Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Reaching out

Where to begin?.....I was extremely touched by the last couple of comments I received. I am touched by everyone's comments and I wish I could respond to each of you every time you email me. I feel like I have gained friends through my blog and I hope I have helped a few people through my blog as well. Forrest- I am saddened by your story and not only because of your wife's passing, but by the apparent sadness you are experiencing. I can't imagine the pain you feel but I hope you use that pain, sadness, and anger in a good way. Use your experience to help others and maybe that will help you. I am by no means licensed to give advice but I see your email as reaching out to me and I want to be there for you! I know that medication makes things easier at times, but in the end it doesn't take care of our problems, it only adds to our problems.
To all of you going through chemo and fighting cancer as well who have reached out. I do know some of your pains and experiences. Even though we are all different in ways, we now have many similarities. I hope you all know how loved you are and how many people support each of you. That is what gets me through this. The love I am surrounded by. Faith, your daughter is a blessing, as is my daughter. God works in mysterious ways, but we have to trust him and he will guide us in the right direction.
My husband has been very "busy" lately, cleaning, fixing things, not stopping to relax as he normally does. I realized tonight, after he told me, it is because he is anxious and nervous for my upcoming surgery. I realized I am not the only one feeling this anxiety and fear. Please keep Doug and the rest of my family in your prayers, help us with our anxiety and fears. Lord, help us ease our minds, take away our anxiety and fear. We trust you will be with us during this time to carry us through it. What ever happens, happens. Right?
On a lighter note, I have been consistently working out and it feels so good. I have a new found confidence. I notice I sit with better posture, I walk with more confidence and my body just feels good. I have missed that feeling in myself. I still have a long way to go, I have done some Pilates and Yoga and am soooo stiff it is truly embarassing. I noticed the Pilates instructor looking at me at times and instructing me. I wanted to just tell her my story so that I have an excuse for my stiffness and lack of ability but everyone has an excuse don't they. I just hope you all who are wanting to work out do and feel that great feeling I am feeling from working my body. ahhhhhh. it is great, better than sex, hehe, just kidding honey. teeheehee.
Anyway, I am busy getting things set up prior to surgery. Actually one of the blog commenters is a physician, and I have set up an appointment to see her for my physical. I am excited to see her. She has been a great supporter of me and I want to thank her as I want to thank all of you for supporting me and praying for not only me but my family who is also going through this journey with me.
Thank you for listening, thank you for responding to me and if there is anything I can do for any of you, I would love to give back what I have been given.
Oh, I also wanted to mention, Kelli, who I mentioned a couple blogs ago was just diagnosed with colorectal cancer, she is having surgery this Thursday, so.. Kelli, I will be thinking about you and your family, I wish you the best of luck in the surgery and the recovery! Prayer warriors, please add her to your prayers, especially these next few days.
Love, shawndra

8 comments:

Paulette said...

Hey Shawndra,
I came by to check on you and say a prayer for you before going to bed. I will lift all these petitions before the Lord. He is a big God and can certainly handle them. I have been praying for you and your family for your upcoming surgery and I pray God will be in total control and give you the results you are seeking,
May you and your family rest in Gods capable loving, healing, arms indeed!
Blessings to you all.

Leisa said...

Shawndra, you are just so loving and caring. God has blessed this world with your presence and all of us that have come to know you through your blog are blessed to have been touched by you. I know you've heard it over and over in blog comments, but I just have to say it too. You inspire me to be a better person. You inspire me to live each day to the fullest and to not sweat the small stuff and to appreciate every moment that God gives me as it is truly a gift. God, please be with Shawndra and her family every minute of every day. Please let their problems be your problems and carry this load for them. Let them have peace and comfort in knowing that you're a loving God and whatever happens, you know best and you love them and won't disappoint. Shawndra, you know I pray for you all the time. I promise you that I will continue to do so and will be here supporting you in any way I can throughout your journey. I will also be sure to keep your family in my prayers. I truly understand how difficult this is for all of them as well. After being a daughter who watched her mother endure both chemo and radiation for breast cancer end up getting Leukemia 5 months after her last radition treatment, I know too well how difficult it is for the family. As you know, I lost her. So it's extremely difficult to this day and I will forever be changed becuase of this experience. There will always be a hole in my heart and a deep sadness over losing her. But I have also changed in good ways. My faith is much stronger, I spend a LOT more time with my Grandmother and other family members, I am more patient with my children, I live each day knowing that it is a gift and appreciating it and of course, I've come to know special people like you in my quest to learn more about cancer. In the last prayer my Mother said in the hospital before she got too sick to do so anymore she thanked God for her family and told him she wanted him to make sure they knew how much she loved and appreciated them. She also told him to make sure her family knew to appreciate the life he gave them and to never take it for granted. You're a wonderful person and you're very lucky to have such a supportive family. I know they know how much you apprecciate and love them and no matter what happens, they have all learned valuable life lessons from enduring this disease with you. I'll be thinking of and praying for you all!

Glad to hear the exercise is making you feel better. I haven't been on the treadmill since last Thursday. I've been bad. I have to get back on the bandwagon as I know the exercise has been working as my blood work from last Friday for my Type 2 Diabetes came back better than it ever has before. So that alone is enough reason to make sure I stay on track. I'm getting ready to leave for my trip though and it seems I always kick in to vacation mode (which never includes exercise) a few days before I leave.

By the way, thanks for posting the pics earlier this week. Ella is so precious. You can definitely see that she's growing. Looks like you had a fun New Years party too. I love the bar in your house. It's awesome!

Well I best get back to work now. I work from home. So I can find time to take breaks. But I try my best to stay disciplined so I don't lose this benefit as I know how fortunate I am to have it. I guess I've kind of kicked into vacation mode as far as work is concerned too as this is my last day. I'll check in on you when I get back in about a week. I hope you have a great rest of the week and weekend. God Bless you and your family. Leisa

Kelley said...

Your attitude and concern for others amazes me. So many walking in "shoes" similar to yours often only focus on themself. It is an inspiration to us all, that no matter where your path leads, there is always someone elses path you intersect with. If not to physically lend a hand, but to be there to listen. What a wonderful quality that is to have.

bahama mama said...

Especially after your blog entry yesterday, I wish you could have been at the Girls Night In. Dr. Northrup is an OB/GYN, but her focus was on embracing joy and pleasure as a way of maintaining or obtaining overall health. She even talked about how having a certain outlook can even add time.
As I re-met MAC employees, memories of us running around their first office, in Med Plaza I, during Xmas parties came to mind. To steal someone else's words...We've come a long way baby! I am so proud of you. You are a fantastic wife and mother. You have always been a caring daughter and sister, not to mention friend. Now, here you are, fighting the biggest battle of your life and you are carrying many others, including strangers, on your back through your journey.
You more than deserve all of the love and support that has and is coming your way. I hope you look in the mirror every day and tell yourself how amazing you are.
I am anxious and nervous for your surgery too, but I know that you've wanted this for a long time and I believe it will be successful. Keep up your workouts - I'm sure you are in better shape than you think! :) Enjoy time with your family and laugh and smile as much as you can!
A piece of my heart is always with you.
Love, d

Anonymous said...

Shawndra,

You are clearly beautiful inside and out. Praying for you and your family.

Wendy

Anonymous said...

Shawndra-

You truly are inspiration to us all! Our thoughts and prayers countinue to be with you and your family. Keep Believing!

The Mudge's

Michele said...

Does your friend Kelli have a blog? I wanted to tell you I finished chemo this week, I am not going for #12 b/c my body can't take anymore. At this point, I don't know what happens next, other than follow-ups.
Take care,
Michele
http://michelepeters.blogspot.com

Forrest said...

hey Shawndra I really hope all the good things in this life for you. I hoped more than anything that my wife would survive long enough to give birth to our child, but that was not to be. Sometimes I just think I wish she would of gone ahead and started chemo and maybe she would still be here and we could of had other children, but she made the ultimate sacrifice. Sometimes Shawndra a persons heart is so broken and a soul so dead that death is a welcome thing. You have your daughter which gives you the desire and courage to continue and for that you are blessed. The difference between you and me is that the people I love and want to be with are in the life after and the people that you want to be with are here living. If there is anything I can do for you really let me know. I hate this disease and I would do whatever I could to help you. Blessings, Forrest