Sunday, January 20, 2008

Bye Bye Binky

This could be a rough night. We decided tonight was the night to finally get rid of the binky. We have been trying to for weeks, but it just never seemed like the right time until now. We told her we were giving her binkies to babies who need them and that she is now a big girl and doesn't need them anymore. I just finished rocking her to sleeping because she was having a fit crying out, "binky, binky, binky..." I hope she doesn't wake up all throughout the night wanting binky, it could be a long night and a long day tomorrow.
Sorry I haven't written in so long. THis last week was chemo week. It actually went pretty good. Brandi, my friend and neighbor went with me to chemo. Time seemed to fly by, thank you Brandi for going with me. I was tired this week,per usual but no other major concerns! I did get my surgery scheduled for March 6th. So I will have one more round of chemo in a couple weeks, then I will stop for awhile before the surgery. I have to be off chemo about a month before surgery to build my immune system back up for surgery. I will be having the surgery in Omaha, so I need to figure out arrangements with Ella. That is going to be very difficult to be gone from her under these circumstances.
I am kind of between a rock and a hard place with the surgery. But ultimately I hope I have the more indepth surgery and longer recovery because that means they were able to remove some of the cancerous areas and possibly prolong my life. If I have the shorter surgery and recovery, that means they couldn't do much because the cancer is too wide spread in my body and not much else can be done besides chemo keeping me alive while it still works for me. Please pray this next month and a half or longer that the cancer is contained enough that the doctors can get rid of some of the cancer whether by debulking or doing intraperitoneal chemo.
I want to thank all the families in my neighborhood who have brought meals to us on chemo weeks. You all are a blessing to us. That helps us out tremendously on those weeks. Especially Doug who has to come home from work and take care of everything, that is one less thing he has to worry about. So thank you all! Thank you Jenny E. for organizing it all too, we appreciate you all so much!
anyway, I am freezing in this front room right now so I am going to say goodbye. This week is an off week, so I hope to make the most of it! happy Martin Luther King Jr. day tomorrow to you all! Take a moment to reflect on what the day means. Good night to all. I hope you have a restful night, we may be restless tonight running back and forth to check on Ella if she cries out for binky throughout the night. Hopefully she will do well without binky though. Good night everyone! shawndra


Anonymous said...

Oh Shawndra! Do keep us up-to-date on how the binky goes. My daughter will be 2 in March and loves to sleep because of her "bink". We are so nervous to wean her from it. I hope that all goes well and she sleeps tonight. Great idea to give them to babies that need them! Praying for the chemo to melt away those cancer cells!

Leisa said...

Shawndra, good luck with breaking the binky. Hopefully it will be a short lived longing for Ella. I remember when hubby and I broke our youngest from the binky at 2 (I've raised my stepdaughter since she was 2), we cut off the rubber part, told her it was broken and that was that. She's 11 now. But I don't really remember it being an issue after the first night. With my twins, it was kind of unusual, but they both started spitting it out at around 6 months old and just didn't seem to want it any more. Luckily they were good babies (God's gift to me for having 2 at once) and I didn't miss having it as a resourse to calm them down or to get them to go back to sleep. My guess is that Ella will get past it pretty quick too. For your sake, I hope so as she's just so cute that I know it will break your heart not to be able to give it to her if she misses it really bad. Plus, you need your rest.

That's good that you have a surgery date set. For the next month and a half I will be praying so much for you. I just hope and pray that all goes well with the surgery and that they can remove the cancer and really improve your situation. You're just doing so terrific that I can't (and refuse to) imagine that it's going to turn out any other way. May God be with you and with the hands that do your surgery.

I'm glad chemo week went fairly smooth last week. I was thinking about you and hoping that you were doing well. Although I didn't post a blog last week, I did read the blog about your ski trip and it sounds like you had a great time. Good for you. I'm glad you got to ski and spend some quality time with family in a beautiful place.

Sorry I didn't write last week. As you've probably figured out. I'm not good at just writing a sentence or two. I like to be able to just write what's on my mind and don't like to cut it short. It was just a busy week and I didn't get time to sit down with my thoughts and start typing. Last week was my girls last week home from college. So I was spending time with them and doing things like shopping to get supplies for the coming semester and shopping to use up the rest of the gift cards from Christmas (no Zona Rosa in Columbia). And the working 10 hrs. days Mon.-Thurs. really takes it out of me during the week. I was so tired this weekend that I took naps both Saturday and Sunday afternoons. I think this cold weather is getting to me too. I'm ready for a change. And, looks like I'm going to get it soon. My 2 youngest kids bio Mom is coming in town for 4 days in Feb. Hubby and I are going away while the opportunity is there and are staying 1 night in Cocoa Beach, FL and then taking a 3 night cruise to the Bahama's the next day. As I look out my window and see my snow packed side street that still hasn't been cleared off, I sure do long for those beach days.

Enjoy your week off this week. Glad to hear you're making the most of it as usual. I hope it's a fun one for you. I read one of the comments on your last blog where someone said they saw "The Bucket List" and it reminded them of how you live your life to the fullest. I too saw the movie on Friday and agree that you definitely live your life to the fullest and seize every opportunity to enjoy it like the guys in the movie. And you inspire me to live my bucket list each and every day now. You have been fortunate since your diagnosis to have the ability to live your life to the fullest and enjoy so much. I know that we are all in this world but a short span and there's no guarantee as was with my Mom to start a bucket list at a later date. So there's no time like the present. I was having lunch today with my Grandma, my Uncle and his fiance after church and we were comparing bucket lists. They're actually kind of fun to talk about. It was a good movie too. Although it was sad in the end, of course, the whole theatre erupted in applause and I would definitely recommend it. Especially if you like Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicolson.

God bless you Shawndra. I'll be praying for you and will write again soon. Best of luck with Ella's binky breaking and take care of yourself! Leisa

nancygrayce said...

Wow! How brave to take the binky....I was kind of glad my youngest sucked his thumb....he couldn't lose it:) In kindergarten during naptime he still sucked his thumb and one day I asked him if he felt funny sucking his thumb when the other kids didn't and he said, no, i wonder why they don't! One day I just noticed he wasn't doing it anymore. One easy thing!

Kelley said...

AAHHH, the binky elimination. I remember those days well. I will have to say it is ALOT easier than a thumb! Sounds like you have a plan in the working for treatments. We will keep thinking happy thoughts and pray that it is successful and profitable. The unknown has got to be very difficult. But with your support system behind you, I hope that it is a bit easier to deal with. Have a great....although COLD week.

Anonymous said...


Good luck with the Binky situation. Mason loves his Binky and we are still working on the situation. We just completed the Potty training. He did wonderful! So now I need to work on the Binky. I have a feeling it is going to be some sleepless nights. Maddie has nothing to do with the Binky which is good because of her Big Brother. Please let me know how Ella does without her Binky. We hope your prayers are answered when you have surgery. Keep Beliving!!! Our thoughts and prayers are with you!

The Mudges

Jess in Nebraska said...

Thanks for letting us know the surgery date...I will be praying continuously for you during this next month and a half, believing that the cancer will be contained and can be removed. I believe that will happen!!!
Hope the night went okay...the first day or two are the hardest and then they magically are able to cope without it. Going cold turkey is hard for the first day, but much easier in the long run!!!
Blessings to you and your family,
Jess in Nebraska

Terra said...

Hope your first "binky free" night went somewhat smoothly! I will be sending positive thoughts and many prayers your way (as always) over the next month or so, that the cancer can be removed during your surgery and you will have that much more time to spend with Ella and Doug!


bahama mama said...

I hope Ella went to bed without a fight last night and I really hope you were able to get a good night's sleep. As I mentioned yesterday, please let me know if there is anything I can do now or in the future.
If you are in Nebraska for a while, I would like to drive up, even if just for a day, so maybe Miss Ella could join me! :)

Love you - d