Hello everyone- My computer was on the fritz yesterday so I haven't been able to check my email or write. I had my 3rd round of chemo this week. I also met with my oncologist before I started the chemo. I got a bit emotional in his office and then the floodworks started and I couldn't shut them off for a while! He didn't tell me anything bad, necessarily, he just asked me how I was doing... I told him I am tired a lot and I am just tired of being tired. I started taking Ritalin which he prescribed to try and help with the fatigue. I just feel so guilty about being tired all the time, people having to help me all the time, people always bringing us meals, etc. I am so very appreciative of everything people have done, but I just feel so guilty and tired of not being able to do everything on my own. He also asked if I was just sick of everything, I said yes!!! I am tired of this! My CEA has been creaping up a bit, a couple weeks ago, I guess they did draw it and didn't tell me... it was 4.7 or something like that, then this week they drew it again and it was 6.1. I am not going to panic yet, but if it continues to go up, that will make me very nervous. I am, as he says, tired of this. I start to question am I fighting something that I can't win! Is it worth the fight? My prognosis is very poor, it has been from the beginning. I have tried to think, I can beat this and I continue to think that way. But I have to ask, is this something I can beat or am I just fighting a losing battle! The rest of the week has gone well, I rested a lot! Doug was gone for a few days this week too which was difficult. He has never really gone away for a few days like this time and I miss him tremendously!
My family on my dad's side has also had a tremendous loss this week. We lost one of my cousin's (my dad's sister's son) very unexpectedly! I have been praying so hard this week that things would turn around for him and he would fully recover but he did not! The only good from this is that he was an organ donor and hopefully saved others lives. But he will be missed!
On a happier note, Ella is growing leaps and bounds! She is talking so much lately, full sentences!! She says the funniest things, I can't help but laugh.
Tonight, I am going out with the girls for the Sex and the City premiere!! It will be so much fun. I am getting dressed up and we will have some Cosmo's in honor of the show and go to dinner then the movie. I am so looking forward to this! It should be a great time. Hopefully by the time I get home, Doug will be back home. I can't wait to see him! I hope you all have a great weekend! I am so sorry I haven't written much lately, but I would love to hear from all of you! I miss my support system, I miss hearing from you all and how you all are doing? I hope you all who are also battling cancer right now are doing well and fighting hard! Naomi from GA (I think)- I hope they have found out what is going on with you and are able to take care of it! You all are always in my prayers! Thank you for being there for me, I hope i can be there for you too! shawndra