Hello everyone- It is me, Shawndra, once again, yaaaa. Sorry I have not blogged, I haven't even touched my computer since my last post. I have been busy working on recovering, resting, and spending quality time with Ella and my family. Things have been very difficult physically and mentally for me since i have been home. My quality of life has gone down drastically since I have gotten this new tube in my stomach and TPN nutrition at night, etc. It is just overwhelming what all I have to do to live these days. I have also been thinking a lot about chemotherapy and not really wanting to continue with it. I have talked with my family who of course wants me to continue to pursue treatment but also doesn't want to see me suffer. I met with my oncologist this week to find out more about the chemotherapy he wants to put me on and if it is worth it. He was very good about telling me that either way I go is an okay option. The chemo sounds like it could have some bad side effects, horrible rash, as well as hair loss and then the general fatigue, diarrhea, etc. He said it works on about 10-20% of people and if it does work it works only for about 4-6 months. I still have my appointment but in my heart and my soul, I feel like I am done with treatment. It is not worth it to me to feel like that, make me sick and have my daughter watch me suffer, just lay there sleeping all the time with a miserable, possibly deforming rash where she couldn't recognize me. I want to live what time I have left in peace, if possible. I have been through too much! My oncologist also basically said that there is no cure especially at this stage so you all know what that means. I have a hard time writing it, tears swell up just mentioning it, but these are the facts! He promised that he and my pain doc will make sure I am comfortable from here on out and who knows how long that will be. I want to spend as much quality time with my family as I can!!
Any way you look at it, it sucks and doesn't seem fair! Atleast that is what I think. I don't want to give up on my family but I want to be at peace now. I can't live like this, I am basically home bound pretty much, except one small vacation I have coming up with my family. So this has been a very difficult time for me and I have spent many days and nights crying over all of this. This may also be why I haven't gotten on my computer. I am a pleaser and I don't want to let people down, so please respect my decision. You can't judge unless you have walked in my shoes and fought as much as I have fought but unfortunately it is a losing battle.
Today I was thinking that maybe God wants to take me home so people do get angry at him and hopefully through this somehow get closer to God and find comfort from him. Or maybe he needs me for a special duty, so look out everyone, you never know when I might reappear or how, hehe. Just kidding. Anyway, thank you for all your love and support. I will try to continue to keep up with the blog. I haven't read my email or the comments yet, so I have many to go through. You have all become my friends throughout this journey and I appreciate each one of you! I appreciate all the people from my past who have reconnected through the blog, thank you for thinking of me and reaching out. Thank you most of all to my close friends and my family who have been there for me through this very difficult time. I need you now more than ever! I will talk to you soon. I hope you all had a wonderful new year. We didn't even stay up to see midnight, just an old couple spending the night at home, it was perfect! I hope this year is a great year for all of you. I am going to try to make it as good of a year as I possibly can! all my love, shawndra
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146 comments:
God Bless You! You and your family are in my prayers!
God already had the road paved. Thank you for letting us walk with you. You will be in my prayers. 100% support from this reader. May the year to come be beautiful and peaceful. God bless. It's so good to read your words.
You are always in my prayers!!!! God bless you!!!!
Praying for you and your family
Bless you Shawndra - and your family. The decision you are making requires even more strength than the alternative. We've all learned so much from your spirit and your bravery. I will be praying for your peace and comfort long into this new year.
Vandra
Shawndra:
Has your tumor been tested for the Kras mutation. It is recommended that this test be done before beginning Erbitux because it is a way to tell if Erbitux/Vectibix will help or not.
My husband has been battling colon cancer since October 2004(currently on chemo break), and even before this test became available had decided he would not try the Erbitux/Vectibix.
I have prayed so during this battle that he/we make good decisions because it certainly is hard without a crystal ball.
Good luck,
MA
I am so happy to hear from you, Shawndra. My heart breaks for you and all you have endured. Know that you are loved by so many. I will continue to hold you close to my heart. I think of you always...
All my love to you and your family,
Michelle
Shawndra - you are an amazing person and I totally respect you for whatever decision you make...chemo or no chemo. What an amazing journey you have been on and how much love surrounds you. I am a better person because I found your blog and I sincerely thank you for that. You have taught me and I'm sure many others who read your blog about the simple and important things in life. I live far away from you and we have never met but you have given me strength and understanding to help me deal with a family member of my own who is also battling cancer. I continue to pray for you, your family, and for healing.
You have touched so many lives by being an example of all that is good in a person. I admire your faith, love for your family, and compassion that makes you such a wonderful human being. More people, including myself, should use you as a role model of how to live graciously through so many obstacles.
This blog is a testament of how strong and unselfish you are. I am so glad that I have been able to share a small part of your life with you and I will pray for you always. You have touched me more than you will ever know. Peace be with you.
I will be praying for and with you!
Shawndra I am so glad to hear from you but I am sorry you have been suffering. I support you in whatever decision you make and hope you get lots of quality time with your sweet family. I am praying for complete healing for you! You are such a brave fighter. God bless you and your family. Christie in Ga
Shawndra,
Only you and Doub can make this decision. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs
Laurie
My prayers are with you and your family. You are an inspiration to us all!
Dear Shawndra,
You have been through so much, and you're right - it is not fair. No one really knows how difficult your road is. Please do not feel that you are letting anyone down with your decisions; they are not selfish decisions, for you are making them with great strength and love. God will continue to watch over you. If he is ready to call his faithful servant home, it is only because he has greater plans. You have, and will continue to, shine his light. You are a living angel. God bless you and your family. I hope you enjoy your time together.
- Kim
Shawndra-
I got hooked up with this blog through Jennifer Ireland's website (we went to high school together)-- I have never posted, but want to let you know what an awesome person you are. You have fought such a hard battle but always remain upbeat and optimistic no matter what the circumstances-- you are truly an inspiration. You and your family are in my prayers.
Jennifer
Shawndra, I just want to take this opportunity to say thank you. You helped me through a very difficult time in my life. A time when I was very depressed and crying every single day - you lifted my spirits and showed me what is important and helped me to overcome my depression. You are an absolutely amazing person. You are smart, beautiful, have an incredible personality, and are by far the bravest person I know. I will continue to pray for you!
Kim
Shawndra, I do not know you personally, but I am here to support you 100% in my thoughts and prayers. May you enjoy this new year surrounded by your family and friends. Praying for you constantly girl!
May God Bless you and your family. I am praying for you all.
Dear Sweet Shawndra,
You are constantly on my mind and always in my prayers. I pray for your peace and comfort and many wonderful family-filled days ahead.
God Bless You!
Shelley
Shawndra, you have put into words one of the most difficult things anyone could imagine having to deal with. I am so *sad* that your quality of life has gone downhill recently and I want you to continue living the *best* possible life for as long as possible. You are such an amazing, shining star!!! Sending my best to your mom, dad and Andrea, and of course to Doug, Ella, and the rest of your family I have never met.
Love,
Megan Curran (9121 Catalina)
If anyone has the gall to judge you, then poo on them! :o) (poo-ey, poo-ey.) You hold the steering wheel. God is the GPS system. I pray for you and your family daily. This does suck. I have actually yelled that in my mind while praying. But you are traveling this road with such grace, faith, bravery, and elegance! You are teaching all of us how to navigate thru. Thank you, Shawndra. It's an honor to know and learn from you. Continued prayers. Love, Elena (CMH)
as I sit and read this tears build up. I do not know you but think you are amazing for the fight you have. I pray for peace and comfort for you. Enjoy the time you have with your family. I know they will hang on every min. they have with you.
Prayers from St. Louis
You are such a lovely child of God, thank you for sharing your story, your experiences, your family and especially for sharing your faith.
I admire you, admire your strength and your strong, steady, deep faith. Your decision is completely yours to make and no one has the right to find fault with it.
Fondly,
Teresa
I am so happy to hear your words Shawndra! We missed you! You are such an amazing woman. You know what is right for your body now and if chemo is not the answer all of us support you in that decision. Your exactly right, none of us know what you have been through until we have walked in your shoes. I can't even imagine what you have been through and are going through now. I am praying for peace and comfort for you and quality time with your precious family. Because of you Shawndra, we all hold onto our family a little tighter each day, look at life differently and are more open to our faith. You have made an immeasurable difference to complete strangers. How wonderful is that. You hold tight and cherish each and every day and we look forward to hearing from you much more.
Have a very blessed New Year!
Kristen
Astraea said it very well. Who knew on that Aug. day years ago where your path would go.
I am at a loss for words to offer, just know you are all in our prayers and loved dearly.
Dear Shawndra, I have been thinking about you so much lately and wish I could be there for you in some way. I have always followed your blog, but don't comment. I miss your friendship so much, but know you are surrounded by your loving family and close friends. I learned a lot from you when we were friends in high school and I still seem to be learning from you about strength and hope. May God bless you and your entire family!!
Love you always, Jenni Andres Johnson
I support you in your decision, I know its a no win, no matter the choice you were to make, as will it buy you a few months of illness from side effects or to be kept comfortable...and to peacefully enjoy your time w/your daughter hubby and family...Shawndra, you have been a angel to me, you have pushed me to do the yucky tests I didnt want to do...I thank you ..my precancerious state was kown cause you PUSHED me to go ahead..I still have no answers to why I am sick, 82lbs yeah I feel ill..but it is NOTHING compared to your fight, you have faught such a hard fight, my dear, I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, or something I could do to take the cancer away....PLEASE when you can call me..you will have my number cause I know Ive texted the heck outta ya ..LOL Im sorry but girl youve been like a sister to me, we have had so many parallels..heck our kids are the same age, our hubbys have the same name.. and we are dealing w/illness, not the same but just simlar in its frustrations and worries...I love you my dear friend, so many of us have prayed so hard, cheered your triumphs and cryed for your pitfalls..but my dear, I am crying as I type, I know you must feel so helpless...may god embrace you in his peace and love and I pray you have many more days w/your family ...You never walk alone..we are here...I am here for you...call anytime! You have made a difference in my life...you have been a angel on this earth...to sooo many people.
Wow I am just shaken..I dont know what to say and I dont want to say the wrong things to saddnen you more.. I wish I could give you a ((hug)) and take the pain away...MY GOD! Ok Shawndra...sleep tight,enjoy your little girl give lots of hugs and love and I support ANY decision you make, you have been through so much hon, I dont know what to say.
*****HUGS***all my love Naomi
Shawndra, Oh how my heart breaks for you. I agree this is not fair. Whatever your decision with chemo is you are a true fighter. I have always admired so much about you, your humor, your passion for life, your compassion for others in the face of your own uncertainty. I will continue to keep you and your family close to my heart and foremost in my prayers.
All my love, Julie
Shawndra
Thinking of you, praying for your inner peace at this time. You are very much loved.
Dee Smith
I love you now and forever and am here for whatever you and your family need.
d
Oh dear Shawndra,
Thank you so very much for speaking so directly, solidly, and honestly. I love you for this, just as I have loved you for so many other qualities. There is no way I can imagine any of this as being fair at all. It is downright heartbreaking. I so don't want to lose you, and I have not even met you. My heart aches for your beloved husband, daughter, parents, sister, and dear friends. Thank you for wanting to "keep up with the blog" and all of us. It seems to me that you deserve nothing but comfort, peace and love. Joyce
Each day is a gift for all of us. That is why it is called the present. Treasure those days, stay in the moment, and trust in the Lord to take care of things. He is the only one to know each of our life plan. May you have peace and comfort!
Shawndra: I started reading your blog about a year ago, but have never posted. Just each day had to "check-in" on Shawndra and silently watch your journey from afar. Your writing and your story have spoken to me at the deepest possible level, most likely because I, like you, am a young mother...I have a two and a half year old, and a 3 month old. There are no words, I am sure, that can comfort you. Having gotten to know you through your posts, I know that you are a bright, witty, kind, graceful, and wonderful person. It is hard to imagine why someone of your nature would be dealt this hand. There is no justice in it. But, through my faith, I believe that there are bigger things in store for you in God's kingdom if that is what He so chooses. Please know that from Lincoln, Nebraska, I have watched you and truly believe that you have handled this entire situation with humor, grace, class.....and have een an unbelievable example of faith for your daughter and for anyone who has happened across you personally or simply through this blog. You are a DIFFERENCE MAKE, Shawndra. And, I certainly thank you for that. Peace be with you....
Molly
Praying for peace. Please see if you can't get someone to give you a hug for me. Love you, ShawnD. - dawner
Shawndra,
I am ever grateful for getting to know you. Your smile and spirit are always so contagious! Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with all of us. You are strong and courageous and a true inspriation. My heart goes out to you and please know you are always in my thoughts and prayers.
*hugs*
Amy (personal fingersticker) :P
Shawndra sweetie, you're absolutely right! It isn't fair. My heart sincerely goes out to you and the emotions you're feeling lately. No matter what, keep your faith in God because God is good. Although we never understand why some things (many things) are the way they are, one thing we can be certain of is that ultimately, God doesn't disappoint. It's so hard for us to fathom this. I struggle with it to this day and have to remind myself of it often as I endure many of lifes difficult challenges. But in my heart of hearts, I know it will all make sense one day for those of us that believe and have faith in our Lord and Saviour. I will be praying for nothing but peace, comfort and happiness for you in the New Year. I'm glad to hear you're taking a small trip with your family. You will all enjoy that special time. I'll be thinking of you and you'll be in my heart and prayers every day. May God bless you and hold your hand and give you peace each and every minute. Take care sweet girl. Leisa
Whatever choice you make for yourself is the right one.My choice for me would be no more chemo so that I could spend my last days alert with my family.Life is not fair and it has dealt you a tough hand.I wish you well on your journey.I hope you enjoy making special memories with your little girl.God speed!!
"For to me to live is Christ, to die is gain." Philippians 1:21.
Either way, we WIN.
-praying for you in Indiana.
You will always be in my thoughts and prayers. You know what is best for you and for your family, and although we all care very much for you...I am sure everyone will understand whatever choices you make. I don't know you personally but have followed from the very beginning after following Jennifer Ireland's courageous journey. I'm still praying for that miracle you so deserve and for peace and quality of life so that you may enjoy whatever your heart desires each day.
Thank you for taking the time and energy to post and keep us up to date. I can only imagine how hard it must be to put things into words for us....you are an angel :)
Get lots of rest and put yourself first sweet Shawndra!
Prayers and positive energy coming your way~
Deb (LSMO)
My prayers are with you and your family. There comes a time you just have to make the decision that works best for you and your family.....I don't believe that it is ever giving up but it shows how much stronger you really are. Enjoy your family and that wonderful husband of yours. Hang in there Doug and praying for you too!
What a brave and inspiring woman you are, Shawndra! For anyone to have to make such a decision...God has chosen you - a true living angel. May you and your family be blessed with many more memorable days ahead.
I will forever hold you close to my heart.
God Bless! With Love,
Melissa (LSMO)
Shawndra
We went to high school together and when I heard about your illness, it came as total shock. I have read your past entries and they are beautiful. I can honestly say I read many of them with tears in my eyes since it all seems unfair. Like many others have said, you have made me take a deeper look at my own life and appreciate it day by day. You will always be in my prayers.
Carrie Garcia Brandt
You are an amazing person inside and out Shawndra...I find myself checking on your blog daily hoping for miracles for you and your family. Everything is in gods hands, and like you said, he has a path for us all...... Enjoy your family and friends...you are a brave person that has such an upbeat attitude and awesome personality even through all of this.....god bless you...you and your family are in my prayers...
Brigette G. (CMH)
I commend you for knowing that your quality of life is the most important thing right now (though I'm sure that's a hard decision to make). You should be able to enjoy every moment you possibly can with your wonderful family and friends. My thoughts are with you and your family. Wishing you a wonderful new year.
shawndra,
you are a fighter any way you look at it...you have endured so much through all of this. May you be able to enjoy many precious moments with Ella and Doug and your entire family this year.
My thoughts and prayers are with you shawndra and know that i think of you so often and keep you close in my heart.
amy graver beers
I have followed your blog for many months. I lost my husband in March to melanoma, and we were dealing with a lot of the same thing. Believe me, from my point of view, my Brian and you are very honorable for how you have fought to stay here with your spouse, your child, your friends and family. You aren't letting anyone down. The people who love you the most no doubt also want you to have peace. Brian told me once in the few months before his death when hospice was with us that he realized he was going to beat melanoma eventually, that it wasn't going to hurt him anymore and he prayed we wouldn't be hurt by the effects either...because he knew he would beat it in death. It wasn't what any of us wanted, but it was not for us to decide. He knew what waited for him, no more suffering in the arms of the Lord. My own opinion, after seeing my own husband go through hell and then decide we had exhausted all options...we had a very special block of time until his death. We could and did indeed control his pain. We did some very special memorable things as a family with the kids, and between us. Thank God we made the decision to stop trying to kill the cancer (which wasn't working) and had quality time together. It was difficult just reading your feelings, because as the spouse I remember how hard it was to hear and know we were stopping, and knowing what would come next. But you are surrounded by those who can love you to Heaven, and that in itself is a blessing. My prayers are with you and your husband and child as your path takes a different journey.
hi shawndra,
you don't know me and i stumbled onto your blog from someone else's. but i just want you to know how strong and inspirational you are. i've got a lot of minor stuff going on and was feeling pretty sorry for myself...and then i read your blog. and after getting over feeling like a big baby, i could'nt help but be very humbled by you and in awe of your positive outlook, amazing spirit and love of life. whatever decisions you make, they will be the right ones for you and your family and that's all that matters. know that you are in my prayers.
You are such a stong person. You have put up such a good fight. I pray that God continues to give you strength during this difficult time. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God Bless
Christina
Shawndra
I know what you are going thru only too well. I am in the same position as you and you are right, it's not fair, and in a way for me at least it's facing the cancer all over again. I have been in such pain for the last few months I haven't did chemo until this week, but I am at the point that I don't know if it was the right decision even now and am not sure if I will continue it. Like I said, it feels like facing the cancer all over again. Take good care of yourself and rest assured noone will ever doubt your decision. I get what you mean about being a pleaser, I am the same and feel as if I am letting everyone down if I don't do chemo, but I know my body is tired and I am tired of pain, and unfortunately the road either way leads the same place. You have been so strong and inspirational even to me, another cancer patient. My prayers are with you and your family Shawndra, know you are loved,
Tami
Shawndra, we have PM'd back and forth over the colon club and I just want you to know that I am praying for you to feel better. My wife is 44 and has the same CC strain as you do. I don't know all the treatments your dr. are considering but my wife has been on Erbitux since July and the rash has not been too bad at all. My wife covers it with makeup and it is not too noticeable. Also, after a few months, the rash diminishes and all you have is some dry skin. Take care and enjoy your family because that is all that REALLY matters.
Shawndra,
You are so brave and so courageous! I pray you are enjoying this time with your family and that you will have a wonderful vacation with them as well. Thank you reminding all of us to live each moment fully and to enjoy each day we are blessed with. You are such an inspiration! Please know you are always in my prayers.
Jennifer Teegarden
Dear sweet Shawndra,
No one could ever judge your decisions, you have fought the hard fight, I know the fight all too well and too fresh as I lost my dearest life friend to cancer last year. I found your blog soon after that and have prayed hard and long for you every since. I am so sorry, I will never cease my prayers for you and Doug and Ella.
Thank you for sharing your life with us truely we are right here with ya'll and will never give up support for you.
You are so amazing and loved deeply.
We are here.
Just wanted you to know Shawndra that our Prayer Shawl Ministry group continues to pray for you and we will be asking God to give you special strength and grace in these days.
I have kept up with your blog since we met with you and your mother-in-law to give you your prayer shawl. I have been so touched and encouraged by your commitment to fight so hard. You have such dignity and I am proud of you. I would love to come and see you again if you are up to that.
Blessings and Love,
Lynene (bargainlady13@hotmail.com)
I look back on when we started on 2 Henson, before the days of cancer. We had some fun back then, huh. I think of you everyday and will continue always. You and your family are in my prayers. From working at CMH, we have seen quality of life vs. quantity, I understand where you are coming from. I feel like I would make the same decision you are making. Miss your gorgeous face around! Hope to see you soon!
Lindsay B
Shawndra,
You are not giving up on your family no matter what you decide. This is your journey and we are privileged to share it with you.
Thank you for opening your life to us, for reminding us all of the value of life, family, and friends; for being a living testament to the power and beauty of faith, and, most of all, thank you continuing to remind us all that every day we are here is a wonderful gift.
Sending you many prayers from California,
jg
Dear Shawndra,
You, Ella and Doug are in my prayers.
I pray and trust that the Lord will give you peace and strength.
Thank you for doing this blog. It helps those of us who care about you feel connected even though we live out of town. Only you can make these difficult decisions. My family and I support you 100%.
I hope you know how many people you have inspired and helped. Please continue to write when you have time and feel like it. You and your family continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.
Love, Marny
You are such a beautiful, unbelievably strong, brave person - I've grown to love you and your amazing spirit. I've just prayed that God send you and your lovely family all of my guardian angels. God bless - you are loved.
Shawndra,
You and your entire family are in my thoughts and prayers. You are really an amazing women and I admire your strength. Praying for you in St. Louis.
Tracy
The strength you have shown and continue to shown is amazing. While I am so very saddened by the path you have to take, I understand the decision is not an easy one at all.
God Bless you and your family! I will continue to come here and read as long as you post and say prayers and give support.
Hugs,
Susan
Praying for peace and comfort. May GOD hold you and your family close.
Nicole M
Girl I loved seeing it was you writing. After reading each word so carefully I am sitting here in my kitchen smiling at the blessing that God gave me to meet you. You said you felt like a "rock star" that day at the crawl and you were!!! You still are!! My Mom made the same decision you are making and from a family member's point of view, it is OKAY!!! The love you are encountering is so true and unconditional from all those around you and especially sweet Ella. You deserve peace and I wish you that. You have made me a better person in seeing what is important in my life. Between my Mom, Jennifer and You, if I don't get it right, I was not listening. Ha. I love you. Melodie Chrisman
When my aunt had a sarcoma tumor in her stomach, she chose chemotherapy and wasn't prepared for how sick it would make her. I will never forget her telling me that had she known that there would be no quality in her life that she would have never chosen chemo. I totally understand and respect your decision. I am just so sorry that you are even having to make this decision. I was sure that you were going to kick this cancer in the butt!! God has big plans for you, keep up your faith!! Whenever the time comes for me and you to be in Heaven, I can't wait to meet you. You have truly been an inspiration to me.
Enjoy every minute with your family and thanks for taking the time to update us blog friends.
Joy is measured and remembered in moments….
Hold Fast & find reason to smile as often as you can.
Don MacLeod
You and your family is in our thoughts and prayers. God Bless!
Lauren
Shawndra,
You and your family are in my prayers. I think of you so often. I can't imagine anyone thinking that you have let people down. You are so strong and have been through so much. I pray that you and your family will be filled with the peace that only God can bring.
With love,
Julie
You are such an absolutely amazing person. As many, many others have told you...you have changed my life. I can not put into words how much I appreciate you and your willingness to share with us all - most of us you have never "met" but we care so much about you just the same. YOU know which path is right for you, and you are such a strong, wonderful person to follow it.
I will always be praying for you, but wanted to drop a quick line and tell you HOW MUCH you are cared for and appreciated.
Thanks.
Jess in Nebraska
Shawndra you are not letting anyone down. Never think this. You have helped me so much through my own battle (5 years with CC now). You have helped me understand that God loves all of us and has a special place for us, and I am sure it will be wonderful as much as we do not want to think about leaving our family here. I am so very sorry that you are having to endure what you are now, I cannot even comprehend it. I wish somehow I could help you. I hope my prayers do in some way. Shawndra if you can just enjoy life now-every second of it-without pain-this is what I hope for you...Sue
http://cancersucksbigtime.wordpress.com/
Shawndra,
I deeply admire you.
Even never having met you in person, you have had such a strong impact in my life!
You are extremely smart, sensible, and I am sure whatever decision you make, you and only you know what is best for you.
Enjoy every moment (I know you are doing this already, as much as possible). A lot of people in this world love you and wish you all the BEST, whatever that may bring.
Blessings,
Debora.
May you find peace and comfort. You deserve it. All the best, you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
God bless you Shawndra. God will give you the answers. When you go through your "moments" lean on him and even in your anger he will be there for you. He knows your true heart even when you feel that your thoughts are not pure or that they are full of anger and confusion. I pray for you and know that God has a plan and we cannot just guess what that plan is. We should ALL live each day as it is our last. I will continue praying for your comfort, healing and peace.
Thank you for taking the time to post for us readers. I can not imagine how hard this is for you and Doug and your precious Ella. I will be praying for you to have peace and strength and stamina.
Dear Shawndra, you write as if you were talking to the reader; it is so personal, so direct, so deeply honest with yourself. I deeply admire your personal strength. you certainly do not have to justify your decision about your life, whatever it will be. stopping with chemo would not mean giving up on your family. YOU need to feel what is right.
Be sure not many people ever experience such love, closeness and togetherness with their family, with their husband, with friends, as you have during the past two and a half years. This is for itself a miracle, a gift, a very special time. I am sure you carry this in your heart and you will always be in ours. I send my love and wish you the very best for the new year! Anke
I have been following your story for quite some time now. I am just blown away by your spirit and your generosity!! How generous you are to share your story with all of these people you don't even know. What a blessing you are and will continue to be to so many people. I am pretty much at a loss for words, but you will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers in this New Year.
Jen from MI
Shawndra,
You are my hero. You're blog has had a profound impact on my life and I want to thank you. May God give you many, many, many wonderful days full of peace & love.
Julie
Shawndra - I've been reading your blog for months and this is my first comment. Your faith has been an inspiration to me and I'm sure others. May God bless you and your family! Faith will keep you strong.
Blessings!
Dear Shawndra,
There is purpose and meaning in all suffering...if we ever doubt that we can look to His cross. The face of God shines on you as you continue live a hopeful life seeking peace in spite of the suffering. You are always in my prayers...your giggle will always be in my heart. Gail Ezell
As always you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. We hope that you find peace and have many more wonderful days with your family. I hope you know that you are an amazing woman and I am so glad I met you all those many moons ago at Rolling Hills. Thank you for being my friend and allowing all of us to share in your journey. Go rest and enjoy your beautiful daughter!
Susan McRae and family
Death is not the end, it is only a transition. Positive thinking and a joyful heart could prove to slow tumor growth more than poisonous chemo running through your veins! And side effects of love and happiness are much better than rashes and diarrhea! I applaud your decision. Keep up the fight, we're all pulling for you! ~S~
As I began reading, I was SO excited to see a post from YOU, then, as I read, I just wished I were where you are, as you wrote, to give you a hug, and tell you that it was all going to be alright.
You are so young & as humans, we are all afraid of the unknown - but, the only thing that is really unknown is EXACTLY HOW beautiful it really is.
Right know, we are only human, we are thinking along with you that this is NOT FAIR..., maybe though, we are right? Maybe its not fair that you GET to go..to the place where we all will be eventually.. LIFE, the one thing we never get out of alive- the difference though, the longer youre here, the more loved ones you lose, the more pain you endure & the more injustice & suffering you see.., SO, who is the lucky one? Its the ones here that have to deal with grief & time. Time is man made. Theres no time in heaven. You will see your family in a second to earth time.
Im not saying this just to you but to everyone who reads the posts. You may out live half or all the people reading this, no one knows these things. Whoever reminded you to live IN THE NOW- thats for everyone. No one is promised tomorrow BUT we have today. You have today, just like everyone reading this. Thats the only guarantee.
You are such a fresh soul. Your humor, even in this post shows that you try not to take life too seriously- GOOD, b/c this life is just a tiny piece of eternity.
This is just a thought, you can think Im crazy if you want but I know this point is not crazy..., have you ever wondered why people in near death experiences never get beyond the light?..Well, they're pissed enough as it is for getting pulled back here after that wonderful peace they felt :) BUT, I believe its b/c if they knew what was even better than that light & that feeling, if they really could see it all, they would kill themselves as soon as they got back!! I believe NO ONE would ever try to live & that would just ruin " the plan ". Who would want to stay here to finish out their obligation?? NOBODY!!
I hope you continue to post. We check on you daily & youre always on our minds. We would love to know that you are pain free & enjoying your life. I pray that you have peace in every decision that you make. You can't make a wrong one. You have never let anyone down. You please everyone with your beautiful spirit. I was told in nursing school by a wise instructor, " There are worse things than death " - Huh? At 21 I didnt get that. I do now.
Im thinking & praying for you. Be pain free & can't wait for your next post. Ive missed you & Ive never even met you!!! Love, Vickie Wieberg
Shawndra,
I am a longtime reader of your blog. I think that all of us who are leaving mssages are searching for words that will give you peace. Even though many of us do not personally know you, we care about you and want you to feel at ease.
Obviously, only you know what the best decision is. We, your supporters will do just that, support you in whatever decision you make. you have been through so much and fought so hard and as a true mommy you are still thinking of your daughter and what will be best for her. The honest and open manner you approach your life teaches her, and us, so much about strength, grace and bravery.
Much love to you and your family.
~Chris
Dear Dear Shawndra,
As evident from all the comments, you could never let anyone down. You have been a hero and inspiration to so many people. You have touched more lives than you know. I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family are going through. There really are no words. I pray that God will lift you up and give you deep peace, and continued strength and faith. You have been through so much and fought so hard. I can totally understand why you just want to enjoy time with your family and not worry about anymore chemo side effects. You deserve to have only peace and happiness!! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I have never met you and yet, through this blog, you have touched my life profoundly.
God Bless you,
Nancy in NJ
Shawndra - I have tears in my eyes after reading your post and wish I had something "good" to say but I'm at a loss for words. You are right, sometimes life does not seem fair! I wish you strength, peace, and continued faith in this new year as you continue your journey and continue to spend quality time with Doug and your precious Ella. You all will continue to be in my prayers!
Bless your heart, Shawndra. You are a wonderful person and you know what is best for you and for your family. I will forever have you in my prayers and I look forward to more updates.
Love, Mandy Hamlin Featherston
Dearest Shawndra and Family;
I continue to lift you up in prayer, for peace, comfort and many special memories of your sweet family. You have been and will always be such an inspiration. I have admired your amazing spirit, wonderful sense of humor and brutal honesty as you have been on this journey. Thank you so much for sharing it with us, you have touched my life more than I can put into words.
One of many faithful prayer warriors,
Terra
Shawndra--10 years ago i was in a coma for 3 weeks, and at one point I died (briefly) and I can tell you that it was the most peaceful feeling I have ever incountered in my life!! I did NOT want to come back--and if you knew me you would know that I love life so much and never want to leave BUT the reality is that this feeling of peace was so overwhelming I can hardly discribe it. I wanted to stay there and never return here....It was pure heaven...Sue
http://cancersucksbigtime.wordpress.com/
Shawndra
You had the strength to go on the computer again.
Ask yourself why.
To please others?
Only you, no one else knows what you're going through.
YOU know how you feel.
It's your body, mind, soul that has a unique journey, as we all do have, that is going through YOUR LIFE.
I wish you the best quality of life you can give you.
Internal peace.
Accept yourself.
LOVE YOURSELF.
I keep on thinking about you, and you're always better than I would be in your situation.
Fight for what makes you feel good.
Isn't it great you feel like going on a family vacation?
Go, go, go!!!!
Much love,
Roswita
Shawndra-
You have always been a person I have looked up to and today you are my hero. I am so proud of you! Thank you for letting us walk beside you through your journey. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family always. Keep Believing!!! We Love You!
The Mudge Family
Dear Shawndra, first of all, bless your heart. you do not even know how selfless you are. Well, i do. i have learned so much from you about strength and courage and love. And i just wanted to tell you how well your daughter will know you...she will shawndra. when she reads this and sees your honest communication and joyful spirit she will know you in a way few of us dare to hope our children will know us. what a gift this blog has been to all of us and what a treasure for your little one to find ...the pot at the end of the rainbow....her mommy. she will feel your love pouring out for her in this blog.
i am sending hugs from minnesota and wishes to all of you for a peaceful and love filled new year...you deserve a rest and i hope vacation is quiet and meaningful for all of you.
love, julie (jill's mom)
Shawndra,
Thinking of you and praying for you. You are an inspiration to us all. Jill R (CMH)
Shawndra,
I sit here with tears in my eyes as I read your blog post. You have my support 110%!!! I hope you can see how much you have changed so many peoples lives by your inspiring spirit, courage, strength and love for those around you. Many of your faithful readers have never had the opportunity to meet you but I feel so very lucky that I was able to work with you on 2H and get to experience your spirit and friendship firsthand. I know it has been a long time since I have seen you or talked to you but please know that not a day goes by that I don't think about you and hope for the best for you. I know the decison you are making is not easy but I hope that you can find peace & enjoy everyday you have with Ella, Doug & the rest of your family. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and I look forward to future posts from you. You have given us all a new perspective on how to live our lives...YOU ARE A BLESSING TO ALL WHO KNOW YOU!!!!! I will cont to pray everyday for you....
God Bless you and your family
Melody
Shawndra, I'm at a loss for the right words. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. I don't think anyone could possibly judge you. We all support you completely. I want you to know that you have helped me keep things into perspective for the last year (and a half??) as I've read your blogs. Your posts remind me to not fret about the small things (I have a 3 y/o daughter too and things can get hectic)- how life is so very precious and can be taken at any moment. I believe I am better because of you. Thank you so much for that.
Christy in Tampa
Shawnd. Whatever your heart is telling you to do is the right decision. And we support whatever your heart says. We continue to pray for you and love you.
Liz
Shawndra, I have followed your blog for a very long. You are truly a gracious, loving person who has touched my life in such a positive way. You have reminded me what really is important in life. You truly live your life with all the beauty God has instowed in you. God Bless you and your family!
Shawndra: You are an inspiration to so many people. Don't ever think you are letting anyone down. You have inspired so many by how hard you have fought, with the positive attitude you've kept and your faith in God you've shown. You and your family are in my prayers. -Denise Williams
Shawndra, ***Please read***
Do you know how much we love you? We have never met you, yet we love you so much! I talk about you often and know your life is going to make a HUGE difference. I do not know you, yet I feel I know you. You are an angel, a wonderful mother and a wife that Doug could not ask more of. Do you truely know what a differnce you have made? My heart is with you and I think whatever decision you make is the right one, as God will direct you down the right path. I just really need you to know how much we all think of you. You are so couregous! Thank you for letting us live through the most intimate details of your life. God bless you sweetheart and just know you are an angel!
shawndra -
I hope this recommendation is okay, but to encourage you I'd love to recommend the book: "Remarkable Recoveries" by Barasch and Hirshberg.
We serve a God of miracles, NOTHING is to big for Him. Regardless of whether you decide chemo is best for you or not, (and you know what's best for you!) but no matter what, God is in CONTROL OF IT ALL. If you happen to be up to reading, I think you'll find this book highly encouraging. Never, never, never lose hope my friend. Starting this week I am fasting one day a week in prayer for you and for your healing. I have NOT given up hope that God is going to heal you completely.
May you be resting peacefully and fully enjoying time with those around you. In the meantime, your prayer warriors out here will be going to battle on your behalf.
Hello Shawndra & family, just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you & praying for you. Just wanted you to know that every minute of everyday, someone is thinking of you and at 2:46, it is Vickie from Jefferson City.:) I hope youre having a very happy & cozy weekend.
Shawndra,
Thinking about you and your beautiful family. Is there anything you need?
Meghan
megsinhi@aol.com
HOW COULD WE MAKE SHWANDRA'S HOMEBOUND DAYS BRIGHTER?
---HELP SEND HER/THEM TO-- THE SUNSHINE STATE!!
--My daughter (Shawndra's age) can get 4 free Disney Park tickets.
--Open a SURPRISE -- P.O. Box-- Doug Turner (husband)
--Any one could send whatever he thinks could help brighten up Shwandra's mind
Ex 1- a check to improve chances free Disney Park Tickets could be used OR improve spending on her favorite entertainment.
Ex 2- Any literature to be watched on TV, easier than reading books.
Ex 3- Any thing that might just make her smile wondering what's in the P. O. Box that day.
-- How can I, living in the Sunshine State open a
P. O . Box in Kansas? I'll check it out tomorrow.
While Shwandra hopefully is on her family vacation,
none of us stops praying or having you in our minds.
Does Jin Shin Jyutsu by Mary Burmeister ring a helping bell?
It's a Getting to KNOW (HELP) MYSELF Art of Living
Book 1- Basic Daily Tension Releases for MYSELF==
It's a hand positioning therapy.
It's helped me.
Any curious?
I'll send some positions to you.
Love,
Roswita
God Bless You. I will continue to pray for you and your family. I lost my Aunt to breast cancer, she was 50 yrs old. After a few yrs on Chemo she decided not to take anymore. Too many side effects. and she was tired of the rashes, hair loss and sickness.
I want to commend you on your choice. I know you have prayed about it. That is all anyone can do.
Spend your time with your loved ones.
God Bless,
Kerley's in NC
I love you! And God will always keep and protect you. No matter what.
-Roseanda
My heart is always thinking of you. Jessie Harbrecht Pullins
Love to You and Your family for the new comming year,a lot of days and moments full of sunshine and happiness.God bless You all
Gudrun and Konrad Bergmann from Hamburg Germany Gudrun.Bergmann-Mentz@gmx.de
You are in my prayers. God Bless you and your family. Thanks for sharing and helping others put things in perspective. Much love-
Robyn
Shawndra,
I just want you to know that you, Doug, and Ella and your family have been in my prayers and thoughts on a continual basis. Thank you for your courageous spirit, sharing your journey of faith in the Lord with us, and for that wonderful smile and laughter that you have blessed us with. Thank you for being you, and allowing us to share this journey with you and your family. You will never know this side of eternity how many peoples lives you have touched and helped to change. Thank You for this and may the Lord continue to bless you and give you peace and rest beyond understanding in the precious days ahead with your family and friends.
Shawndra,
I just want you to know that you, Doug, and Ella and your family have been in my prayers and thoughts on a continual basis. Thank you for your courageous spirit, sharing your journey of faith in the Lord with us, and for that wonderful smile and laughter that you have blessed us with. Thank you for being you, and allowing us to share this journey with you and your family. You will never know this side of eternity how many peoples lives you have touched and helped to change. Thank You for this and may the Lord continue to bless you and give you peace and rest beyond understanding in the precious days ahead with your family and friends.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!
Thank you for sharing and making many apppreciate all we have as we put things in perspective.
God Bless
Kitty
Danielle from Brazil - I admire you even more for being honest with yourself and to really know what you want and what is best for you... (But don't feel bad if you feel confused sometimes! It's everybody’s right.) Sometimes we make decisions based on what people would think... It's your life, your path, your decision! I am also a brave person and sometimes I feel that I am disappointing my friends and family for being very honest about what I want for my life. And then, I catch myself feeling bad for not making the decisions that they would expect from me... This way I can't really enjoy the choices that I make... Free yourself and follow your heart always! None of us know about tomorrow, but we should live a happy day, each day... You are beautiful! Danielle
Shawndra, you have been in my prayers. And yes, I have felt that anger toward God before and will again. But I have often thought many times (before you ever got sick and after)that God did some of his best work with you. And I am confident that I am not alone in that observation. You have made so many people smile, so many people happy! I've said it before - you are the best!
We know you are a "pleaser", and those that love you would be pleased if you find peace and do what is best for you.
C.
SO VERY GOOD TO READ YOUR WORDS DEAR SHAWNDRA, I HAVE BEEN OUT OF TOUCH WITH THE COMPUTER FOR ABOUT 10 DAYS....AS I READ YOUR WORDS TODAY I CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR DEAR FAMILY....THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR WORDS, OPENING YOUR HEART AND BEING ALL THAT YOU CAN BE FOR ALL THAT LOVE YOU....YOU ARE A TRUE INSPIRATION TO ME....MAY YOU FIND PEACE AND COMFORT IN THIS NEW YEAR....DAYS OF LOVE AND LAUGHTER WITH YOUR ELLA AND DOUG.....WITH CHRISTIAN LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP, YOUR ANGEL OF PRAYER IN KC,MO....JEN MILLER
Dear Shawndra, Thinking of you today & hoping you are on your little vacation, enjoying your family & life. I had a dream that I met you last night. I think probably because I was saying a prayer for you right before falling to sleep... you were nice though & it was a fun dream! :) Just wanted you to know that you're in ALOT of thoughts of people out there- conscious & unconscious:) !! God Bless, Vickie Kruse Wieberg
Shawndra,
I found you through the Jennifer Ireland Foundation (Jen was a family member of my husband's family) and I have quietly followed you and supported you with prayer. Sweetie, all I can say is I am inspired by you and respect your frankness and honesty. Your readers want the best for you, and that can only be determined by you. We're with you until God decides to promote you to your new heavenly job. I sincerely hope that you find peace in the days ahead. God bless you, Shawndra. Enjoy Doug and that beautiful little girl.
Just dropping a line to say I am thinking and praying hard for you and your family. May God give you the strength and wisdom to make the best decision for you when you visit your oncology doctor.
Take care sweet Shawndra,
Kristen
Shawndra,
I found out you were sick from Jenny Hardin Davisson and you have been in my thoughts every day since. We both cried when she told me because you are right when you say it's not fair for someone our age to go through this! I'm glad you have such a wonderful husband and family and a beautiful daughter to support you. I have fond memories of you from high school and your friendly and positive attitude towards everyone. You will be in my thoughts and prayers!
Arwen(Beth)Dickey Moore
Dear Shawndra,
Praying for you to feel better, for strength and lots of good moments to come
Viola
Hope you are resting peacefully and enjoying time with your family! Continuing the prayer crusade and keeping you all in my thoughts!
Terra
Dear Shawndra, just checking on you & thinking & praying for you. I hope you are doing well. God Bless, Vickie
Hi Shawndra,
Just wanted to pop in a say Hi and let you know I think of you and your family daily and pray for you everyday as well. I hope you are able to enjoy this time with your family. You are still such an inspiration to me daily :)
Take care of you~
Deb (LSMO)
I do not know you but was very touched by your story after hearing about you on my best friend, Stephanie Vest's blog. I'm praying for you and your family, you are an amazing and courageous woman. God bless you on your journey. My heart breaks all over again as I read you last entry. I have no doubt you will be rewarded for your strength and bravery.
I came across your wedding photos today and it felt like those were taken just yesterday. So many things made me smile. You were GORGEOUS, as always, and everyone was beaming that day. There is a great photo of you in between your parents and there you look just like your mom. In another photo, someone must have been dancing like a maniac, because you have a goofy look on your face and there you look just like your dad. You are the best of both worlds. You have a kind, gentle heart, capable of taking care of ailing children for a living, as well as a wicked sense of humor. With one little snort, you had us all laughing so hard we were in tears.
While I love reminiscing about the milestones in our lives, my favorite moments are the little ones. Giggling during patch. Your birthday party during our work trip in Denver. Long conversations about the future, BD (before Doug). Watching Miss America pageants out at the lake...back in the day of those old Murphy beds. Every time I see a bottle of Finesse shampoo I think of you. Your freckles always amazed me. Looong bus trips. The bathtub that you had to climb stairs to get into.
Those are great memories I cherish, as is your friendship. Love your heart, Shawndra Lea B.
Love always, d
Giggling during patch! Those were the days!
Praying and thinking of you!
B. Baranczuk
Shawndra,
My heart is broken. Unfair does not even come close!! You and your family remain in my prayers.
With Love and Hope,
Wendy
Hi Shawndra,
Just a quick note to say hello and send my love, prayers and positive thoughts your way. I hope you had a great Christmas and that you and Doug are enjoying being at home with little Miss Ella. As always, you are in our thoughts and prayers.
This is truly unfair - and, as the other commenters have stated - no one who cares for you would dare judge or question your choices when it comes to care and further treatment. You are fighting this monster no matter what you choose; we are simply here to help buoy your spirits as you make those choices.
xxxxxxxx,
jg in CA
Hope you are doing ok. You are always on my mind daily. Hope you are enjoying some quality time with Ella and Doug this week.
Kristen
You are in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your story and your family with all of us.
I have followed your blog for nearly a year, yet have never posted. I hardly know what to say other than you and your family are in my prayers. Praying for peace, and many happy moments.
May Gods grace surround you in all of your endeavors.
With love,
Emily
I watched the TV special on Patrick Swaytze and his battle with pancreatic cancer. He has surpassed the statistics, as you, Shawndra!
I pray for you and your family and for the medical profession to find cures.
Dearest Shawndra,
You are one spectacular lady...so very brave, courageous and special. My prayers continue daily for you, Doug, Ella, and your family. In my prayers, I ask my Jen to intercede on your behalf. I'm sure by now she and God are pretty good buds. I hope you can feel the power of the prayers that are pouring out to you. I love you dearly.
Gentle hugs and kisses,
Jan
To Jan (who commented above),
I want you to know that it was through your daughter's foundation, and through Dr. Bob Pluenneke, that I became reconnected with Doug and Shawndra. Doug is a close friend of my former husband, and was a groomsman in our wedding. I had the pleasure of meeting Shawndra through Doug, and as "d" recalled above, I, too, attended their magnificent wedding.
Reading Shawndra's story on Jennifer's site is what prompted me to contact Doug and Shawndra after we had lost touch. So perhaps Jen is already "interceding" on others' behalf!
I want to thank you, Jan, for sharing your experience just as Shawndra has --- honestly, completely, and with the genuine hope that it will help others as they battle cancer, and seek to become educated regarding this indiscriminate and consummately unfair disease.
You, Shawndra, Doug, and all of "Ella's Angels" have helped me enormously in my own fight against cancer. Thank you for helping so many people realize that, just like Shawndra, we are not alone.
Shawndra-
I have been reading your blog ever since I heard about you through Jennifer Ireland's blog- so a couple of years. I have never posted a comment on here, but after reading your latest entry today I felt I needed to. So many times we all take our life, our families, our health for granted- and I wanted to thank you for making me see that there is so much to be thankful for! You are an inspiration to so many, especially that beautiful daughter of yours, and I thank you dearly for sharing your story with us. I don't know if support from a total stranger helps, but please know I support your decision 100% ~ you are the keeper of your mind & body and only YOU know what more you can endure. God Bless you & your family- and may you have a wonderful New Year!
Dear Shawndra, Just wanted you to know that I was here & wanted to check on you. In my thoughts & prayers, Vickie
CONTINUED THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS FOR U AND YOUR DEAR FAMILY TODAY....U ARE IN MY HEART AND ON MY MIND....WITH CHRISTIAN LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP, YOUR ANGEL OF PRAYER IN KC, MO....JEN MILLER
There is an outpouring of the Holy Spirit and healing happening in Kansas City. People are being set free from sickness and disease. You can see it live on Friday nights on the Daystar channel at 7:30 p.m. The church is World Revival Church on View High Dr. They also have a prayer ministry, the House of Hope and Healing, where people are being healed of many things including cancers. It is time for God to shine through His power and life coming to those who love Him. Hope you will check it out.
I hope you feel well enough to read and feel the love that's being sent to you through all those 135 bloggers who keep on praying and wishing you're pain free and enjoying your family vacation.
Tomorrow is your mother's birthday. She must be so happy to have you with her.
Love,
Your Brazilian friend Roswita
Thinking of you Shawndra. Hope you are doing well....
First let me say you and your family are in my prayers. I read on the Colon Club website that you are interested in starting a foundation and I would like to help. I have the tax law knowledge to be able to help get the foundation started...at least on the IRS side. My name is Tami and I have Stage III colon cancer. I believe God has a plan for both of us and I believe this is why I happened to come across your blog. Your words truly inspire me - especially when I have a bad day. I think starting a foundation to help others would be an amazing journey. The Shawndra Turner Foundation, has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? If you would still like to start the foundation, please email me at TAMALAM34@AOL.COM. God bless you Shawndra!!
Shawndra,
I just wanted to let you know that you continue to remain in my prayers everyday. I hope you enjoyed the gorgeous weather we had here today. Please call if you need anything. Enjoy the weekend!
Jennifer Teegarden
Not the news I was hoping to find after an absence from your blog. I had hoped that the power of prayer had turned this ship around for you.
Whatever decision you make is the right one!!!
God Bless you and your family.
...praying for you and your family.
Continuing to pray for you and your family, hoping for peace to find you and your family. Hope to hear an update soon on how you are doing.
Hey Shawnd! I am sending you a big hug...can you feel it? :-) I think about and am praying for you every day. Love, Hillary
Dear Shawndra, had a min. this Sat morn & decided I'd spend it checking on you. I hope you are just having a blast on your family vay-k & you just didn't have the time to reflect on a message! Hope you are feeling fine & enjoying your weekend. Hope to hear from you soon! God Bless, Vickie
Dear Shawndra
I hope you are feeling well, enjoying your precious daughter and wonderful husband. I am praying for you each and every day and I ask god that he will give you strength and to continue to watch over you so that he may give peace and comfort. We all love you and hope to hear from you soon.
God bless,
BT
Good! Where is the new urban button wholesale market in Yiwu? Can I buy discount China wholesale at good quality and low price?
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