Celebrating a wonderful life

Steph Beauchamp, this one is for you, hehe. I am plopping down on my chair to write a brief note. Doug and I are exhausted. We just got back from the Celebration of my uncle, Jack's life. It was a great tribute his family gave him!!! It was great to have all the family together again as well. I am so proud to have such a wonderful family on both sides! I want to thank you all for your love and support and being there for me. That is a good, strong family, who loves and supports each other unconditionally. I would like my funeral to be like today's, telling stories, laughing, crying and celebrating my life. Jack, you will be missed by so many but I hope you are enjoying heaven. We will see you again soon.

I am drawing a blank on what else to write for now. Usually I have so much going through my head. I think it is just because I am tired. I am feeling pretty good, just the same old pain, otherwise plugging along. Ella has daycare again tomorrow, it is nice to have that time to get a few things done as well as some time for myself. I just have to get my labs done in the morning but these aren't very interesting labs. So I won't have much to report. They aren't drawing my CEA (tumor marker) for a couple of weeks. Sleep tight everyone. It won't be as nice though as last night, sleeping with thunderstorms, ahhhh. The only bad part of that was Lexi, our dog, kept us up part of the night. But then Ella and I slept in, I almost forgot she had daycare this morning.
Please keep my dad and his family in your prayers. Enjoy hump day tomorrow. Take it how you will, hehe. shawndra

Who ya gonna call... ghostbusters

Snappy title, huh. I will get to that in a minute but I want to let you all know my mom is doing very well!!! They did find in her knee surgery that her meniscus was twisted and pushed up into her knee socket basically. The doctor came out and said, " she is one tough old bird for walking around with that". She is one tough... young.... bird. hehe. I unfortunately couldn't be there for her like I wanted to. I took her to the surgery and stayed until she went to recovery. My dad was able to be there and I was having this strange abdominal pain, partly felt like a pulled muscle or hernia, the other was a cramping pain. I was hoping it would pass, but then after talking to my husband who says, shawndra you have to get that checked out, I called my doctors and got in to see my surgeons partner who took a brief look at my abdomen and said, I don't see anything. You could have strained something, ugh! First of all, I never know which doctor to call, hence the title. Do I call my surgeon, oncologist, ob/gyn, GI doc, psychologist (joke), who is going to take care of this problem? And it always seems if I call one, they pun me off to another, "oh, I think you need to call so and so about that". Ugh, I am a nurse practitioner for goodness sakes and I can't figure it out. How do older people who aren't in the field figure this out, that's just it, they don't and they fall through the cracks!! I am telling you, this is a full time job, just taking care of myself, between all the phone calls, schedule, doctors appointments, bills (which Doug's dad helps us organize thankfully!!! Thank you Steve!) It is a full time job!!!!
Anyway, the pains are gone thankfully but I forgot to tell them I have been swollen for over a week on the left side of my abdomen. I am my own soap opera. That is why some of you read this, it is like a soap opera. Before all this, my life was plain and boring, now it is constantly something. It is actually embarrassing. anyway, but my dad took care of my mom all weekend, I think she is like me, I kept asking if I could help, she kept saying, no I am fine. Now I know where I get it, thanks mom!
On a very sad note, Friday my Uncle passed away from cancer. This is my father's brother who fought a long time with prostate cancer. I saw him in July during our family reunion at his farm. He was weak at that time and we all feared it was coming. The positive side is he is not suffering any longer and he is in a wonderful place. He is, once again, the strong, tough as nails, buffalo farmer I remember him as. Tomorrow is the service for him. I pray for the whole family, his dear wife, 3 children and his grandchildren as well as his brothers and sister who are all grieving immensely. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. He was an amazing man and is now home.
Good night everyone!

Super Dad

I am dragging today. I got my pump off but all day I have been out of it. I took a different kind of sleeping pill last night, and it made me so groggy when I woke up and I haven't gotten out of it all day. I am just really tired and this morning I had quite a bit of abdominal pain. I think it is just constipation, just a really good BM could solve all my problems, hehe.
I am so blessed to have Doug, who has come home from a long day at work to mow the back yard, while watching Ella (with the help of Ed and Libby, Doug's brother-in-law and niece), then he gave Ella a bath and now he is at the store. Isn't he wonderful! I am also so thankful to my mom who drops everything she is doing at a moments notice if I need her. Today, I took Ella to gymnastics but wasn't feeling well, as I described above, I called my mom and she met me there to help out with Ella. It is amazing what just an extra person there to help can do. I am so blessed to have them as well as the rest of my family. One of my friends, Angie, who just moved back from doing some travel nursing is coming to live with us for a few months. Ella absolutely loves "Gi Gi" who actually babysat Ella when I went back to work after maternity leave. I think it will be really good to have her here, for both of us, we can help her out and she can help us out. Anyway, I wanted to get something out before the weekend. I will be helping my mother out tomorrow. Thank you Krissy (Doug's sister) for watching Ella tomorrow so I can care for my mother. Please keep her in your prayers as well as Doug's Papa who just had surgery this week for tongue cancer. Lots going on, it is never a dull moment in my life anymore, it seems.
I hope the Jennifer Ireland Golf Tournament on Saturday is a huge success. I am hoping to go and volunteer but it all depends on how I am feeling. I need to lay low to save my energy, but this is a very hard task for me to sit and watch everyone else do everything. I don't like it one bit. I hope everyone enjoys their weekend. I guess enjoy the warmth while we have it, I am hoping it cools off after this! Good night everyone. Shawndra

Chemo... again

Hey all- I got my first round of chemo since I have been off for two months, I consider this starting over. I am doing well. I had a brief problem on Tuesday while they were infusing my chemo. I got lightheaded, dizzy and I felt like I was having a hard time talking, my tongue felt strange. They couldn't figure out what was going on, the only thing we came up with was that I hadn't eaten much that day. It did eventually go away and no other major problems. I got to rest some today since Ella was in daycare. That was much needed! I have been trying to clean out Ella's closet so I got that done for the most part too. Aren't I the go getter, hehe.
I also got in to see a pain specialist today. I was a bit concerned about the pain medication I was taking. I feel like I have built a tolerance and it takes more to get my pain under control. I am also very afraid of addiction, and don't want to feel like I am using it unnecessarily. Anyway, he reassured me I am not going to get addicted and that I was taking a small dose. He said I should increase my dose and take it before I get pain or as soon as I feel pain so I can remain comfortable and how I describe it "normal". Really that is how the pain medication helps me. When I take it the pain and discomfort all over my body but especially in my left lower back goes away. I just feel like I am normal and that I can actually function as normal. That was great to see him and get this confirmation and reassurance. I don't want to end up in rehab after the cancer goes away, ya know. Anyway, I still have my chemo pump, infuses continuously over 46 hours. I go to get it off tomorrow. Then I am free for another week and a half until I go back and do it all over again.
I got to meet Christy, a fellow cancer fighter who blogs and comments on mine from time to time. She seems to be battling a nasty infection, she had a horrible cough. Please keep her in your prayers as well as all the others fighting this nasty disease.
I am off to take my new sleeping pill and get some z's. I'v got to get my energy up to take care of Ella tomorrow and then help my mom who is having knee surgery friday. It is finally my chance to care for her! I need to feel like I am helping others, ya know, not just receiving all the time. Take care everyone! Talk to you soon. Good night. shawndra

I love MRI's

I had my MRI today, it was so much better than getting a CT. Besides the noise of the MRI machine, I didn't have to drink anything, I didn't have to not eat and I just could lay there with ear phones on, relax and nap. I have my first day back to chemo tomorrow. I should start getting the chemo around 10am. It will probably start later knowing them. I haven't dwelled on the thought of restarting chemo, but I might get nervous tomorrow before I go in. When I do think about it, of course I dread it a bit, especially because I am starting a new chemo and the "fear" of the unknown. I hope I don't have many side effects like the last time. I was pretty lucky last time with only minimal side effects. But I do want to get started so I can get it over with, especially with the potential of having surgery. Anyway, I would appreciate all of your prayers! I am so grateful to you all for sticking with me and keeping up your support. I will let you know how it goes. I am going to go have a bowl of captain crunch before I head to bed. I don't know how hungry I will be tomorrow morning. I am addicted to Captain Crunch!!!! so good. I used to be a fiber fool, now I avoid it like the plague. I hope you all have a great week. I will try to have Doug put up more pictures of Hawaii in the near future. Ella is so much fun, but full of energy. I believe she is getting into the terrible two's. She is quite independent always saying "mommy back" when I try to do something for her. She is still using the potty once in awhile and is bouncing all over our furniture. Wow, I wish I had her energy. But our family is doing well and will take this next round all in stride. The fighting gloves are back on. Ding.....

Omaha

I am back from Omaha! It was a worthwhile trip. Thanks again, Mom for going with me. My dad got up early this morning so he could be there for my procedure and for the meeting with Dr. Foster. Thank you dad for coming up for that! I love you both soooo much. Yesterday I just had to have my history and physical done, so another poke of the needle and then just the usual questions and stuff. This morning I got the IV, twice, often they have trouble getting it the first time. You would think with a port I wouldn't have to get so many IV's, but there are so many things they can't use the port for. Then they gave me some sedation, so I didn't remember anything. I wasn't completely asleep like I was Monday, but I was enough asleep that I didn't feel anything or remember anything, thank goodness. I have had a rectal exam without the sedation, and as you all can imagine, it is no fun. Of all places to have to be examined, ugh, it's the worst. I think I might get a tattoo saying exit only!!!! Not an entrance, something like that. Anyway, Dr. Foster did get a good look and spent a good hour talking to us about his thoughts. He did think that depending on how chemo went the next few months, meaning if my tumor markers go down and the chemo seems to be working, he may be able to go in surgically in a few months and take a look and possibly remove my omentum, do intraperitoneal chemo, etc. Keep in mind, this is all maybe's and depending on this and that, but hey, it is something so I felt really good about it! He is the first person to give us this answer. We did ask about recovery, because many have said it may be a very difficult surgery to recover from. He seemed to think that since I was young and otherwise healthy I would fair pretty well in the recovery process. It would probably be 7-14 days in the hospital again, but it sounds possible. There are many more things we discussed but that is the gist! I love Dr. Foster, he is great and I think my parents were impressed with him as well as Doug and I were. So this is good news. I just have to pray that this new chemo regimen is successful and reduces my tumor markers and hopefully the cancer in my body! I pray that the cancer does not spread to any other organs or any more in my abdomen. I feel though, that if this doesn't work this way, then it isn't meant to be. So, I am not getting my hopes set to high on this surgery, I don't want to be devastated if the tumor markers don't come down and then he can't do the surgery. I have to believe that it is all in God's hands and he will guide me the way it needs to go. Please keep praying though for me, we need to continue to inundate God with prayers. Continue to pray for this miracle that only he can do. My mom and I got to have dinner last night with my cousin, Les, who is a preacher in Omaha as well as his wife, who has battled breast cancer twice and their son, Blake. It was wonderful to get to talk to them, they know about what I am going through and they gave me so much encouragement and spiritual guidance. I again believe God played a part in this meeting! I better go, I had to take extra pain medication. I have been hurting more since my stent was replaced. I am getting a bit fuzzy in my head since I had to take more than usual. I think I need to go see a pain specialist that I saw after my surgery to maybe change my pain med regimen. I think I getting a tolerance to what I have been taking. I don't like taking anything, but I have to if I want to keep functioning and caring for Ella. Otherwise, all I would want to do is stay in bed.
Next step, MRI on Monday and chemo starts Tuesday. As much as I am dreading starting back up, after today, I am ready to get on with it and see how things go. have a great week everyone. Enjoy the great weather as much as possible. We don't get it very often, don't take advantage of it! Love you all! Shawndra

Stent

It is so good to be back to read all your comments on the blog and my email. I truly missed that! I hope you all had a good monday. It was actually cool this afternoon outside, wow! It felt good. I think I gained a few pounds on my trip, some things aren't fitting as well as they did. JJ, you keep opening your fridge, I will be closing mine. It is hard though because my neighbors made me the best banana and pumpkin bread and cookies for when we returned. They are trying to fatten me up. It is simply irresistible. Thank you all! I don't need anymore fattening though.

I had my procedure for my stent replacement this morning. I had a bit of a panic last night. I had forgotten to stop my Coumadin (blood thinner) a few days before the procedure and remembered about 10pm last night. It was too late, so I had to just get up at 5am and show up at 6am to see if they could still do the procedure. Thank you mom for getting up so early to go with me, she is the best mom as a lot of you know! But they were able to do the procedure, I got some "happy" medicine, weeee, next thing I know I was awake and had to go to the bathroom. The nurses gave me my clothes and sent me to the bathroom to go and put my clothes on. Looking back, that wasn't smart on the nurses part. I was a bit tipsy from the medication, I could have really gotten hurt but I did it. The doctor said he didn't see cancer anywhere near my bladder, so that prayer came true. Thank you Lord!!! No urostomy at this time, phew! I was in some pain this morning and took more than usual pain medication and slept all morning at my mom's house. Krissy watched Ella this morning, thanks Kris! She came back home early afternoon, but I could not keep my eyes open, I was still soooo tired. Thankfully Ella napped awhile as well! Phew. I got to see my friend, Angie, who is back from travel nursing. She has been gone 8 months and I have missed her. It is great having her back. Another friend, Dustin, just moved back recently too. I am so lucky! Gosh, the power I have, hehe. Anyway, I feel like I am rambling. I am leaving tomorrow for Creighton with my mom. I have an "exam under sedation" Wednesday morning with Dr. Foster. I will let you know what I find out when I get back. Have a great week everyone. It is so good to be back blogging again! strange how we have become so addicted to computers and email. shawndra

Hawaii!

Aloha everyone. Doug and I just returned from a week alone, together in Maui, Hawaii. I haven't read my email yet. I wanted to get something out to you all so you knew I was okay. I haven't checked my email or even been on the Internet in a week. I didn't want to tell you all ahead of time for security reasons! Let me tell you, it was very hard to not tell you all too! I am a person who can't hold anything inside without telling! Especially when I am excited! I hope you all are doing well, I really missed my huge support system. I know you are wondering what it was like so here it is......

It was INCREDIBLE, FANTASTIC, AMAZING! Doug and I had probably one of the best weeks of our lives. Here is the run down... we hung out on the beach (I decided I don't like sand, it gets everywhere, ugh, but I do love being near the ocean and seeing it and hearing it, not a big swimmer either, especially in the ocean). We took a snorkel/boat trip. It was great but the snorkeling sights weren't wonderful. We did, though, see a lot of dolphins swimming around our boat, that was very cool! We, I take that back, Doug played golf at a gorgeous course. I road along and enjoyed the view and the weather. We played tennis, ziplined, took a helicopter tour over parts of the island, and drove the long road to Hana. This was a true adventure week. We also got to relax a few days and sleep in. We stayed in a condo, thanks to Kris and Ed (Doug's sister and brother-in-law). It was really nice to have a kitchen so we cooked and ate in a lot which was really nice! We did go to dinner at the elite Four Seasons for the view of the sunset. It had great ambiance, but I probably wouldn't go again. It was a bit pricey but it was worth it once! Anyway, Doug and I had the times of our lives. We missed Ella a lot. She stayed with both sets of grandparents part of the week. I cried when we left KC, but quickly got over it and enjoyed myself. We talked to Ella on the phone every day. We were so excited to see her and Lexi today! We couldn't wait.

On the flight back to KC, we managed great seats too. They were the flight crew seats that pilots use to rest on the flight to Maui (since it is a long flight from the Dallas airport). We asked about them and told them if there was anything like that available on the flight home to KC, we would be grateful because I was undergoing chemo. The flight attendant was so nice and said on the way there they were reserved for staff but they would be open on the way back and that we should check on it. So I did! It was great, just like being in first class but not paying for it. I also got a comforter blanket, both to and from, usually only for first class members. That makes a huge difference, let me tell you!

Oh, Doug and I also renewed our vows, just by ourselves. We didn't find a priest or anything. Yesterday morning before we left we took one last walk along the beach. We stopped and turned to each other and said our own vows and expressed other thoughts. It was a fantastic ending to the week! We really needed this time to ourselves. Everyone should do this. It was like a second honeymoon. We really got to go back to when we first met and fell in love, just having fun, no worries or cares ( at least for a few moments).

Well that is all for now... back to reality...

Tomorrow, Monday, I have to be at the hospital early, 6AM, for my ureteral stent replacement. I am a bit scared, I have been having a bit of pain when I go to the bathroom at times. I am concerned he is going to tell me that the cancer is invading my bladder and I will have to get a urostomy, I am really scared about that. I don't want another ostomy. Yikes! Pleas Lord, I pray that the cancer does not invade my bladder but continues to shrink in my body and eventually will be gone from my body! I pray, Lord, that your plan for me is to perform a miracle and heal me and let me live many years so I can see my daughter grow up and be there for my family!

On Tuesday this week, I go back to Omaha, Nebraska, to see Dr. Foster. I have a history and phyiscal on tuesday so he can do an exam under anesthesia or atleast sedation on Wednesday,to see if there is any type of surgery he thinks he can do. Remember, all the other surgeons are saying no, and if there was a surgery, it would be very difficult to recover from. He is a bit more aggressive and may not think there is any surgery he can do, but he wants to take one more really good look (exam) when I am sedated so he can really make a good assessment as to if there is anything he can do, removing some of the cancer to prevent future side effects (such as effecting my bladder). I will also ask about my colostomy, if he thinks it's a possibility to reverse it. Again, everyone else has said no, not suggested at this time for fear of the cancer blocking me off again. Even Doug is leary of this, but I have to ask!

So, I have a busy week ahead. The following week I will have an MRI and start up the next regimen of chemo. Ahhhh, sigh. It was so nice to be away from all this for a whole week. It is tough getting back to my reality... that I have cancer and I am fighting for my life. I will continue to do what it takes. I want to live to take Ella to Maui and enjoy it over and over again. I am glad to be back though, reaching out to you all and sharing my life, and hearing from all of you who are supporting me and keeping me lifted up! Thank you.

Oh, Ella is awake, gotta run. I love being mommy! Talk to you all soon. I won't wait so long this time! Shawndra

P.S. Thank you to all my family and friends for the flowers waiting for us at our room in Hawaii as well as the food and flowers here at our house when we returned. Thank you to Nana, Grandpa, Grandma and Papa for taking such great care of Ella and Lexi. It appears there are some extra things that were done. change of flowers, maybe carpet cleaning, whoever did that, if it was done, thank you! I never thanked the person who left the anonymous angel on my doorstep on my birthday. Is anyone going to admit who it was? Thank you for my angel, I love it! Sorry it comes so late. Thank you Steve for mowing our lawn too! Again, we have the best neighbors, family and friends. We are truly blessed in every way. Thank You.

CEA

I just found out my CEA level is up to 10.7. Yikes! That is not a good thing. I am a bit emotional today for a few reasons but that kind of just put the icing on the cake. One of the reasons is Doug and I are going to have a little of ourselves time this week which is great but I am going to miss Ella tremendously!!! I have already cried once today about it. Now that I know my CEA is rising, (possibly meaning the cancer is growing, not absolutely the case though) this scares me and upsets me. Just having a bit of an emotional day or atleast a few moments. I just wanted to let you all know what I found out. Shawndra

Labor Day

I am so sorry that it has been so long since I have written anything. It has just been crazy in my life lately, between all the travel for medical opinions and caring for Ella I haven't had much time. When I do get time, I take that time to sleep!!! I love sleep. I need a lot of it. I visited yesterday with my oncologist in KC and gave him the plan that my oncologist at MD Anderson suggested. My doctor here played devils advocate and asked why I need to do chemo at this time because my CEA has been down and the scans aren't showing much. Everyone elses opinions though have been to go back on chemo and surgery isn't really suggested at this time. I am going back in a week and a half to see the doctor at Creighton again, he wants to take another look, an exam under sedation and make sure there isn't anything he can do surgically at this time. So, most likely I will be starting up a new regimen of chemo in a few weeks. This week is a relax week from everything then the following week I have a left ureteral stent replacement procedure Monday then I will go to Creighton Tuesday and Wednesday. The following week I will have a MRI and probably start chemo. I had bloodwork today, I hopefully will know the results before the weekend.
You know, I just realized, this is my year anniversary from being diagnosed. It was actually this day a year ago I had my colonoscopy, I rememeber because I had to wait the long holiday weekend to find out that the biopsy was positive for cancer. We knew it looked really bad in there and that everyone was very concerned. I can't believe I hadn't remembered that until just know. So I have survived one year of this ordeal. I plan to live many, many more!
I hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend. Please be safe! I don't know if I will write next week, but I will let write soon when I have more to tell. Thank you all who faithfully check my blog. I appreciate it so much. I am so grateful for everyone's support and love they have shown me. I am doing well right now, I love feeling normal now that I have been off chemo for almost two months, ahh!!! I know though, that I still have more of a fight ahead. I have just been getting all the information together to figure out the next step! I will be praying for you all, my support team. You are in our prayers every day. Ella and I say our prayers at night before she goes to bed and we pray for everyone out there praying for us! Go out and have some fun! Enjoy the weather while it is still warm. As much as I look forward to fall, I will soak up the warm weather for a few more weeks! Until next time...
Love always, shawndra

Exhausted

Well, we are back from Houston. We met with the oncologist on Wednesday and actually felt like he made the trip worthwhile. He had a plan of action, restarting chemo, with another regimen, similar to the one I have done before but with a couple different medications. We didn't get into side effects, I have looked into the side effects of these and they are fairly similar to the folfox that I had been on. This new regimen is called Folfiri. I made an appointment with my oncologist in KC to tell him the game plan. I plan to continue to follow up with the oncologist at MD Anderson, since we really like him and the way he didn't waver on what to do. I will get my treatment here but then go to Houston every few months to have him check and see how I am doing, get testing done to follow my progress on this drug.
We got back on Thursday, then Friday night, I had a group of girls over for a "Desperate Housewives" slumber party. I am kidding about the desperate housewives part though. Then Saturday the husbands and kids all came out to the lake. It was a really great time. I really love this group of women that I have gotten to know, they are incredible people and they just make me so happy. Thank you to you all, I think you know who you are.
I have noticed that some of my fingers and toes are starting to go numb a little, I believe this to be after effects from chemo. It is a very strange feeling and it makes it more difficult to get Ella's little buttons on her clothes, etc. Otherwise I am feeling pretty good with the same old pain. I have a really hard time getting up in the morning, my body is so stiff, it hurts to get up and it takes awhile to get myself going in the morning.
I feel like there is so much to say, but I am working on getting all my paperwork organized on my desk, nightstand, etc. I have stuff everywhere and never sit down to just go through everything so I can throw things away. I hate clutter!!
I hope you all have a great week!!
Oh, I forgot to tell you all. Ella started a tots gymnastics class. We went to a make up class friday since she missed her first day when we were in Houston. She absolutely loved it, especially the trampoline. I knew this would be a hit, she loves jumping on our couches, to chairs, etc. I hope this keeps her from doing that and keeping that energy in the gym, hehe. Thank you for your continued prayers. I will continue to need them as I am still fighting for my life and hoping to prove all these doctors wrong that there is little chance of long term survival. I need all your prayers to help me win this battle. I appreciate you all so much, I wish I could personally tell each and every one of you! Please pray for Christy and Michelle, two other woman who are fighting Cancer who I communicate with from time to time. We mothers need to stick together! Shawndra

Andrea's Birthday

Happy Birthday Andrea!!!!! Please give her as much love that you all gave me for my birthday. She is such an incredible, wonderful person, friend, sister, mother, wife and daughter. She deserves nothing but the best. Unfortunately I can't be with her to celebrate today, but I will make up for that this weekend hopefully! I met today with the surgeon at MD Anderson. He doesn't think I am a candidate for any type of surgery. He stated that my disease is or atleast was at the beginning, quite large in amount. He thinks chemotherapy is the only option at this time. I have my CAT scan tonight, then I meet with the oncologist tomorrow. In the mean time, we are going to go have some fun.
Everyone talks about me being courageous, strong, etc. Today, as I was sitting, waiting to be seen, the nurse came out and called out "Ginger". A young girl about 8 years old, said, "that's me!" ugh. This young girl going through this is absolutely heart wrenching, she is "strong and courageous" for battling cancer at what should be one of the best times of her life, her childhood. Not me. I am just doing what anyone else would do. I see Ella, and she reminds me to keep up the fight everyday. Thank God for her as well as the rest of my family, friends and tremendous support system. Thank you! Anyway, we are going to go play. So far no severe weather to report.
Andrea, I love you, I hope you have a fantastic birthday today!
Shawndra

Biopsy

Well, I have great news.... the pathology from the biopsies all came back negative. Thank you God! He is definitely hearing our prayers and I believe I am going to be living proof that miracles happen!! I hope he is using me as proof that he does exist and to convince those who are unsure, as I have been in the past!
The next step, get more information from MD Anderson and then from Dr. Foster in Omaha to make an informed decision on what to do with the cancer that still exists in my abdomen.
Ella is enjoying daycare. She got a fever though on Tuesday so couldn't go Wednesday. Thankfully the fever only lasted about 12 hours, but it did start to scare us, getting up to 103 degrees. So we have been hanging out the last couple days. She continues to peepee and poopy in the potty fairly regularly. We are still using diapers. I am unsure if we should switch her to pullups or those underwear with cotton inside and Vinyl outside or what to do. Any suggestions from all those experienced mothers out there?
I better go, we tried to put Ella to bed, she is kicking her crib right now. I look forward to a fun filled weekend. I hope you all have one as well! Take care. shawndra
PS. I think a thunderstorm is coming, weee, I am going to enjoy sleeping with the storm, ahhhhhh. night night all.

My Bumm

Ugh, my bumm, my bumm, it is so numb, hehe. Not really numb but sore from my procedure today. I thankfully was asleep for the whole thing, I can't imagine what she did to make it so sore when I woke up. I don't wish to have any type of cancer at all, but it is definitely no fun to have my bumm the center of attention at times. ya know. But, I did get good news. My doctor did biopsies, and got some immediate results, from these they did not find any cancer. She has other biopsies that are sent out. But she said, all she found was inflammation, so this is really good news. I was a bit out of it when she talked to me, so I will have to ask my mom what else she said. I do remember she wants me to get the stuff done at MD Anderson, but then she might want to go back in, do laproscopy to take a look at my omentum to see what it looks like. Which is what I would like, to see if the cancer has improved in the omentum. But I will definitely take this good news. Again, I have been a bit groggy today and in some pain, in my bumm, I like saying that word. Otherwise I am doing well and am at home. Ella had daycare today, she cried when I left this morning. That was really hard to leave her, but I knew she would be fine in only a few minutes. She seems to have a great time there and starting today her cousins Keaton and Avery will be there as well. That will be fantastic! I don't have much else on my schedule this week, that I know of at this time. I leave for MD Anderson next week. I will keep you all posted. If you haven't read my last blog titled "symptoms", please read it. I hope it helps some of you out there. I think I am going to email Oprah one more time and really encourage her to do a show on cancer in younger people, more and more are popping up, it has to be addressed!!! We have to find a way to stop it from happening to more and more of us! Feel free to email her as well, if you haven't already. Thank you for those of you who have.
I want to thank you all who comment on my blog, I have said this before, but unfortunately I can't write each of you back, mostly because I don't have your email and can't reply to the blog comments unless you give me your email. But there are so many that I would love to respond to and tell you how much I appreciated your comment. I continue to be amazed at all the people from all over who read the blog and respond. Thank you. I will talk to you all soon.

Below is a video of Ella practicing a trick her Uncle Malcolm taught her over the weekend.

Symptoms

Hello Everyone- I hope you all had a great weekend. I had a good but difficult weekend. I can't really talk about the difficult part because it affects others than just me. We did go to Pittsburg/Frontnac for the weekend which was fun. We stayed with Doug's Nanie and Papa and had a wedding on Saturday evening. I danced and had a great time. I did have some other things on my mind, but I still had a great time! I want to thank Brandi and Jan for your help this weekend. I appreciate you both so much!!
This week is fairly low key. I did talk to my surgeon on Friday. She wants to take me back the OR for another procedure under anesthesia, tomorrow (Monday). She is going to another exam, similar to the endoscopic ultrasound, but not the ultrasound part. She is going to take more biopsies with larger amounts of tissue. From what she saw when I had surgery in January, she is very skeptical that this recent mass is not a cancerous tumor, even though the biopsies came back negative. She also thinks that the scans and CEA marker are not truly showing what is really there, she thinks there is more cancer than what all these tests show. So tomorrow I will not eat again before the procedure, pretty much from the time I wake up. Then I have to be there at 1100, they will put me under anesthesia again and they will take the samples and then I will wake up. Hopefully not a big deal. She might know something after she does the procedure, but again I will probably have to wait for the biopsy results.
I wanted to address a question several people have emailed me lately. I have had several women ask what my initial symptoms were that led to this diagnosis. I have addressed this before, but that was much earlier on in my blog. I don't expect everyone to be able to read all that! My initial symptoms were about 6 months after I had my daughter. I had abdominal cramping (pretty severe, doubling over in pain), constipation (pellet stools or even dust, not being able to get it all out, straining, going several times to try to get it all out) and eventually I had blood in my stool. I have had several people email me that are concerned that they have these symptoms and what to do if they do. Please, go see your doctor right away, if they brush you off saying it's nothing but you don't feel like it is nothing, push them or go see a GI specialist and get a COLONOSCOPY! Truly, it isn't horrible, the worst part is the prep but it is a nice nap, you don't even know they are down there! Please don't ignore it!!! If it is caught early, it can save your life. I hope this helps all of you who do have symptoms. If you have more questions, please email me! I did find out that the girl I was recently asking for a prayer request for did find out she has cancer and I believe is undergoing surgery tomorrow to remove it. Please pray for Michele that her surgery goes without complication and that they are able to remove all of the cancer! I will be praying for you Michele! Have a great week. Good luck to all the kids going back to school and all the parents taking there kids back to school. Please keep my family in your prayers, we continue to need them! We appreciate all of your support, again I feel like Bartles and James when I say that,hehe. shawndra

Ella's first day

Well, I got Ella off to daycare. Doug and I took her this morning. She seemed to do well. She went off to explore some of the toys, then she would come back to me, kind of fussing saying, "mommy", but was easily distracted with all the toys. Leslie, one of the care takers (for lack of a better word), called around 9:30 and said she was doing great. She fussed a little when she realized we were gone, but otherwise was doing very well!
I wanted to send out another prayer request. I was contacted from a woman who read my blog and was having similar symptoms to mine. She had refused the colonoscopy, until she read my blog and just had it done. Unfortunately they did find polyps and were concerned about one of them being cancerous. They do think though that if it is, it is in the early stages. Please pray for Michele, I know that this is a very scary time! I hope she has the support I have and I hope to share the support I receive and extend it to her!
I also just got a call, as I was writing from the cancer center about my labs. It looks like my CEA is stable if not going down slightly. It is 6.9. It had gone up slightly previously to 7 something, but now has gone down a bit. This is good news. Atleast if the number is staying down, especially now that I have been off chemo for a month, that the mass is probably not cancerous, as was thought with the negative biopsy, but still concerning. I don't know if I am making sense. Doug and I had a restless sleep last night, so I am not completely on top of it mentally. But the bottom line, is this is promising news! Thank God!
I had a nice visit from a friend this morning, who is in Seminary in Chicago. He is in town and so I got to see him and talk to him quite a bit. This also distracted me from thinking of Ella, which was probably good! I was a bit concerned the neighbors might start talking, now that Ella is off to daycare and Doug at work, another man coming into the home. Not to worry folks, he is just a good friend who is becoming a Priest, hehe.
I am hoping to hear from my surgeon today, she did call me last evening, but I had left my phone at home while we were at dinner, so I missed her call. I will let you all know what she has to say and give you the report of how Ella's first full day was. I am going to get out a bit with my mom to shop, and have lunch. I have an appointment to see my counselor this afternoon and then I will go pick Ella up. So I am keeping myself busy. Talk to you all soon. Please keep praying for continued good news, and thank God for the good news I have been receiving. Thank you all for you continued support. shawndra

Tiffany & Co.

This is a picture of Doug and I before we went out to dinner for our anniversary. We had a great dinner at Nick and Jake's. I, unfortunately, was in a lot of pain, even after taking pain medication, so we didn't have a long evening. I was very pleasantly surprised with a small, light blue box in the middle of the dessert tray. I hadn't even noticed it until the waiter was telling us about the dessert's and said "or maybe you want the blue box in the middle". I was still staring at the large hunk of chocolate cake, hehe. Don't put something important next to chocolate, it won't get noticed, ha. Anyway, Doug got me a beautiful gold ring with little diamonds sporadically around the ring. It is gorgeous, he did an amazing job picking it out! Thank you baby, I love you. I did come home and take more pain medication, which has thankfully kicked in. I was getting a bit concerned that I would have to take another trip to the ER, ugh. It didn't even make me loopy, which I thought it might, because I had to take more than usual. But I just feel good again, thank God. Anyway, we still had a great evening celebrating our anniversary. Doug is truly the love of my life, even though he can drive me crazy at times, hehe. I have everything ready for Ella to go to daycare tomorrow. Wish us luck! shawndra

Anniversary

Doug and I have been married 3 years today. Happy Anniversary Baby! What a wonderful (most of the time) three years plus the two more years we have been together, it has been. Obviously we have had our trials but we took our vows seriously and we are being tried of our dedication to those vows. We meant it when we said, "for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health". I don't know, now that I think about it if I agree with the statement, "until death do us part". I don't think death will part us, atleast not our souls! Thank you Doug for an incredible 3 years of marriage. I respect and admire you, and love you as a friend as well as a husband and a father.
On another note, I have a couple prayer requests: for Mike O'Reilly who was just diagnosed with lung cancer. His sister, Kelley comments on my blog quite frequently. They were family friends growing up. Even though we haven't seen each other in years, it has been wonderful to be reunited even through this blog. I pray for Mike and your family who is going through this difficult time. I pray for a good outcome! Please let me know if there is anything myself or my family can do for you all! Also for Jennifer Ireland's family. It has been 6 months from her passing. I think about her and her family a lot. I feel like part of their family and pray for them. Please keep praying for Jan, Bob, Chris, Emma and Peyton (did I spell that wrong?). They are incredible people and I hold them close to my heart.

I had an appointment with my oncologist yesterday. I had lab work done, so I will hopefully know what they are sometime today. They drew a CEA, tumor marker, which after talking to Dr. Foster at Creighton, he said this would be an important factor in figuring out what is going on.. since my oncologist really doesn't know and kind of talked in circles yesterday. We are still waiting to hear from my surgeon who should be back to the office today. I hope to hear from her maybe tomorrow, I know they have a stack of stuff when they get back in town. As Doug said last night, it must be hard to be a physician, going on vacation, you have double the work when you get back. I guess it is probably like that for everyone, isn't it? It almost makes vacation not worth it, even though it is!!! Anyway, I will let you know how my labs come out and what I find out when I hear from my surgeon. In the mean time I am on hold with chemo or any other treatments. I will be going down to MD Anderson from August 20-23 with Doug, Ella and my parents to be reevaluated there and see what they have to say. I will not give up!!!!
One last thing to tell you. Ella starts daycare tomorrow. It will be a difficult morning tomorrow when I take her there and leave her. ugh, I don't want to even think about it. I am glad we are putting her in a daycare though, I think it will be good for her, more socialization with other kids, etc. She will only be in two days a week, so i will still have lots of time with her. I hate to admit it, but it will be kind of nice to have a couple days to myself to get errands done, or just relax for a change. Ella continues to work on peepeeing and pooping in the potty. I believe it has become more of a game now though, she does it quite often, but doesn't really do anything on the potty. It is very time consuming and we go through a lot of diapers. I plan to go get some training panties to see how that goes. We tried pretty underwear this weekend, but they got soaked quickly. oh, the trials of potty training.
Oh, I want to say congratulations to Lisa Mudge, another friend who comments often on the blog. She just had her second child yesterday,a baby girl, Madison (one of my absolute favorite names)! Congratulations, I am so glad you are all doing well!!!
"Get the lead out.. That is all." (quote from Better off Dead). Ella is into the dirty clothes laundry basket, gotta run....shawndra

Life is Good

Hello- I am just feeling so good and living to the fullest. I have had some great experiences this weekend and want to share them with you. The weekend isn't over yet though, so I probably have more to come. Yesterday, (my cousin, Leanne's Birthday, Happy Birthday to You!) we went to a birthday party of a friend's daughter. It was a roller skating party, it was a blast! I haven't been roller skating in years. It was so much harder than I imagined. I ice skated for 20 some years and this was definitely a challenge. I couldn't believe it. It was so much fun though, you should all make plans to go roller skating, it brings out the kid in you! Thank you Jen, Larry and Katherine for the great time.
We went out with one of my good friends, Dustin, who is moving back from Chicago soon. We had a fantastic time with her, her date and their friends. We don't get out much, so it was really nice to get out and "party" a bit. Thank you Dustin and Kevin for hanging out with us, the old married couple with a kid who doesn't get out anymore, hehe. Last night, Doug and I hung out around here. It was really nice to just get to curl up in my chaise lounge chair (which I have only sat in a few times, it mostly acts as a place for all my clothes) and I read. Oh, another great moment this weekend. My friend Dustin, (she is a girl, by the way, for those of you who don't know, even though she has a boy name, sorry Dustin) took me to meet a Priest that she speaks very highly of and has wanted me to meet. We got to sit and talk with him for quite awhile, it was a pleasure meeting him! He gave me some literature to help increase my knowledge of the Catholic faith. It is basic information, which I need. As Dustin and I said, we need the book, Catholics for dummies! Apparently this book exists too, wow! So last night,I sat and read these books, a bit more of "90 Minutes in Heaven" and then finished with my "trash magazines", "People".
This morning, my friends and neighbors, Brandi, Kelly and I went to a new church. It has a great story behind it which I can't relay to you, it would take too long. But essentially Brandi came across this wonderful man, who happens to be a Pastor of a very small congregation off Shawnee Mission Parkway. She was so impressed by him and her encounter with him, she told Kelly and I about it and we immediately told her we wanted to meet this man and go experience this church. So, the three of us went this morning, not knowing at all what to expect. We were so pleasantly surprised with this congregation. There were about 15-20 people there today at this service. They were so warm, kind, caring and embraced the three of us with open arms. The most important aspect was their love and appreciation for God. I felt so connected and that there was no other agenda than to love and thank God! We unfortunately had to bow out early. Doug graceously took Ella and Brandi's girls while we went.The service ran late so we had to get home to relieve Doug. But we are hoping to go back and experience this wonderful place again. Thank you Canaan for your warm welcome and open arms. Thank you Pastor Smith for making this experience possible by as simple a gesture as handing Brandi a card saying, "Don't forget, Jesus loves you".
What a weekend. And there's more to come! I want to thank my husband who is being so kind so that I can do all these things and allowing me to live life to the fullest and watching Ella during these times when I can't have her with me. As I have attested to before...I am blessed with so many wonderful people in my life and so many great opportunities I have had. I have had and continue to have a great life and thank God every day for this life. I am sitting next to a picture, my Uncle Malcolm gave me of a pair of hands, one hand of a very young infant, holding onto the finger of an old hand. This is a picture he took. In the corner he put the quote "The Gift of Life knows no age." I had to think about that for a long while, but I think I am starting to understand it. Life is truly a gift we are given. I am thankful for this wonderful gift! Happy Sunday everyone! shawndra

Future plans

I took my mother and Doug with me Monday evening to visit a cemetary to make my future plans.... for about 60 years from now. I didn't realize how much goes into a funeral and burial. I decided I wanted to plan ahead, so that these decisions aren't left for my family, who would have to do all this while grieving. I also decided, I want to make sure I get what I want so I better plan it. I am glad I went, and I found a spot that I really like, under a tree, a quiet, peaceful spot. I have to find out availability and who wants to be with me, but I think I will proceed with this. Have you all given any thought to what you want to do or where you want to be? I think it is actually a good thing to do ahead of time, even though we don't all think about it. Anyway, enough of that talk.

My labs for today and chemo for monday were cancelled until we figure out what is going on and what the plan is. I haven't heard from my oncologist, I will try to get ahold of him tomorrow if I haven't heard from him. I know he just got back in town and probably has a large stack on his desk. I will give him a little time, but not too much, I don't want to wait too long. I gotta keep pestering them, I don't want them to forget about me, hehe.

What else was I going to tell you? I went and got my nails done on Monday, I ended up getting fake nails put on, which I haven't had in years. It was fun, and I love looking at my nice, neat nails all the time. My nail polish was called "My Chihuahua Bites" that made my decision right there.

Oh, Ella poopied in the potty yesterday. I think she wasn't sure if that was okay, she immediately got off and looked at it and said "Uh Oh" several times. Then she sat down and did it again, got back up and didn't want to sit back down to pee pee on it so she pee'd all over the floor and down her legs. It was funny and messy! But I was so proud of her, I kept singing, ella peepeed in the potty, do do do do do do. (imagine a cha cha rhythm). I think this is all the news for now. I am just laying low this week and waiting for more answers to come.

I wanted to let you all know, The Jennifer Ireland Foundation is having a Golf Tournament on September 22nd in Blue Springs. This is a great cause, for those of you who don't know, the proceeds go to young cancer patients, to help them with extra unexpected expenses while they are fighting there cancer. I was privileged to be the first recipient from this great foundation. Please help support them!

I will let you all know when I know more about my treatment plans. Stay cool! Shawndra