Post christmas let down and chemo

I hope everyone had a very memorable Christmas as we did! It was wonderful out at the lake. Only thing is we don't get great sleep because the kids don't sleep well. But it was one of the best Christmas's in a long time for our family!!! It wasn't gifts that made it great, it was the family, togetherness, happiness and love. Sounds like a cheesy book doesn't it. I did have chemo starting the day after Christmas. This round didn't go as well I had agitation as well as I got sick the first night. I pretty much spent the last couple days in bed feeling in a fog and agitated. Today I feel a bit better, still tired and today is my emotional day when I have enough energy to let it all out! So hopefully tomorrow will be better. Thankfully my parents were there for me yesterday when I got my pump of and had to stay for fluids and medication. Thank you mom and dad! I am thankful that today is Saturday so doug was home and Angie was here to help with Ella. I am so lucky to have such great help. So hopefully I am on the up swing and soon we will go skiing. weee! I also found out that the doctor I saw recently from KU took my case to the group meeting with a bunch of physicians/surgeons and that a surgeon may consider me as a candidate for surgery as well as the doctor from Creighton. So it looks like I may have a few options. So this is good news. I wish you all a Happy New YEar! Leisa- I hope that you can think of all the great memories of your mother. I know it must hurt and be a very difficult time. You are all in my prayers! I think we are having a New years get together this year, so hopefully I will get my energy up so I will have a good time. Talk to you soon. shawndra

Merry Christmas to All!

Merry Christmas everyone!! I hope you all have a very memorable Christmas! I hope your travels are safe, and Santa brings you lots of goodies, hehe. My Christmas wish may come true! I heard from Dr. Foster ( the surgeon from Creighton) last Friday. He looked over my most recent scans and consulted with another one of his partners. They agreed that they want to do a procedure to atleast take a look inside of me and possible do a major surgery to remove cancer, do the intraperitoneal chemo flush, whatever they can do depending on what they find inside me. So it could be a small procedure if they find too much they may not be able to do much of anything. If there is stuff they think they can remove to benefit me, they will do that and it will turn into a much more invasive surgery and more recovery time! I have to finish up some chemo for another month and a half and then I will have to take a month off of chemo before I can have the surgery. So it probably won't be until late February/early March. But this is what i have been hoping for. My biggest fear though is that they will get in there and not be able to do anything because the cancer is too invasive and not removable. But I will atleast know for sure at that point and not be unsure if the scans are showing accurately what is in there. So Yaa!!!

Tomorrow, Christmas Eve, I have a few more errands to run then it is time to get ready for Mass and off to the Lake we go to celebrate Christmas with my family! We celebrated today with the extended family and a bit last night with Doug's family. Let the festivities continue! I am so excited though to see the kids open there gifts tomorrow night then get in our pajamas and snuggle in, then wake up christmas morning to open santa's gifts and play all day in our PJ's! Ahhhh, it is going to be the best Christmas ever!!!!

Oh, someone asked about Ella's potty training alittle while ago! She is doing great, she isn't in underwear yet, but she is going more and more on the potty. At her new daycare, they ask frequently if anyone needs to go, and she is the first one to chime in and go. She had kind of forgotten about it for awhile but now she is back into going potty on the big girl potty both 1 and 2. So it is going well, we are so proud of her!

Well, I wanted to wish you all a very merry christmas, or happy holidays if you don't celebrate Christmas! I will say a prayer tomorrow for all of my new found blog friends and family. I will thank God for bringing you all into my life to help me through this challenging time. Ho, Ho, Ho, Merry Christmas to all... and to all a Good Night!!!! Shawndra

Hey everyone- Happy Monday to you all! I hope you had a great weekend! We had a great weekend. We did get some snow but it was very cold and not really enough to take Ella out to sled or build a snowman. She did briefly go down on a sled yesterday at Nana's house. I don't think Ella really enjoyed it though. Oh well. We had a fun event last night. Nana and Grandpa's neighborhood had a Christmas pot luck and had sleigh rides. It was soooo much fun to be on a sleigh with horses. It was a bit smelly in the front row and it was interesting being on a sleigh on Switzer Road (a fairly busy street). But it was a great time, thank you Nana and Grandpa!

Thank you all for your loving words, support and wisdom. I am so blessed to have you all in my life, even if some of you it is just a computer relationship. It doesn't seem like it, it feels just like a real relationship, except it does seem a bit on sided, sometimes. I am so lucky to have so many wonderful friends. Shawny- I understand your frustration with the system, I wish it were better too! I am the very last person to talk politics, but I guess we need to really educate ourselves about our possible Presidential candidates this upcoming year. The next President could make a huge difference in the health care system and changing it for the better. So we need to educate ourselves and vote. I am very guilty of not voting, so I am telling myself this year, it is very important to have my voice heard. One small voice can make a huge difference!

I am off to get cleaned up for the day. I am going to go help my parents decorate the lakehouse, where we are going to be spending Christmas Eve and day! I can't wait. We have that to look forward to and then we are going skiing in a few weeks too! So much to be thankful for and to celebrate. Thank you all for your continuous prayers for the miracle I believe will come! I have to believe it will! I am going to do everything I can to make it happen!! I have so much to live for! We all do! Love always, shawndra

Upset

Well, it looks like I might have hit a nerve with someone. I am sorry Shawny, I get as frustrated with the system as you do for many reasons. Most of which, the system can't cure me and allow me to live more than maybe 4 years if I am lucky. At least that is what I was told today. So, I am frustrated too. I did have a connection, but one for Colorectal cancer, and that is partially because I, also, work in the medical field and work with physicians who have many contacts all over the place. Trust me, I had to spread the word far and wide to get the connections I did have. As much as I would love to help each and every person, I unfortunately cannot have my dad call for someone, especially because he doesn't even know the situation. That is why I recommended being persistent, that is what we did and that is how to get through the system, call, call, call! That is how I did it and that is how I think everybody has to do it. I wish her the best of luck, I don't mean ill harm on anyone. Nothing is easy about this!! I make calls almost every day to one doctor or another, I am consistent and persistent in trying to find the best treatment out there for me and monitoring my own care. I have been let down countless times, even today. The doctor basically said the treatment I am on is the best treatment right now until I start to fail with that treatment then there are a few more options. So I guess that is the bright side of it, I still have a few options left to try to keep me alive longer. That is all they can do, try to keep me alive longer. I don't know if that is good or bad. Would I rather pass away now when my daughter won't remember it, or in 4 years after these past several years watching mommy suffer on chemo and when she will know me better and know what is happening? Take your pick! Either way, I am going to break my daughters heart and I can't stand it!!!! I can't believe I am going to do that to my daughter, and I have no control of it! So, please don't add any guilt to my plate, I have enough to last my lifetime! I will keep this girl in my prayers as I do all of you who are suffering with cancer and all of you who help me each day by reading this and supporting me. Thank you. Good night all. I am hoping to wake up to a snowy winter wonderland tomorrow so we can go sledding and build a snowman with my family! Gotta cherish each moment. love, shawndra

Answers

I wanted to answer a couple people who have commented on my blog about something. Sue- I have checked into intraperitoneal chemotherapy. Dr. Foster has mentioned that might be a possibility when/if he goes in to do another surgery. Otherwise no other physician has thought I would be a candidate for that procedure. Thank you for checking into it for me. I greatly appreciate it.

I also just had a comment about someone's sister being diagnosed recently with a type of uterine cancer trying to get into MDAnderson. I would continue to call and be persistent about getting in to be seen. I am fortunate that my dad is a physician so when he calls, usually people respond quicker. I had a few other people calling in for me to get me in so I got in fairly quickly. It took a few weeks but not too long. I think it helps to have a connection if you can think of one or know of someone who can call in your behalf! I hope you get there and get some answers!

I had a much better week than the last several weeks. I rested a lot yesterday and some today but I have felt a lot better. No gittery symptoms or other major problems. I do have a urinary infection again so am going to start more antibiotics. I got my pump off today so I am free until after Christmas. I actually am scheduled to go back the day after Christmas. I will see the new doctor at KU tomorrow to see what he has to say about me. I am anxious to see if he has anything new to say or add. I hope he may have something else up his sleeve. Everyone have a great weekend. Enjoy the beautiful snow we are supposed to get here in KC Friday night and Saturday. It is supposed to be good sledding and snowman weather, wee! Good night everyone! Gotta got peak in on my wonderful punks before I head to bed. Shawndra

So long

Gosh it feels like I haven't written forever. I actually did write a blog on Saturday afternoon, but as soon as I went to send it an error occurred on the computer and lost it. Ugh, don't you hate that when that happens, so frustrating! Ella has been sick for the past several days with really high fevers mostly. She did have strange skin irritation or rash in the middle of the night one night and one night, as she ended up sleeping in our bed she was breathing so heavily, it scared me. It's one of those things where you sit there and think, do I need to take her in to the ER or wait it out. I am sure all parents have experienced this! She is doing much better now though and we actually sent her off to her new daycare this morning. Long story but we had to change daycare's since our old one was making some changes and it was going to be too far to go for us. She did great this morning, she saw all the fun toys and was off, gave us a kiss and said bye. So we felt good about leaving her, which is always a relief.

I actually have chemo today, it is later in the morning because I also meet with my doctor and he usually doesn't get to clinic until atleast 10 or 10:30. It is actually nice though, so I don't have to get up really early and feel rushed to get there. The weather was threatening to be very bad with a lot of ice this morning, but the roads aren't bad at all from what we have experienced. So I will shortly be off to another round of chemo. They are not going to give me the steroid I believe, this time, so hopefully I won't get the agitation at all. Last time I had it only for the first night but that was definitely enough for me.

Right now I am feeling okay, I am having even more back pain and can't seem to get it under control these past few days. I am also having problems with my bladder/ureteral stent. I am having pain when I go to the bathroom so I am going to once again push to have my urine tested today and if nothing shows up I may have to go check things out with my urologist. Otherwise I am great!

Leisa- thank you for your recent post. I am so sorry to hear about your husband's friend and the families two loses. How devastating is that! I am very glad to hear about your daughter on the other hand!!!

I was checking on Ella last night before I got in bed, as I always do. As I was watching her sleep and stroking her hair, I was praying and was at a lose as to what to pray for. I always pray that I survive and beat the cancer so I can live and take care of my daughter. But I realized there have been so many women who have lost there lives who also have young children. As much as I pray and hope I am not guaranteed that I will survive. These other women were needed by there children just like I believe Ella is needed by me. Why would I be any different than these other women, ya know? So I had a hard time with this last night. Thankfully Doug was there and we had a great conversation as we lie in bed but it wasn't a conversation we expected to have. We talked about what if I didn't live. There are just no guarantees. I will do whatever I can do but as Leisa also mentioned nobody is guaranteed tomorrow.

You are all probably so tired of hearing that. But it that is just what was going through my head last night. So I will leave it at that. This is all for now... oh, I didn't make it to the doctor at KU last week. Ella being sick and I was ssoooo tired from being up all night with her, I switched it back to the original date, which is this friday. So I will know more about that after this week.

Thank you for all your love and support. I hope everyone is enjoying the Holiday season with the gorgeous lights, decorations, songs and just that feel in the air. Christmas is coming soon. Weeeee. I feel like a little kid again. (Probably because we watch TIgger and Pooh's christmas movie EVERY day sometimes more than once a day, ugh)

Ta Ta for now, shawndra

MD Anderson

Well I am back from Houston. I got back last night, on an earlier flight, yaaa! But unfortunately came home to a feverish child. She had her 2 year checkup today and unfortunately was sick as well with a sore throat and ear infection along with the fever. Poor thing, she looks so sad, just limp with her rosy cheeks. On the other hand, I love that she clings to me and just wants me to hold her and lean her head on my shoulders. Isn't that one of the best feelings as a parent!

I am sure you are wondering how things went in Houston. Well good and bad. The first impression from the CT and MRI scan was that there was more cancer in my abdomen. Not a huge amount more but more. The good thing is, it hasn't spread to my other organs, just in my abdomen. My oncologist recommends that I stay on the chemo I am on now. My CEA is now 15, so it has gone down from the last number of 23. That is good. He basically said, the cancer could have increased while I took that month off this summer and still may benefit from the treatment I am on now. If my CEA goes above 30 he recommends I add another agent to the folfiri I am on now. The next agen they use,called Erbitux is the one that can cause a bad acne like rash on your face, ughhhhh!!!!!
So I was a bit upset when they told me there was more cancer, but he reassured me when he showed me the CT scan how little it had grown . I am actually going tomorrow (it got bumped up) to another oncologist at KU Med to get his opinion on things. He is supposed to be very good and possibly have some new research coming up on the horizon that may benefit me. So I will see him tomorrow, if I can get all my information together tonight. There is a lot of information I need to put together for a new physician to review. I am also going back to Creighton in a couple weeks to see Dr. Foster and see what he says about the surgical option at this point. I am still praying the CEA level comes down, come down CEA, come down!!!!!

Otherwise my mom and I had a great trip, it was a fast trip, I was in getting tests all day Monday... all day!!! Tuesday we had the day off to sleep in, slowly get around and finally shop a bit before we met my cousin and his family out to dinner. It was so great to see them, thank you Debbie and Mark for going out of your way to meet with us! The girls are so cute and fun to be with!
I am remaining super busy this week, I am so tired but have so much to get done, it seems. I am having a little neighborhood party this Sunday so I need to prepare for that too.
I hope you all are doing well. Leisa I hope you are receiving good news about your daughter, you have been in my thoughts and prayers! I am off to go snuggle up with Ella awhile longer. Good night to you all. Enjoy the snowy weather, I love it! it is so beautiful! talk to you soon. shawndra

3 months down

Hey Everyone- Well I have finished 3 months on this chemo. This week was not as bad as the prior round of chemo. I did start of with the agitation I had before but started on Ativan quickly and it went away after the first night. I have been sleeping a lot but otherwise doing okay. No nausea or vomiting thank goodness! I am up and at 'em today with Ella so that is a good sign!

Leisa- I am so sorry to hear about all the stuff going on in your life right now. I will keep you in my prayers, and ask everyone who reads this to also add Leisa and her family to their prayer list. You can read her comment on my last blog to get an idea of how to pray!

There are so many people to pray for, I feel overwhelmed with how many people are becoming ill! My uncle has recently been undergoing problems and had a biopsy. I am not sure the results yet but I am afraid it isn't good news. My husband's grandfather has been undergoing treatment for tongue cancer for the last few months and is probably going to lose his speech and is eating only through tube feedings now. This breaks my heart and scares me that so many people are sick. What is happening? What are we doing in our society to cause all this illness? It has to be something we are doing? Do you agree? I wish I could change it or figure it out. My friend Angie who is living with us is a nurse at Children's Mercy. She works on the floor I used to work on and said that three children came in recently with brain tumors, ugh!!!! It is one thing for me or adults to become ill but for young innocent children that have only been here for a few years to become ill. That just absolutely breaks my heart! What can we do?

My mom and I are heading down to MD Anderson Sunday so I can go in early Monday for an all day event of testing. Drinking the nasty barium stuff again, which I dread! I will have a CT scan and an MRI as well as blood work which will entail a CEA. I will then meet with my oncologist there on Wednesday to hear what he has to say about the tests and the results. I need you all right now more than ever. I am scared that they will say there isn't much change and that the chemo isn't working and I will have to try another chemo. I will soon be running out of options if that is the case!!! I pray this chemo is working, killing the cancer cells in my body, bringing my CEA number down so that when I go see Dr. Foster in Omaha he might consider me for surgery to remove some of the cancer. I know ultimately, I have to keep it in the hands of God. He will do what is best for me, whether it is what I want or not. I have to believe he will be there for me and perform this miracle! He can not leave my daughter and husband without their wife and mother! God needs me here on earth.... "Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven".

I am free from chemo for another week, I am excited to have that week of freedom. I have a lot going on so I have to feel well to be able to do the fun things.

I hope you all have a great weekend. Enjoy the holiday hustle and bustle, it is officially here. Don't get so stressed out about gifts and forget what the holiday is about! This holiday is not about presents it is much more. It is a celebration and a time to relax and enjoy our family and friends! Please don't forget that! I think we have lost that and need to get that back! We need to say, forget the presents, lets be together and enjoy each other. Right!

Okay, I feel a bit preachy so I will end this post! I will email when I get the results from Houston. Take care everyone! Please keep up the prayers for all those who need them right now. we all can use them, can't we, I will pray for all of you! love, shawndra

Thankful!!

I am thankful for a wonderful, long weekend. It was great. We had a fantastic time with Doug's family at his Aunt and Uncle's for the holiday. Thank you Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Mal for all you did for us this weekend, we greatly appreciate it! It was a busy weekend, even after the holiday it was one thing after another. But so much fun. Tomorrow is chemo day so I am kind of dreading that since this past week I have felt so good! I love feeling good!!! I have had more pain these past few days, especially in the night. So I am keeping Doug up because I am tossing and turning in pain and then I am doing this twitching thing again during the night. I am not sure what that is about. I thought it might have been a side effect after I went off the Ambien but that went away for awhile and now it is back. That is what is so frustrating, I never know what things are caused by, it is always a guessing game. Like the agitation last chemo round, we think it was caused by the Decadron they put in my antinausea medication, but no one is for sure about it. That is just the only thing we could come up with.

Oh, very important. I did look at Oprah.com. It looks like the show Andrea and I attended will be aired this Wednesday the 28th. So tune in Wednesday or record it if you want to see if Andrea and I got on television. We are in the front row on the side next to Oprah. I am in a pink shirt and Andrea is wearing Coral. We tried to cheese it up as much as possible to give us more of a chance of being on tv. We will see, hehe. It will be fun to watch!

This week will be chemo, then next week my mom and I are heading back down to Houston to MD Anderson for a checkup there. I will have CT and a MRI done along with a CEA level drawn with other bloodwork. I will then see my oncologist there to see what he thinks of this chemo I have been on and any progress or regression I have had. I hope there has been progress in killing the cancer and continued reduction in the CEA level.

I will write more later. My mom is here helping me this morning with Ella because of my back pain. I better go help out as much as I can! If this chemo round is anything like the past few I will not be much help these next few days. I truly hope it is better than the last round though!

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and reflected on what you are thankful for! I am thankful for you all who have entered my life through my blog or otherwise. love, Shawndra

PS. Don't forget to record or watch Oprah on Wednesday!

I hold you

The title is what my daughter says to me and others when she wants to be held. Isn't it cute! Some of you have noticed, we added a few pictures, one on Ella's birthday post and one on the left, from halloween. Enjoy! Thank you for the many emails. I am doing better, thank you! No more agitation. I was still dragging with fatigue on Saturday, but Sunday was much better as well as today. I was disappointed that Saturday was beautiful and all I could do was sleep but I am hoping to enjoy today and tomorrow. Ella is napping (Thank goodness), she wouldn't take her nap yesterday. But when she wakes up we will play outside. She will say "Cold outside mommy" and I can happily say no baby, it isn't cold outside right now, yaaaa! Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I am doing better. I am excited that my husband only has another day or day and a half of work and then we will have a long, wonderful weekend together. I love that! I just have my general labwork tomorrow, as well as my rehab appointment (for my swelling). The word rehab sounds so bad. Then I am free the rest of the week and will celebrate all I am thankful for. One thing I am thankful for is this blog. I didn't really realize until yesterday that I have someone to thank for getting me to start the blog in a round about way. If it weren't for my friend and neighbor, Brandi, who found out about Jennifer Ireland, told my sister who told me about her and her blog. I wouldn't have started this blog and wouldn't have so many new friends and supporters! So thank you Brandi, I am so thankful to you for that. I am so thankful for all of you who are supporting, unconditionally. Thank you! I have so much more to be thankful for but I will stop there for now. I need to try to rest a little before Ella wakes up. So I am not exhausted by the time Doug comes home tonight and can't do anything to help. Have a great, short work week and a wonderful holiday!!!! Happy Thanksgiving and Thank you! love and thanks always, shawndra

Major agitation

This has been a very rough week to say the least. I had chemo on Tuesday. Wednesday afternoon I started getting this agitation, gittery feeling. I couldn't stop shaking my legs, moving around, etc. It was like my skin was crawling. Thursday I called the Cancer Center to let them know, so they had me come in early to check it out and get my pump off. They gave me fluids and some Ativan for the agitation, which I had been taking at home. It maybe made it a little better but I was so miserable last night I just wanted to be knocked out. I took a sleeping pill and Xanax and I was out thank God! Today I am getting better. The agitation has gone away, I was still out of it a bit this morning, very light headed feeling and it has been an emotional day for me. I hate feeling like that, and being useless to my family. All I could do was lie in bed in misery. Thankfully Doug, Angie and my parents have been here to help with everything. I am glad the chemo is only a couple days every few weeks. If I had to deal with it every day, I think I would give up. It crossed my mind this time. It is so physically hard that I just want to give up and that makes me very emotional. I am starting to cry just thinking about it. How could I give up, with a wonderful husband, daughter and family relying on me. How could I do such a think to Ella. But what good am I to her in this state? Oh it has been a hard week. The good thing is it is getting better and I have to look forward, forget about it and look forward for the good things to come. I can get through a few bad days when there are more good days than bad. I have to, I don't have a choice! I WILL not give up for my little girl!!!!! I WON'T DO IT!!!!
Thanksgiving is around the corner and I have so much to be thankful for. I am alive and I have a great life, a great family, wonderful friends and support system. I have no regrets. I am so very lucky and thankful! I hope you all have a lot to be thankful for too! I will write soon on a more positive note. Shawndra

Happy 2nd Birthday Ella!

Today,November 11th is Ella's birthday. It was a great day. She slept in late, so we all got to sleep in a bit. We had her birthday party which was a blast. It was a gymnastics party where she does her weekly gymnastics class which she absolutely loves. After the kids played in there we had our cake and ice cream and presents. Angie's mom made Ella's cake. I wanted a Mickey mouse clubhouse theme since Ella loves Mickey. Angie's mom literally made a clubhouse on the cake, it was incredible!!! Very impressive. Thank you to Angie's family for doing this for her. Thank you to all the family and friends who came and helped us celebrate this wonderful day. I am so blessed to have Ella. The song in my head right now is " You are the sunshine of my life, oh oh oh..." I'm tired!

To tell you more about Chicago. Andrea and I had a great time. We ended up spending the rest of Friday lounging around Sara's condo in our pajamas until it was time to get cleaned up to go out for dinner before we had to catch our flight back to KC late Friday night. Even though we didn't do much, it was a perfect trip.

I do have to say though, it was a dream of mine to get to go to the Oprah show. So I am so grateful that I got to go but I was a bit disappointed in her. She didn't interact with the audience at all. It was as if we weren't really there. It was quite a process to get into the studio and get our seats. We waited a long time in this room while the audience piled in. Andrea and I were one of the first one's to arrive, actually we were the first ones to arrive but because we went to the wrong door, a few other people ended up, greedily, in front of us. They called a bunch of names to be seated before they started seating by number, which I thought was odd. We were getting a bit frustrated, wondering if we arrived early for nothing. We weren't going to be very happy if they continued to call other people who arrived 30 minutes to an hour after they told us to be there before those of us who were there prior to the time we were supposed to be there. Anyway, that part was frustrating and then her not really acknowledging us in the audience kind of put me off a bit. I even overheard a few people behind us when we were leaving saying they would never come back and weren't impressed. Again, I am still glad I got to go and have my dream come true!!! Thank you again Diane and family for the opportunity.

This week is chemo week starting Tuesday. I feel so good besides my back pain it is so hard to face chemo week knowing I will be run down and tired. But I am going to do my best to not let it get to me. Good night everyone. Have a great week....
Oh, Miki, Happy Birthday to you too!!! shawndra

Oprah

Hey Everyone- Well, we had our Oprah experience yesterday. It was a great experience. We didn't get the favorite things episode, darn!!! Our show was The Best Life Weight Loss Challenge Finale with Bob Greene. They didn't know when it would air, they said we would just have to keep watching for it. THe good news is that Andrea and I were lucky enough to get in the front row on the side next to where Oprah sits. So you may see us on TV. We tried our best to be very candid with our expressions like they told us to do to have more of a chance to get on TV. I will give more details later. We just got out of bed and are hanging out, Sara, Andrea and I drinking coffee in our pajamas, getting ready to indulge in monkey bread. aahhhh, what a great morning. I don't know what we are going to do today, we may stay in our pajamas and watch a movie and just hang out. Or... maybe we will go shop. Either way is a win.. win. We are having a great time, it is so nice to be able to sleep in and just have some fun girl time. Even though we miss our families tremendously. Tell you more soon. shawndra
PS. pictures to come of Andrea and I at the Oprah studio in our Oprah outfits.

A couple things to add.

Hey everyone- I forgot to acknowledge Sue's question in my last post. She asked about Chris Ireland, since he hasn't posted on Jen's blog in awhile. I actually called him today, to find out how he is doing. We don't talk often, just once in a great while. He said he and the girls are doing well. He said he switched up the daycare situation a bit but otherwise things are good, same old work and home stuff. He did also say that he has been meaning to post some pictures of the girls soon. So that is the update, you can keep checking for the pictures. I think he is a private person and the blog's purpose was to tell Jen's story. So, not to worry he is doing well!

Back to me, hehe. That sounds horrible doesn't it. I got my weekly labs today and asked to do a urine sample as well since my back pain has gotten so much worse in the last few days. It looks like I do have an infection so they put me on antibiotics. Otherwise things look good.

Andrea and I leave tomorrow for Chicago. Oprah here we come!!! I am so excited, I get to also see my friends up there, which will be great too! Sara- thanks for putting us up and picking us up! Gotta just get a few more things done before we head out. Anyone know the weather up there? I am off to go lay down and rest on a heating pad to try to get rid of some of this pain in my back. Then I have a massage with my cousin this afternoon. She is an incredible masseuse. ahhhh, that will be so nice! have a great day, I will keep you all posted about Chicago and Oprah! One of my dreams is coming true.... dreams do come true! shawndra

Prayer Warriors

Hey Everyone- This week is better than last week! I am feeling much more rested, not so fatigued. I am unfortunately having a lot of back pain, more so than usual. I don't know if I have a kidney infection or something but I am having to take more pain medication which doesn't always seem to be working, ugh! Otherwise I am doing well. I did a bit more shopping today to find the rest of my Oprah outfit. Thank you Kelly for helping me find the rest of my outfit! I appreciate your thoughtfulness and your fashion sense, hehe. I now only need to find a pair of boots and I will be set! You know, the new fashionable knee high boots. weeee!

On a serious note, I would appreciate everyone guiding their prayers to another woman with a young son who just moved to a new city and has gotten very sick. She is going to have a few tests done but is concerned that it may be cancer. They did feel an abdominal mass and again will be doing a few tests to figure out what is going on. Please pray hard for Naomi. I pray that the doctors are able to figure out what is causing her sickness and that it is something that can be easily treatable. She is alone in a new city, sick and scared. She found me through Jen's blog and contacted me. Naomi, I have a huge group of wonderful prayer warriors that will pray for you! We wish you the best tomorrow morning for one of your tests and then on November 13th for another test. Thank you, my dear friends, for extending your kindness and your faith to help Naomi and others who need us! As I told Naomi, I am glad she contacted me, I feel like my situation maybe helping others and there is a reason for my illness. Knowing that this reason is to help others makes it so much more bearable. As a nurse and nurse practitioner, I was all about helping others. Now that I am not working, I have lost some of that but thankfully through my site have been able to maybe help a few others and get my identity back as someone who cares for others and helps them. It's not just about me all the time. Just to clarify, I am not wanting anyone else to become ill by any means. I just want to help when I can!

I am going to bed early, this time change is hard, isn't it. It is about 9:30 and I am exhausted. Thanks prayer warriors for your help. Good night. Shawndra

Down days

First I want to acknowledge Shanna's post about Megan Rooker, my thoughts and prayer go out to her and her family. I also got another email about another young woman who passed away from Cancer. Again my heart goes out to the family. I pray for all the people suffering from this horrible disease. It just isn't fair and no one is immune. We can do all the right things, eat right, exercise, not smoke, etc. but you can still get cancer. I am the perfect example of this. We are making strides to try to catch cancer early but it appears that cancer is affecting people younger and younger. We can't rely on the statistics and when they say we should start being screened. We need to rely on ourselves listening to our bodies and reacting when it is telling us something. I truly hope that we can cure cancer someday and I will try to do what I can to help make this happen. Awareness is the first step... Oprah!!!! Okay, I will step off the soap box now, hehe.
Well, I think I got through my down days. Chemo was okay, no vomiting this time. A bit of nausea but it was kept under control. Not a huge appetite for a few days and extreme fatigue on Thursday and Friday. Thankfully I made it through Halloween. We had about 20 people over, family, for trick or treating. It was a lot of fun. Ella is a bit under the weather too with a nasty cough so we carried her a lot of the way around the neighborhood. But she did wear her Strawberry Shortcake hat, which I really thought she wasn't going to do. So she was adorable! Again, pictures will come soon, hopefully. After Wednesday night, the extreme fatigue hit. Thursday I couldn't keep my eyes open. I am so thankful to have Angie here, she watched Ella all day while I slept. Then my mom came over to help on Friday, which was a bit better, but I felt like I had a hangover all day, tired and a headache. So again, I slept a lot on Friday. I don't like those days. I get so emotionally upset because I can't do what I want to do, and especially I can't be the mommy I want to be or the wife I want to be. I can't do anything and I hate it!! Today I am feeling better. We switched Ella's gymnastics class to saturday's because I am just too tired on Thursday's to take her on chemo weeks. I am glad Doug was with me today because about half way through I got a bit faint feeling, clammy, sweaty, light headed. I think that was just that I hadn't eaten in awhile and I had coffee this morning, so my bloodsugar dropped. So Doug got to do gymnastics with Ella. Grandpa came to watch too and helped me when I wasn't feeling well, thanks Grandpa Turner.
Soon, we are going to be heading to the mall to find the Oprah outfit for Andrea and I. Very important! I am looking forward to this week. I can not thank Diane and her family enough for giving me these tickets and making one of my dreams come true!!! That is truly an unbelievable gesture and I am so grateful to her and her family!!! Thank you Diane.
The weather is gorgeous, so I hope all of you in KC are enjoying it while we have it.
Ella's birthday is next weekend, she will be two on November 11th, yaaaa! The terrible two's. We have actually already started that I think.
Have a great weekend. Thank you for all your prayers this past week. You got me through it. Enjoy your weekend, Shawndra

Punks

Isn't my punks a cutie! I love this picture. Ella just got some kitchen items along with a hat and apron from Angie. It is hard to get that great smile in a picture, she is too quick to catch her looking at the camera and smiling all at once. I will look at this picture all the time. (You can click on it for a larger version.) I love it.
Anyway, I am getting ready for bed because chemo starts fairly early tomorrow. Gotta be there around 8:30 for labs, then chemo at around 9am. Gotta keep reminding myself, only a few down days then some great days ahead, and Oprah next week. I gotta shop this weekend and find the perfect outfit.. something stylish and bright.
I had another appointment today with Cancer Rehab. This time it was with a physical therapist. It was basically a massage trying to redirect the fluid in my lymph nodes. It was pretty relaxing, not a bad appointment to have to go to.
I hope you all had a good Monday, I know it is hard to get the week started sometimes. I always think Tuesday is Monday, when I take Ella to daycare.
Okay, I am blabbing. I will talk to you all soon. I just wanted to show off my punks! I am so proud of her. Ella, if and when you read this... You mean everything to me and I can't be a prouder mother of you. You are everything I could have hoped for and dreamt of. I love you forever and always. Your mommy, Shawndra

Fun at Halloween Party

Doug and I, or Victoria and David Beckham, had a good time at our Halloween party and dressing up. That was the most fun, being someone else for a night and spending it together. It has been awhile since we have gone out together like that. This was a party that Doug's boss put on. I want to thank him and the VP of the company for allowing Doug to be with me thru most of this ordeal. We are so lucky that Doug found this job at Sourcecorp. They have been incredible to us and we can't thank you enough for helping to ease the stress of the situation. Anyway, it was a great weekend, celebrating my dad's birthday at the lake Friday night and going to the halloween party Saturday night. We are headed into the 4th week of chemo on Tuesday. I hope it isn't too bad like last time. Enjoy the pics, I still want Doug to add some more of our outing to Deanna Rose and another pic that I love of Ella and me. Have a good work week everyone. Talk to you soon. Shawndra PS. That took some major duck tape to get that cleavage. Major (as Victoria says a lot) ouch, it hurt coming off, but it looks good, doesn't it.hehe.

Happy Birthday Dad!

As always- thank you all for your wonderful comments. I always like to write something, if I can, before the weekend. I am excited about this weekend. Tonight we are going to go out to my parents lakehouse to celebrate my dad's birthday that is tomorrow. Happy Birthday Dad!! I don't talk a lot about my dad but recently we have become closer than ever and I want to thank him for that. I am very proud of my father, he is a hard worker, good at what he does, he has a great personality ( I like to think I have his personality) and he is a great Papa! Dad- I hope all your wishes come true this year and every year. I am looking forward to celebrating with you tonight. We are also going to do some pumpkin carving with all the kids. What a blast.

Saturday night Doug and I have a Halloween party to go to. I want to go as something kind of sexy this year since I rarely get to dress sexy. I decided to be Victoria Beckham and Doug is going to be David Beckham. I had a few people helping me out with my costume, thank you JJ, Brandi, Angie, and the lady who cut the wig for me who wants to remain anonymous. It wasn't the easiest wig to work with!! But she did a great job with what she had to work with. Anyway, I am really excited. I still need to go get a few things, a huge fake ring for my wedding ring... I am sure hers is huge as well as I have to go get a bra that is going to push mine up and together .... a lot!!! They need a lot of work. We actually tried duck tape last night and that didn't do the trick. Oh, after having Ella... well most of you mothers know. Anyway, I better get to Target to get those things to finalize the costume. I can't wait. I was also excited when I went to get Doug's costume, I was going to pick out an Adidas shirt and thought I would have to get tape to put the number and his name on the back. Well, I found out that Dick's Sporting Goods has t-shirts with all that information on them. So that made this costume very easy.

I hope you all have a great weekend. Have fun if you have a costume party to go to. In the past I haven't cared that much to get dressed up but I am very much looking forward to it this year.
Next week is chemo week so gotta live it up these next few days. Have fun and be safe. Shawndra
PS. Jen Miller, I will be thinking and praying for you on October 29th. Please keep her in your prayers everyone. That has to be a difficult day for you.

You Inspire Me!

You all have brought tears to my eyes. I just sat down and started reading all of your responses. I am so blessed to have you all with me through this. You all tell me how much I inspire, but you all inspire me. Ella and my family is my ultimate inspiration and motivation to live and fight. But through this blog, I have found countless other inspirations and motivations, each of you! So, I thank you and I thank God for each of you.

I have to tell you, I am almost glad that I have Cancer. I have realized so much in my life and put things into perspective. I have learned that so many people are incredible. I wouldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams that so many people would check on me daily and want to read what I have to say. Just a year and a half ago on my 30th birthday, I was thinking I had a great life but I had no friends. I have realized that that is so far from the truth. I have realized who my good friends are and have gained so many more friends in the process. I believe God brought this into my life for a reason. I still wish I didn't have Cancer, but now that I do, I have found the positive aspects that it has brought to my life.

This week has been a wonderful week. I think it was Tuesday ( I lose track of my days sometimes), I had an appointment with Cancer Rehab to address the swelling issue I have had in my lower abdomen. The Occupational Therapist I met with was absolutely wonderful and I found out that she can help me in so many other ways. I have been very very stiff, especially when I get up in the morning. She said we can work on that. She will actually help me get started doing some exercises again and possible get to start Yoga, which I have been meaning to do on my own, just haven't done it yet. So, I was very pleased with this meeting, and I will see her several times in the next couple months to help me with some of this problems.

My bloodwork came back okay, except my protime is a little higher than we want it to be meaning my blood is a little too thin. I have had more bleeding because of this, especially nosebleeds. But I am working to get it back in range through my medication, Coumadin.

I thought I would tell a funny story from my meeting with the Occupational Therapist. Some of my family might be a bit embarassed by this but I think it is very funny and since we are all such good friends, I feel like it is okay. hehe. I was in the room, I had undressed with just my gown on and my bra. After she was done with the education part, she had me lie down to do the massage part to help with the swelling in my lower abdomen. As I was lying there ( no underwear) she said, "You are a redhead", oh my gosh. I couldn't believe she said that. In my eyes, it was funny and maybe she didn't mean to say that at just that moment, but I was a bit shocked and what do you say to that. I just said, a huh. Oh, it was funny. I haven't even told Doug that yet, I have been meaning to I just haven't gotten around to it.
Anyway, this is getting very long. I want to thank all of you for writing Oprah. Terra, your message was incredible. Thank you for sharing what you wrote. Again, thank you all for being in my life and following my blog.
Oh, last night we finalized our plots at the cemetary. It was actually kind of fun and exciting to have it picked out and to know where I will be some day for eternity. I encourage you all to look into this, it really is a great thing to do, for yourself and to relieve the burden on your family!

I feel like I am forgetting to tell you something and I know I have more to tell, in time.
Oh, one last thing. I just got out of the shower a little bit ago and was looking in the mirror. I realized the way I am living my life, I don't feel sick. Come next week, I will probably have a different feeling after chemo. But right now, these past few days and today, I feel like I am living life as a healthy human being. Nothing is wrong with my health. What a great feeling that is! I am going to hang on to that feeling as long as possible! If I believe it to be true, it can become reality. Thank you for listening to this lengthy message. Talk to you all soon. Shawndra