finally have pretty toes once again, hehe. Shawndra

chemo postponed

Hey everyone- Well I am back from Omaha. It went well, I got my filter out with a little sedation and I mean a little. Usually they sedate me and I am out for awhile. This time, I rememeber most of the procedure, ick. It didn't hurt though, just felt some pressure around my neck, where they make the incision and thread the catheter or whatever it is down to grab the filter out.
I then saw Dr. Foster who was very pleased with my progress. He was impressed with the NORMAL CEA, he said, and even said I could be considered in remission. Even though that is to be taken lightly, we still don't know what is left in my pelvis area and he does have some concerns that would be where the cancer might show up again when and if it comes back, which it usually does. REmember this is supposed to be an aggressive cancer. That isn't to say though that sometimes it doesn't act like other cases, so we won't go by what happens to everyone else.
He did want me to get a CT before I started chemo again, and did recommend I do chemo for atleast 2-3 more cycles, which would be 2-3 more months. So I cancelled my chemo this week so I could get a CT before, so now it is all rescheduled to next week. Monday CT scan, Tuesday chemo. I still am not ready for chemo, I probably never will be, so I was kind of glad I didn't have it yesterday. I got to rest from my trip to Omaha most of the day which was nice. I want to thank my mom for going to Omaha with me. I am so blessed with the best mother in the world. She would do anything for Andrea and I and does do so much. She drops everything to help us out. I can't ask for a better mother! Even though I know some other really great ones, a lot of really great ones out there!!!
Ella is with me today. I have gotten some great advise about her sleeping I just need to go get one of those lock things. Unfortunately she doesn't have a lock at all on her door so I can't just turn it around. I will try one of those white locks. Ella and I have been hanging out together today, she is anxious to get outside and swing. Mommy is waiting for it to get a bit warmer before we head out. I have had a bit more energy lately which is great. I can't stand not having energy. Oh, I have also weaned myself off of my long acting pain medication and only take my short acting maybe once or twice a day as needed. I am not having the back pain as I was having prior to surgery. I think this surgery was a god sent!
I hope you all are doing well. I keep all my support system in my prayers, I hope you all are safe, happy and healthy! Not much else going on this week, just regular life, errands, etc. Thank you neighbors for all the food you are providing, that truly has been wonderful for DOug and I. I cooked once last week and it drained me completely. So we appreciate all of you so much. THank you Jenny for getting it all planned for us! Again, as I have said so much, we have incredible neighbors! Everyone have a great rest of the week. Enjoy the weather. I will talk to you all soon. Shawndra

Terrible Two's

Well Ella has definitely hit the terrible two's. She is really challenging us these days. She doesn't want to nap or go to bed and is not phased by the notty spot or taking away her prized possessions, or anything we throw at her (not literally). It can be really frustrating. How do you discipline a child who isn't bothered by these things?
I have some great news, I finally found out that my CEA level from a week or so ago was 2.7 which is very close if not in the normal range, depending on who you ask. This is incredible news, I can't wait to tell Dr. Foster when I go back up on monday and see what he has to say. I also want to recheck with Dr. McKittrick, to see if I still need to do chemo right away. Probably so, but I can still have wishful thinking! That doesn't necessarily mean I am out of the clear or in remission, the CEA doesn't tell us everything but that is still great that it is that low!!!! WEEEEEE. Thank you all for the prayers, please keep them coming, they seem to be working!!
It is once again a dreary day here. It was nice for a couple of days and now it is cloudy, rain yesterday and cold today. Ugh. No outside activities for us today. I am trying to get Ella down for a nap. I actually held the door shut for awhile, she is now in her room talking, but of course not sleeping. She gave up on the door. Is that too cruel? I felt a bit guilty but I don't know how else to keep her in her room for some down time. I know she is tired, she even told me this morning, she's been tired. Anyway, everything else is pretty good here. Doug is going to take his Nani back to her hometown where she is going to move into an apartment. I know this has to be very difficult going home without your husband. Especially after that many years but I know she will adjust in time and do well on her own! So Doug will be helping out with the move this weekend and I will be here with Ella so she can go to my nephew, Keaton's birthday party saturday. Then my mom and I leave for Omaha sometime Sunday because it will be an earllllly morning Monday for us, I have to be at the hospital early for my filter to come out. Oh, to answer one of the questions... a filter is a little umbrella like device they placed in vena cava to prevent clots from going to my heart and my lungs while i had surgery since I was off my blood thinner for surgery. They will take this out and I will again get back on my Coumadin which I will probably be on the rest of my life.
I hope everyone has a great weekend! I will let you know how things go Monday after I talk to Dr. Foster and get back to KC. Just in time to start chemo on Tuesday. What a week it will be.
I feel as if there was another question someone had for me that I have meant to answer but I can't think of it right now. Oh, it was a comment one of my neighbors sent. Thank you for emailing me, even if you haven't met me I still appreciate your thoughts and concern. You don't have to worry about what to say around me, anything is fine. I know everyone means well and really can't say much wrong. I would love to meet more of you out there, so please if you do pass by me, I would love it if you say hi.
That is all... I hope I haven't lost a lot of you from reading since I haven't been as committed to blogging lately. I finally got through all my emails from the time of surgery and thank you all for all your wonderful well wishes and comments. I am healing very well and hope to be impress Dr. Foster by how well I have done. Things haven't been to exciting lately, I know but please hang in there with me! I continue to need all your support and you have mine if you ever need it! You can always email me personally and chat. Live, laugh, love, shawndra
PS. Ella just came out of her room (no nap yet) and now has pantyhose on... how hilarious. She took her pants off and put on pantyhose while she was in her room. Oh, ya gotta love her! I just wish she wasn't so difficult these days.

Energy

Hey Everyone- How are you all doing? I hope you are getting ready for some nicer weather here in KC, finally!! I am ready, bring it on! I had my doctor's appointment last week, it went well. He was just asking about the surgery, what they did, etc. He didn't have any details about the surgery yet. So we gave him the scoop and discussed getting back on chemo, which will start next week. It will be a busy week next week. Monday I go to Omaha to get my filter taken out under sedation and then see Dr. Foster for a follow up appointment. Then tuesday I will start up chemo again, which I am Really dreading! I am so tired of having no energy and trying to function with no energy. It is sooooo hard! I had that yesterday morning and Sunday afternoon. My body just didn't want to move I had so little energy. I finally got a second wind yesterday afternoon which was so nice. I could actually do a few things without it being painfully difficult. Especially with an energy packed two year old running around the house, oh my is that difficult! I talked to my mom yesterday and just broke down crying, thinking I can't do this!
The positive side is I really don't have much pain anymore. I am working on weaning myself off my pain medication which is great! I am so glad about that.
I haven't gotten results back yet from my labs. I just called the cancer center to find out about my protime (for my coumadin, blood clots) and also my CEA tumor marker. It still may not be great, because of the surgery, we will see.
I am sorry I haven't been writing as much, I really haven't been on the computer very much lately, again, the energy thing. Anyway, I hope you all are doing well. I hope this weather helps boost my energy a bit! Have a great week and enjoy the nicer weather while we have it! love, shawndra

We won, we won!!!!

Oh my gosh, that was the most incredible game to be at! Thank you to Vidya Sharma for pushing me to go! I am so glad I did! I was a bit tired yesterday and on the way home was a bit tiring, but so worth it! It was so refreshing to be in warmer weather, it just felt so good and does a body good! I lasted all night too, how could I get tired with a game like that. We did start to get pretty quiet when we were down 9 points but thank god KU turned it up and got us back on our feet!
I have a doctors appointment today with my oncologist. So I will probably be heading back to chemo soon, ugh! I am completely dreading it and truly don't want to go back but what choice do I have. I guess I have the choice to not go back, but that isn't fair to my family! Especially after receiving this amazing gift of a wonderful surgery that got about 90% of the cancer out. I can't let things go now. I just hate feeling tired and useless on those chemo weeks. Maybe I won't feel that way this time. Positive thinking!
Ella is as energetic as always! Just all over the place, constantly wanting to go outside and play. even when it is cold, like yesterday. Thank you to Angie who is so helpful when i am exhausted, she helps me out with Ella. Ella loves her, so it isn't hard, she automatically goes to her some of the time. We are still struggling with her bedtime, getting out of bed several times. I want to put that "door" back on as she calls it. Last night though, she actually fell asleep in my arms, which I love! She wanted to rock more, I caved in and agreed and then she fell asleep. Another memory and moment to cherish.
Well, I will let you know what I find out from my doctors appointment. I have to go back up to Omaha on the 21st to get my filter removed and see Dr. Foster again. Then I will hopefully have complete clearance. Even though I feel like I have clearance now for most everything.
Everyone have a great week, I guess it will be the weekend here soon. I heard it could snow, yikes. Let's hope that is it and the weather starts turning warm from there on out! I need to start going for walks and getting some exercise and Vitamin D, from the SUN!!!! Talk to you all soon. shawndra

The Big Dance

Well- I guess I am heading out today to go to San Antonio for the final game tonight. It is crazy I know. One of our family friends kept calling yesterday checking on me to see if I was alright and then talking about how she was going to find a way down there. I thought she was kidding at first but she was totally serious. So she is going to fly with me down there today and my mom and dad and her family will be there to pick us up. again, it is crazy! I hesitated a lot since I have barely made it to the grocery store without getting tired. But maybe this is what i need to get myself up and at 'em. It should be fun! I am very excited.
We had a good weekend, watched the game saturday night with my sister and her family and another couple! We spent a lot of time outside yesterday playing on the swingset. Ella loves to swing! SHe could do that all day long. I just wish she could do it on her own so I don't have to push her all day. I could just sit in a chair and watch her and enjoy the outdoors. It will come sometime I am sure. anyway, I am feeling pretty good, no pain, which is great!!! I did get sick again yesterday out of the blue, very strange, but just once, so no big deal! I hope you all are doing well. I am so glad it is atleast sunny right now, that helps as the sun beats in as I type. I have to get in the shower though and our bathroom is always cold. I turned a space heater on in there so I am waiting for it to get warm! NOw you know all my habits. I will let you all know how the final game in San Antonio goes. Cheer on KU!!!! I hope I am not a jinx. have a great monday. shawndra

Stomach Flu

Ewwwww, yes, I have been down with the stomach flu. That is why I haven't written in a few days. It started with a pounding headache on Sunday afternoon, right before the KU game. I just curled up to watch the game and I started not to feel so good to my stomach. Eventually the vomiting started and pretty much continued all through the night. I was basically just dry heaving the rest of the night. IT was miserable. Doug was up with me every time, standing at attention as I hurled into the bucket just waiting to take the bucket, clean it up and bring it back to me! What a husband!!! He is truly amazing. You all don't even realize all he does. He is always picking up my slack. and that is a lot of slack! It just seems to be one thing after another for me I just wish this bad dream would go away. So I have been hibernating again in the house, which it really hasn't been all that nice out yet that I can tell. So I don't know that I really want to get out anyway until it is a bit warmer! I am tired of cold, my body just can't handle it anymore!
I am on the mend but still not 100%, getting there though! I am working on eating little bits frequently so my stomach doesn't get overloaded. It won't allow much anyway, I think my stomach has shrunk quite a bit! Anyway, that is what I have been up to.
I was bummed because I turned down the opportunity to go to the final four. Doug and I both did. This is something we have done together in the past and love but unfortunately Doug doesn't want to take anymore work off than he has to and I don't think I really have the energy to go. I would love to be in San Antonio though this weekend!!! Ugh.
Well I hope you all are doing well, staying healthy and happy. Talk to you all soon. Shawndra

Healing

Hey everyone- It has been a short week but a long week, if that makes any sense at all. Ella got sick I believe on Tuesday and stayed home Wednesday. I think having her around the extra day right now wore me out! My mom was with me and helped but I still was so tired on Thursday. I literally was in bed from when Ella left for daycare around 8am until 4pm in time to go get her from daycare. I slept all day long! I should enjoy those days, but I don't really. I feel lazy and nonproductive and hermitish. I was supposed to go to a lunch to celebrate Brandi's birthday but I just couldn't get myself out of bed to go. I am so sorry Brandi! Today I got up and finally got cleaned up and out of the house a bit. I think I really get lonely when I am home by myself. IT is really nice to have Angie around for company but she is so busy these days that I don't have anyone around on the days Ella goes to daycare. I could keep her home, but then I would get no rest!
Ella has been very fussy lately, it is driving me crazy. I don't know if it is just because she isn't feeling good or a phase in her life or what but I am a bit worried about her attitude and being the only child. I can't imagine having another child at this point but I do worry about her being an only child. There are good and bad to both, I know!
Doug and I ended up flipping to Supernanny the other night to see how Ella compared.. we were happy that she wasn't to that point, but I think now I worry that she will end up running the show after awhile. She is so manipulative, they just repeat things until they get there way. Now that she is in her big girl bed(we did that so I could help get her in and out), she is finding ways to not go to bed and arriving at my bed early in the morning. The other morning it was 5:45am and she was hungry, because she didn't eat dinner. I was trying to hold my ground but then Doug got frustrated with the noise and took her down to eat. Ugh. What a challenge!
Oh, I am doing well, the pleurisy pain is much better, if not gone. Thank you Sue for your wisdom, I do believe that is what I had. It sounds like it! I am sorry you deal with that a lot, it is painful! So I am still on the mend and doing fairly well. Not much of an appetite still but otherwise doing good!
KU Jayhawks play tonight, lets hope they blow Villanova away!!!! I don't want it to be too close of a game to worry me all night!
I hope you all are doing well! We finally have a bit of sunshine today. I was not liking the dreary last few days! Have a great weekend everyone! I will write more next week. I will start having more doctors appointments and stuff in a couple weeks and then restarting chemo. It is a bit frustrating that I am not done. I am a bit tired of fighting, ya know. I want my life back, ugh!!!! I will never have "my life back". This is my life now. Ugh, I need a vacation! Talk to you all soon, shawndra

Happy Easter

Hello Everyone- I am so sorry it has been so long since I posted. I left Omaha after much testing to try to figure out my fevers on Tuesday. Everything came back negative so we got the green light to go home. I have been settling back in at home. IT is good to be home, but I have been having problems with shortness of breathe because of a sharp pain in my right side/lung area. I went to the ER yesterday, said, again, everything is negative. Ugh. I am glad it is nothing, but I wish we could figure out why I have these symptoms, ya know. THey think it is pleurisy, basically where the lining of the lungs rubs together, something you just have to deal with and treat the pain. The pain is mostly when I lie down, so I was a bit scared to go to sleep last night. I stayed up watching basketball longer than I normally would have. I propped myself up last night with pillows and must of slept in that position all night. I tried to get up this morning when Ella cried out but the pain was so bad Doug had to go for me and then I spent the majority of the morning in the same position, not moving!! Even missing church. Frustrating, now that I am home I am glad for all the success but frustrated that the rest continues, it's not over, ya know. Even though I knew it wouldn't be over. My mind is tired of dealin with all this.
By the way, Naomi, I did get you flowers, I am sorry I made you wait this long to ease your mind about that. I even checked the front desk Tuesday before I left, they said if they would have received flowers after I was discharged, they would have got sent back to the flower shop. So, I thank you all for all the things, flowers, snacks, gifts for Ella, for me, etc. that you all have given us. We are appreciative but really it isn't necessary! We just appreciate your prayers and support, that is all we need!
Ella slept in her daybed for the first time last night. Her bed converts from a crib to a daybed to a double bed. So we made it into the daybed, so that maybe I could be more help since i can't lift her out of the crib right now. SHe was so tired it didn't matter last night but she did wake up crying this morning, I am not sure if she fell out of bed or what but she was a bit scared. She seems okay with it today though.
I hope you all have a wonderful Easter celebration! I will try to be better at blogging from here on out. I spent a lot of last week resting so hopefully I will be up and at em more. Gotta go Ella is not following the rules. I have to follow through with my discipline, she has to get off the trampoline (small inside one) since she didn't follow the rules. Mean mommy I am, hehe. Talk to you all soon. Shawndra

More with it!

Hey all, it only took me about 30 seconds to get my email and password in. I am still not great at typing on the laptop,but I just read my post from yesterday and realized I still wasn't so mentally with it! I am hopefully making much more sense right now. Anyway, last night I had more fevers, and malaise (icky feeling). I still haven't had anything out of my ostomy. So I did call the Dr on call. He finally responded this afternoon and wasn't too concerned about the output but more the higher fevers. He still didn't seem too concerned and just wants me to go in tomorrow morning and get I believe a urine culture. I believe there is nothing wrong with my urine, but whatever. I would believe one of the bloggers more, Lisa is it, who said it could be an ileus. But we will see. I feel better today. We did quite a bit this morning with Ella. It was so good to play with her. She is such a sweetheart. Doug finally got back around 11am from the funeral and activities the last few days. He said it was a great celebration of life, I only wish I could have been there to celebrate with Doug and be there for him!
Ella was so excited to see Doug, they got to play a short time before my parents headed back to KC with her. We headed out to grab lunch after they left and then I had enough for the day. So we headed back to the hotel room for rest, tv, etc. I feel good except when my bowels try to move and I get a horrible cramping feeling until the gas. I know this is just what you want to hear about, but you pretty much know everything about me anyway, right?
Oh, i did want to clarify the Diet Coke thing. I am not a diet coke fiend. That was the first thing I saw sittin on one of the nurses desks when I believe I was leaving the ICU. SO anything sounded good! I think I still had the NG in sound hadn't had anything but ice chips. I did have a diet coke when I got to the hotel but it doesn't feel very food going down with all the bubbles so I have only had one sparingly to get something besides water and then I am done!
Thank you all for your tremendous comments. I have worked on catching up with all the emails. I started with 540ish and now am at 450ish. So I will continue to plug away tomorrow. I appreciate them all though! I am going to head to the bed and watch some tv alittle while longer while getting to snuggle with my husband and fall asleep. That is one of my favorite things to do. Thank You Palmer family for having doug over for dinner last night, he greatly appreciated the company and the great meal! We can't wait to get home and see all the neighbors, friends and family in KC!! Hopefully this will be after our Tuesdat visit with Dr. Foster as long as everything goes well. Love always, good night, shawndra

Saturday

Hey everyone- It just took me about 2 minutes to put my password and computer in, my brain is much, and it isn't due to pain medication!!!!! Ugh. I got out of the hospital, let see,you all probably know better than I do. Thursday, since then I have been hanging out in the hotel. I haven't had much to eat, I haven't been very hungry. This morning I woke up very early feel sick, just with malaise or the best way to describe it is icky. I was running a temperature, so I have been icky feeling off and on all day and running a temp off and on. I haven't had much bowel moving either. So we are a little concerned, but still hesitate to call the person on call. I will see how I do over night and maybe call tomorrow if I still feel icky. Doug will return from his grandfather's funeral tomorrow. It has been wonderful to be around Ella. Even though all I can do is lay around, she always calls my name when she wakes up and wants to snuggle and that feels good,
I am so thankful for my parents who have been here almost the whole time.
The one problem I have had is remembering what they told me at discharge, when I can take dressings off, etc. THey tell you everything when you were all drugged up and then the less medical people don't catch on so later, we are like, hmmmm I don't remember.
Not much else to tell, we are just in the lobby, getting out of the room. I gotta go, Ella is wanting go back to the room "by her self!", so I will write soon and hopefully catch up on some of the responses too! thanks to all the faithful follower, so far so good. shawndra

Hopefully, Doug's Last Post ;-)

Hello faithful readers. Shawndra had planned on catching up on the BLOG posts and comments tonight, and writing the next post, but sleepiness caught up to her tonight, so I'll jot a few comments about her progress over the last two days.

It's been an eventful day! Shawndra went from drinking clear liquids this morning, to eating a muffin and fruit this evening. The morphine pain delivery pump was removed tonight as well. She's back to taking (orally) Oxycodone and Oxycontin to control pain. Those of you in the health field will be proud of me... I've been doing a little "charting" myself this afternoon, by writing her Oxy* dosages on the whiteboard hanging in the hospital room. Mainly because she's been acting kind of loopy tonight; talking in her sleep, waking up and commenting about things out of the blue. Nurse Lindsay just came in with another 120mg of *contin, and Shawndra had just taken 120mg of her own supply three hours ago. Now, I'm no doctor, and never claim to be, but I'm thinking another dose like that could have turned out bad. In no way am I faulting the staff here (in fact, it's our own fault), it's just a bit of a mix-up on our part, not informing the staff tha she took her own supply. Dr. Foster's reaction when Shawndra told him her daily Oxy* intake was funny. He said something to the effect of "that's quite a load". Tonight Shawndra is feeling no pain. That's for sure.

I don't know how you nurses work in this profession. How do you handle eight patients at one time throughout a twelve hour shift? It's ridiculous! You guys/gals should be paid more! I have a new respect for the nursing profession.

Now check this out... Dr. Foster says he may discharge Shawndra TOMORROW! I can hardly believe it. (For precautions, though, we'll be staying in Omaha over the weekend and the first part of next week.) Is she a tough girl or what!?

Wow, it's like our whole lives for the past few weeks have been nothing but hospital this, surgery that. Our lives are more exciting than this. And we can't wait to start having some fun again with family and friends (and our little "punks").

Good night sweetie. Hope this is the last post I ever have to write. Not because I don't enjoy doing it, but because you're so much better at it. And I miss reading all the little things you post out there to the world, that you forget to tell me. I feel like I'm missing out on surprises. And if I may speak for the masses, everyone reading this is missing you too. LOL

- Doug

Out of ICU and Ready for a Diet Coke

Hello everyone. I thought I would send out a quick update before heading back to the hotel for the night. Shawndra moved from ICU to a private room tonight. She's doing SO well! As I left her room tonight, she asked me to come back early tomorrow, so she could walk around. She's really missing drinking Diet Coke. Her goal is to have the NG tube removed ASAP! :)

Speaking of which... Ella saw Mommy today in the ICU. Now, normally this isn't something the nurses would recommend doing, especially with a 2 year old, but Shawndra was asking for her, and Ella was asking for Mommy. I did my best to explain that Mommy would have a tube in her nose, but that didn't prevent Ella from crying when we walked into the room. I know what you're thinking... bet that was traumatic.. but wait... hold those negative thoughts! About 10 minutes later, Papa Gary carried her out of the ICU (still upset). Forty-five minutes later, Ella asked to "go see Mommy". This time around, she was her cheery, lovable, self. She held Mommy's hand, and asked if she could watch "Mickey" (Mickey Mouse) on the LCD monitor (that was displaying graphs and numbers related to Shawndra's heart rate, saturation level, etc.) I'm laughing now just thinking about that moment. Elizabeth, Shawndra's nurse, also made it easier this time around too, by filling up a plastic glove with water, tying it, and handing it to Ella for her to draw a smiley face. That little glove... this afternoon, she wouldn't take a nap without it! LOL. The nursing staff in the ICU here at Creigton is TOP NOTCH. And of course, it goes without saying, the aggresive treatment options provided by the colo-cancer department here is THE best. (Thank you Jennifer Ireland for leading us to Dr. Foster and team. You have not been forgotten.)

Gary, Carolyn, and Ella will be heading back to Kansas City tomorrow. I'm going to miss Ella, but she'll be back up on Friday to see Mommy. I leave Friday for Southeast Kansas to attend activities for my, recently deceased, grandfather.

I can honestly say, this is the first time since Shawndra's diagnosis that I feel, and believe, that she's going to beat cancer. And for all that have been a part of her "healing"... thank you.

- Doug

Sunday strole down ICU lane

Shawndra is improving fast. With the help of her sister, she walked the ICU hall this afternoon. This feat provided a huge mental boost. She's already talking about things she wants to do once she's back home; like enjoying spring weather at the lake. Besides having a bit of a problem producing red blood cells, Shawndra is doing remarkably well.

This morning Carolyn, Andrea, Ella and I attended Uncle Les' Sunday church service -- http://trinityomaha.com Les is a wonderful man; and such a motivational speaker. His message today about "hands" is one I think anyone would enjoy. (The audio recording can be found on the website.) Associate pastors Jerry and Dave have been there for us too, and we can't thank them enough. Ella enjoyed playing in the "Advanced Toddler" room. She shot me that great big smile of hers when I showed up at the door. I love it! She's been daddy's little girl the past few days. This morning I made her a promise that if she was a good girl today, she could pick out any toy in the store tonight to play with in the bathtub. So far so good! :) Good job Ella. I'm proud of you!

Ella has been crying for mommy off and on today. Thankfully, she's easily distracted, because it just makes my heart ache to see and hear her long for Mommy. Each time, I tell her we may see Mommy tomorrow. That she's resting and that Mommy loves Ella so much. She loves her "all the time." I hope I'm providing her enough comfort. I just want to spend as much time as I can with her now, because I may not see her much next week.

Okay, enough about me. I told myself ,when Shawndra asked me to BLOG, that I wouldn't make this about me. I'll try to tone it down a bit, and concentrate more on Shawndra.

With that said, I'm hoping, in a few days, Shawndra will be able to personally write a post, or at least dictate one (so that I may write it).

There's really not much else to report. Thanks again for the BLOG comments. Shawndra will enjoy reading them one day soon.

- Doug

Sitting Pretty!

Hello all!
This is Andrea, Shawndra's sister, blogging today for the family. We made it up to Omaha last night just in time to see Shawndra before visiting hours were over. Shawndra was alert and spoke some, just still drowsy. Ella got to see "Daddy" and have some special time with him last night. This morning we got to the hospital in time to see Shawndra sitting up in a chair (eyes closed mind you, but sitting up nonetheless!)!! We were all so proud of her - day 2 and sitting pretty! I was there when the OT helped her get back in bed and she did awesome. She stood up walked 2 steps from the chair to the bed and then laid down and rolled slightly over to her right side. Since that point in time, she has been resting - quite deeply I might add. It is so peaceful watching her sleep in such a slumber. She looks good and whispers things here and there when we are talking. Her nurse is great!
We are still waiting to see Dr. Foster for the day today. (I can't wait to meet him and tell him thanks for giving my sister more life!) Doug got to take Ella to lunch and get a nap with her this afternoon. Otherwise, we are in the holding pattern of the waiting game. Well, not much else to report.
I want to personally thank the masses of you who have posted such positive and encouraging comments, who have prayed so hard for Shawndra, and who continue to support our entire family through this journey. We are just so pleased that this was such a successful surgery. Thank you so much. I continue to lift each of you up to God in praise that He gave Shawndra this opportunity to touch lives and that you all have been integral in supporting her.
With great appreciation and love,
Andrea

9:27AM... The Next Morning

It's the next morning and I'm sitting with Shawndra in the ICU. She arrived to the unit last night around 9PM. Fortunately, she was able to speak with us about the surgery. I couldn't wait to tell her the good news. The smile she gave, when I told her the "bad, caked-up omentum was gone forever", is one I'll never forget. As a matter of fact, she smiled a lot last night. And that brought joy to my heart.

There were many encouraging me to get some sleep, so at around 10:30PM, I reluctantly left the hospital, and left Shawndra in the hands of the ICU team. Surprisingly, I slept well at the extended stay hotel. I'm refreshed. I feel strong, and am mentally prepared to aid Shawndra in her recovery.

As you can imagine, she's experiencing a lot of pain. It's strange to see her sleeping soundly, yet almost subconsciously pressing the pain pump button. Dr. Foster will be rounding later today.

My little "punks" will be arriving tonight. I'm anxious to see her and hear her yell "daddy!". I plan to take her to McDonalds to play in the tubes. She loves that. Daddy likes to play too. Onc benefit to being only 5' 5" is, I can squeeze in those tubes too, slide down the slides, and play with her like I'm a kid. She likes to say "daddy, this way"... Maybe Greg will join me in some adventure climbing and sliding with his kids, Keaton and Avery.

** It's now 10:45. Dr. Foster, and his students, came to check on Shawndra. Dr. Foster says he'll keep her in the ICU over the weekend. He also ordered higher doses of pain meds. He also mentioned that he wants her to sit up in a chair sometime this afternoon.

Carolyn, Shawndra's mother, made a comment a few minutes ago about how last night, Shawndra could have asked a 100 questions, and the one she asked was "how is Papa". Last night, I tried to skirt the question, but she knew I what I was doing, and asked again. Yes, I told her about the uncanny timing of his passing and the decision to continue the operation. That Papa was holding her hand.

Oh, how I love you baby. You're so brave.
- Doug

3:15... Dr. Foster Reports

Dr. Foster is very happy with the outcome of the operation. He completely removed Shawndra's omentum, gall bladder, spleen, a small portion of the pancreas, and was able to remove a large portion of the disease. Although not completely cancer-free (there is still milliary disease in various cavities) , the organ systems are functioning fine and Shawndra is doing well.

The next phase of the operation is the hot chemo flush. Dr. Foster estimated we'd be able to see her in the ICU at approximately 7PM.

I think this may have been the longest 12 hours of my life. But the outcome was well worth the wait. Make no mistake about it. This news is very positive and we're grateful.

After re-reading this post, I should apologize, because it comes off a bit "matter of fact". I think I'm just emotionally spent, and my mind knows no other way to communicate.

Sweetie, I love you. I can't wait to see you.

- Doug

1:48PM... no news yet (no news is good news)

The morning flew by. The afternoon has come to a crawl. We're due for a progress report, and have yet to receive it. I'm just anxious.

Thank you for leaving comments. Be assured that Shawndra is listening to those songs on the radio in her dreams.

I suppose I'll work for a while to get my mind off the situation at hand. My boss has been amazing during this whole ordeal (for over a year).

I'll report when the latest is made known to us.

- Doug

10:18 AM... Extensive Surgery Will Happen!

Thank the Lord! A nurse in the OR just personally informed us that Dr. Foster and Dr. Logi deemed it beneficial to open up Shawndra's belly for in-depth removal of cancer. They're in the process of removing her omentum -- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greater_omentum

The nurse mentioned that there is quite a lot of disease. More than what the PET/CT scans have shown. Nevertheless, this is such good news! The nurse says she'll have a progress report in a few hours. I can't express how grateful I am for everyone that has prayed, and continues to pray.

My mother called about 5 minutes ago. Papa passed away peacefully in her arms. It's not a coincidence that these two events were... well, you know what I'm trying to say. Mom, Nanie, Krissy, thanks for being by Pops' side.

My Dad just arrived. It's nice to have him here.
- Doug

1 hour down, ? to go

It's 9:40AM. Shawndra has been in surgery for a little over one hour. Shawndra's parents, Les (Shawndra's cousin), Jerry (Les's collegue) and I prayed together during her pre-op phase. Shawndra was nervous and scared, but ready to get if over with. Shawndra spoke with Andrea also. I think that gave her comfort.

I just spoke with my mother. My grandfather is most likely in his last hour. What a day, huh. My mom mentioned that Papa was waiting for something... and maybe it was for Shawndra's surgery. Love you Papa.

Love you Shawndra.
- Doug

Clear Liquids

I am just sitting here in the cafeteria as people around me are eating fattening, yummy smelling food. I have my jello (whip cream removed), diet mountain dew and jolly ranchers for lunch, since I am only allowed clear liquids today before I start my bowel prep in a few hours. We are waiting for our room in the hospital to be ready. Doug just arrived with a large hamburger, globbing ketchup, mustard, pickles, tator tots and diet coke, ugh! torcher!
We got a great night sleep! The bed was so comfortable, I don't think I woke up once in the night. So I am well rested, ahhhh!
We met with Dr. Foster this morning. He went over the surgery, he will start examining me under anesthesia and then taking a look inside laprascopically. If there is just too much that they don't think they can do anything, they will be done, and I will be home in a couple of days and getting back on chemo to try to keep the cancer at bay and not grow for awhile. If he thinks there is not so much that he can go in and do a larger surgery, he will possibly remove my omentum. intraperitoneal chemo, possible remove my spleen, possibly part of my pancreas might be removed, possible remove more colon. etc. This could be up to a 10 hour surgery, he said he could be doing surgery from 7:30 until 4pm or so. I am planning on getting him a few protein bars to help him out! Wow, that is a long surgery. I am hoping that he can do this major surgery. The ultimate goal is to get all the cancer out, or atleast as much as possible. We will just have to keep praying and wait and see how things go tomorrow.
When I get to my room today, I will get to drink the lovely tasting golytely, ugh, and get all the gunk out of my bowels for surgery. This is such a fun process! yikes. I will probably be heading down to surgery tomorrow morning around 6am or so. Early! So please keep praying, I need all the prayers now more than ever. Thank you all! I keep telling myself and god that I trust him and whatever happens is for a reason, only God knows that reason and the outcome. But I trust that it is whatever will happen is supposed to happen and be okay! If God needs me in heaven, I guess that is a gift, I must be important for him to need me this soon! Thank you all for following our journey and sending your messages, they truly help me get through this difficult time. DOug will keep you posted in the coming days. I may be in the ICU after my surgery and unable to write for awhile. Until I write to you all again, all my love, shawndra

PS. Ella... I miss you soooo much and love you all the time, hugs and kisses to my baby!!

Resting

Just a quick follow-up to the last post...

The filter is in place and Shawndra is resting upstairs. We checked into the extended-stay hotel in Omaha about 45 minutes ago.

She mentioned eating at an italian buffet tonight. (Geez... more pounds for Doug!)

- Doug (the hubby)

*** Edit ***
Thank you everyone for buying us the web cameras! Thanks Andrea and Greg for taking care of our little girl. We're comforted knowing she's with you.

The filter is being placed now...

Dr. Jordache is currently performing the filter placement procedure. He informed us he will make a small puncture in Shawndra's neck, instead of via the groin.

Although a bit tired this morning, Shawndra is in good spirits. Ella didn't shed a single tear this morning at daycare. That made it easier to leave. We know she's in good hands while we're away.

Tonight, Shawndra and I plan to settle into the extended stay hotel, find a good restaurant, and most importantly... rest.

I'll just quickly mention that my grandfather is succumbing to the inevitable. It's remarkable how strong the mind is. I won't go into details about his condition, but I will comment that his will to live over the past few days is an inspiration. He's comfortable, and my mother and grandmother are by his beside. I dread receiving the phone call. I struggle with the decision to attend the funeral and remaining by Shawndra's side. Shawndra comes first. I'll just have to evaluate the everything later in the week.

I better get back to the surgery waiting room. I'm sure the docs have finished up with my baby.

- Doug (the hubby)

Tomorrow

Hello Everyone- Well it is here, we are heading up to Omaha tomorrow. The prayer vigil tonight was absolutely incredible! There were so many people there who I care so deeply for, it was the best send off and gave me a lot of encouragement that I can do this! I was having a bit of anxiety today but you all gave me the strength and the will to fight and win!
We drop Ella off at daycare early in the morning, give me strength for this moment! I think this will be tremendously difficult for me! Then I have a procedure around 1pm to have the filter placed near my heart prior to surgery. Then Wednesday I will be admitted to the hospital to do my bowel prep and surgery is scheduled for 7:30 am on Thursday.
Doug will blog to update you on what is going on. He will be there with me for it all so he will know exactly what is going on. My sister has a list of people she will send updates too. THis list was created when I was first diagnosed and grew and grew. So she will keep some of you updated through that. I will be at Creighton University MEdical Center.

Thank you all for your tremendous support you have given my family. Doug and his family really need prayers right now as his grandfather, his mother's father, is probably going to pass away soon. He took a turn for the worse this weekend and we have said our goodbyes. So please keep doug and his family in your prayers as well, he not only has to deal with his grandfather passing away, but me and my recovery. That is a lot to handle!
I better get to bed and try to sleep. Tomorrow will come quickly, we have to be up early! We will have our laptop so I will try to write before my surgery. Maybe as I am undergoing the bowel prep I can write something, hehe. Again, thank you all who came to the vigil, it was an amazing moment! And thank you all who are praying for us! God is listening and he will not let us down! Love, shawndra

Prayer Vigil

Hello everyone- Well it is getting closer and closer. Surgery is next week, on Thursday morning at 7:30, I just found out the time. I will have a small outpatient procedure on Tuesday to place the filter near my heart to prevent clots into my heart and lungs. I will then go home that night and be admitted Wednesday to prepare for the early Thursday surgery.

I wanted to let you all who follow my blog know that some people have planned a prayer vigil for this coming Monday evening at 6:30 in my neighborhood. Due to privacy issues, I do not feel comfortable giving my address out on the blog! But, what I will do is if you are interested in coming please comment on my blog that you are interested and give me your email address that I can respond to you on. I will then let you know where it will be. I know many of you by your name, so I can then screen who I recognize and who I do not. I also had someone mention sending Ella a gift, again I won't give my address out, but you can do the same thing, give me your email and we can talk privately! Thank you for understanding that I do share a lot of things on my blog but I have to keep my family safe and unfortunately I don't know everyone out there that see's this blog.

I did find out today that my CEA level has gone up a bit, to 22. I am not alarmed yet, I know that it can very and that even though it has gone up, it is still a low number.

Thank you all for your continuous support you have shown me! I appreciate it so much and can not thank you all enough. This is a very stressful time for myself and my family but with all of the support we have received we can get through it. So thank you for helping us get through it together! I hope you all have a great weekend. I have to leave on one more important note.... GO KU! hehe. Saturday night, the Jayhawks will stomp the wildcats. I am off to go watch the Huffalump movie for the 100th time with Ella. Enjoy the wonderful weather we are supposed to get this weekend. shawndra

No sleep

Good Morning Everyone- It is 7:30 and I am up, showered, dressed, makeup on, bed made, room picked up.... this is very rare for me. Usually these days, now that I am not working, I wait until Ella wakes up before I wake up and hang out most mornings in my pajamas for awhile. I even sometimes take her to daycare in my pajamas. But last night, I didn't get a lot of sleep. I even took a sleeping pill and still tossed and turned. Ugh, I think lexi, the dog, just woke Ella up too! Yep, she is starting to fuss. Well, I need to make this short. But I think the upcoming surgery is weighing more heavily on my mind than I realize. I finally went to the couch around 1:30am and slept there so Doug could sleep.... I gotta go, Ella calls, I will write more later! Shawndra

Surprise!!!

Hey everyone- I had an incredible weekend! I was totally surprised Saturday night with a lot of my closest friends at the lakehouse. Doug and I were supposed to have a night out at the lake by ourselves, so we grabbed take out from Cheesecake factory, got a movie and headed out to the lake Saturday night. When we pulled up, there were all these cars in the driveway. By that time, I knew something was going on! I could see faces peering through the windows and the lights went out in the house. As I opened the door, a bunch of my friends yelled suprise. I glanced at a lot of my great friends around the room, my best friend from growing up, Julie. My lifetime friend Dustin. My sister, my friend Angie who lives with us and just disappeared that afternoon, mysteriously! Some of my friends from the neighborhood. A couple friends from Children's Mercy Hospital, my cousin-in-law (Mary, is that what you are called?). And then... I saw two of my great friends from college who came from Chicago to be there! It brought tears to my eyes. It was such a great night! I needed it so badly! Thank you to all of you who were there for me! I cherish each of your friendship! We had soooo much fun! We giggled, played games, hehe, ate (a lot) and just had an incredible time. This is what I was wanting to plan before my surgery, but hadn't gotten around to it. So thank you to Andrea, Angie, Doug and whoever else planned this incredible surprise. I love you all sooo much. I, then got to spend the rest of the weekend with my friend Sara from Chicago. I love spending time with her! She is one of those friends who I can talk to about everything. I also want to thank my parents who got the lake all cleaned up, all the christmas decorations down and allowed us to go out there for the night! To top it all off, it started snowing! After it had been snowing a little while, I took Lexi (my dog) out to go potty and it was like a winter wonderland! I just sat there in the snow and looked up into the ski and felt so blessed. It was just an unforgettable night. At that moment, I knew, everything is going to be alright!
I do have pictures, but I think some of you would absolutely come after me if I posted them, so I don't know if I will be posting any of them. or will I?.....hehe
Anyway, we also celebrated Doug's grandpa's birthday. He has been in KC in an assisted living facility for several months now due to his tongue cancer and issues. It was great to celebrate his birthday, so Happy Birthday Papa!

One of our daycare providers is sick this week, with Pneumonia, KEllista I hope you get better soon! So, Ella is with me all week, which I was thinking I was going to do anyway. I want to spend as much time with her before I leave as possible! It is going to break my heart leaving her in a week! Even when I took my friends to the airport today, Ella thought I was leaving too and she started to tear up and her bottom lip started to stick out. It was so sad, and I wasn't even leaving. I will probably be a wreck when I leave her. I don't even want to think about it!!!!
Anyway, enough babbling. I just had to share my incredible surprise and tell everyone who was there that I appreciate it so much that you all came. Each of you are special people in my life and I really hope we can do that again soon!
Have a great week everyone! Until next time....
Oh, I have a doctors appointment with my oncologist tomorrow, so I will let you know if there is anything to report! Shawndra

Hanging

Sorry I have left you all hanging. I found out that the PET/CT results look pretty good. No metastasis to other organs. Some improvement in my pelvis and maybe a little more thickening in my omentum. So all in all, not bad. Still, I wish one day it just showed up that there was nothing there, ya know. I am happy to report that Kelli who I mentioned last week had her surgery and is doing very well. They got it early at a Stage I so she has a great chance of being cured. To be honest, that was hard for me to read. I am soooo happy for her but it still popped into my head, why me. Why can't I be cured, why couldn't mine been caught that early. Why, why, why!!!!! I got over that. But something happened again this week, Wednesday was very emotional and rough from the moment I woke up! I even had some anxiety and had to take something to calm me down. It maybe because of my upcoming surgery, but I really haven't been thinking about it all that much. Well, probably more than I realize. It was a tough day. My life has just changed so much. I gave my notice at my job so now I am officially unemployed, no longer a working nurse practitioner. That is so hard, that was so much a part of who I am. I took pride that I was a working mom and had become a nurse practitioner. I am lonely at home! I wish my husband never has to go to work. I am so glad Angie is home somedays but then when it is just me, I am so lonely! I don't want to get out somedays but I don't want to be by myself either. I know, classic depression. Well I got on medication for that as soon as I was diagnosed! It's just hard at times. As much as I do well most of the time, some times it just all hits me like a pound of bricks and I can't help but melt down!

I am very nervous for this surgery for so many reasons. I am sad to be away from Ella for awhile. She got sick last night, pucked all over me and all over her bed and her floor in her room, ugh, it was a mess. But it allowed me to be so close to her and care for her, and that is what I need. To be needed! I feel like I am not needed anymore. It is really hard staying at home and being a mom, I now know how so many women feel that stay at home and raise there children. It is sooooo hard!! We also have our fertility payment for storage of our embryos due. We have to discuss what we want to do, do we want to pay to store them another year or go ahead and stop payment. I always wanted two children. But I can't even imagine right now having another child. I have such a lack of energy so much of the time, I have a hard enough time with Ella. Ugh. Sorry, I am just unleashing so much of my thoughts in the last 24-36 hours. I really need to go to bed, since we didn't sleep well last night because of Ella being sick. Thank you all for listening to my problems. Sorry to put them onto you. This blog helps me get it all out. I was seeing a counselor awhile ago, but I haven't gone in a few months. So you all are my counselor sitting in the chair next to me, listening to my thoughts. Thank you counselors. I think part of all this is the weather and not being able to get out much. Anyone else feeling like they are going crazy? I still have so much to be thankful for. I just wish this was all behind me and I could just move forward with my life! I want my life back!!!!! Good night, everyone! Cherish what you have, your health, your life, your loved ones! love, shawndra

PET/CT Today!!!

Hey everyone- This will be quick, as I am in a hurry to take Ella to daycare and head off to my PET/CT scan this morning. My computer has been down the last couple of days, otherwise I would have written this earlier. This scan is just to see where I am at prior to surgery! I pray that the cancer has not spread to any other organs or tissue and that the scan shows decrease in cancer. Remember though, the scan doesn't always show the whole story. That is why Dr. Foster wants to take a look. It could be worse or better than what the scans actually show. Let's pray for the latter! Have a great day everyone! I will let you know when I know something! Shawndra

Happy Birthday Grandma!!

I had to title it Happy birthday Grandma, who turns 95 today! She is such an inspiration to me. I love her so much. She lives by herself, is independent and hardly takes medication she is so healthy. I hope to be like her when I get older!

Happy Valentines Day to you all! I hope you have a great day filled with love, happiness and friendship. To be honest, this isn't a big day for me. It is just a day to make sure you tell important people in your life that you love and appreciate them. I think we are too caught up in getting that perfect something that we forget to even say or show how much you care. I haven't gotten much, I just got Ella a Valentines book. I like to just commit to spending time with the people I care about instead of gifts! I like time. We are going to go to Great Wolf lodge tonight to take Ella swimming with her friend Aidan and my friend Adrianne and Kevin(Aidan's mom and dad). Ella loves to swim, so this should be a lot of fun! Then we have a lot going on over the weekend. We are celebrating a family friends heart on Saturday. It was one year ago he got a new heart, so we are celebrating his heart. Then Sunday we are celebrating my grandma's birthday. We have a lot of celebrating to do.

I wanted to tell Leisa, have a great trip, she may already be gone and not get this until she gets back but I hope you have a lot of fun!

I wanted to say hello to my mothers Tuesday meeting group. You know who you are! My mom says you all usually discuss my blog on Tuesdays after your meeting. Thank you for being there for my mom. She cherishes your group and has built some great frienships through this group. I am so glad she has you all to go to.

I better get going. I have a lot to do before this fun filled weekend. Again, Happy Valentines day everyone, Will you bee mine? hehe. I had to stick a cheesy line in there for V-day! all my love, shawndra

Reaching out

Where to begin?.....I was extremely touched by the last couple of comments I received. I am touched by everyone's comments and I wish I could respond to each of you every time you email me. I feel like I have gained friends through my blog and I hope I have helped a few people through my blog as well. Forrest- I am saddened by your story and not only because of your wife's passing, but by the apparent sadness you are experiencing. I can't imagine the pain you feel but I hope you use that pain, sadness, and anger in a good way. Use your experience to help others and maybe that will help you. I am by no means licensed to give advice but I see your email as reaching out to me and I want to be there for you! I know that medication makes things easier at times, but in the end it doesn't take care of our problems, it only adds to our problems.
To all of you going through chemo and fighting cancer as well who have reached out. I do know some of your pains and experiences. Even though we are all different in ways, we now have many similarities. I hope you all know how loved you are and how many people support each of you. That is what gets me through this. The love I am surrounded by. Faith, your daughter is a blessing, as is my daughter. God works in mysterious ways, but we have to trust him and he will guide us in the right direction.
My husband has been very "busy" lately, cleaning, fixing things, not stopping to relax as he normally does. I realized tonight, after he told me, it is because he is anxious and nervous for my upcoming surgery. I realized I am not the only one feeling this anxiety and fear. Please keep Doug and the rest of my family in your prayers, help us with our anxiety and fears. Lord, help us ease our minds, take away our anxiety and fear. We trust you will be with us during this time to carry us through it. What ever happens, happens. Right?
On a lighter note, I have been consistently working out and it feels so good. I have a new found confidence. I notice I sit with better posture, I walk with more confidence and my body just feels good. I have missed that feeling in myself. I still have a long way to go, I have done some Pilates and Yoga and am soooo stiff it is truly embarassing. I noticed the Pilates instructor looking at me at times and instructing me. I wanted to just tell her my story so that I have an excuse for my stiffness and lack of ability but everyone has an excuse don't they. I just hope you all who are wanting to work out do and feel that great feeling I am feeling from working my body. ahhhhhh. it is great, better than sex, hehe, just kidding honey. teeheehee.
Anyway, I am busy getting things set up prior to surgery. Actually one of the blog commenters is a physician, and I have set up an appointment to see her for my physical. I am excited to see her. She has been a great supporter of me and I want to thank her as I want to thank all of you for supporting me and praying for not only me but my family who is also going through this journey with me.
Thank you for listening, thank you for responding to me and if there is anything I can do for any of you, I would love to give back what I have been given.
Oh, I also wanted to mention, Kelli, who I mentioned a couple blogs ago was just diagnosed with colorectal cancer, she is having surgery this Thursday, so.. Kelli, I will be thinking about you and your family, I wish you the best of luck in the surgery and the recovery! Prayer warriors, please add her to your prayers, especially these next few days.
Love, shawndra

I Promised

Here are some photos I've been promising. We are having a great weekend, spending a lot of time together as a family. I love this time together. I got a new play dough kit so we have been making things with play dough, and just messing around the house. Getting these pictures up actually motivated us to work on our pictures we need to put in frames and hang on the walls. Right now Ella is jumping on her trampoline (a mini indoor trampoline) as I type this. I better go, she is calling out, "mommy, mommy,mommy,....
PS. She is not wearing lipstick, this is her natural lip color!

Also, Doug uploaded photos from our New Years Eve party. We just had a few friends and some family over to celebrate. Yes, there was dancing. Jason brought over his T-Rex laser (like the ones you see at dance clubs). It was fun. You can view them here.

Here is Ella in her underwear. She wanted one pair underneath, but also another pair on top. Silly girl! We are working on going without pullups this weekend. So far so good!

Early morning snuggling in the rays of a bright sun.

Daddy and Ella getting ready to play outside together. Daddy is so much fun!!!

Doug and I at dinner in Snowmass, Colorado (our ski trip). Doug's the love of my life!

Ella and I hanging out with Chucky Cheese, last night. She was very interested in Chucky. We had a great time! Happy Birthday Emma!

Back to the gym

Hey everyone- I hope you all had a great work week! It has actually turned out to be a fairly busy week. I guess though, most of the time I hung out with Ella and didn't do too much but today has been busy, therefore the rest of the week feels like it has been busy. I have been meaning to write several times but it is hard to write with Ella around so I haven't had much of a chance. I have had a lot going through my head that I have wanted to share with you all.

First of all, I appreciate Jaz's email last week about seeing me at the grocery store. I would have loved for you to come up and say something to me. I don't think it would be wierd. I would love to meet you all who follow my blog who I have never had the opportunity to meet! Especially to get to put a face with a name!

When I found out that Heath Ledger died of a combination of drugs, this truly brought tears to my eyes. I don't have some infatuation with Heath Ledger, the concern was that just a week before, when I was having all my problems with chemo or during chemo. I had been taking a lot of the same medication they found in his system. I was taking more and more because some didn't seem to be working, so I would take one thing, then I would take something else and so on. It scared me to think that this is exactly what killed him. He couldn't sleep and was having some issues so he would take on medication and then another to try to get his symptoms to go away. How scary!!! I would never intentionally take these medications to hurt myself, but how easy it could be to do it accidently is what scared me. I could have done that to myself and not even realized I was taking so much. Ugh. I don't want to even think about it anymore, but it brought tears to my eyes!

On a happier note. I started working out again and it feels great! I actually went to the gym with my sister and Angie last night, did mostly cardio on the bike and did some weights. I had done some weights the night before with Doug who is a good motivator too. I am also working on stretching since I am soooo stiff. The doctor actually had on my pre operative form, that I needed to exercise atleast 30 days most days of the week prior to surgery to gain some strength. It feels so good to be exercising again and I really don't feel that out of shape. I am sure I am out of shape if I tried to run like I was doing before I was diagnosed but starting back up feels so incredible. For all of you out there who are making excuses not to work out and work on getting your body healthy, if I can do it, you can do it!!! You will feel so good if you do!

Let's see, what else. I am missing my punks, I will send pictures this weekend, I promise. She is just so cute and funny to be with. Her language skills are incredible, it just amazes me every day. She continues to go potty off and on. Getting rid of the binky was a success, she has hardly even asked about it pretty much since we got rid of it. She did so well with it, I can't believe it was that easy. We were dreading it immensely but she tolerated it so well!

I hope you all have a great weekend. We are going to decorate some Valentine cookies tonight at Nana and Grandpa's house with her cousins, that will be fun. Then we have a birthday party tomorrow night at Chucky Cheese and I think we are going to go to a Yoga class tomorrow for some more exercise. It should be a fun filled weekend. It just feels so good to feel good! I am enjoying it immensely! I am glad I have a few more weeks to feel like this before my surgery. I just wish this was the end of everything and I would feel like this the rest of my life. Unfortunately after this month I will have surgery which will probably knock me back down and then I will have to restart chemo again probably indefinitely. But I am not going to think about that right now!!!
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone. Talk to you all soon. shawndra

A prayer

Hey everyone- I hope you enjoyed your weekend. We did. I took Ella to storytime at a bookstore with Andrea and Avery (my sister and her daughter). That was fun even though they are a little young for it. Otherwise we laid low. We did get to spend a little time outside and got to eat out as a family, just the three of us Saturday night, which was great. We haven't done that in awhile! Today we made church and I stayed in with my family during the super bowl as doug went to a friends to watch the game.
I am feeling well this weekend. I am looking forward to this month off to regain my strength before surgery. The bad part of this is I have to start working out again. I had a great excuse to not work out before this, hehe. It will be good for me though to get somewhat back in shape, or atleast a start.
I wanted to mention a couple things. Jess in Nebraska, I loved the email you sent, thank you!
I don't remember the exact date, but it did occur to me tonight that it is around a year since Jennifer Ireland passed away. Please keep Chris Ireland, the girls, Jan Velander and the rest of Jenn's family in your thoughts, which I am sure many of you have already!
There also has been another young woman who was just diagnosed this weekend with colorectal cancer. I don't know her personally but have briefly met her sister who lives here in KC. Kelli is the girls name. She just found out this weekend and will be going through several tests to get more information to form the plan of treatment. Please add Kelli, her sister Jami and the rest of their family to your prayers please. I have been where Kelli is right now and it is a very scary time.
Oh, Michele, I will try to get pictures of my punks out soon. She is getting so big. Even my mom said tonight she is starting to get longer and taller! She needs a haircut though, she is a little shaggy right now. I will have to have Doug help me with that this week sometime...the picture not the haircut!
Have a great week everyone. Oh, I guess the ground hog saw his shadow, 6 more weeks of winter. I hope it goes quickly. Good night everyone. Shawndra

Worst treatment yet

Well, I am finally up and able to write. These past few days have been, well, to be honest, hell! I suffered from SEVERE anxiety and agitation, uncontrollable jerking, crawling out of my skin and just plain feeling miserable! I was in bed from the time I got home from chemo until I got my pump taken off yesterday. When I did get my pump off they gave me fluids and then I had to go get an MRI last night, which thankfully turned out negative. Just before going into get my MRI my back started really hurting and I needed my pain medication which I hadn't taken in several days. My dad and Doug came to a possible conclusion that maybe I was having this agitation because of withdrawal. It is highly possible. I had run out of my long acting pain medication a few days before and hadn't gotten it filled and I wasn't feeling good the day before chemo and was already getting agitated Tuesday morning before chemo even started. I took my pain medication last night and felt a calm come over me. That scares me that pain medication can do such a thing and that it is right now needed in my body, I think the key down the road would be to taper the medication so I don't have withdrawal, if this were the case.
I am feeling so much better today and so glad to have these past few days over with. I really was mentally having a very difficult time and wanting to just give up because it was so hard, I just didn't feel like i could do it anymore! I hate to admit that but it was getting the best of me! I am glad that I should have the next month off of chemo so I can regain strength to face surgery. Another source of some anxiety in me as well!
I want to thank you all sooo much for helping me through this, my husband, who is incredible and I can't get through this without, my family and his family, my neighbors, Angie who helped so much this week, my friends and my blog friends. Your unending support brings tears to my eyes! I can't thank you enough. We put Ella in an extra day of daycare because we didn't know how I was going to do today. I can't wait to see her smiling face and really get to play with her. All I could do these past few days is raise my head off the pillow and say "hello baby" to her! I just hope I don't have to keep going through this forever. I hope this surgery is successful so I can lead a somewhat normal life and continue to take care of my daughter, myself.
I am really looking to God and continuing to strengthen my faith in him, as I just read, We entrust him with our lives! I have to do that and believe that he will perform that miracle in me. I pray for all of you out there suffering as I have. This is not any easy battle and I wish you strength, courage, perserverance and peace. Michele, I am praying for you. Uncle Glen, papa, you too! You all are in my prayers constantly. Ella is learning to pray along with her mommy! I also want to thank my sister for her role. You all don't get an email but she sends an email out to a lot of friends and family. She started this when I was first diagnosed and the list grew and grew. She is so eloquent with her words and her faith is so strong. I am so glad to have such a wonderful sister who is there for me! I am so glad that she and her family are close to me now. I need her so much. THank you Dre! I hope you all have a great weekend. Please enjoy each moment you feel good, it is so taken for granted and as Ella says "oh my gosh" it is great to feel good! I actually just accidently typed it is great to feel God, I believe that too! Love always, shawndra

Last chemo... for now

Hey everyone- Tomorrow should be my last chemo for atleast a month or more if everything goes as planned. I have to be off chemo for a month before surgery so I can regain my strength. So tomorrow should be it for awhile. yaaaa! I hope though that this weeks chemo isn't too bad. I wasn't feeling great today, my whole body hurt and I was just tired. I don't know if this is because the weekend events are catching up to me (dancing and staying up late on saturday) or if I am coming down with something. I hope it is the first one. That wouldn't be good to be sick and get chemo, but I guess if I was sick, they won't give me chemo anyway. I just dread chemo weeks. I feel so helpless and frustrated because I am so helpless. Doug has so much pressure on him doing all the work and then I have to call on everyone to help me out. Which I am very bad about doing. Oh well. I am glad I won't have to worry about it after this for awhile.
Oh, Ella has done great without her binky, she really didn't even have a fit the first nights we took it away, which surprised us! I had to rock her to sleep the first few nights, but she has done sooooo well! I am really proud of her. She is also still going potty on the big girl potty. But she isn't without her pull ups yet. When we do try to put her in big girl underwear she usually wets them fairly quickly.
We did get out yesterday and enjoyed the nice weather. The family took a walk. Lexi, the dog, had a great time, sniffing every wet spot around the neighborhood! Ella rode her tricycle, of course with the help of daddy! It was great to be outside and actually see some people around the neighborhood! I hope you all are doing well! you are always in my prayers. now ella and I are saying prayers together at night too! she is getting funnier and funnier by the day, as well as peskier and peskier. but it is too cute! anyway, goodbye for now. I will give you an update of how chemo week went when I am feeling up to it! shawndra

Soooo tired

Hello everyone- Now that I am feeling better I can write more. I don't know what my problem was yesterday but I was extremely exhausted and just could not function. Thankfully my mother came to help me out with Ella, thank you mom!!! Even last night I couldn't do anything. Doug gave Ella a bubble bath, he does the bubble bathes with Ella in our big jacuzzi tub since I really can't take baths because of my ostomy. Ella loves those baths! She has so much fun. She definitely needed a bath too! Anyway, she is doing well without binky. She still wines for binky from time to time. She did sleep all through the night last night though. She wouldn't go down for her nap yesterday though, so she was extremely tired last night. The last few nights, I have rocked her to sleep and she does pretty well. She did wake up the first night though in the night and cried for binky. Again, I just rocked her and she went back to sleep. So it is going okay. She went back to daycare today, I am not sure how that will go. One of her friends there still uses the binky all the time. But her cousins, Keaton and Avery, don't use a binky. So we tried to rationalize it and tell her, well they don't have a binky. So, hopefully in a few days she will have forgotten about the binky for good! It is hard when she cries out "binky, binky, binky". It breaks my heart that I am not giving it to her but I have to have tough love and think that this is benefitting her in the long run.
I just got back from my weekly blood draw. The rest of the week is fairly low key. Nothing much going on. I have been laying low this past week, just because of the fatigue. I am feeling a bit more rested today so hopefully I can get back out there and be more productive and keep on livin'. I think the weather is taking a toll on everyone too, don't you think. By this time, we are all tired of the cold, being stuck inside and are wanting spring to hurry up and get here so we can get outside again! I miss seeing all the neighbors out and about. I need to start exercising more too in order to gain strength for surgery. It is hard to get motivated when I am cold all the time! Anyway, I am going to rest some today and get a few things done around the house. I am actually going to cook dinner for Doug tonight! Yaaa!
I feel like such a horrible wife, I don't really cook. Especially after all the neighbors and friends have brought over these great meals. I realized I really can't cook. I wish I could whip up these wonderful dinners everyone else makes. Ugh! I just don't enjoy it. I need to head back to dream dinners and make some meals. That is an ingenius place! I love it and Doug loves it. I feel like I can cook, hehe, and he thinks I can cook, hehe.
Have a great week everyone! talk to you soon.

Bye Bye Binky

This could be a rough night. We decided tonight was the night to finally get rid of the binky. We have been trying to for weeks, but it just never seemed like the right time until now. We told her we were giving her binkies to babies who need them and that she is now a big girl and doesn't need them anymore. I just finished rocking her to sleeping because she was having a fit crying out, "binky, binky, binky..." I hope she doesn't wake up all throughout the night wanting binky, it could be a long night and a long day tomorrow.
Sorry I haven't written in so long. THis last week was chemo week. It actually went pretty good. Brandi, my friend and neighbor went with me to chemo. Time seemed to fly by, thank you Brandi for going with me. I was tired this week,per usual but no other major concerns! I did get my surgery scheduled for March 6th. So I will have one more round of chemo in a couple weeks, then I will stop for awhile before the surgery. I have to be off chemo about a month before surgery to build my immune system back up for surgery. I will be having the surgery in Omaha, so I need to figure out arrangements with Ella. That is going to be very difficult to be gone from her under these circumstances.
I am kind of between a rock and a hard place with the surgery. But ultimately I hope I have the more indepth surgery and longer recovery because that means they were able to remove some of the cancerous areas and possibly prolong my life. If I have the shorter surgery and recovery, that means they couldn't do much because the cancer is too wide spread in my body and not much else can be done besides chemo keeping me alive while it still works for me. Please pray this next month and a half or longer that the cancer is contained enough that the doctors can get rid of some of the cancer whether by debulking or doing intraperitoneal chemo.
I want to thank all the families in my neighborhood who have brought meals to us on chemo weeks. You all are a blessing to us. That helps us out tremendously on those weeks. Especially Doug who has to come home from work and take care of everything, that is one less thing he has to worry about. So thank you all! Thank you Jenny E. for organizing it all too, we appreciate you all so much!
anyway, I am freezing in this front room right now so I am going to say goodbye. This week is an off week, so I hope to make the most of it! happy Martin Luther King Jr. day tomorrow to you all! Take a moment to reflect on what the day means. Good night to all. I hope you have a restful night, we may be restless tonight running back and forth to check on Ella if she cries out for binky throughout the night. Hopefully she will do well without binky though. Good night everyone! shawndra

Ski Trip

Hey Everyone- I hope you are all doing well and having a great weekend! I just got back from a week in Snowmass, Colorado. My parents, sister with her family, my great grandma, Doug, Ella and I all went together. It was absolutely beautiful up there with a lot of snow. I mean A LOT of snow! We used to go to Snowmass every year growing up. Andrea and I haven't been for several years, since starting our families. So it was so good to be back there and see how things have changed and stayed the same. I had been wanting to take Doug there for so long to show him the mountain. He is a snowboarder and we are pretty equally matched so we have a good time skiing/boarding together! It was a great time. I bet you are wondering if I skiied, I did a little bit! I only skiied a few hours at a time and only 3 days out of the five but I did get to ski a little bit. A couple of the days I was feeling pretty good and felt like my old self skiing fast down the hill. One of the days, my body was pretty tired and it was frustrating that my body couldn't do what it used to be able to do. I also didn't ski more because my body was pretty sore and out of shape so I didn't want to push it and hurt myself. This again, was a bit frustrating because again, I am not my old self. I did wear a helmet, my oncologist really pushed this, especially since I am on Coumadin! So I did wear it and only fell once.
I don't know if I told you, right before we left, I fell picking up Ella from daycare and twisted my foot. I didn't break it, thankfully, and it healed quickly so it didn't affect the skiing. Whew, i was concerned about that.
Now, we are back, that was a long driving trip, but Ella did so well. We were so proud of her. I head back to chemo this week, starting Tuesday. I did talk to Dr. Foster this past week. It sounds like the surgery is a go for probably early March. I have to talk to my oncologist and make sure he is on the same page but if all works out okay, I will start to wean my chemo. This means I will drop one of the drugs for the next two rounds of chemo, the Avastin. Then I will be off a month from chemo before I can have surgery. So that will probably fall early March.
This will be a bit of a challenge since the surgery will be up at Creighton in Omaha. It could be a major surgery it could end up being just a laprascopic procedure depending on what they find when they look. I hope they can do a lot, but that would then require the more difficult recovery. So it is a bit of a catch twenty two but if they see that they can't do much when they get in there because it is so bad and wide spread, then my recovery will be much easier and I will get back on chemo sooner. Anyway, I will about that later, or not at all, I can't do anything about it so why worry, right? Well, I will let you all know how chemo goes this week. Have a great week! shawndra

Staying steady

Hey everyone- Well I got my CEA done this week. It is about the same as last time, around 17, so I guess that is good that it is atleast not getting higher, but staying steady. I thought I was getting another urinary infection but had it tested today and there wasn't. It must be that darn ureteral stent bothering me, ugh! I am going to check that out with my urologist. Nothing else to report. I hope everyone has a great weekend! Ours, as always, is going to be eventful! Talk to you all soon. Love, shawndra