My Favorite Photo & Remember MP3

I miss Shawndra. And so does Ella. Heck, we all do. I'm not sure her passing has completely sunk in yet. I think I'm still experiencing a small state of mental shock.


Flashback to two Thursdays ago, at the funeral, and I remember for almost one hour, Shawndra's cousin, Pastor Les Beauchamp, so eloquently speaking about Shawndra. His words brought comfort and peace, knowing that Shawndra is still with us, in spirit. Thank you Les. Words cannot express how grateful we are.


A recording of Les's "rememberance" of Shawndra may be downloaded as an MP3 file from http://dougturner.com/Les_Beauchamp_Remember_Shawndra_Turner.mp3 (Right-click on the link and choose "save link as". Here's a free media player to play it -- http://www.winamp.com/)


A heartfelt thank you goes out to all who donated to Solace House. I delivered the memorial contributions last week. I hadn't intended to use their counseling services, but after a tour, and very informative conversation with the director, I felt Ella and I could benefit. We start group therapy in April. Ella is dealing with this life changing event rather well, but I'm very concerned about her. For peace of mind, I think I need a professional to tell me "she's okay". I question whether my explanations are satisfactory to a three year old, and whether I'm saying the right things.


I photographed Shawndra approximately one hour before I asked for her hand in marriage. This is my absolute favorite photo of Shawndra. It was July 26, 2003. Next to a window, facing west, we sat in restaurant, at The Elms Resort, in Excelsior Springs. The sun cast a warm hue upon Shawndra's face. I remember how her eyes glistened. How her smile lit up the room. She was so full of life that night. I remember how she made me feel, knowing I would soon be asking her to spend the rest of our lives together. Ah... the memories. I must have stared at this photo for over half the duration of the funeral service. I'll probably bookmark this post and click on the photo many times. I want to especially thank my Uncle Malcolm for preparing all the photos displayed at the services.


These past two weeks have been difficult. So many family members, friends, care providers, and even strangers, have made it bearable. And for that, I thank you.


There has been some speculation whether this BLOG would continue. Honestly, I don't know. A few months ago, we were "taking things", one-half day at at a time. I think it's improved to one day at a time. Ella is my number one priority in life now. She and I are figuring this out together, one step at a time.


One last thought before wrapping up this post...

Immediately following the graveside service, several of us released butterfly shaped, helium-filled balloons, in honor of Shawndra. While most were carried up by the westerly winds, mine, and a few others, got caught in the trees, directly above Shawndra's grave. At first I was disgusted with my failed attempt to release the balloon so that it would fly around the tree. Then I asked myself, how would Shawndra handle this situation. Would she have been angry? Disappointed? Of course not, she would have laughed. And that's what I did, as I exclaimed to the remaining bystanders, "Shawndra wants that butterfly balloon stuck in the tree above her so she can see it!" If there's one thing I learned from Shawndra, in our brief years as husband and wife, it's that you have to let yourself see the "good" in almost any situation. Thank you, sweetie. You showed me once again.

- Doug