Patiently

Thank you all for waiting patiently, I know as my family has been, you are all wondering what came of my visit to Omaha this morning. I have to say first that we are glad we went up there to meet with Dr. Foster. We really liked him, thought he was very knowledgeable and kind hearted. He basically said that he didn't think I was a candidate for surgery at this time, which is also what my surgeon in KC said on Tuesday when I met with her. The difference being, I believe my surgeon here feels like there isn't any more she can do at all. He atleast gave me hope that there maybe something he can do in the future. He wants me to try a different type of chemotherapy called folfiri, which I know my oncologist mentioned at the very beginning of all this. It is a little different, but Dr. Foster thought that sometimes one person can have better results from one versus the other. He thought that the chemo I have been on has atleast kept my cancer contained thus far but now with the new growth, that it is time to try this other chemo. He said usually the best results occur within the first 2-3 months of being on the chemo. I don't know about all the side effects, and treatment regimen yet, I do think it would be similar to my other schedule though, every 2 weeks. If there is a great reaction to this chemo, there could be a possibility of surgery to debulk the cancer down the road. He seems more aggressive and willing to do this if possible. He was going to contact my oncologist so we can hopefully get started on the new regimen. I am having my dad contact many people, again, around the country to get more evaluation/reevaluations. I might also be going back down to MD Anderson to get another opinion from them.
I am not ready to give up. After my appointment Tuesday with my surgeon here, I felt like that is what everyone is telling me, that there is no more options. But I am not accepting that right now and atleast Dr. Foster gave me a little hope. I still feel like this is a very, very steep hill to climb and one that most don't make it to the top of but I am going to try.
I feel it is even more important though to continue to live my life and I feel almost a sense of urgency about it. I need to live now because I don't know what is to come. Even though none of us do, I am faced with a high probability that I am not only a third of a way through my life.
So yes it was good to go see Dr. Foster, and we will see him again in a few months to check on the progress of the new chemo, which I will hopefully be starting soon once it is coordinated with my oncologist (who is out of town for a week or so,ugh). How dare he go out of town, hehe. This is hopeful news but yet not the cure all. I still have a lot of praying to do, and I do feel a bit like I can pray until my lips turn blue and this still may not give me a longer life. Does anyone else feel that way? I am not giving up on the power of prayer, but it doesn't always get you what you want, you know?
On another note, Doug and I missed Ella so much. We were glad to get back to her and our dog Lexi, who is still at grandma and grandpa's so she can go early tomorrow to get groomed. She is our other baby. I am so glad Doug was with me and could go on this trip (thank you to his boss, Jeremy and his company for being so understanding and allow him to be with me). I need him so much and it was nice to have him by my side. When I don't get the news I want to hear, my eyes always well up with tears and he immediately comes to my side and puts his hand on me and kisses me. I am so blessed to have him with me.
I also want to briefly (because this message is not brief) thank you all for sending your messages in to Oprah. I hope she hears us and responds! I hope she allows me and maybe others to use her platform for this great cause of bringing awareness to cancer affecting way to many people, especially young people. I appreciate your support.
I also found out my "procedure", the endoscopic ultrasound will be next Tuesday, the 24th. The day after my birthday. This is to look at the rectal area to see what is going on down there, even though we have a very good idea that it is recurrence! I've got to stop typing now, for your sakes not mine. I will leave you all with a scripture that I found that I really like and am repeating in my head... Psalm 118:17; I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.