Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I cancelled chemo

Hey everyone- I woke up Tuesday morning exhausted. I have been tired and emotional and I just didn't want to go to chemo. I couldn't do it. Doug helped me by telling me it was okay and that the doctor was telling me not long ago that I could take a break, so it was okay. That was reassuring! It doesn't mean I am not fighting, it just means I need a break. I don't know why I am so tired, it could be the heat, it could be my hemoglobin is lower than normal since I have had more blood in my urine from those darn stents than normal. Who knows? But I have spent a lot of the last couple days in bed or relaxing on the couch. Monday I had Ella and I was just so tired it was really hard to take care of her, atleast to do fun, active things with her, which I try to do with her when I can. I am just so tired all I can do is lay on the couch and watch cartoons with her. Which somedays I think she is okay with since at daycare they are so active, that some days I think she just wants to lay low. Oh, it is a hard job, isn't it. Anyway, so I have another couple weeks off until I go back to chemo. Hopefully by that time, I will be ready and rested enough to continue. I am going to go have my lab work drawn tomorrow to make sure I am not anemic or something else causing the tremendous fatigue. Even the Ritalin, which they gave me to help with my energy level has not been helping much lately.
I feel like there is so much more to talk about, but I am blanking on what I want to say. So I will leave it at that for now. I will try to post again soon. If my internet is accessible. When I tried to get on today, I had to do a whole bunch of things to get the internet connected. ugh. technology. take care everyone, have a great week and stay out of the heat! shawndra


Michele said...

Praying you get your energy back.
We are all fighting for you.

kelley said...

Since the Doc's had told you that a break was fine, I am happy to hear that Doug was able to comfort you in the decision to cancel. We know you are fighting, like a champ (or in your case a 'beau'champ :) ). It is a huge taxation on your body as well as your mind so in order to continue on, you deserve a break. Rest up, don't feel guilty about sitting around, and get your mind rested. If you need anything don't ever hesitate to call. You are always in our prayers.

Anonymous said...

Shawndra....I spend alot of time sitting around with my 3 year old, just watching TV or coloring. Being a mother is a tiring job. You deserve a rest. You and Ella will be glad you had these wonderful lazy days together. Feel better soon. Sending prayers and love your way!

Anonymous said...

Happy anniversary Shawndra! I hope you and Doug are able to do something fun and relaxing.
Hope you feel more energized soon.

Anonymous said...

Hi Shawndra!

Whether you're watching tv or going to a park with Ella--either way you are WITH her and that is the only thing that matters!!

We hope you feel better and get your energy back very soon. We're always thinking about you guys!

Beth, Paul & the boys

Astraea said...

You deserve a break. Enjoy the time with Ella and Doug. I'll be praying for your lab results.

God Bless,

Michelle said...

Hi Shawdra,

I agree with everyone else who has said that the most important thing about spending time with Ella is just that - the time. It doesn't matter *what* you are doing...all she will remember is time spent with her mom! Enjoy it, rest up, and don't feel bad about it!

I hope you feel better soon. You'll be in my prayers, as always.


Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary!
I hope you are using your alone time for as much rest as possible. You are a great mom, but don't forget to take care of yourself!

Love, d

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary!!


Anonymous said...


Just wanted to let you know we are thinking of you! Happy Anniversary to you and Doug! Many years of happiness to you both! I heard you saw my little buddy at Target. Looking forward to seeing you soon!

The Mudge Family