Change Chemo

Hey everyone- First, Ella is feeling much better, so thank you all for your concern. Today was chemo day and a meeting with my oncologist. Doug and I met with him before the treatment. I was still having a difficult time, mentally, this morning. When I am not there, I live my life and forget about my diagnosis, for the most part. When I go back to the cancer center for my treatment, it is that reminder that I have a serious illness and that I am going to be knocked down and have to start over picking myself back up. So, I was very emotional this morning. Even Ella saw me crying and said, "What's wrong Mama?", and gave me a hug. It was sooo sweet and just melted my heart. Well, when I met with my doctor, he recommended I start doing a pill form of chemo called Xeloda, which I actually took for six weeks, when I was first diagnosed, before I had my first surgery. This will consist of me taking 3 pills in the morning, 3 pills in the afternoon for 7 days, then off for 7 days, so on one week, off one week and so on. The common side effects with this is mouth sores, diarrhea, fatigue, hand and foot syndrome(?). So we will see how it goes. It can also cause problems with my Coumadin and make my blood thinner, so I have to watch that carefully! I am very excited though to try this. I just need a break from the infusions. Doug and I agreed with my oncologist that this would be a good idea and if my CEA starts going up with this then we can go back. I did have my CEA drawn today, so I will hopefully find out tomorrow what it is. Especially since I didn't go to my chemo last time so I have been off for a month.
I want to thank you all for your mommy support and advice. I think being a mom is the toughest job ever. I just want my daughter to grow up knowing right from wrong, being first safe and healthy, but also happy, kind and caring to others. I do my best to accomplish this but am constantly guessing and second guessing myself. I love her so much I would do anything for her. But I don't want her to just get away with anything and everything, that does not help her for her future. So thank you all for your support for my health and my role as a mommy. I am so grateful to have you all who have unconditionally supported me.
I start taking my pills tomorrow morning. I will let you know how it goes and what me CEA is. gotta go to bed, Doug is standing here waiting for me to go up. I will write soon. Sorry it has been so long.
Oh, also, please check out the Croquet for cancer logo on the left. I will write more about that tomorrow. Good night. shawndra

Ella has a fever

Ella has been with me all week because starting Monday night, she has had fevers. We were really hoping she would be better by today, because she had a field trip at daycare, which she missed the first trip also because she was sick. I think these are the only two times she has been sick. Poor girl. The tylenol does wonders for her, but as soon as it wears off, she starts getting really warm. So, needless to say, we have been laying low for the past 3 days. I think our dog is even feeling cooped up. She has been a wild thing the last couple of days.
Last night I did get out for an hour or so to go to dream dinners to cook up some meals that we can freeze. If you all haven't done something like this, it is a great way to cook. Definitely my type of cooking, since I really don't cook much but the basics. Everything is already cut up for you and you just dump it all into bags, then freeze it and pop it out to thaw and cook usually in 30 minutes or less. I love it!! So I did that last night!
Ella is telling me to be quiet, hehe, I guess my typing is waking up her babies. She is so funny! She has been very challenging lately as well. Some of you may disagree with this but I did spank her the other day,and you know that is the only thing that works these days. Any time I say, do you want a spanking, she does what she is supposed to do. Otherwise, she just walks the other way. I don't think a spank from time to time is abusive. It is far from it! Anyway, I hope none of you turn me in,hehe. Thank you all for your comments! I gotta go, Ella is trying to sleep. hehe. Enjoy the Olympics! Talk to you soon. shawndra

butterflies and race for a cure

Hey everyone- It's Sunday evening. Doug and I are sitting here on the couch, both with our laptops on our lap, watching the Olympics. Wasn't the opening ceremony amazing! Watching these athletes, I am just in awe, especially the gymnastics. I can't imagine doing all the things they do. Jumping and flipping on a tiny beam, or on uneven bars, gosh that is talent!
We had a good weekend. We went to Powell Gardens for a butterfly exhibit on Saturday, for those in KC, I highly recommend going. It was incredible. Just Powell Gardens itself is impressive and then the butterflies, spectacular. Today I woke up very early for me, to volunteer for the Race for the Cure for Breast Cancer. My girlfriend, Dustin, and I got to hand out roses at the finish line to the Breast Cancer survivors. It was so worth getting up early for it. I had a great time. There were soooo many people there. I actually had a few ladies who read my blog come up to me and say hello. Thank you for doing that, that makes me feel good! I really appreciate it! I like meeting you all who read and/or write on my blog. I have been just so amazed that so many people who don't even know me read my blog and care enough to pray for me. That is one thing I have learned from this experience... so many people are so kind and caring! I thank you all for that, for being so kind, so loving and caring.
Anyway, we had a good weekend, but a very tiring one. Thanks to my parents, who spontaneously took Ella on Saturday evening after the butterfly event, so I could rest that evening so I could get up early. I was so exhausted Saturday, or maybe it was because I ate a funnel cake at Powell Gardens and came down from my sugar high. It was sooo yummy though. I haven't had a funnel cake in years, ymmmm. I don't know though if it was worth the exhausted feeling after the sugar high wears off.
I hope you all had a great weekend as well. The weather here has been so much more bearable! Have a good week. I have this week off of chemo, then it is back to chemo the following week. I am going to try to live it up this week, as well as try to rest, hard to do with Ella around. I will talk about that more later. I better end this lengthy note. Go USA in the Olympics! Shawndra

4th Anniversary!

Hey everyone- This day four years ago, I was putting on my wedding gown, getting my hair and makeup done and getting ready to walk down the aisle with my mother and father into the arms of Doug Turner to say those simple but powerful words "I do". It was an incredible day. We had an amazing wedding which was just the beginning of an incredible relationship. I believe that God prepared me for this challenge in my life by bringing into my life a man who will love me literally "For better or worse". He then made sure we were secure, Doug joined Sourcecorp who has been a great company to work for and so understanding with our circumstances. They have been incredible to us! God then gave us the opportunity to be pregnant, which was not quite planned that quickly anyway, but came at the perfect time and brought us a beautiful daughter. I used to question my faith, God,and Jesus. I know see how God has worked in my life to prepare me for the challenge I face with cancer.
I have had tremendous guilt that Doug has to be a part of this illness and has to financially support me and my disease. He has been nothing but loving, caring and nurturing throughout our 4 years of marriage. We have obviously had our share of challenges in these few years together. Sometimes such a situation can pull people apart. I think we have only gotten closer. We have definitely had our differences and our arguments, we are not perfect, no one is. But I am so blessed and thank God every day for bringing Doug into my life. He is my best friend,my husband, lover (hehe)and everything I could ask for. Thank you Doug for a wonderful 4 years of marriage. I look forward to growing old with you and sharing many more anniversaries, many more memories and many more challenges. I love you, Doug! Thank you for your unconditional love! I am blessed to have all of you in my life as well. God has brought you all into my life for a reason and I thank him daily for each of you who have touched my life! Shawndra

I cancelled chemo

Hey everyone- I woke up Tuesday morning exhausted. I have been tired and emotional and I just didn't want to go to chemo. I couldn't do it. Doug helped me by telling me it was okay and that the doctor was telling me not long ago that I could take a break, so it was okay. That was reassuring! It doesn't mean I am not fighting, it just means I need a break. I don't know why I am so tired, it could be the heat, it could be my hemoglobin is lower than normal since I have had more blood in my urine from those darn stents than normal. Who knows? But I have spent a lot of the last couple days in bed or relaxing on the couch. Monday I had Ella and I was just so tired it was really hard to take care of her, atleast to do fun, active things with her, which I try to do with her when I can. I am just so tired all I can do is lay on the couch and watch cartoons with her. Which somedays I think she is okay with since at daycare they are so active, that some days I think she just wants to lay low. Oh, it is a hard job, isn't it. Anyway, so I have another couple weeks off until I go back to chemo. Hopefully by that time, I will be ready and rested enough to continue. I am going to go have my lab work drawn tomorrow to make sure I am not anemic or something else causing the tremendous fatigue. Even the Ritalin, which they gave me to help with my energy level has not been helping much lately.
I feel like there is so much more to talk about, but I am blanking on what I want to say. So I will leave it at that for now. I will try to post again soon. If my internet is accessible. When I tried to get on today, I had to do a whole bunch of things to get the internet connected. ugh. technology. take care everyone, have a great week and stay out of the heat! shawndra

on the fritz

Hey everyone- I haven't been able to get connected to the internet the last several days. That is torcher, ya know. But thankfully it is working this morning. I wanted to let you all know that my CEA from last week is a steady 5, which is good. I am glad that is has been this same number the last 3 times we have drawn the CEA level. I think that is good news. I am going to continue my chemo for atleast another month and then we will see if I can either do some maintenance chemo, maybe in pill form instead of having to go in for infusions for awhile atleast while my numbers stay low and consistent. I pray that I can keep my CEA low and the cancer minimal without spreading. I can live like this, if that is the best I can achieve, even if they think there is still some cancer in there, I can handle it as long as it stays there and doesn't spread. I have chemo again this week, so probably a few rest days ahead and hopefully nothing else.
We've had a great weekend. We got to spend time with some friends friday night and went to the first friday's art gallery thing downtown. It was very fun. Yesterday we got to play with Andrea and her kids while Doug and Greg worked on a project, in the unbearable heat, poor guys! Thanks Greg for your help! Then Ella got to go to the pool with her cousin, Ian and we got to hang out with my cousin and fam. It was a lot of fun too! Ella even napped yesterday without a major production. ahhhh it was so nice. I was so proud of her! We are still working on eating her meals instead of wanting just to eat snack food all day. That is the challenge these days.
Doug gave me my mother's day present last week. He and Ella have been working on it off and on for awhile. It was incredible. They made this collage of pictures of Ella and I with wood pieces that said Mom and Ella on these wood pieces. It is hard to explain. Maybe I will take a picture of it and post it. I still need to learn how to do all the pictures. My friend, Angie was going to give me a lesson the other day, but we couldn't get the computer to work so I will learn soon so I can do it all myself. I have been wanting to update the pictures on the side too. I will work on that. I hope you all had a great weekend too, even though it has been soooooo hot! Take care everyone.
Sandy- good luck at MDAnderson, you also might check into Creighton, Dr. Foster, who did my last surgery, he was the only surgeon willing to do the surgery.
Thanks for all your posts. I appreciate hearing from you all. You continue to be in my prayers.
Shawndra

Finally done celebrating

Hey everyone- Wow, this weekend was full of celebrating my birthday. It was absolutely wonderful but very exhausting. We were at the lake on Saturday and it was so fun but completely wore me out. I spent half of sunday in bed, thanks to Doug for letting me sleep. Then we celebrated again with Doug's family Sunday evening. It was all very nice but I am glad to be done with the festivities. Thank you to you all who celebrated with me!
There is really nothing else to report. Not much happening. This is an off week for chemo. Ella and I spent the day today recooperating from the weekend. We layed low this morning but then things got hairy when Ella didn't want to nap, then didn't want to change out of her pajamas, and on and on. I got a bit frustrated at her and kind of snapped. She dumped Lexi's water bowl and I just got angry and told her to go put her nose in the corner and don't talk to me. I had enough! Ugh. Of course, I felt bad after for snapping like that. But she is just trying everything she can to see what she can get away with. oh boy!
We are very excited, we have finally got a trip planned that we have been thinking about for awhile. We are going to take a cruise around the Mediterannean (SP?). yaaaa. I can't wait. It will be really hard to leave Ella for a couple weeks, but it will be a once in a lifetime experience. So that is something we are very much looking forward to. I better get going, we are getting ready to put Ella to bed, early tonight. She is fighting daddy right now because she doesn't want to clean up. Oh 2 year olds. better get going. I just have blood work tomorrow, that is all this week. talk to you soon. shawndra

Birthday Girl

Yaaa, Today I am 32 years young. happy birthday michelle as well and who ever else is out there celebrating their birthday today. I have not been on my computer for the last several days because we have been staying at my parents house since Saturday night when we came home in the evening our air conditioner went out, uggg. But it was nice to be at my parents house. I havent' spent the night there for awhile, so it was nice to be "home". Thanks mom and dad for taking us in for a few days. I couldn't get on the internet on my computer.
I did have chemo yesterday, so I have my pump on today. Yesterday I was a bit out of it, I don't know what it is but chemo or the antinausea they give me, something makes me sleepy and then I feel high or something. It is a strange feeling. Other than being tired and loopy yesterday, today I am feeling pretty good. I don't have much going on today, we may do something for dinner but celebrate more this weekend.
I do have another comment I have been meaning to write about. I have come across this a lot. People complaining about how old they are getting, how bad it is to turn 40, etc. I am happy just to make it to 32 and now my next goal is to make it to 33, 34, 35. We should be proud of getting older, not upset about it. That is just my opinion. I will be exstatic and celebrate big at 40!
One other thing I wanted to mention is life insurance. I encourage everyone to get life insurance pronto if you haven't already. We got our life insurance only months before I was diagnosed with cancer. If I hadn't done it before, no one would insure me now. I was very lucky. So please consider that, it will help take care of your family if something were to happen.
okay that is all for now. thank you all for your birthday wishes. I hope everyone has a great day too! love, shawndra

some answers

Hey all- Well I wanted to wait to write until I had gotten all the results and all the doctors appointments out of the way so I could give a full report. We were glad we made the trip to Omaha. It is always great to see Dr. Foster, even if I don't get all the answers I want, he still gives us so much hope. He was a bit concerned that I have been having more pain, so we ended up getting a CT done on Monday up in Omaha. Ugh, I had to drink that stuff again, would someone please come up with a better way to get the GI CT scan so I don't have to drink soooo much barium. It isn't even the taste that makes me sick, it is the quantity! Anyway, the results from briefly looking at the CT was that things were atleast stable. It seems like the bulk of the disease that is left is in the pelvis, no where else. That is good! The problem, from his standpoint, is that to get into the area, you have to work around the bladder and there is a great risk of having to end up removing the bladder and ending up with a urostomy, which is the last thing I want to have!!!!!! So, a bit hesitant about that. I had a CEA done there which was 7.9, but then I had it done here in KC the next day (thought i would go ahead and have it done to compare the two labs).. The result here is 5.1 so I think that is good as well. Things aren't progressing, they are atleast staying steady. I am still curious though about what exactly is in the pelvis, it could be more inflammation so I would like him to atleast go in and look at some point if possible, just to try and see what it looks like in there. That may be a possibility.
Overall, now we are going to stay the course until the two doc's can talk and put there heads together about the best plan. We are going to watch my CEA level a bit longer to see if it is staying about the same or going to go up. If it goes up I may have to start new chemotherapy. If it stays the same, I may be able to go on a break from chemo or do a pill form for maintenance for awhile, to give me a break from infusions. That would be nice too.
I saw the pain doc yesterday. He seems to agree that the source of the pain is from the ureteral stent. So he is going to talk to my urologist about the necessity of the right stent at this time. If I could get rid of that stent, now that we know my left kidney is a bit better than we thought, we might be able to remove the stent and possible decrease my pain significantly. IF not, I am just going to keep taking what I need to control the pain and hopefully can reduce the amount when the pain subsides a bit. I also probably have a UTI so that may cause the worsening of pain and now that i am on antibiotics, the pain may decrease a bit.

Whew... How was that for a summary. Was that too much info? I feel like I am having to write a summary for my boss or school or something, hehe. Let's talk about something else. Today I am going to go work out with one of my neighbor friends who is a trainer. We are going to "play around a bit" to see what I can do. THis will feel good. I am really wanting to start getting back into fitness and toning myself up and gaining more energy, strength, etc. This weekend is going to be a busy one, we have lots of people we are trying to get together with because we haven't seen so many of our friends in so long. We are also working on setting up a trip, we are looking into a Mediterranean Cruise. That is something I have always wanted to do, an area I haven't been yet. Ella is on a field trip with daycare today. She will be back with me tomorrow. We usually have a down day to rest up for the weekend. That is all for now. Talk to you all soon. Shawndra

off to omaha

Hey- Doug and I are sitting here in bed, both of us using our laptops and watching TV, hehe. so funny. Ella and Lexi (the dog) went to Grandma and Papas for the night since Doug and I head out early for Omaha. My appointment is at 11am and it takes atleast 3 hours to get there. I don't know what kind of information I will get, it is mostly just a follow up but I still want to ask him about the possibility of another surgery. (quick side note- aren't the Burger King commercials creepy these days, I just saw a new one where that creapy king mascot had a child, ugh) anyway, I will also see my oncologist here on Tuesday so between the two hopefully we will come up with a future plan. I will most likely have to have another scan soon to see the progress I have made since surgery to fully determine what the plan will be, we will see.
This weekend was interesting, out of nowhere I got sick on Saturday, I was fine, went to the store early (we had no milk or eggs), then I was helping Doug put up a ceiling fan in our bathroom when my stomach started cramping up, I started sweating, clammy ended up vomiting then diarrhea, the rest of the afternoon. IT was horrible. Thank you to the Palmers for helping us take care of Ella at the last minute! We greatly appreciate it! As I have told you so many times, we have the best neighbors. ya, I know, I know already. Thankful I recovered after most of the rest of the day asleep in bed. Today we got to go to the pool and i actually got in for a change. I am not a huge fan of swimming/water, but since I got the ostomy I have been really uncomfortable with swimming. It was really nice today to get in the water and feel comfortable. I even got to take Ella around a little bit and help her swim.
I am really hope Ella is just going through the terrible two phase. She literally cries about the littlest things. Not just cries, but has a fit. I am getting so tired of it, it has finally gotten the best of me today. I was so tired of it, I had to just walk away and let Doug deal with her. She even cried in the middle of playing with one of her music books, she was fine one second, then crying the next. Any advice out there? Is my child normal, hehe? I know all the articles and research about 2 year olds, but I just never thought it would be that bad. She is such a sweetie at other times but definitely more bossy and determined these days. Ella- if you read this some day, love you baby, smooch! hehe.
Please don't forget about Michelle who is running the New York marathon on November 2nd in my honor for Colorectal Cancer Research. She is getting closer to her goal of 3,000 dollars but please if you haven't donated, please consider it, if you are able to at this time. Just hit the Fred's team link to the left on this screen. You know, 5 years ago, the chemotherapy I am taking wasn't even available. Through research the have been able to find better treatment to keep people like me alive longer. My hope is that they will find even better treatments so that I won't just live a few more years, but so that I may be able to live the long life I hoped for...to see Ella grow up and have her mommy there for her! SO thank you if you are able to donate. If you are not, I totally understand and am blessed that you even read my blog and think and pray for me! I just saw the same Burger King commercial, ahhhh! I better get to bed, gotta get up early!
Monday am: I forgot to answer someone's question from my comments. She asked what pain I was having, since she sounds like she is fighting colorectal cancer as well. My pain is typically in my lower back and sometimes all the way around my abdomen as well. The pain had subsided after my surgery and returned after the new stent was placed on my right side, the pain returning more on the right side. So I attribute the pain mostly to the ureteral stents. But recently the pain has gotten worse so I am a bit concerned that it may not only be the stents. I have read a lot of other cancer patients have the same concerns, we aren't hypochondriacs, but we become much more attune to our body and when something doesn't seem right, in the back of our minds we are always a bit worried, trying not to be though! I hope that answers the question and I hope it helps! I am off.... shawndra

New Laptop

Hey everyone- I am writing this time from my new laptop doug gave me for my birthday (a little early)! It is so exciting, but it will take me a little time to get my fingers adjusted to the new keys.
To start, I had a great 4th of July! It is always great to see and hang out with so many friends and family! We even stayed up for the fireworks out on the lake. When we got out there Ella kept saying, "I not scared! I not scared, mommy". So funny! I did have a little period of time that day that I had some extreme pain and had to excuse myself from the party to go lay down. That was a bit frustrating and disappointing but thankfully it subsided and I could finish hanging out with everyone and enjoy the rest of the day.
I had my 5th round of chemo today (5th round this time). It went well, still no agitation as I had before, just more fatigue than before. It also took me a few days of rest to recover from the 4th so I think the chemo is accumulating in my system and making me more tired. So the last few days I have been in resting most of the day.
Next week is going to be busy, Monday Doug and I go to Omaha to meet with Dr. Foster. A follow up from surgery as well as to discuss future plans. I am interested in seeing if he can do another surgery in my pelvis to get rid of the mass there that is unknown if it is cancerous or not. As well as reverse my ostomy! We will see what he has to say. Then I see my oncologist here on Tuesday and I see the pain doctor on Wednesday to talk about another option for my pain since I am having to take more and more pain medication to get rid of my pain. I may have built up a tolerance to this pain medication and may need to try something else. So next week will be a busy one! Hopefully I will get some answers and some sort of plan. The last plan was do chemo for 5-6 times and see how I am. There may be a possibility of taking a break or just keep on keeping on. I still hope someday I will here I am cancer free and am officially in remission. It sounds like you are never officially rid of cancer once you have it. Sometimes it comes back and you always wonder with every symptom could it have returned. I have to focus on ridding my body of the cancer first. I believe Ella is jumping on the stairs now. I gotta go put the smack down! Talk to you all later. Have a wonderful weekend. I am going to go have lunch with a few friends, get me out of the house a little and focus on something else for awhile. I hope you all are doing well! Shawndra

Happy Fourth of July!

Happy Birthday America!!! Everyone have a safe, fun 4th of July! Talk to you soon. Shawndra

Celebrations

Hey everyone- picture it... Ella is dancing (jumping up and down) while she plays her Elmo guitar's music. Classic! She is so fun! Chemo, round 4 was this week. It went well, no problems. I rested up most of Wednesday and part of Thursday. My CEA level is 5, so down a bit from 6.1 previously. That is great, especially since I have been off chemo for a month since I skipped the week when I was in the hospital. One of my favorite holidays is coming up, the 4th of July is a favorite of mine. We always have a big party at my parents lake house, so fun to be around family and friends! So, I am very much looking forward to it. My 32nd birthday is a few weeks after the 4th, so another celebration. Each year, I never know if I will make it to the next birthday, but really none of us know this, do we. As each day goes by, I have more and more faith that I will live a lot longer than they predicted. Even if I just make it to my 33rd birthday (next year) I will have surpassed the doctors predictions. In your face docs, hehe. Really, there isn't too much to talk about. We are all doing pretty well here. I hope everyone has a great holiday, as always be safe but have fun! I am off to go dance with my daughter as she jams on the guitar! love always, shawndra

quick note

Hey everyone- Finally Doug helped me get some recent photos up. We have so many, I am hoping he will put a bunch of them on the photo gallery on the left of the blog site but that might take much longer. I am doing well, managing the pain pretty well! I had some testing done yesterday to make sure the pain wasn't from nonfunctioning ureteral stents or something. Everything came out fine so the pain must just be the normal just having that foreign body in me. This is similar to the pain I had on the left side for so long and finally got rid of not long ago. We never knew what exactly was causing the pain but one of our thoughts was it was due to the left stent.
Anyway, enough about me, poor Ella is under the weather these past couple days. She has been puking since Tuesday morning so no daycare for her these past few days. Today we literally laid on the couch all day. She did not get up from the couch once, that is how badly she feels. Usually when she is sick (which she hasn't been much in her life), she still is somewhat active. This week she has not been active at all, especially today. She threw up off and on today and didn't get much down her. I am worried about dehydration but I will be sleeping on the couch with her all night and trying to keep her hydrated! I have done so much laundry today because of the vomiting, ugh. I hate to see her sick but at the same time, it is nice to be able to be home with her and take care of her! The nurse in me comes out and the good feeling I get when I can take care of someone else. So hopefully tomorrow she will be on the mend and up and at 'em by friday but we are going to take it easy a few more days and see how things go. Unfortunately I haven't been enjoying the beautiful weather, which I am a bit bummed about, it has been absolutely gorgeous outside! Everyone is hanging out at the pool and we are quarantined to our house. Oh well, I am sure when she is feeling better she will want to be outside and at the pool 24/7. have a great rest of the work week and coming weekend. I am headed downstairs to make my nest on the coach with Ella. It may be another restless night at the Turner household. I wouldn't change it for the world! shawndra

function junction

Hey everyone- Well, I was discharged yesterday afternoon from the hospital. I had my stents placed on Thursday. Yes stent...s, plural. They did do another scan prior to the procedure which showed that there was some function in my kidney. They explained how one test could show no function then another test show some function just delayed, but it is all to confusing to explain or even understand. But that is good news that there is function in my left kidney, just delayed. They think that the stent in my left could have caused some of the delay so they did replace that stent with a new one on that side and then will wait a couple weeks and I will have another scan to look at it again. They also put a new one in on the right side because of the fluid around my kidney (hydronephrosis). They tell you that putting a stent in is not really too painful but when I had my very first stent placed, I ended up back in the hospital a couple days later because of the severity of the pain. I believe it is because there is a foreign body in there and my body is going, what in the h... is this? So I had quite a bit of pain this time probably because I hadn't had a stent before on the right. Are you all confused yet, hehe? Anyway, I couldn't get my pain under control after the surgery and throughout the night on Wednesday/Thursday AM so I stayed so I wouldn't have to end up coming back to the ER and getting readmitted for pain. I am still in some discomfort but it is much better and manageable!
Ella got to come visit me which was nice, she was relieved that there was no tube in my nose! I couldn't believe she remembered that from my previous surgery. I guess it is going to be a low key weekend. Maybe some celebrating father's day,weeee! Happy Father's day to all you great dad's out there! Have a great weekend everyone! I am just glad I don't have to pee in a hat anymore and no one is taking my vitals in the middle of the night,hehe. Shawndra

Kidney results

Well I had my appointment today with the urologist (urinary doctor) to go over the results from my kidney scan done last week. The results showed that I have NO kidney function in my left kidney and have fluid around the right kidney now. I had a stent in my left kidney since soon after I was diagnosed in 2006 to help with the fluid that was around the left kidney at that time. Since then I have had that stent replaced every few months as they recommend but never had concerns about the function of the kidney. So it was quite a shock to us and I think to the doctor that I had no function in that kidney. So they are very concerned about keeping the right kidney well so that one does not have problems and start to fail as well! Then I will be in serious trouble! I can be fine with one kidney as long as it is okay! I will be admitted to the hospital tomorrow so they can get things done faster, i.e. meeting with the nephrologist (kidney doctor) and getting a stent in the right kidney (under anesthesia) and whatever else they decide to do in the mean time. They were going to do all of this outpatient but my dad talked to the urologist and they decided it was a good idea to get this done quickly to make sure there aren't problems that arise with the right side. This may be the reason my blood pressure has gone up recently as well. So, that is that! I will let you all know as I learn more. I don't know how long I will be in the hospital, probably a day or two, depending on how soon they can do everything. Otherwise I will be hanging out in the hospital, ugh. This of course has made me a bit anxious and concerned, I did have a small break down after I found this out. But I am trying to stay positive and not worry at this point. Of course, I don't want just one more thing to deal with but I am glad it is me and not someone else. If I have one thing, I may as well have another instead of someone else having something. Does that make any sense? This also means chemo is postponed this week. Unless i can have them do it in the hospital? I might try to see if they can do that tomorrow!
On a happy note, we had a great weekend with Doug's Nanie and his Aunt and Uncle. They have this little park in Frontenac, KS. that has a few rides for little kids. A small roller coaster, a ferris wheel, airplane ride, tea cups, etc. It was so fun to take Ella. She was a bit scared of the roller coaster! After we put her on it, Doug said, I don't remember it going that fast, ha. woops! Oh and they had a little train too. I want to start one of these in KC, I think it is great for little kids! So it was very fun. I can't tell you how much Ella has changed. She is such a sweet, loving little girl these days. She says her pleases and thank you's and just amazes me every day with how big she is getting and how much of a wonderful girl she is becoming! Of course, she still has her moments but overall she is an angel to us! We are so lucky we had her at the time we did or we might have not gotten to even have her! I still think at times that I wish we could have another one but I am so blessed just to have her!
I hope you all have a great week! It is good to hear from you all, I appreciate all of your emails!!! love, shawndra

soap opera

Hey everyone- How are you all doing? Thank you for all your emails this past week, I appreciate hearing from you all! It seems like my life has become a soap opera. It is always something! This week I had some family stuff going on, then I had a kidney scan on Tuesday. I got a call from the nurse saying they got the results and the doctor wanted to see me next Monday. I found out that the results showed decreased kidney function on my left side and hydronephrosis (fluid around my kidney) on my right side. I am not sure what treatment this will entail so I am a bit nervous but not trying to dwell on it until we meet with the doctor to find out what he recommends. Wednesday my sister and I drove down to Wichita together for our cousin's funeral. It was a celebration of a great life and a great person! It is always nice to see the family too but not necessarily under those circumstances. I continue to pray for the family who continues to grieve this unexpected loss. I love you all and am here for you if you need anything!!! That was a very long day with all the traveling so Thursday I spent pretty much the whole day in bed recovering. That is kind of how things work, after a big event that takes a lot of energy, it wears me out and I am pretty much worthless the next day.
Today, Ella and I are playing and taking it easy. I figure, she plays so hard at daycare, she needs a little down time. So we are still in our pajamas playing. I am trying to get her to put her clothes on so we can go outside to play but she is being stubborn and not wanting to put her clothes on right now. Oh well.
We have a busy weekend ahead. We are going to an awards ceremony on Saturday where Doug's grandfather is being honored with a lifetime award for his teaching and Nanie will be accepting it in his honor! We will also get to spend some time with Doug's Aunt and Uncle and hopefully cousin who we enjoy very much. I hope you all enjoy your weekend! Be safe, it seems like so many accidents of all kinds happen in the summer so please be safe! Next week is chemo week, starting on Tuesday, weeee! ha. I am getting close to being finished with my 3 rounds that Dr. Foster recommended. Who knows what will happen from there, depends on my CEA level and scans. Will it ever end? Enjoy life this weekend. talk to you soon. shawndra

Emotional Week

Hello everyone- My computer was on the fritz yesterday so I haven't been able to check my email or write. I had my 3rd round of chemo this week. I also met with my oncologist before I started the chemo. I got a bit emotional in his office and then the floodworks started and I couldn't shut them off for a while! He didn't tell me anything bad, necessarily, he just asked me how I was doing... I told him I am tired a lot and I am just tired of being tired. I started taking Ritalin which he prescribed to try and help with the fatigue. I just feel so guilty about being tired all the time, people having to help me all the time, people always bringing us meals, etc. I am so very appreciative of everything people have done, but I just feel so guilty and tired of not being able to do everything on my own. He also asked if I was just sick of everything, I said yes!!! I am tired of this! My CEA has been creaping up a bit, a couple weeks ago, I guess they did draw it and didn't tell me... it was 4.7 or something like that, then this week they drew it again and it was 6.1. I am not going to panic yet, but if it continues to go up, that will make me very nervous. I am, as he says, tired of this. I start to question am I fighting something that I can't win! Is it worth the fight? My prognosis is very poor, it has been from the beginning. I have tried to think, I can beat this and I continue to think that way. But I have to ask, is this something I can beat or am I just fighting a losing battle! The rest of the week has gone well, I rested a lot! Doug was gone for a few days this week too which was difficult. He has never really gone away for a few days like this time and I miss him tremendously!
My family on my dad's side has also had a tremendous loss this week. We lost one of my cousin's (my dad's sister's son) very unexpectedly! I have been praying so hard this week that things would turn around for him and he would fully recover but he did not! The only good from this is that he was an organ donor and hopefully saved others lives. But he will be missed!
On a happier note, Ella is growing leaps and bounds! She is talking so much lately, full sentences!! She says the funniest things, I can't help but laugh.
Tonight, I am going out with the girls for the Sex and the City premiere!! It will be so much fun. I am getting dressed up and we will have some Cosmo's in honor of the show and go to dinner then the movie. I am so looking forward to this! It should be a great time. Hopefully by the time I get home, Doug will be back home. I can't wait to see him! I hope you all have a great weekend! I am so sorry I haven't written much lately, but I would love to hear from all of you! I miss my support system, I miss hearing from you all and how you all are doing? I hope you all who are also battling cancer right now are doing well and fighting hard! Naomi from GA (I think)- I hope they have found out what is going on with you and are able to take care of it! You all are always in my prayers! Thank you for being there for me, I hope i can be there for you too! shawndra

Research and Remember

Hey everyone- Well, I don't have too much to report as far as results. My initial PET results sound like everything is about the same as before. I just got that result from the nurse over the phone. I haven't actually seen the report or talked to the doctor about it yet. I will see him next Tuesday before chemo and discuss it then. but it sounds like there is really no change, some suspicious area in the pelvis and nothing else really lights up, except the gallbladder area, which was removed in surgery, so this is probably from post operative changes. As far as the CEA, blood work, they didn't end up drawing it. They said it wasn't ordered, even though it was on my schedule to be drawn. So, I will have them do it next week before chemo. So, this really isn't very exciting or informative news. I guess though that no news is good news, atleast there is nothing new showing up so that in itself is good news.

On another note, I was asked by a faithful blogger named Michelle if she could honor me while running the New York Marathon for cancer research. I agreed with only having to give my name and a few signatures in order to do this, nothing else on my part. She will do the hard part of training and running the marathon and raising the funds (which I have done before and is no easy task). She needs to raise atleast 3,000 dollars, but it is going towards Colon cancer research in my honor. Doug helped by putting a logo/link (see Fred), on the left hand side, under our picture. You can go check out her webpage and get more information and donate as well. This is the least I can do for her, is to tell you all about it and try to help raise the funds. I have heard several reports that researchers are making incredible strides in finding a cure for all cancers. Specifically colon cancer research has come a very long way in the last several years. If I was diagnosed only 5 years prior, I would not have the chemo drugs I am using today which have been found to prolong life if not save lives. I probably would not be here today if that were the case! Researchers continue to look for better treatment with fewer side effects and they are succeeding but still need help. Please consider donating to the cause. It is completely anonymous so I won't know who has given or who has not. I know a lot of people can't afford to give and that is okay. But Michelle, by doing this, you are saving so many lives and I am in aw of you for doing it! A marathon in itself is a tremendous feat but to honor me, someone you've never even met, and raise all that money....you are an angel!
Everyone have a terrific Memorial Day weekend!!! I hope you all get to spend time outside in the beautiful weather, rain or shine, and are able to spend some time with people you love or doing something you love and smiling! Also spend a little time remembering those soldiers who have passed while in military service -- memorial day. We shall never forget those who have passed, even though our memory begins to fade, our love never does. Shawndra