Hey everyone- Wow, this weekend was full of celebrating my birthday. It was absolutely wonderful but very exhausting. We were at the lake on Saturday and it was so fun but completely wore me out. I spent half of sunday in bed, thanks to Doug for letting me sleep. Then we celebrated again with Doug's family Sunday evening. It was all very nice but I am glad to be done with the festivities. Thank you to you all who celebrated with me!
There is really nothing else to report. Not much happening. This is an off week for chemo. Ella and I spent the day today recooperating from the weekend. We layed low this morning but then things got hairy when Ella didn't want to nap, then didn't want to change out of her pajamas, and on and on. I got a bit frustrated at her and kind of snapped. She dumped Lexi's water bowl and I just got angry and told her to go put her nose in the corner and don't talk to me. I had enough! Ugh. Of course, I felt bad after for snapping like that. But she is just trying everything she can to see what she can get away with. oh boy!
We are very excited, we have finally got a trip planned that we have been thinking about for awhile. We are going to take a cruise around the Mediterannean (SP?). yaaaa. I can't wait. It will be really hard to leave Ella for a couple weeks, but it will be a once in a lifetime experience. So that is something we are very much looking forward to. I better get going, we are getting ready to put Ella to bed, early tonight. She is fighting daddy right now because she doesn't want to clean up. Oh 2 year olds. better get going. I just have blood work tomorrow, that is all this week. talk to you soon. shawndra
Monday, July 28, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Birthday Girl
Yaaa, Today I am 32 years young. happy birthday michelle as well and who ever else is out there celebrating their birthday today. I have not been on my computer for the last several days because we have been staying at my parents house since Saturday night when we came home in the evening our air conditioner went out, uggg. But it was nice to be at my parents house. I havent' spent the night there for awhile, so it was nice to be "home". Thanks mom and dad for taking us in for a few days. I couldn't get on the internet on my computer.
I did have chemo yesterday, so I have my pump on today. Yesterday I was a bit out of it, I don't know what it is but chemo or the antinausea they give me, something makes me sleepy and then I feel high or something. It is a strange feeling. Other than being tired and loopy yesterday, today I am feeling pretty good. I don't have much going on today, we may do something for dinner but celebrate more this weekend.
I do have another comment I have been meaning to write about. I have come across this a lot. People complaining about how old they are getting, how bad it is to turn 40, etc. I am happy just to make it to 32 and now my next goal is to make it to 33, 34, 35. We should be proud of getting older, not upset about it. That is just my opinion. I will be exstatic and celebrate big at 40!
One other thing I wanted to mention is life insurance. I encourage everyone to get life insurance pronto if you haven't already. We got our life insurance only months before I was diagnosed with cancer. If I hadn't done it before, no one would insure me now. I was very lucky. So please consider that, it will help take care of your family if something were to happen.
okay that is all for now. thank you all for your birthday wishes. I hope everyone has a great day too! love, shawndra
I did have chemo yesterday, so I have my pump on today. Yesterday I was a bit out of it, I don't know what it is but chemo or the antinausea they give me, something makes me sleepy and then I feel high or something. It is a strange feeling. Other than being tired and loopy yesterday, today I am feeling pretty good. I don't have much going on today, we may do something for dinner but celebrate more this weekend.
I do have another comment I have been meaning to write about. I have come across this a lot. People complaining about how old they are getting, how bad it is to turn 40, etc. I am happy just to make it to 32 and now my next goal is to make it to 33, 34, 35. We should be proud of getting older, not upset about it. That is just my opinion. I will be exstatic and celebrate big at 40!
One other thing I wanted to mention is life insurance. I encourage everyone to get life insurance pronto if you haven't already. We got our life insurance only months before I was diagnosed with cancer. If I hadn't done it before, no one would insure me now. I was very lucky. So please consider that, it will help take care of your family if something were to happen.
okay that is all for now. thank you all for your birthday wishes. I hope everyone has a great day too! love, shawndra
Thursday, July 17, 2008
some answers
Hey all- Well I wanted to wait to write until I had gotten all the results and all the doctors appointments out of the way so I could give a full report. We were glad we made the trip to Omaha. It is always great to see Dr. Foster, even if I don't get all the answers I want, he still gives us so much hope. He was a bit concerned that I have been having more pain, so we ended up getting a CT done on Monday up in Omaha. Ugh, I had to drink that stuff again, would someone please come up with a better way to get the GI CT scan so I don't have to drink soooo much barium. It isn't even the taste that makes me sick, it is the quantity! Anyway, the results from briefly looking at the CT was that things were atleast stable. It seems like the bulk of the disease that is left is in the pelvis, no where else. That is good! The problem, from his standpoint, is that to get into the area, you have to work around the bladder and there is a great risk of having to end up removing the bladder and ending up with a urostomy, which is the last thing I want to have!!!!!! So, a bit hesitant about that. I had a CEA done there which was 7.9, but then I had it done here in KC the next day (thought i would go ahead and have it done to compare the two labs).. The result here is 5.1 so I think that is good as well. Things aren't progressing, they are atleast staying steady. I am still curious though about what exactly is in the pelvis, it could be more inflammation so I would like him to atleast go in and look at some point if possible, just to try and see what it looks like in there. That may be a possibility.
Overall, now we are going to stay the course until the two doc's can talk and put there heads together about the best plan. We are going to watch my CEA level a bit longer to see if it is staying about the same or going to go up. If it goes up I may have to start new chemotherapy. If it stays the same, I may be able to go on a break from chemo or do a pill form for maintenance for awhile, to give me a break from infusions. That would be nice too.
I saw the pain doc yesterday. He seems to agree that the source of the pain is from the ureteral stent. So he is going to talk to my urologist about the necessity of the right stent at this time. If I could get rid of that stent, now that we know my left kidney is a bit better than we thought, we might be able to remove the stent and possible decrease my pain significantly. IF not, I am just going to keep taking what I need to control the pain and hopefully can reduce the amount when the pain subsides a bit. I also probably have a UTI so that may cause the worsening of pain and now that i am on antibiotics, the pain may decrease a bit.
Whew... How was that for a summary. Was that too much info? I feel like I am having to write a summary for my boss or school or something, hehe. Let's talk about something else. Today I am going to go work out with one of my neighbor friends who is a trainer. We are going to "play around a bit" to see what I can do. THis will feel good. I am really wanting to start getting back into fitness and toning myself up and gaining more energy, strength, etc. This weekend is going to be a busy one, we have lots of people we are trying to get together with because we haven't seen so many of our friends in so long. We are also working on setting up a trip, we are looking into a Mediterranean Cruise. That is something I have always wanted to do, an area I haven't been yet. Ella is on a field trip with daycare today. She will be back with me tomorrow. We usually have a down day to rest up for the weekend. That is all for now. Talk to you all soon. Shawndra
Overall, now we are going to stay the course until the two doc's can talk and put there heads together about the best plan. We are going to watch my CEA level a bit longer to see if it is staying about the same or going to go up. If it goes up I may have to start new chemotherapy. If it stays the same, I may be able to go on a break from chemo or do a pill form for maintenance for awhile, to give me a break from infusions. That would be nice too.
I saw the pain doc yesterday. He seems to agree that the source of the pain is from the ureteral stent. So he is going to talk to my urologist about the necessity of the right stent at this time. If I could get rid of that stent, now that we know my left kidney is a bit better than we thought, we might be able to remove the stent and possible decrease my pain significantly. IF not, I am just going to keep taking what I need to control the pain and hopefully can reduce the amount when the pain subsides a bit. I also probably have a UTI so that may cause the worsening of pain and now that i am on antibiotics, the pain may decrease a bit.
Whew... How was that for a summary. Was that too much info? I feel like I am having to write a summary for my boss or school or something, hehe. Let's talk about something else. Today I am going to go work out with one of my neighbor friends who is a trainer. We are going to "play around a bit" to see what I can do. THis will feel good. I am really wanting to start getting back into fitness and toning myself up and gaining more energy, strength, etc. This weekend is going to be a busy one, we have lots of people we are trying to get together with because we haven't seen so many of our friends in so long. We are also working on setting up a trip, we are looking into a Mediterranean Cruise. That is something I have always wanted to do, an area I haven't been yet. Ella is on a field trip with daycare today. She will be back with me tomorrow. We usually have a down day to rest up for the weekend. That is all for now. Talk to you all soon. Shawndra
Sunday, July 13, 2008
off to omaha
Hey- Doug and I are sitting here in bed, both of us using our laptops and watching TV, hehe. so funny. Ella and Lexi (the dog) went to Grandma and Papas for the night since Doug and I head out early for Omaha. My appointment is at 11am and it takes atleast 3 hours to get there. I don't know what kind of information I will get, it is mostly just a follow up but I still want to ask him about the possibility of another surgery. (quick side note- aren't the Burger King commercials creepy these days, I just saw a new one where that creapy king mascot had a child, ugh) anyway, I will also see my oncologist here on Tuesday so between the two hopefully we will come up with a future plan. I will most likely have to have another scan soon to see the progress I have made since surgery to fully determine what the plan will be, we will see.
This weekend was interesting, out of nowhere I got sick on Saturday, I was fine, went to the store early (we had no milk or eggs), then I was helping Doug put up a ceiling fan in our bathroom when my stomach started cramping up, I started sweating, clammy ended up vomiting then diarrhea, the rest of the afternoon. IT was horrible. Thank you to the Palmers for helping us take care of Ella at the last minute! We greatly appreciate it! As I have told you so many times, we have the best neighbors. ya, I know, I know already. Thankful I recovered after most of the rest of the day asleep in bed. Today we got to go to the pool and i actually got in for a change. I am not a huge fan of swimming/water, but since I got the ostomy I have been really uncomfortable with swimming. It was really nice today to get in the water and feel comfortable. I even got to take Ella around a little bit and help her swim.
I am really hope Ella is just going through the terrible two phase. She literally cries about the littlest things. Not just cries, but has a fit. I am getting so tired of it, it has finally gotten the best of me today. I was so tired of it, I had to just walk away and let Doug deal with her. She even cried in the middle of playing with one of her music books, she was fine one second, then crying the next. Any advice out there? Is my child normal, hehe? I know all the articles and research about 2 year olds, but I just never thought it would be that bad. She is such a sweetie at other times but definitely more bossy and determined these days. Ella- if you read this some day, love you baby, smooch! hehe.
Please don't forget about Michelle who is running the New York marathon on November 2nd in my honor for Colorectal Cancer Research. She is getting closer to her goal of 3,000 dollars but please if you haven't donated, please consider it, if you are able to at this time. Just hit the Fred's team link to the left on this screen. You know, 5 years ago, the chemotherapy I am taking wasn't even available. Through research the have been able to find better treatment to keep people like me alive longer. My hope is that they will find even better treatments so that I won't just live a few more years, but so that I may be able to live the long life I hoped for...to see Ella grow up and have her mommy there for her! SO thank you if you are able to donate. If you are not, I totally understand and am blessed that you even read my blog and think and pray for me! I just saw the same Burger King commercial, ahhhh! I better get to bed, gotta get up early!
Monday am: I forgot to answer someone's question from my comments. She asked what pain I was having, since she sounds like she is fighting colorectal cancer as well. My pain is typically in my lower back and sometimes all the way around my abdomen as well. The pain had subsided after my surgery and returned after the new stent was placed on my right side, the pain returning more on the right side. So I attribute the pain mostly to the ureteral stents. But recently the pain has gotten worse so I am a bit concerned that it may not only be the stents. I have read a lot of other cancer patients have the same concerns, we aren't hypochondriacs, but we become much more attune to our body and when something doesn't seem right, in the back of our minds we are always a bit worried, trying not to be though! I hope that answers the question and I hope it helps! I am off.... shawndra
This weekend was interesting, out of nowhere I got sick on Saturday, I was fine, went to the store early (we had no milk or eggs), then I was helping Doug put up a ceiling fan in our bathroom when my stomach started cramping up, I started sweating, clammy ended up vomiting then diarrhea, the rest of the afternoon. IT was horrible. Thank you to the Palmers for helping us take care of Ella at the last minute! We greatly appreciate it! As I have told you so many times, we have the best neighbors. ya, I know, I know already. Thankful I recovered after most of the rest of the day asleep in bed. Today we got to go to the pool and i actually got in for a change. I am not a huge fan of swimming/water, but since I got the ostomy I have been really uncomfortable with swimming. It was really nice today to get in the water and feel comfortable. I even got to take Ella around a little bit and help her swim.
I am really hope Ella is just going through the terrible two phase. She literally cries about the littlest things. Not just cries, but has a fit. I am getting so tired of it, it has finally gotten the best of me today. I was so tired of it, I had to just walk away and let Doug deal with her. She even cried in the middle of playing with one of her music books, she was fine one second, then crying the next. Any advice out there? Is my child normal, hehe? I know all the articles and research about 2 year olds, but I just never thought it would be that bad. She is such a sweetie at other times but definitely more bossy and determined these days. Ella- if you read this some day, love you baby, smooch! hehe.
Please don't forget about Michelle who is running the New York marathon on November 2nd in my honor for Colorectal Cancer Research. She is getting closer to her goal of 3,000 dollars but please if you haven't donated, please consider it, if you are able to at this time. Just hit the Fred's team link to the left on this screen. You know, 5 years ago, the chemotherapy I am taking wasn't even available. Through research the have been able to find better treatment to keep people like me alive longer. My hope is that they will find even better treatments so that I won't just live a few more years, but so that I may be able to live the long life I hoped for...to see Ella grow up and have her mommy there for her! SO thank you if you are able to donate. If you are not, I totally understand and am blessed that you even read my blog and think and pray for me! I just saw the same Burger King commercial, ahhhh! I better get to bed, gotta get up early!
Monday am: I forgot to answer someone's question from my comments. She asked what pain I was having, since she sounds like she is fighting colorectal cancer as well. My pain is typically in my lower back and sometimes all the way around my abdomen as well. The pain had subsided after my surgery and returned after the new stent was placed on my right side, the pain returning more on the right side. So I attribute the pain mostly to the ureteral stents. But recently the pain has gotten worse so I am a bit concerned that it may not only be the stents. I have read a lot of other cancer patients have the same concerns, we aren't hypochondriacs, but we become much more attune to our body and when something doesn't seem right, in the back of our minds we are always a bit worried, trying not to be though! I hope that answers the question and I hope it helps! I am off.... shawndra
Friday, July 11, 2008
New Laptop
Hey everyone- I am writing this time from my new laptop doug gave me for my birthday (a little early)! It is so exciting, but it will take me a little time to get my fingers adjusted to the new keys.
To start, I had a great 4th of July! It is always great to see and hang out with so many friends and family! We even stayed up for the fireworks out on the lake. When we got out there Ella kept saying, "I not scared! I not scared, mommy". So funny! I did have a little period of time that day that I had some extreme pain and had to excuse myself from the party to go lay down. That was a bit frustrating and disappointing but thankfully it subsided and I could finish hanging out with everyone and enjoy the rest of the day.
I had my 5th round of chemo today (5th round this time). It went well, still no agitation as I had before, just more fatigue than before. It also took me a few days of rest to recover from the 4th so I think the chemo is accumulating in my system and making me more tired. So the last few days I have been in resting most of the day.
Next week is going to be busy, Monday Doug and I go to Omaha to meet with Dr. Foster. A follow up from surgery as well as to discuss future plans. I am interested in seeing if he can do another surgery in my pelvis to get rid of the mass there that is unknown if it is cancerous or not. As well as reverse my ostomy! We will see what he has to say. Then I see my oncologist here on Tuesday and I see the pain doctor on Wednesday to talk about another option for my pain since I am having to take more and more pain medication to get rid of my pain. I may have built up a tolerance to this pain medication and may need to try something else. So next week will be a busy one! Hopefully I will get some answers and some sort of plan. The last plan was do chemo for 5-6 times and see how I am. There may be a possibility of taking a break or just keep on keeping on. I still hope someday I will here I am cancer free and am officially in remission. It sounds like you are never officially rid of cancer once you have it. Sometimes it comes back and you always wonder with every symptom could it have returned. I have to focus on ridding my body of the cancer first. I believe Ella is jumping on the stairs now. I gotta go put the smack down! Talk to you all later. Have a wonderful weekend. I am going to go have lunch with a few friends, get me out of the house a little and focus on something else for awhile. I hope you all are doing well! Shawndra
To start, I had a great 4th of July! It is always great to see and hang out with so many friends and family! We even stayed up for the fireworks out on the lake. When we got out there Ella kept saying, "I not scared! I not scared, mommy". So funny! I did have a little period of time that day that I had some extreme pain and had to excuse myself from the party to go lay down. That was a bit frustrating and disappointing but thankfully it subsided and I could finish hanging out with everyone and enjoy the rest of the day.
I had my 5th round of chemo today (5th round this time). It went well, still no agitation as I had before, just more fatigue than before. It also took me a few days of rest to recover from the 4th so I think the chemo is accumulating in my system and making me more tired. So the last few days I have been in resting most of the day.
Next week is going to be busy, Monday Doug and I go to Omaha to meet with Dr. Foster. A follow up from surgery as well as to discuss future plans. I am interested in seeing if he can do another surgery in my pelvis to get rid of the mass there that is unknown if it is cancerous or not. As well as reverse my ostomy! We will see what he has to say. Then I see my oncologist here on Tuesday and I see the pain doctor on Wednesday to talk about another option for my pain since I am having to take more and more pain medication to get rid of my pain. I may have built up a tolerance to this pain medication and may need to try something else. So next week will be a busy one! Hopefully I will get some answers and some sort of plan. The last plan was do chemo for 5-6 times and see how I am. There may be a possibility of taking a break or just keep on keeping on. I still hope someday I will here I am cancer free and am officially in remission. It sounds like you are never officially rid of cancer once you have it. Sometimes it comes back and you always wonder with every symptom could it have returned. I have to focus on ridding my body of the cancer first. I believe Ella is jumping on the stairs now. I gotta go put the smack down! Talk to you all later. Have a wonderful weekend. I am going to go have lunch with a few friends, get me out of the house a little and focus on something else for awhile. I hope you all are doing well! Shawndra
Friday, July 4, 2008
Happy Fourth of July!
Happy Birthday America!!! Everyone have a safe, fun 4th of July! Talk to you soon. Shawndra
Friday, June 27, 2008
Celebrations
Hey everyone- picture it... Ella is dancing (jumping up and down) while she plays her Elmo guitar's music. Classic! She is so fun! Chemo, round 4 was this week. It went well, no problems. I rested up most of Wednesday and part of Thursday. My CEA level is 5, so down a bit from 6.1 previously. That is great, especially since I have been off chemo for a month since I skipped the week when I was in the hospital. One of my favorite holidays is coming up, the 4th of July is a favorite of mine. We always have a big party at my parents lake house, so fun to be around family and friends! So, I am very much looking forward to it. My 32nd birthday is a few weeks after the 4th, so another celebration. Each year, I never know if I will make it to the next birthday, but really none of us know this, do we. As each day goes by, I have more and more faith that I will live a lot longer than they predicted. Even if I just make it to my 33rd birthday (next year) I will have surpassed the doctors predictions. In your face docs, hehe. Really, there isn't too much to talk about. We are all doing pretty well here. I hope everyone has a great holiday, as always be safe but have fun! I am off to go dance with my daughter as she jams on the guitar! love always, shawndra
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
quick note
Hey everyone- Finally Doug helped me get some recent photos up. We have so many, I am hoping he will put a bunch of them on the photo gallery on the left of the blog site but that might take much longer. I am doing well, managing the pain pretty well! I had some testing done yesterday to make sure the pain wasn't from nonfunctioning ureteral stents or something. Everything came out fine so the pain must just be the normal just having that foreign body in me. This is similar to the pain I had on the left side for so long and finally got rid of not long ago. We never knew what exactly was causing the pain but one of our thoughts was it was due to the left stent.
Anyway, enough about me, poor Ella is under the weather these past couple days. She has been puking since Tuesday morning so no daycare for her these past few days. Today we literally laid on the couch all day. She did not get up from the couch once, that is how badly she feels. Usually when she is sick (which she hasn't been much in her life), she still is somewhat active. This week she has not been active at all, especially today. She threw up off and on today and didn't get much down her. I am worried about dehydration but I will be sleeping on the couch with her all night and trying to keep her hydrated! I have done so much laundry today because of the vomiting, ugh. I hate to see her sick but at the same time, it is nice to be able to be home with her and take care of her! The nurse in me comes out and the good feeling I get when I can take care of someone else. So hopefully tomorrow she will be on the mend and up and at 'em by friday but we are going to take it easy a few more days and see how things go. Unfortunately I haven't been enjoying the beautiful weather, which I am a bit bummed about, it has been absolutely gorgeous outside! Everyone is hanging out at the pool and we are quarantined to our house. Oh well, I am sure when she is feeling better she will want to be outside and at the pool 24/7. have a great rest of the work week and coming weekend. I am headed downstairs to make my nest on the coach with Ella. It may be another restless night at the Turner household. I wouldn't change it for the world! shawndra
Anyway, enough about me, poor Ella is under the weather these past couple days. She has been puking since Tuesday morning so no daycare for her these past few days. Today we literally laid on the couch all day. She did not get up from the couch once, that is how badly she feels. Usually when she is sick (which she hasn't been much in her life), she still is somewhat active. This week she has not been active at all, especially today. She threw up off and on today and didn't get much down her. I am worried about dehydration but I will be sleeping on the couch with her all night and trying to keep her hydrated! I have done so much laundry today because of the vomiting, ugh. I hate to see her sick but at the same time, it is nice to be able to be home with her and take care of her! The nurse in me comes out and the good feeling I get when I can take care of someone else. So hopefully tomorrow she will be on the mend and up and at 'em by friday but we are going to take it easy a few more days and see how things go. Unfortunately I haven't been enjoying the beautiful weather, which I am a bit bummed about, it has been absolutely gorgeous outside! Everyone is hanging out at the pool and we are quarantined to our house. Oh well, I am sure when she is feeling better she will want to be outside and at the pool 24/7. have a great rest of the work week and coming weekend. I am headed downstairs to make my nest on the coach with Ella. It may be another restless night at the Turner household. I wouldn't change it for the world! shawndra
Monday, June 16, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
function junction
Hey everyone- Well, I was discharged yesterday afternoon from the hospital. I had my stents placed on Thursday. Yes stent...s, plural. They did do another scan prior to the procedure which showed that there was some function in my kidney. They explained how one test could show no function then another test show some function just delayed, but it is all to confusing to explain or even understand. But that is good news that there is function in my left kidney, just delayed. They think that the stent in my left could have caused some of the delay so they did replace that stent with a new one on that side and then will wait a couple weeks and I will have another scan to look at it again. They also put a new one in on the right side because of the fluid around my kidney (hydronephrosis). They tell you that putting a stent in is not really too painful but when I had my very first stent placed, I ended up back in the hospital a couple days later because of the severity of the pain. I believe it is because there is a foreign body in there and my body is going, what in the h... is this? So I had quite a bit of pain this time probably because I hadn't had a stent before on the right. Are you all confused yet, hehe? Anyway, I couldn't get my pain under control after the surgery and throughout the night on Wednesday/Thursday AM so I stayed so I wouldn't have to end up coming back to the ER and getting readmitted for pain. I am still in some discomfort but it is much better and manageable!
Ella got to come visit me which was nice, she was relieved that there was no tube in my nose! I couldn't believe she remembered that from my previous surgery. I guess it is going to be a low key weekend. Maybe some celebrating father's day,weeee! Happy Father's day to all you great dad's out there! Have a great weekend everyone! I am just glad I don't have to pee in a hat anymore and no one is taking my vitals in the middle of the night,hehe. Shawndra
Ella got to come visit me which was nice, she was relieved that there was no tube in my nose! I couldn't believe she remembered that from my previous surgery. I guess it is going to be a low key weekend. Maybe some celebrating father's day,weeee! Happy Father's day to all you great dad's out there! Have a great weekend everyone! I am just glad I don't have to pee in a hat anymore and no one is taking my vitals in the middle of the night,hehe. Shawndra
Monday, June 9, 2008
Kidney results
Well I had my appointment today with the urologist (urinary doctor) to go over the results from my kidney scan done last week. The results showed that I have NO kidney function in my left kidney and have fluid around the right kidney now. I had a stent in my left kidney since soon after I was diagnosed in 2006 to help with the fluid that was around the left kidney at that time. Since then I have had that stent replaced every few months as they recommend but never had concerns about the function of the kidney. So it was quite a shock to us and I think to the doctor that I had no function in that kidney. So they are very concerned about keeping the right kidney well so that one does not have problems and start to fail as well! Then I will be in serious trouble! I can be fine with one kidney as long as it is okay! I will be admitted to the hospital tomorrow so they can get things done faster, i.e. meeting with the nephrologist (kidney doctor) and getting a stent in the right kidney (under anesthesia) and whatever else they decide to do in the mean time. They were going to do all of this outpatient but my dad talked to the urologist and they decided it was a good idea to get this done quickly to make sure there aren't problems that arise with the right side. This may be the reason my blood pressure has gone up recently as well. So, that is that! I will let you all know as I learn more. I don't know how long I will be in the hospital, probably a day or two, depending on how soon they can do everything. Otherwise I will be hanging out in the hospital, ugh. This of course has made me a bit anxious and concerned, I did have a small break down after I found this out. But I am trying to stay positive and not worry at this point. Of course, I don't want just one more thing to deal with but I am glad it is me and not someone else. If I have one thing, I may as well have another instead of someone else having something. Does that make any sense? This also means chemo is postponed this week. Unless i can have them do it in the hospital? I might try to see if they can do that tomorrow!
On a happy note, we had a great weekend with Doug's Nanie and his Aunt and Uncle. They have this little park in Frontenac, KS. that has a few rides for little kids. A small roller coaster, a ferris wheel, airplane ride, tea cups, etc. It was so fun to take Ella. She was a bit scared of the roller coaster! After we put her on it, Doug said, I don't remember it going that fast, ha. woops! Oh and they had a little train too. I want to start one of these in KC, I think it is great for little kids! So it was very fun. I can't tell you how much Ella has changed. She is such a sweet, loving little girl these days. She says her pleases and thank you's and just amazes me every day with how big she is getting and how much of a wonderful girl she is becoming! Of course, she still has her moments but overall she is an angel to us! We are so lucky we had her at the time we did or we might have not gotten to even have her! I still think at times that I wish we could have another one but I am so blessed just to have her!
I hope you all have a great week! It is good to hear from you all, I appreciate all of your emails!!! love, shawndra
On a happy note, we had a great weekend with Doug's Nanie and his Aunt and Uncle. They have this little park in Frontenac, KS. that has a few rides for little kids. A small roller coaster, a ferris wheel, airplane ride, tea cups, etc. It was so fun to take Ella. She was a bit scared of the roller coaster! After we put her on it, Doug said, I don't remember it going that fast, ha. woops! Oh and they had a little train too. I want to start one of these in KC, I think it is great for little kids! So it was very fun. I can't tell you how much Ella has changed. She is such a sweet, loving little girl these days. She says her pleases and thank you's and just amazes me every day with how big she is getting and how much of a wonderful girl she is becoming! Of course, she still has her moments but overall she is an angel to us! We are so lucky we had her at the time we did or we might have not gotten to even have her! I still think at times that I wish we could have another one but I am so blessed just to have her!
I hope you all have a great week! It is good to hear from you all, I appreciate all of your emails!!! love, shawndra
Friday, June 6, 2008
soap opera
Hey everyone- How are you all doing? Thank you for all your emails this past week, I appreciate hearing from you all! It seems like my life has become a soap opera. It is always something! This week I had some family stuff going on, then I had a kidney scan on Tuesday. I got a call from the nurse saying they got the results and the doctor wanted to see me next Monday. I found out that the results showed decreased kidney function on my left side and hydronephrosis (fluid around my kidney) on my right side. I am not sure what treatment this will entail so I am a bit nervous but not trying to dwell on it until we meet with the doctor to find out what he recommends. Wednesday my sister and I drove down to Wichita together for our cousin's funeral. It was a celebration of a great life and a great person! It is always nice to see the family too but not necessarily under those circumstances. I continue to pray for the family who continues to grieve this unexpected loss. I love you all and am here for you if you need anything!!! That was a very long day with all the traveling so Thursday I spent pretty much the whole day in bed recovering. That is kind of how things work, after a big event that takes a lot of energy, it wears me out and I am pretty much worthless the next day.
Today, Ella and I are playing and taking it easy. I figure, she plays so hard at daycare, she needs a little down time. So we are still in our pajamas playing. I am trying to get her to put her clothes on so we can go outside to play but she is being stubborn and not wanting to put her clothes on right now. Oh well.
We have a busy weekend ahead. We are going to an awards ceremony on Saturday where Doug's grandfather is being honored with a lifetime award for his teaching and Nanie will be accepting it in his honor! We will also get to spend some time with Doug's Aunt and Uncle and hopefully cousin who we enjoy very much. I hope you all enjoy your weekend! Be safe, it seems like so many accidents of all kinds happen in the summer so please be safe! Next week is chemo week, starting on Tuesday, weeee! ha. I am getting close to being finished with my 3 rounds that Dr. Foster recommended. Who knows what will happen from there, depends on my CEA level and scans. Will it ever end? Enjoy life this weekend. talk to you soon. shawndra
Today, Ella and I are playing and taking it easy. I figure, she plays so hard at daycare, she needs a little down time. So we are still in our pajamas playing. I am trying to get her to put her clothes on so we can go outside to play but she is being stubborn and not wanting to put her clothes on right now. Oh well.
We have a busy weekend ahead. We are going to an awards ceremony on Saturday where Doug's grandfather is being honored with a lifetime award for his teaching and Nanie will be accepting it in his honor! We will also get to spend some time with Doug's Aunt and Uncle and hopefully cousin who we enjoy very much. I hope you all enjoy your weekend! Be safe, it seems like so many accidents of all kinds happen in the summer so please be safe! Next week is chemo week, starting on Tuesday, weeee! ha. I am getting close to being finished with my 3 rounds that Dr. Foster recommended. Who knows what will happen from there, depends on my CEA level and scans. Will it ever end? Enjoy life this weekend. talk to you soon. shawndra
Friday, May 30, 2008
Emotional Week
Hello everyone- My computer was on the fritz yesterday so I haven't been able to check my email or write. I had my 3rd round of chemo this week. I also met with my oncologist before I started the chemo. I got a bit emotional in his office and then the floodworks started and I couldn't shut them off for a while! He didn't tell me anything bad, necessarily, he just asked me how I was doing... I told him I am tired a lot and I am just tired of being tired. I started taking Ritalin which he prescribed to try and help with the fatigue. I just feel so guilty about being tired all the time, people having to help me all the time, people always bringing us meals, etc. I am so very appreciative of everything people have done, but I just feel so guilty and tired of not being able to do everything on my own. He also asked if I was just sick of everything, I said yes!!! I am tired of this! My CEA has been creaping up a bit, a couple weeks ago, I guess they did draw it and didn't tell me... it was 4.7 or something like that, then this week they drew it again and it was 6.1. I am not going to panic yet, but if it continues to go up, that will make me very nervous. I am, as he says, tired of this. I start to question am I fighting something that I can't win! Is it worth the fight? My prognosis is very poor, it has been from the beginning. I have tried to think, I can beat this and I continue to think that way. But I have to ask, is this something I can beat or am I just fighting a losing battle! The rest of the week has gone well, I rested a lot! Doug was gone for a few days this week too which was difficult. He has never really gone away for a few days like this time and I miss him tremendously!
My family on my dad's side has also had a tremendous loss this week. We lost one of my cousin's (my dad's sister's son) very unexpectedly! I have been praying so hard this week that things would turn around for him and he would fully recover but he did not! The only good from this is that he was an organ donor and hopefully saved others lives. But he will be missed!
On a happier note, Ella is growing leaps and bounds! She is talking so much lately, full sentences!! She says the funniest things, I can't help but laugh.
Tonight, I am going out with the girls for the Sex and the City premiere!! It will be so much fun. I am getting dressed up and we will have some Cosmo's in honor of the show and go to dinner then the movie. I am so looking forward to this! It should be a great time. Hopefully by the time I get home, Doug will be back home. I can't wait to see him! I hope you all have a great weekend! I am so sorry I haven't written much lately, but I would love to hear from all of you! I miss my support system, I miss hearing from you all and how you all are doing? I hope you all who are also battling cancer right now are doing well and fighting hard! Naomi from GA (I think)- I hope they have found out what is going on with you and are able to take care of it! You all are always in my prayers! Thank you for being there for me, I hope i can be there for you too! shawndra
My family on my dad's side has also had a tremendous loss this week. We lost one of my cousin's (my dad's sister's son) very unexpectedly! I have been praying so hard this week that things would turn around for him and he would fully recover but he did not! The only good from this is that he was an organ donor and hopefully saved others lives. But he will be missed!
On a happier note, Ella is growing leaps and bounds! She is talking so much lately, full sentences!! She says the funniest things, I can't help but laugh.
Tonight, I am going out with the girls for the Sex and the City premiere!! It will be so much fun. I am getting dressed up and we will have some Cosmo's in honor of the show and go to dinner then the movie. I am so looking forward to this! It should be a great time. Hopefully by the time I get home, Doug will be back home. I can't wait to see him! I hope you all have a great weekend! I am so sorry I haven't written much lately, but I would love to hear from all of you! I miss my support system, I miss hearing from you all and how you all are doing? I hope you all who are also battling cancer right now are doing well and fighting hard! Naomi from GA (I think)- I hope they have found out what is going on with you and are able to take care of it! You all are always in my prayers! Thank you for being there for me, I hope i can be there for you too! shawndra
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Research and Remember
Hey everyone- Well, I don't have too much to report as far as results. My initial PET results sound like everything is about the same as before. I just got that result from the nurse over the phone. I haven't actually seen the report or talked to the doctor about it yet. I will see him next Tuesday before chemo and discuss it then. but it sounds like there is really no change, some suspicious area in the pelvis and nothing else really lights up, except the gallbladder area, which was removed in surgery, so this is probably from post operative changes. As far as the CEA, blood work, they didn't end up drawing it. They said it wasn't ordered, even though it was on my schedule to be drawn. So, I will have them do it next week before chemo. So, this really isn't very exciting or informative news. I guess though that no news is good news, atleast there is nothing new showing up so that in itself is good news.
On another note, I was asked by a faithful blogger named Michelle if she could honor me while running the New York Marathon for cancer research. I agreed with only having to give my name and a few signatures in order to do this, nothing else on my part. She will do the hard part of training and running the marathon and raising the funds (which I have done before and is no easy task). She needs to raise atleast 3,000 dollars, but it is going towards Colon cancer research in my honor. Doug helped by putting a logo/link (see Fred), on the left hand side, under our picture. You can go check out her webpage and get more information and donate as well. This is the least I can do for her, is to tell you all about it and try to help raise the funds. I have heard several reports that researchers are making incredible strides in finding a cure for all cancers. Specifically colon cancer research has come a very long way in the last several years. If I was diagnosed only 5 years prior, I would not have the chemo drugs I am using today which have been found to prolong life if not save lives. I probably would not be here today if that were the case! Researchers continue to look for better treatment with fewer side effects and they are succeeding but still need help. Please consider donating to the cause. It is completely anonymous so I won't know who has given or who has not. I know a lot of people can't afford to give and that is okay. But Michelle, by doing this, you are saving so many lives and I am in aw of you for doing it! A marathon in itself is a tremendous feat but to honor me, someone you've never even met, and raise all that money....you are an angel!
Everyone have a terrific Memorial Day weekend!!! I hope you all get to spend time outside in the beautiful weather, rain or shine, and are able to spend some time with people you love or doing something you love and smiling! Also spend a little time remembering those soldiers who have passed while in military service -- memorial day. We shall never forget those who have passed, even though our memory begins to fade, our love never does. Shawndra
On another note, I was asked by a faithful blogger named Michelle if she could honor me while running the New York Marathon for cancer research. I agreed with only having to give my name and a few signatures in order to do this, nothing else on my part. She will do the hard part of training and running the marathon and raising the funds (which I have done before and is no easy task). She needs to raise atleast 3,000 dollars, but it is going towards Colon cancer research in my honor. Doug helped by putting a logo/link (see Fred), on the left hand side, under our picture. You can go check out her webpage and get more information and donate as well. This is the least I can do for her, is to tell you all about it and try to help raise the funds. I have heard several reports that researchers are making incredible strides in finding a cure for all cancers. Specifically colon cancer research has come a very long way in the last several years. If I was diagnosed only 5 years prior, I would not have the chemo drugs I am using today which have been found to prolong life if not save lives. I probably would not be here today if that were the case! Researchers continue to look for better treatment with fewer side effects and they are succeeding but still need help. Please consider donating to the cause. It is completely anonymous so I won't know who has given or who has not. I know a lot of people can't afford to give and that is okay. But Michelle, by doing this, you are saving so many lives and I am in aw of you for doing it! A marathon in itself is a tremendous feat but to honor me, someone you've never even met, and raise all that money....you are an angel!
Everyone have a terrific Memorial Day weekend!!! I hope you all get to spend time outside in the beautiful weather, rain or shine, and are able to spend some time with people you love or doing something you love and smiling! Also spend a little time remembering those soldiers who have passed while in military service -- memorial day. We shall never forget those who have passed, even though our memory begins to fade, our love never does. Shawndra
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
tests
Lots of stuff going on today. I am getting ready to go have a PET/CT done, then I go have labwork, which will consist today of a CEA. I pray that the CEA level is still normal/low and that my scan shows nothing but improvement. I also go to see my primary care physician today about my blood pressure. So it is a busy day for doctors appointments. I will let you all know how things come out. Please keep up the prayers, let 's hope I get good results!!! Then maybe I can get off chemo soon. Yaaaa. thank you my prayer warriors, shawndra
Friday, May 16, 2008
High blood pressure
Hey Everyone- I am done with my second round of chemo. It went well, just tired is all. I spent most of Wednesday in bed, I never did get out of my pajamas. I forgot to tell you and Sue reminded me about my most recent scan. It basically was about the same, nothing exciting to report. I don't know if that is good or bad but my oncologist said there wasn't anything to report. I have a scheduled PET/CT scan coming up I believe this Tuesday, May 20th. So I maybe this scan will show more improvement or something.
The other thing that has been going on is I've noticed my blood pressure has been rather high since I started chemo again. I thought maybe the first week I was just nervous but it has been high ever since and yesterday when I went to get my pump off, it was super high for me 163/101. Yikes. The nurse practitioner talked to the doctor and they gave me a prescription for high blood pressure medication. But what really upset me was they didn't even mention trying to figure out why my blood pressure might be that high. They just threw the script at me and said, well we don't know why it is that high. I thought, and told them, well maybe we should draw some blood to see if anything is abnormal. SO they did, only because I told them too. Maybe there isn't a reason it has all of a sudden shot up but then maybe there is a reason and I would like to find that reason, if there is one, ya know. I was a bit frustrated by the whole situation and a bit upset that they just kind of blew it off! I will be following up with my primary care doctor when she gets back in town next week, so we can try to figure out if something is causing this.
I have been meaning to mention something else. I know some of you found my site through Jennifer Ireland's website which has not to long ago been quiet since Chris is no longer blogging. I keep in touch with Jen's mother, Jan, who misses the website tremendously, the support she got from it. I think she said she has blogged atleast once about the girls. So you might check the site from time to time. Also one of her doctors is blogging on the foundation site, I believe. So you might go and check that out as well. We can still support the foundation which is trying to raise money for young adults like me who need some help financially from time to time for extra expenses from cancer. They have many activities set up, a golf tournament and pub crawl in St. Louis, etc. The website will tell you more about all that, so please don't forget about that site! Jan still checks the site regularly so I think you can send her comments through there or you can through here as well, she says she checks my site regularly too! Recently her father is going through chemotherapy so she has had one thing after another going on in her life. She continues to need support!
well, I think that is all for now, there is so much I had been meaning to write about so I am glad I have. I need to go, Ella is trying to touch buttons on the computer and almost just erased this whole message a minute ago. I will try to write soon. Everyone have a great weekend. I am pump free and am going to enjoy the weather. Shawndra
The other thing that has been going on is I've noticed my blood pressure has been rather high since I started chemo again. I thought maybe the first week I was just nervous but it has been high ever since and yesterday when I went to get my pump off, it was super high for me 163/101. Yikes. The nurse practitioner talked to the doctor and they gave me a prescription for high blood pressure medication. But what really upset me was they didn't even mention trying to figure out why my blood pressure might be that high. They just threw the script at me and said, well we don't know why it is that high. I thought, and told them, well maybe we should draw some blood to see if anything is abnormal. SO they did, only because I told them too. Maybe there isn't a reason it has all of a sudden shot up but then maybe there is a reason and I would like to find that reason, if there is one, ya know. I was a bit frustrated by the whole situation and a bit upset that they just kind of blew it off! I will be following up with my primary care doctor when she gets back in town next week, so we can try to figure out if something is causing this.
I have been meaning to mention something else. I know some of you found my site through Jennifer Ireland's website which has not to long ago been quiet since Chris is no longer blogging. I keep in touch with Jen's mother, Jan, who misses the website tremendously, the support she got from it. I think she said she has blogged atleast once about the girls. So you might check the site from time to time. Also one of her doctors is blogging on the foundation site, I believe. So you might go and check that out as well. We can still support the foundation which is trying to raise money for young adults like me who need some help financially from time to time for extra expenses from cancer. They have many activities set up, a golf tournament and pub crawl in St. Louis, etc. The website will tell you more about all that, so please don't forget about that site! Jan still checks the site regularly so I think you can send her comments through there or you can through here as well, she says she checks my site regularly too! Recently her father is going through chemotherapy so she has had one thing after another going on in her life. She continues to need support!
well, I think that is all for now, there is so much I had been meaning to write about so I am glad I have. I need to go, Ella is trying to touch buttons on the computer and almost just erased this whole message a minute ago. I will try to write soon. Everyone have a great weekend. I am pump free and am going to enjoy the weather. Shawndra
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Happy Mother's Day
Happy Mother's day to all you mom's out there! I hope you had a great day, smiled and were proud that you are a mom. I am. Here is a poem I just received and had to send it on to you all....
MOTHERS and MOMS
This is for the mothers who have sat up
all night with sick toddlers in their arms,
wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer
wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,
'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.'
Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.
This is for all the mothers who show up at
work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains
on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
For all the mothers who run carpools and
make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.
And all the mothers who DON'T.
This is for the mothers who gave birth to
babies they'll never see. And the mothers
who took those babies and gave them homes.
This is for the mothers whose priceless art
collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.
And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars.
And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?' they could say, 'Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world,' and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.
This is for all the mothers who sat down with
their children and explained all about making
babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who
wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.
This is for all the mothers who go
hungry, so their children can eat.
For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight,
Moon' twice a night for a year. And then
read it again, 'Just one more time.'
This is for all the mothers who taught
their children to tie their shoelaces before
they started school. And for all the mothers
who opted for Velcro instead.
This is for all the mothers who teach their sons
to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?' in a crowd, even though they know their
own offspring are at home -- or even away
at college -- or have their own families.
This is for all the mothers who sent their kids
to school with stomach aches, assuring them
they'd be just FINE once they got there, only
to get calls from the school nurse an hour later
asking them to please pick them up. Right away.
This is for mothers whose children have gone
astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
For all the mothers who bite their lips until they
bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.
For all the mothers of the victims of
recent school shootings, and the mothers
of those who did the shooting.
For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.
This is for all the mothers who taught their
children to be peaceful, and now pray
they come home safely from a war.
What makes a good mother anyway?
Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and
sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache she feels when she
watches her son or daughter disappear
down the street, walking to school alone
for the very first time?
The jolt that takes her from sleep to
dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put
her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
The panic, years later, that comes again
at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear
their key in the door and know they
are safe again in her home?
Or the need to flee from wherever she is
and hug her child when she hears news
of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?
The emotions of motherhood are
universal and so our thoughts are for
young mothers stumbling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation...
And for mature mothers learning to let go.
For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.
Single mothers and married mothers.
Mothers with money, mothers without.
This is for you all. For all of us...
Hang in there. In the end we can
only do the best we can. Tell them
every day that we love them. And pray
and never stop being a mother...
'Home is what catches you when
you fall - and we all fall.'
Please pass this to a
wonderful mother you know.
(I just did!)
love, shawndra
MOTHERS and MOMS
This is for the mothers who have sat up
all night with sick toddlers in their arms,
wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer
wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,
'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.'
Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.
This is for all the mothers who show up at
work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains
on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
For all the mothers who run carpools and
make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.
And all the mothers who DON'T.
This is for the mothers who gave birth to
babies they'll never see. And the mothers
who took those babies and gave them homes.
This is for the mothers whose priceless art
collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.
And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars.
And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?' they could say, 'Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world,' and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.
This is for all the mothers who sat down with
their children and explained all about making
babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who
wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.
This is for all the mothers who go
hungry, so their children can eat.
For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight,
Moon' twice a night for a year. And then
read it again, 'Just one more time.'
This is for all the mothers who taught
their children to tie their shoelaces before
they started school. And for all the mothers
who opted for Velcro instead.
This is for all the mothers who teach their sons
to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?' in a crowd, even though they know their
own offspring are at home -- or even away
at college -- or have their own families.
This is for all the mothers who sent their kids
to school with stomach aches, assuring them
they'd be just FINE once they got there, only
to get calls from the school nurse an hour later
asking them to please pick them up. Right away.
This is for mothers whose children have gone
astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
For all the mothers who bite their lips until they
bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.
For all the mothers of the victims of
recent school shootings, and the mothers
of those who did the shooting.
For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.
This is for all the mothers who taught their
children to be peaceful, and now pray
they come home safely from a war.
What makes a good mother anyway?
Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and
sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache she feels when she
watches her son or daughter disappear
down the street, walking to school alone
for the very first time?
The jolt that takes her from sleep to
dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put
her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
The panic, years later, that comes again
at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear
their key in the door and know they
are safe again in her home?
Or the need to flee from wherever she is
and hug her child when she hears news
of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?
The emotions of motherhood are
universal and so our thoughts are for
young mothers stumbling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation...
And for mature mothers learning to let go.
For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.
Single mothers and married mothers.
Mothers with money, mothers without.
This is for you all. For all of us...
Hang in there. In the end we can
only do the best we can. Tell them
every day that we love them. And pray
and never stop being a mother...
'Home is what catches you when
you fall - and we all fall.'
Please pass this to a
wonderful mother you know.
(I just did!)
love, shawndra
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Happy Nurses Week
Wow, we must be special to get a whole week, ha. My mother just reminded me that it was nurses week by bringing over flowers and a card to me. It couldn't have come at on a more perfect day. I have been .... what's the word... struggling lately with my new identity as a stay at home mom. Let me start off by saying this is one of the toughest jobs there is and it is highly respected! I don't mean to offend anyone out there this is just my personal story. I went to school for sooo many years to become a nurse practitioner, worked so hard and prided myself on being a working woman. After I had Ella, I had the best of both worlds! I could work part time and be home with Ella. It was the perfect mixture of work and being a mom and a wife. Since I was diagnosed, I tried to continue to work but with the unknown I decided I couldn't give my full commitment to my job and quit working. There are some perks to this too! I get to spend more time with Ella, I don't have to get up every morning at 6-6:30 shower and get dressed up, etc. But I feel like I have lost that part of me and I am no longer Shawndra the nurse or nurse practitioner, which was a large part of who I was. This along with the many changes that have taken place in the last two years. It really has struck me hard as I repeat the same tasks over and over. These past few days I have gotten so sick of the laundry basket half full the day after I just did laundry or the dishwasher full again and the dishes piling up beside the sink waiting for the dishwasher to be unloaded just to be reloaded again. This reminds me of a movie I saw with Cher in it many years ago... Witches of Eastwick, that was it! Does anyone remember that movie? Anyway, I know the grass is greener on the other side and I can't complain about my life. I do have a great life and am lucky that I am able to take this time off of work. THere are many people out there fighting cancer and working and many other things. I feel like a wuss when I think about that but I am just telling you how I feel. That is the point of this blog, to get things off my chest, good and bad. Freedom of speech, right, ahhh. It all makes mothers day even more special and meaningful. I used to think, this is just another day for hallmark to rack in the bucks. But mothers really need a day to be noticed and applauded. Just as nurses do as well. So does every profession. sorry Andrea, Physical therapist's don't have there day yet. We will come up with one!!!!
Thank you Nurses for all you do. You are truly important and vital. We deserve so much more than we get in pay, we should be up there with athletes, for who is more important, someone saving lives or throwing a ball. Don't get me started on that one! If you know a nurse let them know how much the mean! That is what makes our job worth while. The reward of our patients and families who need us in a time of difficulty and can trust us to be there for them. What a great profession I chose, someday I will be back to help others again. Right now I have to focus on myself and nursing myself back to health so I can take care of others! Another reason to fight! Happy Nurses day! Shawndra
Thank you Nurses for all you do. You are truly important and vital. We deserve so much more than we get in pay, we should be up there with athletes, for who is more important, someone saving lives or throwing a ball. Don't get me started on that one! If you know a nurse let them know how much the mean! That is what makes our job worth while. The reward of our patients and families who need us in a time of difficulty and can trust us to be there for them. What a great profession I chose, someday I will be back to help others again. Right now I have to focus on myself and nursing myself back to health so I can take care of others! Another reason to fight! Happy Nurses day! Shawndra
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Feeling Good
Hey everyone- Well round one (again) went pretty well. I got a little nausea yesterday while I was at the cancer center, they got that under control right away and I have been doing good. I even had some energy last night and didn't feel helpless. I was up and around and doing pretty much everything I normally do.
I am getting ready to go have lunch with DOug for his birthday. Gotta celebrate as much as possible.
Oh, it worked! last night I told Ella if she didn't stay in her bed, I would shut the door and it would lock. She got out of bed, I stuck to my guns and shut the door. She cried for a little while but then settled back down and went to bed. When we went to check on her she was fast asleep in her bed! ahhhhh. Let's hope it gets easier each night.
Tomorrow I get my chemo pump off, ya! Then I will have a week and a half off until the next round. But I am (knock on wood) hoping to do 2 cycles or only 4 rounds of chemo, so one down atleast 3 to go! I pray that I will only have to do 2 cycles and my scans and CEA will continue to look good and I can get off chemo for atleast now if not FOREVER!!!! Thank you prayer warriors, the prayers are definitely working! I was given two years to live with this disease, in September I will surpass that prediction and continue to live, live, live. I hope to be the ripe young age of 95 like my grandma, well maybe... careful what you wish for, right! hehe.
Talk to you all soon. Shawndra
Happy Birthday once again, Doug!
I am getting ready to go have lunch with DOug for his birthday. Gotta celebrate as much as possible.
Oh, it worked! last night I told Ella if she didn't stay in her bed, I would shut the door and it would lock. She got out of bed, I stuck to my guns and shut the door. She cried for a little while but then settled back down and went to bed. When we went to check on her she was fast asleep in her bed! ahhhhh. Let's hope it gets easier each night.
Tomorrow I get my chemo pump off, ya! Then I will have a week and a half off until the next round. But I am (knock on wood) hoping to do 2 cycles or only 4 rounds of chemo, so one down atleast 3 to go! I pray that I will only have to do 2 cycles and my scans and CEA will continue to look good and I can get off chemo for atleast now if not FOREVER!!!! Thank you prayer warriors, the prayers are definitely working! I was given two years to live with this disease, in September I will surpass that prediction and continue to live, live, live. I hope to be the ripe young age of 95 like my grandma, well maybe... careful what you wish for, right! hehe.
Talk to you all soon. Shawndra
Happy Birthday once again, Doug!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Happy Birthday Doug
Doug's birthday is this coming Wednesday, so Happy Birthday Baby! I love you so much. It may not be an eventful day, unfortunately but we will try to make up for that on the weekend!
Hey everyone- I had my CT scan this morning, don't know any results yet but it made me sick. I pucked afterwards, ugh. It has always made me nauseous but never sick before. I am better now though and start up chemo tomorrow, again.
On another note, well, I just locked Ella's door, after she asked me too. Now she is crying. I told her she wouldn't like it if I locked the door. Now I just have to stay strong, I guess. So hard.
The lakehouse is thankfully still standing, there is some damage in a couple of bedrooms so there will be some significant restoration needed, but it could have been a whole lot worse. So we are upset but thankful at the same time.
That is what is happening in my world at the moment. I am a bit anxious for restarting chemo. I hope I don't have the agitation and extreme fatigue as I did last time. I also pray that the scan results are good and that when they redraw my CEA level that it continues to be normal.
Thank you all for you continued support along this journey. I truly hope to be able to say one day that I am cancer free. Even though they said it wasn't possible, sometimes the impossible can happen, right.
It might be a few days until I write. If I am not feeling well, I may not get on until I feel better and up to it. Take care everyone. shawndra
PS. Doug is the sucker this time! He just went in to Ella's room to console her.
Hey everyone- I had my CT scan this morning, don't know any results yet but it made me sick. I pucked afterwards, ugh. It has always made me nauseous but never sick before. I am better now though and start up chemo tomorrow, again.
On another note, well, I just locked Ella's door, after she asked me too. Now she is crying. I told her she wouldn't like it if I locked the door. Now I just have to stay strong, I guess. So hard.
The lakehouse is thankfully still standing, there is some damage in a couple of bedrooms so there will be some significant restoration needed, but it could have been a whole lot worse. So we are upset but thankful at the same time.
That is what is happening in my world at the moment. I am a bit anxious for restarting chemo. I hope I don't have the agitation and extreme fatigue as I did last time. I also pray that the scan results are good and that when they redraw my CEA level that it continues to be normal.
Thank you all for you continued support along this journey. I truly hope to be able to say one day that I am cancer free. Even though they said it wasn't possible, sometimes the impossible can happen, right.
It might be a few days until I write. If I am not feeling well, I may not get on until I feel better and up to it. Take care everyone. shawndra
PS. Doug is the sucker this time! He just went in to Ella's room to console her.
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