Hello everyone- My computer was on the fritz yesterday so I haven't been able to check my email or write. I had my 3rd round of chemo this week. I also met with my oncologist before I started the chemo. I got a bit emotional in his office and then the floodworks started and I couldn't shut them off for a while! He didn't tell me anything bad, necessarily, he just asked me how I was doing... I told him I am tired a lot and I am just tired of being tired. I started taking Ritalin which he prescribed to try and help with the fatigue. I just feel so guilty about being tired all the time, people having to help me all the time, people always bringing us meals, etc. I am so very appreciative of everything people have done, but I just feel so guilty and tired of not being able to do everything on my own. He also asked if I was just sick of everything, I said yes!!! I am tired of this! My CEA has been creaping up a bit, a couple weeks ago, I guess they did draw it and didn't tell me... it was 4.7 or something like that, then this week they drew it again and it was 6.1. I am not going to panic yet, but if it continues to go up, that will make me very nervous. I am, as he says, tired of this. I start to question am I fighting something that I can't win! Is it worth the fight? My prognosis is very poor, it has been from the beginning. I have tried to think, I can beat this and I continue to think that way. But I have to ask, is this something I can beat or am I just fighting a losing battle! The rest of the week has gone well, I rested a lot! Doug was gone for a few days this week too which was difficult. He has never really gone away for a few days like this time and I miss him tremendously!
My family on my dad's side has also had a tremendous loss this week. We lost one of my cousin's (my dad's sister's son) very unexpectedly! I have been praying so hard this week that things would turn around for him and he would fully recover but he did not! The only good from this is that he was an organ donor and hopefully saved others lives. But he will be missed!
On a happier note, Ella is growing leaps and bounds! She is talking so much lately, full sentences!! She says the funniest things, I can't help but laugh.
Tonight, I am going out with the girls for the Sex and the City premiere!! It will be so much fun. I am getting dressed up and we will have some Cosmo's in honor of the show and go to dinner then the movie. I am so looking forward to this! It should be a great time. Hopefully by the time I get home, Doug will be back home. I can't wait to see him! I hope you all have a great weekend! I am so sorry I haven't written much lately, but I would love to hear from all of you! I miss my support system, I miss hearing from you all and how you all are doing? I hope you all who are also battling cancer right now are doing well and fighting hard! Naomi from GA (I think)- I hope they have found out what is going on with you and are able to take care of it! You all are always in my prayers! Thank you for being there for me, I hope i can be there for you too! shawndra
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Research and Remember
Hey everyone- Well, I don't have too much to report as far as results. My initial PET results sound like everything is about the same as before. I just got that result from the nurse over the phone. I haven't actually seen the report or talked to the doctor about it yet. I will see him next Tuesday before chemo and discuss it then. but it sounds like there is really no change, some suspicious area in the pelvis and nothing else really lights up, except the gallbladder area, which was removed in surgery, so this is probably from post operative changes. As far as the CEA, blood work, they didn't end up drawing it. They said it wasn't ordered, even though it was on my schedule to be drawn. So, I will have them do it next week before chemo. So, this really isn't very exciting or informative news. I guess though that no news is good news, atleast there is nothing new showing up so that in itself is good news.
On another note, I was asked by a faithful blogger named Michelle if she could honor me while running the New York Marathon for cancer research. I agreed with only having to give my name and a few signatures in order to do this, nothing else on my part. She will do the hard part of training and running the marathon and raising the funds (which I have done before and is no easy task). She needs to raise atleast 3,000 dollars, but it is going towards Colon cancer research in my honor. Doug helped by putting a logo/link (see Fred), on the left hand side, under our picture. You can go check out her webpage and get more information and donate as well. This is the least I can do for her, is to tell you all about it and try to help raise the funds. I have heard several reports that researchers are making incredible strides in finding a cure for all cancers. Specifically colon cancer research has come a very long way in the last several years. If I was diagnosed only 5 years prior, I would not have the chemo drugs I am using today which have been found to prolong life if not save lives. I probably would not be here today if that were the case! Researchers continue to look for better treatment with fewer side effects and they are succeeding but still need help. Please consider donating to the cause. It is completely anonymous so I won't know who has given or who has not. I know a lot of people can't afford to give and that is okay. But Michelle, by doing this, you are saving so many lives and I am in aw of you for doing it! A marathon in itself is a tremendous feat but to honor me, someone you've never even met, and raise all that money....you are an angel!
Everyone have a terrific Memorial Day weekend!!! I hope you all get to spend time outside in the beautiful weather, rain or shine, and are able to spend some time with people you love or doing something you love and smiling! Also spend a little time remembering those soldiers who have passed while in military service -- memorial day. We shall never forget those who have passed, even though our memory begins to fade, our love never does. Shawndra
On another note, I was asked by a faithful blogger named Michelle if she could honor me while running the New York Marathon for cancer research. I agreed with only having to give my name and a few signatures in order to do this, nothing else on my part. She will do the hard part of training and running the marathon and raising the funds (which I have done before and is no easy task). She needs to raise atleast 3,000 dollars, but it is going towards Colon cancer research in my honor. Doug helped by putting a logo/link (see Fred), on the left hand side, under our picture. You can go check out her webpage and get more information and donate as well. This is the least I can do for her, is to tell you all about it and try to help raise the funds. I have heard several reports that researchers are making incredible strides in finding a cure for all cancers. Specifically colon cancer research has come a very long way in the last several years. If I was diagnosed only 5 years prior, I would not have the chemo drugs I am using today which have been found to prolong life if not save lives. I probably would not be here today if that were the case! Researchers continue to look for better treatment with fewer side effects and they are succeeding but still need help. Please consider donating to the cause. It is completely anonymous so I won't know who has given or who has not. I know a lot of people can't afford to give and that is okay. But Michelle, by doing this, you are saving so many lives and I am in aw of you for doing it! A marathon in itself is a tremendous feat but to honor me, someone you've never even met, and raise all that money....you are an angel!
Everyone have a terrific Memorial Day weekend!!! I hope you all get to spend time outside in the beautiful weather, rain or shine, and are able to spend some time with people you love or doing something you love and smiling! Also spend a little time remembering those soldiers who have passed while in military service -- memorial day. We shall never forget those who have passed, even though our memory begins to fade, our love never does. Shawndra
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
tests
Lots of stuff going on today. I am getting ready to go have a PET/CT done, then I go have labwork, which will consist today of a CEA. I pray that the CEA level is still normal/low and that my scan shows nothing but improvement. I also go to see my primary care physician today about my blood pressure. So it is a busy day for doctors appointments. I will let you all know how things come out. Please keep up the prayers, let 's hope I get good results!!! Then maybe I can get off chemo soon. Yaaaa. thank you my prayer warriors, shawndra
Friday, May 16, 2008
High blood pressure
Hey Everyone- I am done with my second round of chemo. It went well, just tired is all. I spent most of Wednesday in bed, I never did get out of my pajamas. I forgot to tell you and Sue reminded me about my most recent scan. It basically was about the same, nothing exciting to report. I don't know if that is good or bad but my oncologist said there wasn't anything to report. I have a scheduled PET/CT scan coming up I believe this Tuesday, May 20th. So I maybe this scan will show more improvement or something.
The other thing that has been going on is I've noticed my blood pressure has been rather high since I started chemo again. I thought maybe the first week I was just nervous but it has been high ever since and yesterday when I went to get my pump off, it was super high for me 163/101. Yikes. The nurse practitioner talked to the doctor and they gave me a prescription for high blood pressure medication. But what really upset me was they didn't even mention trying to figure out why my blood pressure might be that high. They just threw the script at me and said, well we don't know why it is that high. I thought, and told them, well maybe we should draw some blood to see if anything is abnormal. SO they did, only because I told them too. Maybe there isn't a reason it has all of a sudden shot up but then maybe there is a reason and I would like to find that reason, if there is one, ya know. I was a bit frustrated by the whole situation and a bit upset that they just kind of blew it off! I will be following up with my primary care doctor when she gets back in town next week, so we can try to figure out if something is causing this.
I have been meaning to mention something else. I know some of you found my site through Jennifer Ireland's website which has not to long ago been quiet since Chris is no longer blogging. I keep in touch with Jen's mother, Jan, who misses the website tremendously, the support she got from it. I think she said she has blogged atleast once about the girls. So you might check the site from time to time. Also one of her doctors is blogging on the foundation site, I believe. So you might go and check that out as well. We can still support the foundation which is trying to raise money for young adults like me who need some help financially from time to time for extra expenses from cancer. They have many activities set up, a golf tournament and pub crawl in St. Louis, etc. The website will tell you more about all that, so please don't forget about that site! Jan still checks the site regularly so I think you can send her comments through there or you can through here as well, she says she checks my site regularly too! Recently her father is going through chemotherapy so she has had one thing after another going on in her life. She continues to need support!
well, I think that is all for now, there is so much I had been meaning to write about so I am glad I have. I need to go, Ella is trying to touch buttons on the computer and almost just erased this whole message a minute ago. I will try to write soon. Everyone have a great weekend. I am pump free and am going to enjoy the weather. Shawndra
The other thing that has been going on is I've noticed my blood pressure has been rather high since I started chemo again. I thought maybe the first week I was just nervous but it has been high ever since and yesterday when I went to get my pump off, it was super high for me 163/101. Yikes. The nurse practitioner talked to the doctor and they gave me a prescription for high blood pressure medication. But what really upset me was they didn't even mention trying to figure out why my blood pressure might be that high. They just threw the script at me and said, well we don't know why it is that high. I thought, and told them, well maybe we should draw some blood to see if anything is abnormal. SO they did, only because I told them too. Maybe there isn't a reason it has all of a sudden shot up but then maybe there is a reason and I would like to find that reason, if there is one, ya know. I was a bit frustrated by the whole situation and a bit upset that they just kind of blew it off! I will be following up with my primary care doctor when she gets back in town next week, so we can try to figure out if something is causing this.
I have been meaning to mention something else. I know some of you found my site through Jennifer Ireland's website which has not to long ago been quiet since Chris is no longer blogging. I keep in touch with Jen's mother, Jan, who misses the website tremendously, the support she got from it. I think she said she has blogged atleast once about the girls. So you might check the site from time to time. Also one of her doctors is blogging on the foundation site, I believe. So you might go and check that out as well. We can still support the foundation which is trying to raise money for young adults like me who need some help financially from time to time for extra expenses from cancer. They have many activities set up, a golf tournament and pub crawl in St. Louis, etc. The website will tell you more about all that, so please don't forget about that site! Jan still checks the site regularly so I think you can send her comments through there or you can through here as well, she says she checks my site regularly too! Recently her father is going through chemotherapy so she has had one thing after another going on in her life. She continues to need support!
well, I think that is all for now, there is so much I had been meaning to write about so I am glad I have. I need to go, Ella is trying to touch buttons on the computer and almost just erased this whole message a minute ago. I will try to write soon. Everyone have a great weekend. I am pump free and am going to enjoy the weather. Shawndra
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Happy Mother's Day
Happy Mother's day to all you mom's out there! I hope you had a great day, smiled and were proud that you are a mom. I am. Here is a poem I just received and had to send it on to you all....
MOTHERS and MOMS
This is for the mothers who have sat up
all night with sick toddlers in their arms,
wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer
wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,
'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.'
Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.
This is for all the mothers who show up at
work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains
on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
For all the mothers who run carpools and
make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.
And all the mothers who DON'T.
This is for the mothers who gave birth to
babies they'll never see. And the mothers
who took those babies and gave them homes.
This is for the mothers whose priceless art
collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.
And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars.
And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?' they could say, 'Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world,' and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.
This is for all the mothers who sat down with
their children and explained all about making
babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who
wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.
This is for all the mothers who go
hungry, so their children can eat.
For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight,
Moon' twice a night for a year. And then
read it again, 'Just one more time.'
This is for all the mothers who taught
their children to tie their shoelaces before
they started school. And for all the mothers
who opted for Velcro instead.
This is for all the mothers who teach their sons
to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?' in a crowd, even though they know their
own offspring are at home -- or even away
at college -- or have their own families.
This is for all the mothers who sent their kids
to school with stomach aches, assuring them
they'd be just FINE once they got there, only
to get calls from the school nurse an hour later
asking them to please pick them up. Right away.
This is for mothers whose children have gone
astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
For all the mothers who bite their lips until they
bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.
For all the mothers of the victims of
recent school shootings, and the mothers
of those who did the shooting.
For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.
This is for all the mothers who taught their
children to be peaceful, and now pray
they come home safely from a war.
What makes a good mother anyway?
Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and
sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache she feels when she
watches her son or daughter disappear
down the street, walking to school alone
for the very first time?
The jolt that takes her from sleep to
dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put
her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
The panic, years later, that comes again
at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear
their key in the door and know they
are safe again in her home?
Or the need to flee from wherever she is
and hug her child when she hears news
of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?
The emotions of motherhood are
universal and so our thoughts are for
young mothers stumbling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation...
And for mature mothers learning to let go.
For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.
Single mothers and married mothers.
Mothers with money, mothers without.
This is for you all. For all of us...
Hang in there. In the end we can
only do the best we can. Tell them
every day that we love them. And pray
and never stop being a mother...
'Home is what catches you when
you fall - and we all fall.'
Please pass this to a
wonderful mother you know.
(I just did!)
love, shawndra
MOTHERS and MOMS
This is for the mothers who have sat up
all night with sick toddlers in their arms,
wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer
wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying,
'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.'
Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.
This is for all the mothers who show up at
work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains
on their blouses and diapers in their purse.
For all the mothers who run carpools and
make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.
And all the mothers who DON'T.
This is for the mothers who gave birth to
babies they'll never see. And the mothers
who took those babies and gave them homes.
This is for the mothers whose priceless art
collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.
And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars.
And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?' they could say, 'Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world,' and mean it.
This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.
This is for all the mothers who sat down with
their children and explained all about making
babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who
wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.
This is for all the mothers who go
hungry, so their children can eat.
For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight,
Moon' twice a night for a year. And then
read it again, 'Just one more time.'
This is for all the mothers who taught
their children to tie their shoelaces before
they started school. And for all the mothers
who opted for Velcro instead.
This is for all the mothers who teach their sons
to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.
This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?' in a crowd, even though they know their
own offspring are at home -- or even away
at college -- or have their own families.
This is for all the mothers who sent their kids
to school with stomach aches, assuring them
they'd be just FINE once they got there, only
to get calls from the school nurse an hour later
asking them to please pick them up. Right away.
This is for mothers whose children have gone
astray, who can't find the words to reach them.
For all the mothers who bite their lips until they
bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.
For all the mothers of the victims of
recent school shootings, and the mothers
of those who did the shooting.
For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.
This is for all the mothers who taught their
children to be peaceful, and now pray
they come home safely from a war.
What makes a good mother anyway?
Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips?
The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and
sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?
Or is it in her heart?
Is it the ache she feels when she
watches her son or daughter disappear
down the street, walking to school alone
for the very first time?
The jolt that takes her from sleep to
dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put
her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?
The panic, years later, that comes again
at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear
their key in the door and know they
are safe again in her home?
Or the need to flee from wherever she is
and hug her child when she hears news
of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?
The emotions of motherhood are
universal and so our thoughts are for
young mothers stumbling through diaper
changes and sleep deprivation...
And for mature mothers learning to let go.
For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.
Single mothers and married mothers.
Mothers with money, mothers without.
This is for you all. For all of us...
Hang in there. In the end we can
only do the best we can. Tell them
every day that we love them. And pray
and never stop being a mother...
'Home is what catches you when
you fall - and we all fall.'
Please pass this to a
wonderful mother you know.
(I just did!)
love, shawndra
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Happy Nurses Week
Wow, we must be special to get a whole week, ha. My mother just reminded me that it was nurses week by bringing over flowers and a card to me. It couldn't have come at on a more perfect day. I have been .... what's the word... struggling lately with my new identity as a stay at home mom. Let me start off by saying this is one of the toughest jobs there is and it is highly respected! I don't mean to offend anyone out there this is just my personal story. I went to school for sooo many years to become a nurse practitioner, worked so hard and prided myself on being a working woman. After I had Ella, I had the best of both worlds! I could work part time and be home with Ella. It was the perfect mixture of work and being a mom and a wife. Since I was diagnosed, I tried to continue to work but with the unknown I decided I couldn't give my full commitment to my job and quit working. There are some perks to this too! I get to spend more time with Ella, I don't have to get up every morning at 6-6:30 shower and get dressed up, etc. But I feel like I have lost that part of me and I am no longer Shawndra the nurse or nurse practitioner, which was a large part of who I was. This along with the many changes that have taken place in the last two years. It really has struck me hard as I repeat the same tasks over and over. These past few days I have gotten so sick of the laundry basket half full the day after I just did laundry or the dishwasher full again and the dishes piling up beside the sink waiting for the dishwasher to be unloaded just to be reloaded again. This reminds me of a movie I saw with Cher in it many years ago... Witches of Eastwick, that was it! Does anyone remember that movie? Anyway, I know the grass is greener on the other side and I can't complain about my life. I do have a great life and am lucky that I am able to take this time off of work. THere are many people out there fighting cancer and working and many other things. I feel like a wuss when I think about that but I am just telling you how I feel. That is the point of this blog, to get things off my chest, good and bad. Freedom of speech, right, ahhh. It all makes mothers day even more special and meaningful. I used to think, this is just another day for hallmark to rack in the bucks. But mothers really need a day to be noticed and applauded. Just as nurses do as well. So does every profession. sorry Andrea, Physical therapist's don't have there day yet. We will come up with one!!!!
Thank you Nurses for all you do. You are truly important and vital. We deserve so much more than we get in pay, we should be up there with athletes, for who is more important, someone saving lives or throwing a ball. Don't get me started on that one! If you know a nurse let them know how much the mean! That is what makes our job worth while. The reward of our patients and families who need us in a time of difficulty and can trust us to be there for them. What a great profession I chose, someday I will be back to help others again. Right now I have to focus on myself and nursing myself back to health so I can take care of others! Another reason to fight! Happy Nurses day! Shawndra
Thank you Nurses for all you do. You are truly important and vital. We deserve so much more than we get in pay, we should be up there with athletes, for who is more important, someone saving lives or throwing a ball. Don't get me started on that one! If you know a nurse let them know how much the mean! That is what makes our job worth while. The reward of our patients and families who need us in a time of difficulty and can trust us to be there for them. What a great profession I chose, someday I will be back to help others again. Right now I have to focus on myself and nursing myself back to health so I can take care of others! Another reason to fight! Happy Nurses day! Shawndra
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Feeling Good
Hey everyone- Well round one (again) went pretty well. I got a little nausea yesterday while I was at the cancer center, they got that under control right away and I have been doing good. I even had some energy last night and didn't feel helpless. I was up and around and doing pretty much everything I normally do.
I am getting ready to go have lunch with DOug for his birthday. Gotta celebrate as much as possible.
Oh, it worked! last night I told Ella if she didn't stay in her bed, I would shut the door and it would lock. She got out of bed, I stuck to my guns and shut the door. She cried for a little while but then settled back down and went to bed. When we went to check on her she was fast asleep in her bed! ahhhhh. Let's hope it gets easier each night.
Tomorrow I get my chemo pump off, ya! Then I will have a week and a half off until the next round. But I am (knock on wood) hoping to do 2 cycles or only 4 rounds of chemo, so one down atleast 3 to go! I pray that I will only have to do 2 cycles and my scans and CEA will continue to look good and I can get off chemo for atleast now if not FOREVER!!!! Thank you prayer warriors, the prayers are definitely working! I was given two years to live with this disease, in September I will surpass that prediction and continue to live, live, live. I hope to be the ripe young age of 95 like my grandma, well maybe... careful what you wish for, right! hehe.
Talk to you all soon. Shawndra
Happy Birthday once again, Doug!
I am getting ready to go have lunch with DOug for his birthday. Gotta celebrate as much as possible.
Oh, it worked! last night I told Ella if she didn't stay in her bed, I would shut the door and it would lock. She got out of bed, I stuck to my guns and shut the door. She cried for a little while but then settled back down and went to bed. When we went to check on her she was fast asleep in her bed! ahhhhh. Let's hope it gets easier each night.
Tomorrow I get my chemo pump off, ya! Then I will have a week and a half off until the next round. But I am (knock on wood) hoping to do 2 cycles or only 4 rounds of chemo, so one down atleast 3 to go! I pray that I will only have to do 2 cycles and my scans and CEA will continue to look good and I can get off chemo for atleast now if not FOREVER!!!! Thank you prayer warriors, the prayers are definitely working! I was given two years to live with this disease, in September I will surpass that prediction and continue to live, live, live. I hope to be the ripe young age of 95 like my grandma, well maybe... careful what you wish for, right! hehe.
Talk to you all soon. Shawndra
Happy Birthday once again, Doug!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Happy Birthday Doug
Doug's birthday is this coming Wednesday, so Happy Birthday Baby! I love you so much. It may not be an eventful day, unfortunately but we will try to make up for that on the weekend!
Hey everyone- I had my CT scan this morning, don't know any results yet but it made me sick. I pucked afterwards, ugh. It has always made me nauseous but never sick before. I am better now though and start up chemo tomorrow, again.
On another note, well, I just locked Ella's door, after she asked me too. Now she is crying. I told her she wouldn't like it if I locked the door. Now I just have to stay strong, I guess. So hard.
The lakehouse is thankfully still standing, there is some damage in a couple of bedrooms so there will be some significant restoration needed, but it could have been a whole lot worse. So we are upset but thankful at the same time.
That is what is happening in my world at the moment. I am a bit anxious for restarting chemo. I hope I don't have the agitation and extreme fatigue as I did last time. I also pray that the scan results are good and that when they redraw my CEA level that it continues to be normal.
Thank you all for you continued support along this journey. I truly hope to be able to say one day that I am cancer free. Even though they said it wasn't possible, sometimes the impossible can happen, right.
It might be a few days until I write. If I am not feeling well, I may not get on until I feel better and up to it. Take care everyone. shawndra
PS. Doug is the sucker this time! He just went in to Ella's room to console her.
Hey everyone- I had my CT scan this morning, don't know any results yet but it made me sick. I pucked afterwards, ugh. It has always made me nauseous but never sick before. I am better now though and start up chemo tomorrow, again.
On another note, well, I just locked Ella's door, after she asked me too. Now she is crying. I told her she wouldn't like it if I locked the door. Now I just have to stay strong, I guess. So hard.
The lakehouse is thankfully still standing, there is some damage in a couple of bedrooms so there will be some significant restoration needed, but it could have been a whole lot worse. So we are upset but thankful at the same time.
That is what is happening in my world at the moment. I am a bit anxious for restarting chemo. I hope I don't have the agitation and extreme fatigue as I did last time. I also pray that the scan results are good and that when they redraw my CEA level that it continues to be normal.
Thank you all for you continued support along this journey. I truly hope to be able to say one day that I am cancer free. Even though they said it wasn't possible, sometimes the impossible can happen, right.
It might be a few days until I write. If I am not feeling well, I may not get on until I feel better and up to it. Take care everyone. shawndra
PS. Doug is the sucker this time! He just went in to Ella's room to console her.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
lakehouse fire
I think my family is cursed. Last night, my parents lakehouse got struck by lightening and was on fire. Thankfully nobody was there. Apparently it struck the toilet in the room we consider Doug and my room so thankfully none of us were sitting on the toilet at that time! The wonderful firefighters did get the fire out with the fire damaging only our bedroom and another room upstairs. They did have to punch holes in the ceiling of all the other rooms upstairs to make sure there was no other hot spots. So the rest of the house was spared, we think... but it still is quite a bit of damage. My parents are being positive and even though upset they are thankful everyone is okay and that the house didn't burn to the ground. They just built this house a year and a half or so ago, so this house is fairly new. Doug and I were ready to go out there last night and see if we could help move furniture, clean, etc. But my parents didn't think there was much we could have done last night. They want the insurance company to see the damage before things are cleaned up. Thankfully it didn't burn to the ground. The firefighters said, if it weren't for the insulation in the house, it would have. Just another event in my families life, as I said before...I believe we have been cursed these past two years. We weren't this eventful before.
On another note, I want to thank my anonymous neighbor for dropping off the childproof door locks this morning! That was very kind of you. I would someday love to meet you in person. It is so mysterious, the anonymous neighbor, hehe. I also should thank the person who awhile ago put angels and I believe Saint Mary on our doorstep. I never thanked the anonymous person who did that, so I need to thank them for those angels watching over our house.
Ella is in daycare today so I am actually going to get out and go get a pedicure with a friend and then have lunch with a few friends. This will be quite a treat for me! It is so nice to be getting out a bit more with the nicer weather and all. I have also enjoyed having the windows open in the house and sleeping with them open and the fan on.. isn't that one of the best things. I just love that feeling!
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know what is going on here. I would love to hear from you all and what you are doing, enjoying, struggling with (if you want to share, you don't have to). I just feel like it is all about me, me,me all the time and I get tired of that. I know kind of weird since it is my blog. Oh well. Enjoy the day! The sun is coming out here after the rainy weather the last day or so. ahhhhh. When you here from me again, I will finally have pretty toes once again, hehe. Shawndra
On another note, I want to thank my anonymous neighbor for dropping off the childproof door locks this morning! That was very kind of you. I would someday love to meet you in person. It is so mysterious, the anonymous neighbor, hehe. I also should thank the person who awhile ago put angels and I believe Saint Mary on our doorstep. I never thanked the anonymous person who did that, so I need to thank them for those angels watching over our house.
Ella is in daycare today so I am actually going to get out and go get a pedicure with a friend and then have lunch with a few friends. This will be quite a treat for me! It is so nice to be getting out a bit more with the nicer weather and all. I have also enjoyed having the windows open in the house and sleeping with them open and the fan on.. isn't that one of the best things. I just love that feeling!
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know what is going on here. I would love to hear from you all and what you are doing, enjoying, struggling with (if you want to share, you don't have to). I just feel like it is all about me, me,me all the time and I get tired of that. I know kind of weird since it is my blog. Oh well. Enjoy the day! The sun is coming out here after the rainy weather the last day or so. ahhhhh. When you here from me again, I will finally have pretty toes once again, hehe. Shawndra
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
chemo postponed
Hey everyone- Well I am back from Omaha. It went well, I got my filter out with a little sedation and I mean a little. Usually they sedate me and I am out for awhile. This time, I rememeber most of the procedure, ick. It didn't hurt though, just felt some pressure around my neck, where they make the incision and thread the catheter or whatever it is down to grab the filter out.
I then saw Dr. Foster who was very pleased with my progress. He was impressed with the NORMAL CEA, he said, and even said I could be considered in remission. Even though that is to be taken lightly, we still don't know what is left in my pelvis area and he does have some concerns that would be where the cancer might show up again when and if it comes back, which it usually does. REmember this is supposed to be an aggressive cancer. That isn't to say though that sometimes it doesn't act like other cases, so we won't go by what happens to everyone else.
He did want me to get a CT before I started chemo again, and did recommend I do chemo for atleast 2-3 more cycles, which would be 2-3 more months. So I cancelled my chemo this week so I could get a CT before, so now it is all rescheduled to next week. Monday CT scan, Tuesday chemo. I still am not ready for chemo, I probably never will be, so I was kind of glad I didn't have it yesterday. I got to rest from my trip to Omaha most of the day which was nice. I want to thank my mom for going to Omaha with me. I am so blessed with the best mother in the world. She would do anything for Andrea and I and does do so much. She drops everything to help us out. I can't ask for a better mother! Even though I know some other really great ones, a lot of really great ones out there!!!
Ella is with me today. I have gotten some great advise about her sleeping I just need to go get one of those lock things. Unfortunately she doesn't have a lock at all on her door so I can't just turn it around. I will try one of those white locks. Ella and I have been hanging out together today, she is anxious to get outside and swing. Mommy is waiting for it to get a bit warmer before we head out. I have had a bit more energy lately which is great. I can't stand not having energy. Oh, I have also weaned myself off of my long acting pain medication and only take my short acting maybe once or twice a day as needed. I am not having the back pain as I was having prior to surgery. I think this surgery was a god sent!
I hope you all are doing well. I keep all my support system in my prayers, I hope you all are safe, happy and healthy! Not much else going on this week, just regular life, errands, etc. Thank you neighbors for all the food you are providing, that truly has been wonderful for DOug and I. I cooked once last week and it drained me completely. So we appreciate all of you so much. THank you Jenny for getting it all planned for us! Again, as I have said so much, we have incredible neighbors! Everyone have a great rest of the week. Enjoy the weather. I will talk to you all soon. Shawndra
I then saw Dr. Foster who was very pleased with my progress. He was impressed with the NORMAL CEA, he said, and even said I could be considered in remission. Even though that is to be taken lightly, we still don't know what is left in my pelvis area and he does have some concerns that would be where the cancer might show up again when and if it comes back, which it usually does. REmember this is supposed to be an aggressive cancer. That isn't to say though that sometimes it doesn't act like other cases, so we won't go by what happens to everyone else.
He did want me to get a CT before I started chemo again, and did recommend I do chemo for atleast 2-3 more cycles, which would be 2-3 more months. So I cancelled my chemo this week so I could get a CT before, so now it is all rescheduled to next week. Monday CT scan, Tuesday chemo. I still am not ready for chemo, I probably never will be, so I was kind of glad I didn't have it yesterday. I got to rest from my trip to Omaha most of the day which was nice. I want to thank my mom for going to Omaha with me. I am so blessed with the best mother in the world. She would do anything for Andrea and I and does do so much. She drops everything to help us out. I can't ask for a better mother! Even though I know some other really great ones, a lot of really great ones out there!!!
Ella is with me today. I have gotten some great advise about her sleeping I just need to go get one of those lock things. Unfortunately she doesn't have a lock at all on her door so I can't just turn it around. I will try one of those white locks. Ella and I have been hanging out together today, she is anxious to get outside and swing. Mommy is waiting for it to get a bit warmer before we head out. I have had a bit more energy lately which is great. I can't stand not having energy. Oh, I have also weaned myself off of my long acting pain medication and only take my short acting maybe once or twice a day as needed. I am not having the back pain as I was having prior to surgery. I think this surgery was a god sent!
I hope you all are doing well. I keep all my support system in my prayers, I hope you all are safe, happy and healthy! Not much else going on this week, just regular life, errands, etc. Thank you neighbors for all the food you are providing, that truly has been wonderful for DOug and I. I cooked once last week and it drained me completely. So we appreciate all of you so much. THank you Jenny for getting it all planned for us! Again, as I have said so much, we have incredible neighbors! Everyone have a great rest of the week. Enjoy the weather. I will talk to you all soon. Shawndra
Friday, April 18, 2008
Terrible Two's
Well Ella has definitely hit the terrible two's. She is really challenging us these days. She doesn't want to nap or go to bed and is not phased by the notty spot or taking away her prized possessions, or anything we throw at her (not literally). It can be really frustrating. How do you discipline a child who isn't bothered by these things?
I have some great news, I finally found out that my CEA level from a week or so ago was 2.7 which is very close if not in the normal range, depending on who you ask. This is incredible news, I can't wait to tell Dr. Foster when I go back up on monday and see what he has to say. I also want to recheck with Dr. McKittrick, to see if I still need to do chemo right away. Probably so, but I can still have wishful thinking! That doesn't necessarily mean I am out of the clear or in remission, the CEA doesn't tell us everything but that is still great that it is that low!!!! WEEEEEE. Thank you all for the prayers, please keep them coming, they seem to be working!!
It is once again a dreary day here. It was nice for a couple of days and now it is cloudy, rain yesterday and cold today. Ugh. No outside activities for us today. I am trying to get Ella down for a nap. I actually held the door shut for awhile, she is now in her room talking, but of course not sleeping. She gave up on the door. Is that too cruel? I felt a bit guilty but I don't know how else to keep her in her room for some down time. I know she is tired, she even told me this morning, she's been tired. Anyway, everything else is pretty good here. Doug is going to take his Nani back to her hometown where she is going to move into an apartment. I know this has to be very difficult going home without your husband. Especially after that many years but I know she will adjust in time and do well on her own! So Doug will be helping out with the move this weekend and I will be here with Ella so she can go to my nephew, Keaton's birthday party saturday. Then my mom and I leave for Omaha sometime Sunday because it will be an earllllly morning Monday for us, I have to be at the hospital early for my filter to come out. Oh, to answer one of the questions... a filter is a little umbrella like device they placed in vena cava to prevent clots from going to my heart and my lungs while i had surgery since I was off my blood thinner for surgery. They will take this out and I will again get back on my Coumadin which I will probably be on the rest of my life.
I hope everyone has a great weekend! I will let you know how things go Monday after I talk to Dr. Foster and get back to KC. Just in time to start chemo on Tuesday. What a week it will be.
I feel as if there was another question someone had for me that I have meant to answer but I can't think of it right now. Oh, it was a comment one of my neighbors sent. Thank you for emailing me, even if you haven't met me I still appreciate your thoughts and concern. You don't have to worry about what to say around me, anything is fine. I know everyone means well and really can't say much wrong. I would love to meet more of you out there, so please if you do pass by me, I would love it if you say hi.
That is all... I hope I haven't lost a lot of you from reading since I haven't been as committed to blogging lately. I finally got through all my emails from the time of surgery and thank you all for all your wonderful well wishes and comments. I am healing very well and hope to be impress Dr. Foster by how well I have done. Things haven't been to exciting lately, I know but please hang in there with me! I continue to need all your support and you have mine if you ever need it! You can always email me personally and chat. Live, laugh, love, shawndra
PS. Ella just came out of her room (no nap yet) and now has pantyhose on... how hilarious. She took her pants off and put on pantyhose while she was in her room. Oh, ya gotta love her! I just wish she wasn't so difficult these days.
I have some great news, I finally found out that my CEA level from a week or so ago was 2.7 which is very close if not in the normal range, depending on who you ask. This is incredible news, I can't wait to tell Dr. Foster when I go back up on monday and see what he has to say. I also want to recheck with Dr. McKittrick, to see if I still need to do chemo right away. Probably so, but I can still have wishful thinking! That doesn't necessarily mean I am out of the clear or in remission, the CEA doesn't tell us everything but that is still great that it is that low!!!! WEEEEEE. Thank you all for the prayers, please keep them coming, they seem to be working!!
It is once again a dreary day here. It was nice for a couple of days and now it is cloudy, rain yesterday and cold today. Ugh. No outside activities for us today. I am trying to get Ella down for a nap. I actually held the door shut for awhile, she is now in her room talking, but of course not sleeping. She gave up on the door. Is that too cruel? I felt a bit guilty but I don't know how else to keep her in her room for some down time. I know she is tired, she even told me this morning, she's been tired. Anyway, everything else is pretty good here. Doug is going to take his Nani back to her hometown where she is going to move into an apartment. I know this has to be very difficult going home without your husband. Especially after that many years but I know she will adjust in time and do well on her own! So Doug will be helping out with the move this weekend and I will be here with Ella so she can go to my nephew, Keaton's birthday party saturday. Then my mom and I leave for Omaha sometime Sunday because it will be an earllllly morning Monday for us, I have to be at the hospital early for my filter to come out. Oh, to answer one of the questions... a filter is a little umbrella like device they placed in vena cava to prevent clots from going to my heart and my lungs while i had surgery since I was off my blood thinner for surgery. They will take this out and I will again get back on my Coumadin which I will probably be on the rest of my life.
I hope everyone has a great weekend! I will let you know how things go Monday after I talk to Dr. Foster and get back to KC. Just in time to start chemo on Tuesday. What a week it will be.
I feel as if there was another question someone had for me that I have meant to answer but I can't think of it right now. Oh, it was a comment one of my neighbors sent. Thank you for emailing me, even if you haven't met me I still appreciate your thoughts and concern. You don't have to worry about what to say around me, anything is fine. I know everyone means well and really can't say much wrong. I would love to meet more of you out there, so please if you do pass by me, I would love it if you say hi.
That is all... I hope I haven't lost a lot of you from reading since I haven't been as committed to blogging lately. I finally got through all my emails from the time of surgery and thank you all for all your wonderful well wishes and comments. I am healing very well and hope to be impress Dr. Foster by how well I have done. Things haven't been to exciting lately, I know but please hang in there with me! I continue to need all your support and you have mine if you ever need it! You can always email me personally and chat. Live, laugh, love, shawndra
PS. Ella just came out of her room (no nap yet) and now has pantyhose on... how hilarious. She took her pants off and put on pantyhose while she was in her room. Oh, ya gotta love her! I just wish she wasn't so difficult these days.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Energy
Hey Everyone- How are you all doing? I hope you are getting ready for some nicer weather here in KC, finally!! I am ready, bring it on! I had my doctor's appointment last week, it went well. He was just asking about the surgery, what they did, etc. He didn't have any details about the surgery yet. So we gave him the scoop and discussed getting back on chemo, which will start next week. It will be a busy week next week. Monday I go to Omaha to get my filter taken out under sedation and then see Dr. Foster for a follow up appointment. Then tuesday I will start up chemo again, which I am Really dreading! I am so tired of having no energy and trying to function with no energy. It is sooooo hard! I had that yesterday morning and Sunday afternoon. My body just didn't want to move I had so little energy. I finally got a second wind yesterday afternoon which was so nice. I could actually do a few things without it being painfully difficult. Especially with an energy packed two year old running around the house, oh my is that difficult! I talked to my mom yesterday and just broke down crying, thinking I can't do this!
The positive side is I really don't have much pain anymore. I am working on weaning myself off my pain medication which is great! I am so glad about that.
I haven't gotten results back yet from my labs. I just called the cancer center to find out about my protime (for my coumadin, blood clots) and also my CEA tumor marker. It still may not be great, because of the surgery, we will see.
I am sorry I haven't been writing as much, I really haven't been on the computer very much lately, again, the energy thing. Anyway, I hope you all are doing well. I hope this weather helps boost my energy a bit! Have a great week and enjoy the nicer weather while we have it! love, shawndra
The positive side is I really don't have much pain anymore. I am working on weaning myself off my pain medication which is great! I am so glad about that.
I haven't gotten results back yet from my labs. I just called the cancer center to find out about my protime (for my coumadin, blood clots) and also my CEA tumor marker. It still may not be great, because of the surgery, we will see.
I am sorry I haven't been writing as much, I really haven't been on the computer very much lately, again, the energy thing. Anyway, I hope you all are doing well. I hope this weather helps boost my energy a bit! Have a great week and enjoy the nicer weather while we have it! love, shawndra
Thursday, April 10, 2008
We won, we won!!!!
Oh my gosh, that was the most incredible game to be at! Thank you to Vidya Sharma for pushing me to go! I am so glad I did! I was a bit tired yesterday and on the way home was a bit tiring, but so worth it! It was so refreshing to be in warmer weather, it just felt so good and does a body good! I lasted all night too, how could I get tired with a game like that. We did start to get pretty quiet when we were down 9 points but thank god KU turned it up and got us back on our feet!
I have a doctors appointment today with my oncologist. So I will probably be heading back to chemo soon, ugh! I am completely dreading it and truly don't want to go back but what choice do I have. I guess I have the choice to not go back, but that isn't fair to my family! Especially after receiving this amazing gift of a wonderful surgery that got about 90% of the cancer out. I can't let things go now. I just hate feeling tired and useless on those chemo weeks. Maybe I won't feel that way this time. Positive thinking!
Ella is as energetic as always! Just all over the place, constantly wanting to go outside and play. even when it is cold, like yesterday. Thank you to Angie who is so helpful when i am exhausted, she helps me out with Ella. Ella loves her, so it isn't hard, she automatically goes to her some of the time. We are still struggling with her bedtime, getting out of bed several times. I want to put that "door" back on as she calls it. Last night though, she actually fell asleep in my arms, which I love! She wanted to rock more, I caved in and agreed and then she fell asleep. Another memory and moment to cherish.
Well, I will let you know what I find out from my doctors appointment. I have to go back up to Omaha on the 21st to get my filter removed and see Dr. Foster again. Then I will hopefully have complete clearance. Even though I feel like I have clearance now for most everything.
Everyone have a great week, I guess it will be the weekend here soon. I heard it could snow, yikes. Let's hope that is it and the weather starts turning warm from there on out! I need to start going for walks and getting some exercise and Vitamin D, from the SUN!!!! Talk to you all soon. shawndra
I have a doctors appointment today with my oncologist. So I will probably be heading back to chemo soon, ugh! I am completely dreading it and truly don't want to go back but what choice do I have. I guess I have the choice to not go back, but that isn't fair to my family! Especially after receiving this amazing gift of a wonderful surgery that got about 90% of the cancer out. I can't let things go now. I just hate feeling tired and useless on those chemo weeks. Maybe I won't feel that way this time. Positive thinking!
Ella is as energetic as always! Just all over the place, constantly wanting to go outside and play. even when it is cold, like yesterday. Thank you to Angie who is so helpful when i am exhausted, she helps me out with Ella. Ella loves her, so it isn't hard, she automatically goes to her some of the time. We are still struggling with her bedtime, getting out of bed several times. I want to put that "door" back on as she calls it. Last night though, she actually fell asleep in my arms, which I love! She wanted to rock more, I caved in and agreed and then she fell asleep. Another memory and moment to cherish.
Well, I will let you know what I find out from my doctors appointment. I have to go back up to Omaha on the 21st to get my filter removed and see Dr. Foster again. Then I will hopefully have complete clearance. Even though I feel like I have clearance now for most everything.
Everyone have a great week, I guess it will be the weekend here soon. I heard it could snow, yikes. Let's hope that is it and the weather starts turning warm from there on out! I need to start going for walks and getting some exercise and Vitamin D, from the SUN!!!! Talk to you all soon. shawndra
Monday, April 7, 2008
The Big Dance
Well- I guess I am heading out today to go to San Antonio for the final game tonight. It is crazy I know. One of our family friends kept calling yesterday checking on me to see if I was alright and then talking about how she was going to find a way down there. I thought she was kidding at first but she was totally serious. So she is going to fly with me down there today and my mom and dad and her family will be there to pick us up. again, it is crazy! I hesitated a lot since I have barely made it to the grocery store without getting tired. But maybe this is what i need to get myself up and at 'em. It should be fun! I am very excited.
We had a good weekend, watched the game saturday night with my sister and her family and another couple! We spent a lot of time outside yesterday playing on the swingset. Ella loves to swing! SHe could do that all day long. I just wish she could do it on her own so I don't have to push her all day. I could just sit in a chair and watch her and enjoy the outdoors. It will come sometime I am sure. anyway, I am feeling pretty good, no pain, which is great!!! I did get sick again yesterday out of the blue, very strange, but just once, so no big deal! I hope you all are doing well. I am so glad it is atleast sunny right now, that helps as the sun beats in as I type. I have to get in the shower though and our bathroom is always cold. I turned a space heater on in there so I am waiting for it to get warm! NOw you know all my habits. I will let you all know how the final game in San Antonio goes. Cheer on KU!!!! I hope I am not a jinx. have a great monday. shawndra
We had a good weekend, watched the game saturday night with my sister and her family and another couple! We spent a lot of time outside yesterday playing on the swingset. Ella loves to swing! SHe could do that all day long. I just wish she could do it on her own so I don't have to push her all day. I could just sit in a chair and watch her and enjoy the outdoors. It will come sometime I am sure. anyway, I am feeling pretty good, no pain, which is great!!! I did get sick again yesterday out of the blue, very strange, but just once, so no big deal! I hope you all are doing well. I am so glad it is atleast sunny right now, that helps as the sun beats in as I type. I have to get in the shower though and our bathroom is always cold. I turned a space heater on in there so I am waiting for it to get warm! NOw you know all my habits. I will let you all know how the final game in San Antonio goes. Cheer on KU!!!! I hope I am not a jinx. have a great monday. shawndra
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Stomach Flu
Ewwwww, yes, I have been down with the stomach flu. That is why I haven't written in a few days. It started with a pounding headache on Sunday afternoon, right before the KU game. I just curled up to watch the game and I started not to feel so good to my stomach. Eventually the vomiting started and pretty much continued all through the night. I was basically just dry heaving the rest of the night. IT was miserable. Doug was up with me every time, standing at attention as I hurled into the bucket just waiting to take the bucket, clean it up and bring it back to me! What a husband!!! He is truly amazing. You all don't even realize all he does. He is always picking up my slack. and that is a lot of slack! It just seems to be one thing after another for me I just wish this bad dream would go away. So I have been hibernating again in the house, which it really hasn't been all that nice out yet that I can tell. So I don't know that I really want to get out anyway until it is a bit warmer! I am tired of cold, my body just can't handle it anymore!
I am on the mend but still not 100%, getting there though! I am working on eating little bits frequently so my stomach doesn't get overloaded. It won't allow much anyway, I think my stomach has shrunk quite a bit! Anyway, that is what I have been up to.
I was bummed because I turned down the opportunity to go to the final four. Doug and I both did. This is something we have done together in the past and love but unfortunately Doug doesn't want to take anymore work off than he has to and I don't think I really have the energy to go. I would love to be in San Antonio though this weekend!!! Ugh.
Well I hope you all are doing well, staying healthy and happy. Talk to you all soon. Shawndra
I am on the mend but still not 100%, getting there though! I am working on eating little bits frequently so my stomach doesn't get overloaded. It won't allow much anyway, I think my stomach has shrunk quite a bit! Anyway, that is what I have been up to.
I was bummed because I turned down the opportunity to go to the final four. Doug and I both did. This is something we have done together in the past and love but unfortunately Doug doesn't want to take anymore work off than he has to and I don't think I really have the energy to go. I would love to be in San Antonio though this weekend!!! Ugh.
Well I hope you all are doing well, staying healthy and happy. Talk to you all soon. Shawndra
Friday, March 28, 2008
Healing
Hey everyone- It has been a short week but a long week, if that makes any sense at all. Ella got sick I believe on Tuesday and stayed home Wednesday. I think having her around the extra day right now wore me out! My mom was with me and helped but I still was so tired on Thursday. I literally was in bed from when Ella left for daycare around 8am until 4pm in time to go get her from daycare. I slept all day long! I should enjoy those days, but I don't really. I feel lazy and nonproductive and hermitish. I was supposed to go to a lunch to celebrate Brandi's birthday but I just couldn't get myself out of bed to go. I am so sorry Brandi! Today I got up and finally got cleaned up and out of the house a bit. I think I really get lonely when I am home by myself. IT is really nice to have Angie around for company but she is so busy these days that I don't have anyone around on the days Ella goes to daycare. I could keep her home, but then I would get no rest!
Ella has been very fussy lately, it is driving me crazy. I don't know if it is just because she isn't feeling good or a phase in her life or what but I am a bit worried about her attitude and being the only child. I can't imagine having another child at this point but I do worry about her being an only child. There are good and bad to both, I know!
Doug and I ended up flipping to Supernanny the other night to see how Ella compared.. we were happy that she wasn't to that point, but I think now I worry that she will end up running the show after awhile. She is so manipulative, they just repeat things until they get there way. Now that she is in her big girl bed(we did that so I could help get her in and out), she is finding ways to not go to bed and arriving at my bed early in the morning. The other morning it was 5:45am and she was hungry, because she didn't eat dinner. I was trying to hold my ground but then Doug got frustrated with the noise and took her down to eat. Ugh. What a challenge!
Oh, I am doing well, the pleurisy pain is much better, if not gone. Thank you Sue for your wisdom, I do believe that is what I had. It sounds like it! I am sorry you deal with that a lot, it is painful! So I am still on the mend and doing fairly well. Not much of an appetite still but otherwise doing good!
KU Jayhawks play tonight, lets hope they blow Villanova away!!!! I don't want it to be too close of a game to worry me all night!
I hope you all are doing well! We finally have a bit of sunshine today. I was not liking the dreary last few days! Have a great weekend everyone! I will write more next week. I will start having more doctors appointments and stuff in a couple weeks and then restarting chemo. It is a bit frustrating that I am not done. I am a bit tired of fighting, ya know. I want my life back, ugh!!!! I will never have "my life back". This is my life now. Ugh, I need a vacation! Talk to you all soon, shawndra
Ella has been very fussy lately, it is driving me crazy. I don't know if it is just because she isn't feeling good or a phase in her life or what but I am a bit worried about her attitude and being the only child. I can't imagine having another child at this point but I do worry about her being an only child. There are good and bad to both, I know!
Doug and I ended up flipping to Supernanny the other night to see how Ella compared.. we were happy that she wasn't to that point, but I think now I worry that she will end up running the show after awhile. She is so manipulative, they just repeat things until they get there way. Now that she is in her big girl bed(we did that so I could help get her in and out), she is finding ways to not go to bed and arriving at my bed early in the morning. The other morning it was 5:45am and she was hungry, because she didn't eat dinner. I was trying to hold my ground but then Doug got frustrated with the noise and took her down to eat. Ugh. What a challenge!
Oh, I am doing well, the pleurisy pain is much better, if not gone. Thank you Sue for your wisdom, I do believe that is what I had. It sounds like it! I am sorry you deal with that a lot, it is painful! So I am still on the mend and doing fairly well. Not much of an appetite still but otherwise doing good!
KU Jayhawks play tonight, lets hope they blow Villanova away!!!! I don't want it to be too close of a game to worry me all night!
I hope you all are doing well! We finally have a bit of sunshine today. I was not liking the dreary last few days! Have a great weekend everyone! I will write more next week. I will start having more doctors appointments and stuff in a couple weeks and then restarting chemo. It is a bit frustrating that I am not done. I am a bit tired of fighting, ya know. I want my life back, ugh!!!! I will never have "my life back". This is my life now. Ugh, I need a vacation! Talk to you all soon, shawndra
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Happy Easter
Hello Everyone- I am so sorry it has been so long since I posted. I left Omaha after much testing to try to figure out my fevers on Tuesday. Everything came back negative so we got the green light to go home. I have been settling back in at home. IT is good to be home, but I have been having problems with shortness of breathe because of a sharp pain in my right side/lung area. I went to the ER yesterday, said, again, everything is negative. Ugh. I am glad it is nothing, but I wish we could figure out why I have these symptoms, ya know. THey think it is pleurisy, basically where the lining of the lungs rubs together, something you just have to deal with and treat the pain. The pain is mostly when I lie down, so I was a bit scared to go to sleep last night. I stayed up watching basketball longer than I normally would have. I propped myself up last night with pillows and must of slept in that position all night. I tried to get up this morning when Ella cried out but the pain was so bad Doug had to go for me and then I spent the majority of the morning in the same position, not moving!! Even missing church. Frustrating, now that I am home I am glad for all the success but frustrated that the rest continues, it's not over, ya know. Even though I knew it wouldn't be over. My mind is tired of dealin with all this.
By the way, Naomi, I did get you flowers, I am sorry I made you wait this long to ease your mind about that. I even checked the front desk Tuesday before I left, they said if they would have received flowers after I was discharged, they would have got sent back to the flower shop. So, I thank you all for all the things, flowers, snacks, gifts for Ella, for me, etc. that you all have given us. We are appreciative but really it isn't necessary! We just appreciate your prayers and support, that is all we need!
Ella slept in her daybed for the first time last night. Her bed converts from a crib to a daybed to a double bed. So we made it into the daybed, so that maybe I could be more help since i can't lift her out of the crib right now. SHe was so tired it didn't matter last night but she did wake up crying this morning, I am not sure if she fell out of bed or what but she was a bit scared. She seems okay with it today though.
I hope you all have a wonderful Easter celebration! I will try to be better at blogging from here on out. I spent a lot of last week resting so hopefully I will be up and at em more. Gotta go Ella is not following the rules. I have to follow through with my discipline, she has to get off the trampoline (small inside one) since she didn't follow the rules. Mean mommy I am, hehe. Talk to you all soon. Shawndra
By the way, Naomi, I did get you flowers, I am sorry I made you wait this long to ease your mind about that. I even checked the front desk Tuesday before I left, they said if they would have received flowers after I was discharged, they would have got sent back to the flower shop. So, I thank you all for all the things, flowers, snacks, gifts for Ella, for me, etc. that you all have given us. We are appreciative but really it isn't necessary! We just appreciate your prayers and support, that is all we need!
Ella slept in her daybed for the first time last night. Her bed converts from a crib to a daybed to a double bed. So we made it into the daybed, so that maybe I could be more help since i can't lift her out of the crib right now. SHe was so tired it didn't matter last night but she did wake up crying this morning, I am not sure if she fell out of bed or what but she was a bit scared. She seems okay with it today though.
I hope you all have a wonderful Easter celebration! I will try to be better at blogging from here on out. I spent a lot of last week resting so hopefully I will be up and at em more. Gotta go Ella is not following the rules. I have to follow through with my discipline, she has to get off the trampoline (small inside one) since she didn't follow the rules. Mean mommy I am, hehe. Talk to you all soon. Shawndra
Sunday, March 16, 2008
More with it!
Hey all, it only took me about 30 seconds to get my email and password in. I am still not great at typing on the laptop,but I just read my post from yesterday and realized I still wasn't so mentally with it! I am hopefully making much more sense right now. Anyway, last night I had more fevers, and malaise (icky feeling). I still haven't had anything out of my ostomy. So I did call the Dr on call. He finally responded this afternoon and wasn't too concerned about the output but more the higher fevers. He still didn't seem too concerned and just wants me to go in tomorrow morning and get I believe a urine culture. I believe there is nothing wrong with my urine, but whatever. I would believe one of the bloggers more, Lisa is it, who said it could be an ileus. But we will see. I feel better today. We did quite a bit this morning with Ella. It was so good to play with her. She is such a sweetheart. Doug finally got back around 11am from the funeral and activities the last few days. He said it was a great celebration of life, I only wish I could have been there to celebrate with Doug and be there for him!
Ella was so excited to see Doug, they got to play a short time before my parents headed back to KC with her. We headed out to grab lunch after they left and then I had enough for the day. So we headed back to the hotel room for rest, tv, etc. I feel good except when my bowels try to move and I get a horrible cramping feeling until the gas. I know this is just what you want to hear about, but you pretty much know everything about me anyway, right?
Oh, i did want to clarify the Diet Coke thing. I am not a diet coke fiend. That was the first thing I saw sittin on one of the nurses desks when I believe I was leaving the ICU. SO anything sounded good! I think I still had the NG in sound hadn't had anything but ice chips. I did have a diet coke when I got to the hotel but it doesn't feel very food going down with all the bubbles so I have only had one sparingly to get something besides water and then I am done!
Thank you all for your tremendous comments. I have worked on catching up with all the emails. I started with 540ish and now am at 450ish. So I will continue to plug away tomorrow. I appreciate them all though! I am going to head to the bed and watch some tv alittle while longer while getting to snuggle with my husband and fall asleep. That is one of my favorite things to do. Thank You Palmer family for having doug over for dinner last night, he greatly appreciated the company and the great meal! We can't wait to get home and see all the neighbors, friends and family in KC!! Hopefully this will be after our Tuesdat visit with Dr. Foster as long as everything goes well. Love always, good night, shawndra
Ella was so excited to see Doug, they got to play a short time before my parents headed back to KC with her. We headed out to grab lunch after they left and then I had enough for the day. So we headed back to the hotel room for rest, tv, etc. I feel good except when my bowels try to move and I get a horrible cramping feeling until the gas. I know this is just what you want to hear about, but you pretty much know everything about me anyway, right?
Oh, i did want to clarify the Diet Coke thing. I am not a diet coke fiend. That was the first thing I saw sittin on one of the nurses desks when I believe I was leaving the ICU. SO anything sounded good! I think I still had the NG in sound hadn't had anything but ice chips. I did have a diet coke when I got to the hotel but it doesn't feel very food going down with all the bubbles so I have only had one sparingly to get something besides water and then I am done!
Thank you all for your tremendous comments. I have worked on catching up with all the emails. I started with 540ish and now am at 450ish. So I will continue to plug away tomorrow. I appreciate them all though! I am going to head to the bed and watch some tv alittle while longer while getting to snuggle with my husband and fall asleep. That is one of my favorite things to do. Thank You Palmer family for having doug over for dinner last night, he greatly appreciated the company and the great meal! We can't wait to get home and see all the neighbors, friends and family in KC!! Hopefully this will be after our Tuesdat visit with Dr. Foster as long as everything goes well. Love always, good night, shawndra
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Saturday
Hey everyone- It just took me about 2 minutes to put my password and computer in, my brain is much, and it isn't due to pain medication!!!!! Ugh. I got out of the hospital, let see,you all probably know better than I do. Thursday, since then I have been hanging out in the hotel. I haven't had much to eat, I haven't been very hungry. This morning I woke up very early feel sick, just with malaise or the best way to describe it is icky. I was running a temperature, so I have been icky feeling off and on all day and running a temp off and on. I haven't had much bowel moving either. So we are a little concerned, but still hesitate to call the person on call. I will see how I do over night and maybe call tomorrow if I still feel icky. Doug will return from his grandfather's funeral tomorrow. It has been wonderful to be around Ella. Even though all I can do is lay around, she always calls my name when she wakes up and wants to snuggle and that feels good,
I am so thankful for my parents who have been here almost the whole time.
The one problem I have had is remembering what they told me at discharge, when I can take dressings off, etc. THey tell you everything when you were all drugged up and then the less medical people don't catch on so later, we are like, hmmmm I don't remember.
Not much else to tell, we are just in the lobby, getting out of the room. I gotta go, Ella is wanting go back to the room "by her self!", so I will write soon and hopefully catch up on some of the responses too! thanks to all the faithful follower, so far so good. shawndra
I am so thankful for my parents who have been here almost the whole time.
The one problem I have had is remembering what they told me at discharge, when I can take dressings off, etc. THey tell you everything when you were all drugged up and then the less medical people don't catch on so later, we are like, hmmmm I don't remember.
Not much else to tell, we are just in the lobby, getting out of the room. I gotta go, Ella is wanting go back to the room "by her self!", so I will write soon and hopefully catch up on some of the responses too! thanks to all the faithful follower, so far so good. shawndra
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Hopefully, Doug's Last Post ;-)
Hello faithful readers. Shawndra had planned on catching up on the BLOG posts and comments tonight, and writing the next post, but sleepiness caught up to her tonight, so I'll jot a few comments about her progress over the last two days.
It's been an eventful day! Shawndra went from drinking clear liquids this morning, to eating a muffin and fruit this evening. The morphine pain delivery pump was removed tonight as well. She's back to taking (orally) Oxycodone and Oxycontin to control pain. Those of you in the health field will be proud of me... I've been doing a little "charting" myself this afternoon, by writing her Oxy* dosages on the whiteboard hanging in the hospital room. Mainly because she's been acting kind of loopy tonight; talking in her sleep, waking up and commenting about things out of the blue. Nurse Lindsay just came in with another 120mg of *contin, and Shawndra had just taken 120mg of her own supply three hours ago. Now, I'm no doctor, and never claim to be, but I'm thinking another dose like that could have turned out bad. In no way am I faulting the staff here (in fact, it's our own fault), it's just a bit of a mix-up on our part, not informing the staff tha she took her own supply. Dr. Foster's reaction when Shawndra told him her daily Oxy* intake was funny. He said something to the effect of "that's quite a load". Tonight Shawndra is feeling no pain. That's for sure.
I don't know how you nurses work in this profession. How do you handle eight patients at one time throughout a twelve hour shift? It's ridiculous! You guys/gals should be paid more! I have a new respect for the nursing profession.
Now check this out... Dr. Foster says he may discharge Shawndra TOMORROW! I can hardly believe it. (For precautions, though, we'll be staying in Omaha over the weekend and the first part of next week.) Is she a tough girl or what!?
Wow, it's like our whole lives for the past few weeks have been nothing but hospital this, surgery that. Our lives are more exciting than this. And we can't wait to start having some fun again with family and friends (and our little "punks").
Good night sweetie. Hope this is the last post I ever have to write. Not because I don't enjoy doing it, but because you're so much better at it. And I miss reading all the little things you post out there to the world, that you forget to tell me. I feel like I'm missing out on surprises. And if I may speak for the masses, everyone reading this is missing you too. LOL
- Doug
It's been an eventful day! Shawndra went from drinking clear liquids this morning, to eating a muffin and fruit this evening. The morphine pain delivery pump was removed tonight as well. She's back to taking (orally) Oxycodone and Oxycontin to control pain. Those of you in the health field will be proud of me... I've been doing a little "charting" myself this afternoon, by writing her Oxy* dosages on the whiteboard hanging in the hospital room. Mainly because she's been acting kind of loopy tonight; talking in her sleep, waking up and commenting about things out of the blue. Nurse Lindsay just came in with another 120mg of *contin, and Shawndra had just taken 120mg of her own supply three hours ago. Now, I'm no doctor, and never claim to be, but I'm thinking another dose like that could have turned out bad. In no way am I faulting the staff here (in fact, it's our own fault), it's just a bit of a mix-up on our part, not informing the staff tha she took her own supply. Dr. Foster's reaction when Shawndra told him her daily Oxy* intake was funny. He said something to the effect of "that's quite a load". Tonight Shawndra is feeling no pain. That's for sure.
I don't know how you nurses work in this profession. How do you handle eight patients at one time throughout a twelve hour shift? It's ridiculous! You guys/gals should be paid more! I have a new respect for the nursing profession.
Now check this out... Dr. Foster says he may discharge Shawndra TOMORROW! I can hardly believe it. (For precautions, though, we'll be staying in Omaha over the weekend and the first part of next week.) Is she a tough girl or what!?
Wow, it's like our whole lives for the past few weeks have been nothing but hospital this, surgery that. Our lives are more exciting than this. And we can't wait to start having some fun again with family and friends (and our little "punks").
Good night sweetie. Hope this is the last post I ever have to write. Not because I don't enjoy doing it, but because you're so much better at it. And I miss reading all the little things you post out there to the world, that you forget to tell me. I feel like I'm missing out on surprises. And if I may speak for the masses, everyone reading this is missing you too. LOL
- Doug
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