Sunday, April 1, 2007

pain

Hey everyone - I hope you all had a good weekend. Since KU didn't make it to the Final Four, we didn't go to Atlanta, which is probably for the best. I have been having more pain the last few days, and my pain medication does not seem to be completely kicking it. I am sorry to Leanne and Chad that we had to cancel our plans on you. I was able though to go to my friend's son's birthday party Saturday morning, which was great fun for Ella and me. We also went to Deanna Rose for a little outing and had our neighborhood easter egg hunt too. So it was a fun weekend, but I wasn't able to do all I wanted because of the pain. This, to me, is very frustrating, that I am limited on what I can do, and I have to rely on others for help. I know what you all are going to say, but put yourself in my shoes, not many people like to rely on others, do you? So mentally this was a tough weekend. Normally I would cover this up and not tell anyone, but I don't want to paint the picture that I am great all the time, and fake my true feelings. I do that enough and figure I should be true to this experience and to you all of what I am going through.

A few people have asked about my initial symptoms that lead to my diagnosis. I want to address that, especially for those who may be experiencing some of the same symptoms and not sure if they should go get checked out. If you don't like hearing about some very personal (BM) info, you can skip this section... About six months after I had Ella I started having bowel problems, I guess you can call it constipation. I was only able to go little bits at a time and had to go more frequently because I couldn't get it all out. I would sometimes describe to my mother that it was almost like dust. I started to have lower abdominal pain which would cause me to crunch over at my waist and a small amount of blood in my stool once in awhile. I kept thinking I just had irritable bowel syndrome and put off going to the doctor until my mother kept pushing me, saying, Shawndra, this isn't normal. So, if any of you have any symptoms, please get it checked out. Also, you need to be persistent with the doctors if your symptoms are not going away, I initially went to a primary care doctor who didn't find anything, then a few months later went to a GI specialist who initially didn't think much of my symptoms, tried me on some medication for a couple weeks. I asked him if I needed to be scoped, he didn't think it was initially necessary but if symptoms persisted he said we would do one. So, the moral of the story, be persistent and pay attention to your body. Most people will not have my scenario, this is fairly rare, but it is better to be safe than sorry!!!

Okay, for those who skipped that section here is the rest... I am going in tomorrow for my PET/CT but probably won't get the results for a few days. I will also go in for my weekly bloodwork. I am going to contact my doctor to see what he recommends for pain. I guess part of me is scared what the pain may mean... is it the chemo working (ya), or is the cancer spreading? It has been an emotional weekend. Don't worry, that won't last, but I do have my moments.

Oh, I haven't seen myself on television. I think they are doing the series for one more week, so it could be this Monday, Wednesday or Friday evening, 6PM or 10PM on NBC. Maybe they didn't think they could use my interview though, so I may not be on. They never let me know for sure.

I will try to get a picture of Ella at the easter egg hunt out to you all soon. I need Doug for that part, as I am not computer savvy enough. I will let you know when I get some results from my scan tomorrow. Let's hope I don't forget that I can not have anything to eat or drink after 6:15 am. Ugh, I hope I don't have to drink barium, since the last CT scan, I get nauseous just thinking about it. Have a great week everyone! Shawndra

18 comments:

Kaitlyns Mumma said...

Shawndra,
I will be thinking of you and keeping you and your family in my prayers. I hope your scans go well and you and your doctor are able to resolve your pain management problems.
God Bless
Christina
Olathe, KS

Anonymous said...

"Character is not made in a crisis----it is only exhbited."

Robert Freeman

Anonymous said...

Shawndra, As always I will be keeping you, Ella, Doug, and the rest of your family in my prayers. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and pray all goes well.
love, Julie

Andrea said...

Shawny-
You are always in my prayers. I pray for a good scan, decreased CEA level, and for decreased pain for you. It must be so hard to deal with all you have on your plate. Know that you have a HUGE support system out there and that we are all here for you, whenever!! Praise God for who and what you have, all these people are such a blessing. Draw upon HIM tomorrow for strength, for God is our Redeemer!
Love you much!
Dre

mn4aa said...

Thank you so much for sharing your symptoms. I know your site will educate many as it did me. I will be thinking and praying for you tommorrow. I think it is important to let us bloggers know when u are in pain or something else so we can all send hugs and prayers to you!! I know thats what I am doing, take care!!! God Bless you and your family.

Jean said...

Shawndra,
Thank you for your honesty. We too often, put on the fake smile and pretend all is well. All is not well and you need the love, support, prayers, and help of other. You have actually given others the gift of being needed. Thank you. Praying for a positive outcome on Monday and for God to calm your fears.
hugs,
Jean

Anonymous said...

Shawndra-

We continue to keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. We want you to know we are here for you!

Lisa Mudge

Anonymous said...

Shawndra,
Please know that even though most of us are not physically with you, we are all by your side every step of the way. I pray for you all the time. As they say in the movie Waterboy, "You Can Do ITtttt"!

Beth Patterson

Adam said...

Shawndra,

I can relate to your anxiety over certain pains or sometimes "phantom pains". I know waitng for scan results is not easy as well.

Hang in there,

Adam

http://www.adambeldycki.com

Anonymous said...

Shawndra,

To piggy back on the "Character is not made in a crisis---it is only exhibited" quote...Your character is one of great strength, optimism and courage. You possess the natural ability to put those around you at ease with your humor and smile. Having said that, your willingness to be vulnerable and allow us to see the Shawndra who is scared and emotional, puts this complex, roller-coaster of a journey called cancer into perspective. You are waging a battle for your life few can understand. Whether we see the silly, full of laughter Shawndra or the scared, I need some time alone Shawndra, We love you all the same and we are all here to support you in any way we can.
You have always had amazing character....thank you for allowing us to see it....ups, and downs and everything in between.
Love,

Brandi

Anonymous said...

I discovered your blog today while visiting Jen Irelands blog. I have followed hers for some time, she was and is a true inspiration.

You are in my prayers and I will continue to visit.

Take care. Deborah

Anonymous said...

Hey there sweet girl. Rmember it is all about YOU! Love you much. MOM2

Anonymous said...

Shawndra,
I found your blog from Jennifer Ireland's. I began reading hers right after it was started. I am glad that Chris has added all the others who need prayers and support for their cancer battle. I hope you feel better
and that your scans show improvement.I will continue to check on you.
Many Blessings,
Paulette Clements

Anonymous said...

Shawndra,
Kendall/Shelby send a HUGE smile to you! We talked about you over the weekend. News of your PET/CT Scan results came this afternoon from Andrea, but we remain strong in faith...Terri and I pray for you, Doug and Ella constantly. WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Tim Beauchamp
Dallas, Texas

Alaina said...

Shawndra,
I hope your PET scan went well and will show some improvement! Hopefully, the pain is better by now and was just temporary.
I pray for every person affected by this awful disease, as well as any others, every everning. As odd as it sounds, I have also found it helpful to write our prayers in a letter to God and put it in the Bible. To me, I am physcially giving Him my prayers and getting a different sense of trust from it. (Writing, as you probably have found out by now, is very theraputic too!)
I am looking forward to meeting you at the CFC.
Alaina

Laura said...

Sorry to hear that you are in pain and I will be keeping you in my thoughts. My Dad is a colon cancer survivor, his was caught completely by chance, and I know that I am now at 100% genetic risk for the disease which scares the hell out of me, but I am educated to watch for symptoms and will be monitored every three years as a precaution. I look forward to watching your journey and hearing your story. Sending lots of **positive** vibes your way.

Laura
Oxfordshire, U.K.

Anonymous said...

Shawndra-
It was great seeing you- You look so beautiful and fresh! Who would ever know all that you are going through! I want you to know my friend "the pain doc" Dan Kloster called me Mon concerned re: you. He said so many people in your situation put off a consult and suffer with whatever the pain is. That is the last thing that should be keeping you down! No matter what it is from- nobody wants you to be in pain! So whenever you are ready, if you want to see him let me know and he is happy to get you in even just to talk. I didn't want to bug you with this if you are feeling better-
You are in my thoughts and prayers day and night. I hope you can feel the Lord's arms wrapped around you and angels by your side.
Love you-
Adriane

Bahama Mama said...

Shawndrea,

If I hadn't been in Dallas, I think you might have found me on your doorstep today. I'm disappointed my parents just left for Jordan, because it sounds like you can use all of the help you can get right now.
I really enjoyed this entry, because people, especially those in close proximity, need to know that it isn't easy to ask for help and sometimes people need to just do things for you (i.e. my heating pad purchase and nazi nurse carol). ;)
I was also very happy to see you revisit your initial symptoms, knowing you are touching/educating/helping so many others. It is easy to forget that doctors don't know everything (sorry Dr. B) and that sometimes you have to continue to question and even push for answers. I'm glad you kept pushing. Keep up the fight.
Unless Andrea scares me again, I'll see you on either the 28th or 29th.
I love you with all of my heart. D