Friday, July 13, 2007

That Helpless Feeling

Shawndra asked me to write an entry while she's being scanned. Together, just moments ago, we read the results of the PET/CT scan from Wednesday past. As I think & type, I can't seem to block out the sentence in the report that reads -- "This is highly suspicious for malignancy." The scan of her pelvic region today, with intravenous contrast, will aid the doctors in determining how severe this "lighted up area" is.

This feeling of helplessness is aweful. Isn't there somebody out there that can "fix" this? Yes, I'm angry. I don't wallow in self pity though... far from it. Shawndra is enduring most of the pain, and I always remember that. I can be her husband, her rock, her emotional partner, and the rest, I leave to God.

Hi baby. You're walking out of the scan now... with a smile on your face no-less. Oh, how you light up my life. Love you. - Doug

31 comments:

Dinah said...

Good heavens,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,praying for you.... Keep your chins up, as know there are many out here praying for you. Thanks for keeping us in the circle... As if we had any importance in your life...d

Anonymous said...

Doug and Shawndra,

You are both such amazing people. Most of us have no idea what you are going through, all we can do is be here to support you! Shawndra, you are so lucky to have such a wonderful husband. God Bless you and your families and try to have a wonderful weekend!

Mom of a munchkin said...

Shawndra you are beautiful. Your blog is an incredible testament of strength. My hope and prayers are with you.

Especially Heather said...

Waiting is the hardest.. You do it with such grace.

Im praying,
-H

Anonymous said...

Shawndra I've been thinking about you all morning. I can picture you with a smile on your face and your personality bubbling over. You are so strong. I am hoping you and Doug have a peaceful weekend.
Miki

Kelley said...

You are all in our prayers.

laughing mommy said...

I came over from especially heather. Praying for you over here in the Pacific Northwest.

Anonymous said...

Many prayers coming your way, positive thoughts, and lots of love.

Susan said...

Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way, Shawndra.

Our Family said...

You are a truly beautiful woman, mother, and wife. I will be praying hard for you in AZ!
-Astraea

Anonymous said...

Shawndra, your strength is amazing.....Truly. My prayers are with you and your beautiful family.

Cheryl

Angie said...

Always with that smile...

Love you guys...
Ang

Anonymous said...

Sawndra & Doug- Keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. Thank you for keeping us updated, even with so much on your mind and in your heart.
Heather, Independence, MO

Diane J. said...

Here by way of Especially Heather....

I have a BIL who has survived a rare form of colon cancer for over 15 years, so far with no recurrence. Keep your faith and fight hard!

Love, hugs and prayers from Arkansas. :-)

Diane

Anonymous said...

You are not alone in this battle. It is easy to see how large your prayer army is, how huge your team is. Praying for you both.


Beth Patterson

Anonymous said...

Do not lose focus on the goal...keep fighting to beat this awful disease!
Prayers,
Alaina

Linds said...

Hi, I am here via Heather too. I just want to let you know I will be praying for you and your family here in England as well.
God bless.

Sun said...

Oh my heart hurts for you guys! We are praying...Doug that was such a sweet post for your wife. I am so sorry you are walking through this. Sunshine

Melinda said...

Hang in there. We're praying for you.

Hugs,
Melinda

Anonymous said...

I'm in tears. I feel for you both so much, for your child and your family. I pray that things come out well for Shawndra, she is a wonderful woman, so brave yet so fragile. She is truly blessed to have your support and love. Hold her close and cheerish every moment together, make sure she sees the beauty of each and every day. You're all in our prayers!!
Deb

Anonymous said...

I am thinking of you and praying for you. Do not lose hope, and always turn to each other!
Dee Smith

CrownLaidDown said...

Praying for you Shawndra...may God be so thick in your midst as you walk this out.

With love and prayers in Jesus,
Holly Smith
Monument, CO

CrownLaidDown said...

By the way, my cousin's wife is from Kansas and went to KU...her last name is now Dunston. Do you know any Dunston's?

Just curious.

Praying for you!
Holly

Beverly said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling helpless. Maybe the scan will help formulate a plan, but waiting for scan results can be so difficult.

Keep believing.

Kim said...

Here from Especially Heather. To Doug, Shawndra is incredibly lucky to have a supportive & loving husband like you. Shawndra, one more soul among many will be praying for you tonight. God Bless.

Heidi Evans said...

Praying for you and that you would have super natural peace as you walk through this. God is so big!!!

T with Honey said...

Doug, how sweet. Way to stand by your woman!

Jenny said...

Here by way of Especially Heather. Prayers for you and your family from TN.

Jenny

Anonymous said...

You have the right attitude...enjoy life! Waiting and not knowing can be very stressful. I will be praying for you and your family.

Many Blessings,
Paula

Marjorie said...

I'm also here from Especially Heather...God holds you in the palm of his hand...very gently.

Paulette said...

Hello Shawndra and Doug. I have been coming by everyday to check on you and I did not know to click on newer post so I just found your newest update. I have been wondering about the scan. I am so sorry about this set back. I believe God has sent a charge of his people to pray for Shawndra's healing and I will be praying without ceasing.
May the father wrap you all in his big safe arms, and that you would know without a shadow of a doubt that he is in control.