Monday, April 16, 2007

Darn Hormones

Hey everyone- Sorry, it has been so long since I wrote last. I am better now from that stomach bug. The getting sick part didn't last but 12 hours or so but I think it as well as just trying to keep up with daily life got to me. This Saturday I spent most of the day in bed, thanks to Doug, who cared for Ella all day, I was able to get some much needed rest. It didn't exactly perk me up all that much, I am still dragging a little bit. I think the chemo may be causing that. I did have a good weekend, we did get to have dinner with some friends friday night and celebrate my cousins birthday with my family saturday night.

We had our first Chucky Cheese experience on Sunday when we went for one of Doug's friend's daughter's birthday. It was a good time. Ella absolutely had a blast! I tell you, I think we have a basketball star on our hands, she loved to play the basketball game, throwing hoops with all the other boys!

I am going to explain the title of this blog. This morning I woke up and I was in tears, I am not exactly sure why, but I just felt like crying and that went on most of the morning. Poor Doug, I made him so nervous, he called my mom who attempted to keep that secret but I knew he had called. So, I was feeling a bit blue, some days, it gets to be overwhelming and... don't get nervous with this next statement, please, but it all seems too hard, maybe easier the other route (not fighting). Of course, that is not me, and I would not do that to my husband, to my daughter or to all my friends and family but it was one of those moments, ya know. I think, truly, that some of this stems from going off my hormone patch. As some of you know, I had to have a total hysterectomy with my surgery, so they placed me on hormones to help. No problem! Well, with the pulmonary emboli (blood clots), I had to go off the hormone patch. So this, I think, is why I was an emotional basketcase this morning. I sure hope this doesn't happen a lot. I don't like it one bit!

I am otherwise doing fairly well, my back pain is getting better. I haven't had to take quite as many drugs as I had been. Darn, right, ha! My mom cheered me up today. After my bloodwork, which seemed to be okay, except lower white blood cell count, normal with chemo, my mom, Ella and I went out to my parents lake house. It is only about 40 minutes away, so we got to play a little outside and do a few things my mom wanted to do inside. Then the neighborhood ended up congregating in our backyard after we had dinner outside, because it was soooo nice out! Of course, Ella wants to be outside as much as possible. Have I mentioned how much we love our neighbors. We have grrrrrrrrrreaaaaatttttttttt neighbors!

If you see me in the next few days, don't panic, I have a bit of a bruise on my nose, Ella clocked me with the remote control yesterday, with the blood thinner I am on, it definitely left a mark! I hope everyone is enjoying the nicer weather. Believe it or not, we had snow Friday night into Saturday morning and Doug and Ella made a snowman. ha. He is just barely still there in our yard. Actually probably not anymore after the kids were playing tag back there.

As you can see, I have my ups and downs, mostly ups but a few downs and life goes on, doesn't it! Take care everyone. love, shawndra


Anonymous said...

You seem to be such a strong person and I am sure there are times when you just get so frustrated because you do not feel well and that would become overbearing. Remember, God is always there for you.

Anonymous said...

It was so good to hear from you! I had not seen you and was hoping you were feeling okay. You do live in an awesome neighborhood and you have no idea how many are pulling and praying for you. We are all here for you, Doug and Ella. Keep your fighting gloves on and don't let that positive attitude of yours go. You are truly beautiful!

Anonymous said...


Sorry to hear about your morning; certainly sounds like your hormones. Hopefully that will get more manageable ASAP! Glad to hear that you had some fun this weekend and were able to enjoy the beautiful weather today, following our snowy Friday. You have to love this Kansas City weather. Hope the rest of your week is great! Remember, many people you don't even know, including myself, are praying for you!

Jennifer Teegarden MD

Alicia said...

As long as the good days out number the bad days we are doing something right, I think.

I am amazed by you. I am constantly thinking of you and always praying for you.


Anonymous said...

Again thank you for your honesty. Life is not sanitary and simple. You are courageous enough to share the crappy parts and not gloss over it. Thank you for being real...those reality seeds may bloom in someone else's life all too soon and they can look to you as an example of fighting the good fight.

Ella is beautiful and I'm glad you had the chance to enjoy a Chuckie Cheese event. As a mom of 5, we've been there, done that, didn't buy the t-shirt(LOL), but exchanged lots of tickets for lots of junk. I think it must be a suburban right of passage.

Hang on to your family and friends and most importantly hang on to the hand of Jesus...he will never let go. Hugs and lots of prayers...

Emily said...

I just saw your info on Angie's myspace page. I wanted to say that I am thinking and praying for you. Your daughter is absoutely beautiful. Your story is very much an inspiration to live life fully! Keep on going!!!

Emily McFadden

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your life so openly with everyone. Your are on my church prayer list, I hope that is OK. I feel that there is strength in numbers. I miss your smile and laugh at CMH. I am sending you a big hug.

Anonymous said...


Just wanted to let you know we are thinking of you! Our thoughts and prayers are with you all!

Lisa Mudge

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to thank you for having us over on Friday. We had a great time. Madi loved dancing with Ella and Keaton! They were all so cute. Sorry you had a rough go but, hang in there and keep you chin up. Your positive attitude and outlook on life is such an inspiration to so many people including me, you are my hero!! You know I love ya girl! Michelle

jill rilinger said...

Shawndra---I can't even imagine how tough some days must be----thanks for sharing. Praying for you, jill

Anonymous said...

Young menopausal,
that's another one of your challenges. How many? Look back and see how well and how much you have already dealt with. Every day is every one's God's gift. It's so good your expressing all that's going on in your mind! That's healing. Love yourself for your rainy days and sunny days, accepting yourself as you are: This Great Young Woman!
Our unconditional love.
Roswita,Marcus,Rainer and Carla

Anonymous said...

You amaze me with your strength of spirit and heart...even if your body doesn't keep up all the time. It is obvious that Ella is your source of joy, and Doug is your rock. You have soooo many people thinking of you and praying for you many times every day....and LOVE himself holds you in the palm of his hand...always!!! See you soon. Gail Ezell

Anonymous said...

Shawndra -

WOW! Ms. Sweet was kind enough to direct my attention this way. I'm am in awe of your strength and your ability to remain positive. I think of you often and am so glad to see for myself your beautiful smile through all of your ups and downs. This blog is wonderful. It lifts my spirits to see the wonderful group of people you have supporting you through this great challenge.

I am still counting on a visit to Micheal Meyers lake this summer, if your schedule allows. Give Ella, Doug and Caroline a hug from me!

PS - Does this mean you won't be doing that MS75 this year?? Just kidding...

I love you, Shawndra! Be well!
- Dawner

Anonymous said...

shanwdra- dawn told me about your blog. its so good to be able to see how you are doing, especially the pics. you have such an adorable family! and you are beautiful!

your strength and your attitude amazes me. i will continue to pray for you daily.

and i would love to come and visit some time, maybe with dawn, or when ever it might work out. ella looks like such a joy, i would love to meet her!

take care, you are always in my thoughts! -becca