Back in the Hospital

Hello everyone. Shawndra is back in the hospital with bowel complications. We arrived via the ER Tuesday morning. Initial tests indicate partial bowel obstruction. It's been three days now with very little output. I won't go into details, but attempts at flushing things through are not working. Just a few minutes ago an NG Tube was placed in her stomach. Okay, enough about that.

Ella came to visit Mommy at the hospital tonight. Her little laugh always brightens up a room (and we needed it). She danced for us and sang a song. She handled Shawndra's situation pretty well. She's spending the night with Grandma and Papa tonight so I can stay with Shawndra.

I'll leave with a few photos of the Worlds of Fun trip Ella and I took last weekend with my good high school buddy, Jason, and his 4 1/2 year old daughter, Jillian.

click photos for larger versions

side effects

Hi- I am nearing the end of my week of Xeloda pills. But I am waiting to hear back from the doctor to see if I need to stop early. I have the redness and sore, tender feet that is a side effect of this chemo. I thought he told me that I might have to stop them if this is the case, because it will get worse before it gets better, esecially if I continue to take the pills after this side effect appears. I also a difficult weekend. I had to cancel plans on Friday night because I was soooo tired, then I cancelled a playdate yesterday to the park because I was so tired. I spent pretty much the whole day yesterday in bed! I really hate feeling like that and staying in bed all day! I was helpless. I try my best to continue life as normal and not focus on "being ill". Most of the time I don't feel ill, therefore I think others forget that I am sick as well. But I do have days like yesterday were I just don't feel good, or am just so tired that I can't do anything. My pain has gotten worse too. Especially at night, when I am lying down. I have increased my pain medication and still haven't had much improvement.
Good news: my mother-in-law is out of the hospital, yaaa! She is still having difficult breathing without additional oxygen but is atleast at home.
I do have blood work tomorrow where they will also draw blood for my CEA and then meet with Mckittrick on Thursday to see how things are going.
Doug took ELla to World's of Fun on Saturday, she had a great time but didn't like the Snoopy character, he was "scary". I didn't go to church yesterday because I was so tired but Ella wanted to go to church school so we took her so she wouldn't miss it. I thought that was great that she wanted to go! I did take her to daycare today so I could rest more. It is so hard to keep up with a two year old when I am worn down from chemo! It is a bit of a challenge at times. I am blessed to have so many people around who help me when I need it. I hope you all are doing well! Thank you to the people who have given me some advice on products to use for my feet/hands. It is nice to have that kind of feedback from people who have experienced it.
talk to you all soon. shawndra

long time-no talk

Hi everyone- I don't really have a good excuse for not emailing this past week, but there just hasn't been much to report and Doug has been hogging my laptop at night,get your own baby, oh wait.. you have your own... use it,hehe. Anyway, I start my chemo pills again tomorrow, same amount, 3 in the morning, 3 at night for 7 days. I have done pretty well on them. I have noticed changes in my hands and feet, which is a side effect. I started having redness and blisters on my feet at the end of the chemo week last time. That did get better but my hands are feeling very, very dry right now and a little tender. We will see what this week of chemo will bring. I have been able to maintain most of my energy though as well as my appetite for the most part. I have gained a few pounds so no problem in that area, yikes. I am anxiously waiting for the beginning of November when I go back to Omaha to see Dr. Foster. I will do a lot of tests and an exam under anesthesia ( of my buttocks, that is why anesthesia is involved, wouldn't you want that too!) that reminds me of the movie, Father of the Bride II, when Steve Martin is waiting for his daughter and wife to have their babies, he is so tired and takes sleeping pills, ends up in a wheelchair in the hospital, they mistake him for a patient, take him in to the proctoscopy (?) room to have an "exam" of the back end and he comes running out pulling up his pants, saying, "Do I know you". Hilarious... anyway, Dr Foster will then be able to determine if another surgery may be possible to remove more cancer in my pelvis area, which at the time of the last surgery was the only stuff left after he removed the rest. So I am very much looking forward to that. I hate this sitting around and waiting. I just want it gone, gone, gone ,gone forever!!!! If that is possible... through him all things are possible!! I just keep praying that God's plan is for me to be here on earth for many years! I happened to watch Oprah tonight, which was about Breast cancer, one lady on there who was diagnosed at a young age, said, she gives God all the glory for curing her, and that is so true! This experience, as I have said before, has really been a spiritual journey, as I believe was his intent.
Anyway, I do have a couple requests...
1. Please pray for Doug's mother, Victoria Turner, who is in the hospital with Pneumonia, which has not been improving with antibiotics.
2. continue prayers for Stephanie vest, if you have been following her blog, she was improving but has taken a turn for the worse and is very ill!

Oh, this is news worthy. Ella decided this morning she wanted to wear big girl underwear and she didn't have any accidents all day while wearing them, yaaaa!!! I hope she does it again tomorrow, we will see. how exciting.
Good night everyone. I will try not to go so long without emailing. I have missed you all, hehe. shawndra

Stents and prayers

Hello all- Well everything went smooth today. I was a bit nervous prior to the procedure and talked to the doctor about the stents, if they were absolutely necessary. He did feel like I needed the stents, especially because of the previous concern of kidney failure in my left kidney. SO, I did get both of the ureteral stents replaced. It went well, they gave me a little happy medicine, wheeled me in, I got onto the table, they gave me the gas mask and medicine and I was fast asleep. Next thing I know, I am awake in the waiting room asking to go to the bathroom, which the nurse blew off, and went on to take care of another person (this has happened more than once, i think they think I just FEEL like i have to go, but I really have to go). So I grabbed the next nurse that came by and said, I HAVE to go, so she brought the bed pan right in time, whew, that was a close one. When I told Doug about this, he said, next time just pee the bed, I said, NO, not if I can help it.
Anyway, I felt good afterwards, but I think after the anesthesia wore off, this afternoon, I started to have some more pain. Not as bad though as before, so hopefully this will be brief pain from the placement and manipulation then my body will adjust and I will be pain free for awhile!
A couple of you asked about Chris Ireland and the girls, to be honest I don't know too much and do not feel that it is my place to comment about much. I did give a brief update about Jan (Jen's mom, I do talk to her from time to time) but I don't talk to Chris much. I did say "hi" to him and he said the girls are doing well, they are growing up fast he said, going on 18. So that is all I know and will say about that.
Kelley, we will pray for your daughters friend and the baby and the family. It is times like that that make it difficult to understand where God is and what the plan is, but we do have to trust him even though we are angry and can't possibly understand!
I feel like there was something else I wanted to comment on...let me look back at the posts. I think that is all for now. Ella's daycare is on vacation the rest of the week, so she and I will get to hang out more. My mom is going to help me out a bit tomorrow so that will help. I have to brag a bit about my girl. She is so amazing. I know every person's child is amazing, but even the daycare talked to me about how good she is for 2 with puzzles and other games/projects, organizing, categorizing, etc. We do puzzles at home and I have been amazed at how good she is with them for her age. I wasn't sure if this was normal, but I think she is a bit ahead in that area. She also has such a great memory. I talked about the hospital briefly this morning and she asked if I was going to have a tube in my nose, that might be because we scared her when she came to see me in the hospital in March for my surgery. But she also noticed this morning a school bus and said, mommy that is a short busy, where is the longer bus, I thought that was pretty darn observant. okay, enough bragging. A momma has to brag once in awhile, right. She is getting better about her fits and attitude, but still can bring it out once in awhile. Good night all. Sleep well in this wonderful weather. Thank you God for this day and everyday we are here. I pray that my prayer warriors have a great day tomorrow, stay positive, happy and healthy! I pray for all those going through treatment for cancer or other illnesses, all the people who are suffering a loss of a loved one. Thank you God for all the people who read my blog and have come into my life to support me silently or not. shawndra

stents replaced

Hello- I hope you all had a great weekend. It is amazing that the weather has stayed so warm, it has been great. We are still able to keep our windows open especially at night with the fans on, ahhhh. I had a good weekend. Saturday was the Jennifer Ireland Golf tournament. Doug played with my father, his father and his brother in law. I went to help out, but didn't feel like I helped much. They had it well organized and running smoothly. I got to see Jan, Jenn's mom, who I just love to see. So that was great! She seems to be doing well, she looks fantastic. She has a lot on her plate though, her husband is now in an assisted facility because of a stroke from a few years ago, her dad is battling cancer as well and unfortunately, she does not get to spend much time with her grandgirls which tears her up! So, keep her in your prayers! She is such an amazing woman!
Ella started church school this Sunday, she loved it! she is getting so big, she already seems like a young lady. This will help us get to church regularly, since we haven't been to good about that lately. I was glad to, we had a great sermon that really spoke to me, which is exactly what I asked of God before we went to church. The basic theme was that God's way isn't always our way and that things happen, some appear bad, some appear good but there may be other outcomes that we don't expect. For example, my cancer seems like a bad thing to have happen, but I have gotten some good out of it, I have definitely gained a relationship with God because of this. So as the Priest repeated with every situation or example he gave, "we'll see", you have cancer, or poor you.... we'll see. Does that make sense?
Anyway, I was doing fairly well until last night. I started getting worse pain in the night and into today. I slept all day until about 5pm. Also my feet are getting sore and it is harder to walk on them, this is one of the side effects of the Xeloda chemo I am on. Tomorrow I go in for my stent replacement procedure under anesthesia. I have to be there around 9am and the procedure is about 11am. I am going to ask the doctor if it is possible not to put the stents back in since they seem to cause a lot of my pain and problems. I don't know what he will say, but I will try. Usually after this procedure, I am a bit uncomfortable for a few days with the new stents, I can usually feel them a bit, it just makes me feel like I need to go to the bathroom a lot, so very annoying. I hope that there won't be much pain afterwards,... we'll see. I will let you know how things go in a few days. Take care all of you, don't forget that God is in charge and has a plan, we just have to trust him and know that everything will happen for a reason, even though many times we don't understand or see what the reason could possibly be! I believe I was given this opportunity to believe in God and find him, since before I wasn't sure what I believed. I also pray that his plan is to keep me here on this earth so that I can help others in their belief in God, spread his word and show that only through him miracles are possible! That may not be the case, he may take me earlier than I would hope from this earth, but I believe that next life in heaven will be amazing, I will be up there eating all the powdered donuts and sweets I want and be as happy as can be. Again, we'll see! Good night everyone. Shawndra

okay

Hello everyone- Thank you all as always for your continued support. Michelle, I am so grateful and amazed with the money you have raised for Colon Cancer in my honor. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you to all the people who contributed to the cause and if you still want to give, you can still go to the Fred's Team link on the left to contribute to research for colon cancer. Michelle is a friend only through my blog, we have never met, but she is training and running a marathon on November 2, in my honor. How is the training going? How amazing is that! Thank you to the people who went to her fundraiser this weekend! I am so appreciative. It is research funds that will help the incredibly knowledgeable researchers find new and improved ways to treat cancer, in this case, colon cancer.
What did you all think of the Stand up for Cancer show? It was touching. If you didn't see it, I want to point out one statistic that was on there. One in two men and One in Three women will have cancer. That is shocking!!!!I am not alone.
It was an emotional day, I am not exactly sure why. It might be just the fact that I had my great friends from college here a couple weekends ago, then I went to Seattle surrounded by my wonderful family, then today I was by myself for the first time in awhile! I missed my daughter, my husband, my family, my friends and was very sad. It could have been that I am unconsciously worried about my CEA and my pain and if this is a sign that my cancer is growing? As someone said, the not knowing is very worrisome. I was also thinking about our big trip we are taking to the Mediterranean, not taking Ella for 2 1/2 weeks, that makes me very sad to think about. Who knows, but I am better now. Thank you to my husband who stopped work today as I was driving back from my doctors appointment uncontrollably crying and came downstairs to see my and comfort me! I love my husband! I missed him so much this past week.
My oncologist did reassure me though, he said that the Xeloda can take a few months to really show it's effects. So, he wasn't too concerned at this point with my CEA rising. So things are status quo, started my pills today, a day early, I forgot, woops. that's okay though. I have my stents replaced next week, so hopefully that will help the pain. My pain continues to increase in my back which is very frustrating. In November, I go back to Creighton to see Dr. Foster who will do an exam under anesthesia, as well as a CT scan, labs, etc. I look forward to that visit to get more answers on how things are really going, if things are looking good or if the cancer appears to be larger and if there is anything else he can do surgically. So these are the things to come.
Doug and family have encouraged me to see a psychologist I have seen before if I desire to help with the emotions, etc. I really like her but for some reason don't know if I want to go. I know it can't hurt I guess I just feel like I go see so many doctors already, I don't really want to take more time right now.
One last thing, last but definitely not least. The Jennifer Ireland golf tournament is this coming weekend, September the 20th. They are in need of more teams! Please, if you can, get yourself, or someone who loves to golf, get a team of 4 together for a great day of golf, and honoring a wonderful woman who lost her life to colon cancer at a very young age, leaving her two adorable children behind as well as her husband and her mother, family and friends. Please sign up if you can!!!!! You can get to the Jennifer Ireland Foundation on the link on the left or go to www.jenniferirelandfoundation.com .
Okay, that is enough for now. I told you I would write more later. I wish I could say more than thank you, it doesn't seem to do justice to how much you all have helped me but I don't know how else to get the point across. Thank you, my friends, Shawndra

Doctor, Doctor

Hello- I am back from my trip to Seattle. It was great to see my cousin and Ella got to play with her cousins. Thank you Leanne, Rick and girls for a great trip! Ella was very excited about flying and didn't want to leave her cousin sisters, as she called them. I didn't have time to get on the computer to let you all know that I found out my CEA from last week went up to 10.9. I am not trying to get worried about it, but I do have an appointment today with my oncologist, so we will see what he has to say. I have been having more pain than usual so that is a bit concerning but again, trying not to worry at this point. I actually need to go for my appointment now so I will let you all know how it goes. Thank you for continuing to pray for me. Even though I haven't been blogging as much I am still here, fighting every day. Today I am a bit emotional, I don't know if I am just down because all the activity is over for now or what. agh,, emotions! gotta run. talk to you all soon, i promise. love, shawndra

Seattle bound

Hey everyone- I hope you all had a great weekend! My weekend with the girls from college was incredible. We just laid around and laughed all weekend about old times. We all brought our old photo albums from college, to sum that up... "what were we thinking?" Was sloppy in at the time or was that just us? I wouldn't take it back though! Great memories and great friends. I will try to post a picture in the near future my beautiful girls!
Thank you all who are praying for Stephanie Vest. I do not know her personally but got an email from a friend about her. It sounds like she is progressing a little but is still critical so please keep up the prayers.
I finished my week of chemo pills last night, yaaa! I did well, little fatigue a bit of an upset stomach yesterday but otherwise I did fine. I got bloodwork done yesterday, with my CEA which I will hopefully find out today what it is. I have had more pain in my back lately which has concerned Doug and I a bit. We hope it is just the stents that need to be replaced, which I am having done on September 23rd.
Ella was just sitting on my lap while I typed this blog. Now she is off, so I can type a bit better.
Ella and I, along with my mother and grandmother (95) is going to Seattle today to visit my cousin and her family consisting of 3 girls. So Ella will have lots of fun playing with them. They are all around her age so hopefully that will keep her entertained and we can all just hang out together, without too much stress. Doug is staying here, he doesn't have enough work days to take off, which I am sad he isn't going, but understand. (Now I got kicked out of my chair by Ella, so I am standing, leaning over her typing.) What mothers are able to do! I better go before everything is out of my desk and all over everywhere. Have a good week! I hope you all are doing well! Suite 3, thanks for a great weekend and your frienship! Shawndra

Please pray hard

Hey everyone- I am enjoying a great weekend with my college friends at the lake but happened to check my email and got a prayer request from one of my friends. A girl named Stephanie Vest is in critical condition after a reaction to chemo she just received. I checked out her website, www.stephanievest.com, it sounds like she was just diagnosed with a rare form of lymphoma and she is a young mother of three, the youngest only 9 weeks old, I believe. She has a beautiful family! Please pray hard for her. I know prayer works, we need to all pray hard and pray now to help save her. She needs to be around for her children! Please stop and pray and check out her site. Shawndra

Stand Up 2 Cancer

Hello all- I wanted to remind you all that tonight on all the major tv stations: ABC, CBS and NBC there will be a telethon with a lot of famous names and incredible performances all to raise money for cancer research. I believe it starts at 8p/7central, in KC it is at 7pm. I encourage everyone to watch and if you can give any amount, please donate what you can! This is so important and a great step in trying to cure cancer. Every little bit helps! So please, tune in and contribute to the cause if you can!!!!
So far, chemo pills going well. I have had a bit more pain in the last few days, mostly at night. I am not sure if it is because of my ureteral stents that are to be changed in the near future or if it is something else. I did get a bit concerned a couple nights ago, the pain was pretty bad and I started to worry that this could be the cancer growing, so I pray it is not. I will continue my pills every day this week until next Tuesday.
Today, I am getting ready for a great girls weekend with my college friends. There was a group of 7 of us that were very close in college. We haven't all been together, all 7 of us in 10 years.. except my wedding, but I didn't get to spend much time with them. They all come in tonight and we are going to spend the weekend at my parents lakehouse. I am soooo excited. We will be reminiscing on some of the best times of my life! It will also be good just to hang out and relax. Daddy will have Ella most of the weekend, so they get to spend some quality time together too.
Anyway, I just wanted to remind you of the Stand Up 2 Cancer program tonight.
Have a great weekend everyone! Talk to you soon. shawndra

Chemo week

Hey everyone- Today I restart another week of my chemo pills. Just a reminder: I take 3 pills in the morning and evening for one week, then I am off for a week, then on a week. It is so nice not to have to go to the cancer center for infusions as I used to do. Last chemo week, I had fatigue but otherwise no other side effects. I hope that will be the case this week, it may change as the chemo accumulates in my body. The other thing to know is that on the weeks off, the chemo is still working in my body, so that is reassuring that I am not just giving the cancer time to grow in between chemo weeks.
I had another comment about my original symptoms that lead to my diagnosis. This is probably the most frequently asked question. A good question... it is explained a few times previously in my blog, but I don't expect anyone to read the whole thing. So, I did post my symptoms to the left above our picture. I did this all by myself too. I am getting pretty computer savvy if I say so myself! hehe.
To answer the question fully, I had symptoms for a few months, I did blow them off a bit because I had just had a baby not long before so I kept thinking this was just my body getting back to normal. The symptoms though did come on fairly suddenly, it wasn't just gradual. Probably about 6 months after Ella was born, I started having abdominal cramping where I would literally bend at the waist, arms around my stomach in pain. My bowel movements were not normal, prior I was a fairly regular person, with no problems going. I started to struggle to get BM's out and when something did come out, it was just little bits, sometimes just looked like dust. So, thank's to my mother who finally pushed me that this wasn't normal. I took action. I am a nurse practitioner and I still hesitated, I was taught to look at the most common diagnosis first, cancer at my age was not a common diagnosis. Even the GI doctor I ended up seeing after I saw a primary care doctor first, said that he didn't want to do a colonoscopy right away because cancer would be so rare. So, lesson learned...listen to your body, don't hesitate, and don't take no for an answer if your doctor doesn't think it is a concern. Also, listen to your mother, hehe. Because my mom kept telling me, shawndra, this isn't normal, she probably saved me from it getting much, much worse. Thank you mom!!! If anyone has any more questions,please feel free to ask. I am a pretty open book, as you all can tell. It is a rainy day today,a good day for getting things done inside. I better get going for the day. I need to get some fall clothes for Ella, it seems to be coming quickly. It was kind of chilly this morning. I love fall, ahhh. Have a great hump day. shawndra

2 years

Hello everyone- I hope you all had a great weekend! We had fun, but of course it went by so fast. We spent most of the weekend at the lake with just my immediate family. It was nice, but of course with three children under the age of 5 it was not really relaxing. It was just nice to be with each other.
To me, this was a celebration weekend. It was two years ago that I had my colonoscopy the friday before the long weekend. Then I had to wait the long weekend to find out the results of the colonoscopy that showed I had a large mass that the nurse described as "an angry mass". It was that Tuesday after the long Labor Day weekend that I found out that the results showed that I had a very rare form of colon cancer, signet cell adenocarcinoma. Of course this turned my world upside down, with a very young daughter, only 9 months at the time and having only been married just over two years. I had just started my new career as a nurse practitioner almost two years before. But after my surgery in January when they found that there was more cancer in my abdomen and gave it a Stage IV, they told me I would have maybe two years to live if I did chemo, only one year without chemo. Well so far I am still hear and feel well enough that I think I will greatly surpass that guess. Even though I wanted to know what they predicted my prognosis to be, the truth is they really don't know. Everyone and every case is different. Even though this is not what I wanted in life for myself and mostly for my family, it has brought about some positives and some negatives. The negative is that I can not carry another child which we had hoped to do around the time I was diagnosed. I have not been working which I really miss. I probably could off and on, but I want to be able to commit myself fully! At that point, it was more important to be with my family as well. I didn't know what the future held and I want to spend as much time with my family as possible.
With this experience I have strengthened my faith and believe that God's plan for me is to help others become stronger in their faith after seeing my miracle of life. As I have told you all before, I struggled with my belief's and my faith prior to this. I have since put my trust in God and know that he will take care of me. I know that this is just our temporary life before out eternal life, which I think will be even better than this life. Some of you may disagree with this depending on your religious belief's and that is okay. We all have our own opinions and beliefs and I have learned that too from this blog.
I have gained a tremendous support system from this experience. I wouldn't have all of you in my life, praying for me, thinking about me, etc. I appreciate each of you. Even if you don't always believe in some things I do or say. I am only doing my best in the situation I am in. I have also had the opportunity to bring awareness to Colorectal cancer, especially in younger people who statistically this isn't supposed to affect. But as many of you can tell, cancer does not discriminate and it can happen to anyone. Most importantly you have to listen to your body and be your own advocate when something isn't right for you. Keri- who just commented on my last post, I am soooo glad that you listened to your body and took action when you knew something wasn't right. I am very happy to hear that it has been taken care of and they caught it before it grew from a polyp. That is one reason I am doing this. To hopefully help people learn from my experience. Oh, you don't know how glad I am to hear that my story helped you and others!!! Thank you!
Ella is here with me (she is supposed to go to daycare today but she and I are taking our time). She just finished the United States of America puzzle all by herself, wow, I am so proud of her. She is very good at puzzles, but usually needs a little help with that puzzle but she just did it on her own. Wow, yaaaa Ella.
Anyway, I will let you all get back to your day. I hope you have a good, short week. I hope you all had a fun, safe weekend. Talk to you all soon. Again, I would love to hear about you all and what you are up to. Shawndra

PS. Don't forget that the Jennifer Ireland Golf Tournament is September 20th, so sign up now!
PPS. The new wellsphere site will be up soon, with the new cancer community, so keep checking out the site. I will let you know when it is up. I will also be putting my "Top blogger Award" up on the site soon.
PPPS. Stand up to Cancer will be airing this Friday, September 5th on all the major stations, I believe. NBC, CBS, ABC. Check it out as well, this is a fundraiser to get funding for cancer research which is soooo badly needed. My diagnosis may be able to be considered a chronic disease instead of a deadly disease with the help of research. This is research for all cancers, not just colorectal cancer. Everyone is knows someone struggling with cancer or have lost someone to cancer unfortunately. Please if you can, donate to the cause.

I have to run, Ella is calling.

so tired

Double click the image to make it larger and see her closer up.

Hey everyone- Well I am almost done with my first week of the chemo pills, Xeloda. I have been really tired this week but have not had any other side effects so far. I get very frustrated being so tired, all I want to do is stay in my bed but of course I can't do that. I did have some chances this weekend to rest thanks to Doug and my sister. We had a surprise birthday party for Andrea Friday night which was a success. I think she was fairly surprised. I was pretty wiped out Saturday. Doug went to help Andrea and Greg with a few projects at their house. I intended to go, but ended up taking a long nap. Then we had the Croquet for Cancer fundraiser Saturday night. It was a lot of fun. I think it was a success. I don't know yet how much they raised, but they were off to a good start early in the evening. So, once again a fairly busy weekend. Yesterday it was Ella and I. We laid low in the morning but when it came to nap time, of course she didn't want to. She looked sooo tired and she still fought it. I tried everything I could think of. By that time I was so exhausted and tired myself. I called my mom, who thankfully rescued me. I am so blessed to have her. She is there almost every time I need her. It is upsetting to me though that I have to call for help. I sometimes feel inadequate, like I can't do anything on my own anymore. So, I was a little down on myself last night. gotta have those moments once in awhile. gotta go pick up my punks from daycare. I have the most adorable picture i took of her the other day, but of course, I need to either figure out how to put it on myself or have Doug help me. (Insert later: I did it myself, I just got the picture up and figured most of it out myself, with a little help from Doug. yaa for me.) One of these days i will learn! have a great week. Just think, only a few more days and then a long weekend. Yaaaa! shawndra

Happy Birthday Andrea

Hello everyone- Today is my sister's birthday. She has been such a wonderful sister and friend. I am so lucky to have her and now have her back in Kansas City. We have definitely had our differences in our lives but we have unconditional love for each other! Andrea- I hope you have a great birthday and a great year ahead. Love ya!

I started my pills yesterday. I found out my CEA is 7.3, so up a bit but I am not getting concerned even though it would have been nice to still be at 5 or below. Hopefully the new medication I am taking will bring it back down. I really don't care what the number is as long as the cancer cells are being killed.
There are so many things I need to tell you all about so I will jump in...

1. Croquet for Cancer is a fundraiser my cousin's fiance started and has annually in honor of his mother who passed away from Breast Cancer. If people want to make an online donation they can click the link above, or on the logo to the left. The raised funds will go directly to the Drug Discovery, Development, and Delivery program which develops new medications and reformulates existing medications to destroy cancer on a molecular level, thereby working to alleviate many of the side effects of cancer treatment and targeting the disruption of cancer growth.

2. The Jennifer Ireland Foundation is having it's 2nd Annual Golf Tournament Saturday September 20th at the Adame's Pointe Golf Club. You can get more information at the Jennifer Ireland Foundation website, again we have a link at the left side of our screen. The money goes to patients and families who are fighting cancer. I was honored to be the first recipient of some of the proceeds from their fundraisers. It also honors a courageous young woman with two young girls who fought cancer and keeps her memory alive today.

3. Wellsphere.com -- Have any of you heard of this site? I hadn't until I got an email from the creator of this site, Dr. Geoff Rutledge. He invited me to be a wellsphere blogger on this site. The site focuses on health, fitness, and nutrition. It has many communities you can be a part of in your interest area. It is a very informative site. Apparently, coming soon is a cancer community. My blog will be featured and I believe they will have a link to my blog so it will be available to a much broader audience. My hope is that this will help many more people. I started my blog to inform family and friends of my progress as I fought cancer. It has become a huge support system for me. I hope though that it is beneficial to others fighting cancer as well as others who read it. I have had several people find my site and ask questions because they are going through something similar or know someone who is. I hope i have helped people through my experience. I believe this was God's plan and that I am here to help others through him and hopefully make people believers in him especially through the miracle you will see through me. Anyway, check out the site. I don't know when the cancer community will be up but I will let you know when I find out. Maybe this site can help some of you out there who are needing advice in health, fitness and nutrition.

I think that is all my plugs for now. I did have someone ask the question, what have I told Ella about cancer or have I? I haven't talked to her about cancer yet. I don't think she would understand yet and I don't want to confuse her. She definitely see's that I take a lot of medication and she saw me in the hospital with my surgeries, but she knows nothing different. I guess that is one good thing. For people with older children, it is all new. This is all Ella knows at this point. When Doug and I feel it is the right time we will talk to her about it and explain it too her or if she comes to me with questions, I will answer them honestly.

I was a bit tired today, I don't know if that is already from the chemo or not. Otherwise we are all doing well. Talk to you all soon. Have a great weekend. Shawndra

Change Chemo

Hey everyone- First, Ella is feeling much better, so thank you all for your concern. Today was chemo day and a meeting with my oncologist. Doug and I met with him before the treatment. I was still having a difficult time, mentally, this morning. When I am not there, I live my life and forget about my diagnosis, for the most part. When I go back to the cancer center for my treatment, it is that reminder that I have a serious illness and that I am going to be knocked down and have to start over picking myself back up. So, I was very emotional this morning. Even Ella saw me crying and said, "What's wrong Mama?", and gave me a hug. It was sooo sweet and just melted my heart. Well, when I met with my doctor, he recommended I start doing a pill form of chemo called Xeloda, which I actually took for six weeks, when I was first diagnosed, before I had my first surgery. This will consist of me taking 3 pills in the morning, 3 pills in the afternoon for 7 days, then off for 7 days, so on one week, off one week and so on. The common side effects with this is mouth sores, diarrhea, fatigue, hand and foot syndrome(?). So we will see how it goes. It can also cause problems with my Coumadin and make my blood thinner, so I have to watch that carefully! I am very excited though to try this. I just need a break from the infusions. Doug and I agreed with my oncologist that this would be a good idea and if my CEA starts going up with this then we can go back. I did have my CEA drawn today, so I will hopefully find out tomorrow what it is. Especially since I didn't go to my chemo last time so I have been off for a month.
I want to thank you all for your mommy support and advice. I think being a mom is the toughest job ever. I just want my daughter to grow up knowing right from wrong, being first safe and healthy, but also happy, kind and caring to others. I do my best to accomplish this but am constantly guessing and second guessing myself. I love her so much I would do anything for her. But I don't want her to just get away with anything and everything, that does not help her for her future. So thank you all for your support for my health and my role as a mommy. I am so grateful to have you all who have unconditionally supported me.
I start taking my pills tomorrow morning. I will let you know how it goes and what me CEA is. gotta go to bed, Doug is standing here waiting for me to go up. I will write soon. Sorry it has been so long.
Oh, also, please check out the Croquet for cancer logo on the left. I will write more about that tomorrow. Good night. shawndra

Ella has a fever

Ella has been with me all week because starting Monday night, she has had fevers. We were really hoping she would be better by today, because she had a field trip at daycare, which she missed the first trip also because she was sick. I think these are the only two times she has been sick. Poor girl. The tylenol does wonders for her, but as soon as it wears off, she starts getting really warm. So, needless to say, we have been laying low for the past 3 days. I think our dog is even feeling cooped up. She has been a wild thing the last couple of days.
Last night I did get out for an hour or so to go to dream dinners to cook up some meals that we can freeze. If you all haven't done something like this, it is a great way to cook. Definitely my type of cooking, since I really don't cook much but the basics. Everything is already cut up for you and you just dump it all into bags, then freeze it and pop it out to thaw and cook usually in 30 minutes or less. I love it!! So I did that last night!
Ella is telling me to be quiet, hehe, I guess my typing is waking up her babies. She is so funny! She has been very challenging lately as well. Some of you may disagree with this but I did spank her the other day,and you know that is the only thing that works these days. Any time I say, do you want a spanking, she does what she is supposed to do. Otherwise, she just walks the other way. I don't think a spank from time to time is abusive. It is far from it! Anyway, I hope none of you turn me in,hehe. Thank you all for your comments! I gotta go, Ella is trying to sleep. hehe. Enjoy the Olympics! Talk to you soon. shawndra

butterflies and race for a cure

Hey everyone- It's Sunday evening. Doug and I are sitting here on the couch, both with our laptops on our lap, watching the Olympics. Wasn't the opening ceremony amazing! Watching these athletes, I am just in awe, especially the gymnastics. I can't imagine doing all the things they do. Jumping and flipping on a tiny beam, or on uneven bars, gosh that is talent!
We had a good weekend. We went to Powell Gardens for a butterfly exhibit on Saturday, for those in KC, I highly recommend going. It was incredible. Just Powell Gardens itself is impressive and then the butterflies, spectacular. Today I woke up very early for me, to volunteer for the Race for the Cure for Breast Cancer. My girlfriend, Dustin, and I got to hand out roses at the finish line to the Breast Cancer survivors. It was so worth getting up early for it. I had a great time. There were soooo many people there. I actually had a few ladies who read my blog come up to me and say hello. Thank you for doing that, that makes me feel good! I really appreciate it! I like meeting you all who read and/or write on my blog. I have been just so amazed that so many people who don't even know me read my blog and care enough to pray for me. That is one thing I have learned from this experience... so many people are so kind and caring! I thank you all for that, for being so kind, so loving and caring.
Anyway, we had a good weekend, but a very tiring one. Thanks to my parents, who spontaneously took Ella on Saturday evening after the butterfly event, so I could rest that evening so I could get up early. I was so exhausted Saturday, or maybe it was because I ate a funnel cake at Powell Gardens and came down from my sugar high. It was sooo yummy though. I haven't had a funnel cake in years, ymmmm. I don't know though if it was worth the exhausted feeling after the sugar high wears off.
I hope you all had a great weekend as well. The weather here has been so much more bearable! Have a good week. I have this week off of chemo, then it is back to chemo the following week. I am going to try to live it up this week, as well as try to rest, hard to do with Ella around. I will talk about that more later. I better end this lengthy note. Go USA in the Olympics! Shawndra

4th Anniversary!

Hey everyone- This day four years ago, I was putting on my wedding gown, getting my hair and makeup done and getting ready to walk down the aisle with my mother and father into the arms of Doug Turner to say those simple but powerful words "I do". It was an incredible day. We had an amazing wedding which was just the beginning of an incredible relationship. I believe that God prepared me for this challenge in my life by bringing into my life a man who will love me literally "For better or worse". He then made sure we were secure, Doug joined Sourcecorp who has been a great company to work for and so understanding with our circumstances. They have been incredible to us! God then gave us the opportunity to be pregnant, which was not quite planned that quickly anyway, but came at the perfect time and brought us a beautiful daughter. I used to question my faith, God,and Jesus. I know see how God has worked in my life to prepare me for the challenge I face with cancer.
I have had tremendous guilt that Doug has to be a part of this illness and has to financially support me and my disease. He has been nothing but loving, caring and nurturing throughout our 4 years of marriage. We have obviously had our share of challenges in these few years together. Sometimes such a situation can pull people apart. I think we have only gotten closer. We have definitely had our differences and our arguments, we are not perfect, no one is. But I am so blessed and thank God every day for bringing Doug into my life. He is my best friend,my husband, lover (hehe)and everything I could ask for. Thank you Doug for a wonderful 4 years of marriage. I look forward to growing old with you and sharing many more anniversaries, many more memories and many more challenges. I love you, Doug! Thank you for your unconditional love! I am blessed to have all of you in my life as well. God has brought you all into my life for a reason and I thank him daily for each of you who have touched my life! Shawndra

I cancelled chemo

Hey everyone- I woke up Tuesday morning exhausted. I have been tired and emotional and I just didn't want to go to chemo. I couldn't do it. Doug helped me by telling me it was okay and that the doctor was telling me not long ago that I could take a break, so it was okay. That was reassuring! It doesn't mean I am not fighting, it just means I need a break. I don't know why I am so tired, it could be the heat, it could be my hemoglobin is lower than normal since I have had more blood in my urine from those darn stents than normal. Who knows? But I have spent a lot of the last couple days in bed or relaxing on the couch. Monday I had Ella and I was just so tired it was really hard to take care of her, atleast to do fun, active things with her, which I try to do with her when I can. I am just so tired all I can do is lay on the couch and watch cartoons with her. Which somedays I think she is okay with since at daycare they are so active, that some days I think she just wants to lay low. Oh, it is a hard job, isn't it. Anyway, so I have another couple weeks off until I go back to chemo. Hopefully by that time, I will be ready and rested enough to continue. I am going to go have my lab work drawn tomorrow to make sure I am not anemic or something else causing the tremendous fatigue. Even the Ritalin, which they gave me to help with my energy level has not been helping much lately.
I feel like there is so much more to talk about, but I am blanking on what I want to say. So I will leave it at that for now. I will try to post again soon. If my internet is accessible. When I tried to get on today, I had to do a whole bunch of things to get the internet connected. ugh. technology. take care everyone, have a great week and stay out of the heat! shawndra

on the fritz

Hey everyone- I haven't been able to get connected to the internet the last several days. That is torcher, ya know. But thankfully it is working this morning. I wanted to let you all know that my CEA from last week is a steady 5, which is good. I am glad that is has been this same number the last 3 times we have drawn the CEA level. I think that is good news. I am going to continue my chemo for atleast another month and then we will see if I can either do some maintenance chemo, maybe in pill form instead of having to go in for infusions for awhile atleast while my numbers stay low and consistent. I pray that I can keep my CEA low and the cancer minimal without spreading. I can live like this, if that is the best I can achieve, even if they think there is still some cancer in there, I can handle it as long as it stays there and doesn't spread. I have chemo again this week, so probably a few rest days ahead and hopefully nothing else.
We've had a great weekend. We got to spend time with some friends friday night and went to the first friday's art gallery thing downtown. It was very fun. Yesterday we got to play with Andrea and her kids while Doug and Greg worked on a project, in the unbearable heat, poor guys! Thanks Greg for your help! Then Ella got to go to the pool with her cousin, Ian and we got to hang out with my cousin and fam. It was a lot of fun too! Ella even napped yesterday without a major production. ahhhh it was so nice. I was so proud of her! We are still working on eating her meals instead of wanting just to eat snack food all day. That is the challenge these days.
Doug gave me my mother's day present last week. He and Ella have been working on it off and on for awhile. It was incredible. They made this collage of pictures of Ella and I with wood pieces that said Mom and Ella on these wood pieces. It is hard to explain. Maybe I will take a picture of it and post it. I still need to learn how to do all the pictures. My friend, Angie was going to give me a lesson the other day, but we couldn't get the computer to work so I will learn soon so I can do it all myself. I have been wanting to update the pictures on the side too. I will work on that. I hope you all had a great weekend too, even though it has been soooooo hot! Take care everyone.
Sandy- good luck at MDAnderson, you also might check into Creighton, Dr. Foster, who did my last surgery, he was the only surgeon willing to do the surgery.
Thanks for all your posts. I appreciate hearing from you all. You continue to be in my prayers.
Shawndra